


Never In A Million Years

by sarurin



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Eventual Romance, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Single Parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-20
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-03-31 10:14:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 118,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3974311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarurin/pseuds/sarurin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Oh, I know you." He told him with a smile, but Yamaguchi couldn't believe it. He looked down at the kid with him and, surprisingly, he could see the resemblance. </p><p>He never thought that as a kindergarten teacher he would encounter Oikawa Tooru and his daughter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Again, for the fifth time that night, Tadashi got up from his bed with a long and much frustrated sigh. Instead of pacing around the room like the way he had done before, he headed towards the kitchen to get something cool to drink. He opened the refrigerator, looked around, and pulled out the carton of milk he hadn’t touched in days. He poured himself some in a glass with hopes it would finally get him to calm down a bit. It was already past midnight, but, like always, he was having trouble sleeping. He was nervous, squirming with anxiousness since the following morning would be the start of his new job as a kindergarten teacher.

While it was distressing to think about, Tadashi was very excited for it and he could hardly even wait. After all, he had worked and studied very hard for several years to earn his privilege to teach. It was a passion that had woken within him when he started coaching a small volleyball team in his local neighborhood for fun. That was when he realized that he enjoyed being with kids and he was naturally good with them.

Even though his parents were disappointed with his decision, Tadashi ended up changing his college study from Medicine to Education two years before his scheduled graduation. Originally, he had plans to go on to graduate school and pursue the dream of a successful doctor. His parents always kind of expected him to do so and Tadashi had never contradicted them before. Honestly, he didn’t think it was a bad idea either since it was pretty clear that he just wasn’t cut out for the professional world of volleyball.

Tadashi sat down in his desk, turning on the lamp and opening his laptop back up. It was true that his volleyball skills and his serves improved throughout his high school years. In fact, with the extra practice he would put in after school came with extraordinary benefits. He became a regular within his second year and soon after, he was playing everyday along with his friends. Then, when his third year came rolling along, he was proudly assigned as the captain of the Karasuno Volleyball Team. It was definitely one of the most happiest days of his life and he could still remember as everyone happily cheered him on.

His time as the captain only lasted for so long, though and before he knew it, his life as a high school student had come to an end. The season for them ended a lot quicker than they had all anticipated, but they all left the court without a single regret because in those three memorable years, they had given their all to each and every single game.

Tadashi smiled to himself as these warm memories came flooding back to his mind. He could still easily visualize Hinata’s crying face as they suffered the loss of their last game together. Kageyama was trying to act strong, but the tears forming around the corner of his eyes were clearly visible. He could remember the view of the crowd that had come to cheer them on. He could remember his hot sweat rolling down his cheeks along with tear drops of bitter defeat. They had done well, but of course, as third years, they simply wanted more.

Tadashi placed his glass of milk down and scrolled down his email inbox. There wasn’t anything new, but he always tended to check it out of habit in the most random times. However, secretly, he was kind of hoping to hear some news from Kei. Leaning back against the chair, Tadashi stretched his hands out in the air before he looked up at the white empty ceiling above him. He couldn’t help but wonder what Kei was probably doing in that moment if he wasn’t already sleeping. He wondered if everything was going well with him. He wondered when he would finally set his aside his pride to talk to him again. When would he find the courage to make up with his former best friend?

In the spur of the moment, he suddenly started up a new message with Kei’s email address on top. He ignored the subject title and immediately started up with a simple greeting. By that point, he wasn’t really sure what he was doing, but he hoped that things would work out this time. He hadn’t spoken to Kei in what seemed like forever and he still didn’t understand how they ended up in such a messy situation. Even so, if he considered it for just a brief second, Tadashi knew that the reason he and Kei grew apart was probably his fault.

_Hello, Tsukki,_

_How have you been doing? It’s been a long time since we’ve last spoken to one another, but I hope things are working out for you.  How is your job as a software developer going? While I don’t know much about programming or computer science, I heard that sort of field is very interesting and rewarding. I wish you the best in all your current and future projects._

_Anyways, I’ll finally be starting tomorrow as a kindergarten teacher. I know it’s not much and I know it’s a job that is stereotyped toward women, but honestly, I don’t really mind. It’s something that I seriously enjoy and I know it’s a career that will make me happy. Of course, I’m incredibly nervous and I can’t even sleep right now. Still, the thought of my first class, smiling at the sight of me cheers me up. It’s going to be a new year filled with new experiences that will only come once. I can’t wait and I’m seriously looking forward to it._

_So, with that being said, I really hope we can meet sometime soon. I understand that your schedule is pretty busy. I mean, that was one of the reasons why we grew apart so suddenly. I know were both at fault at this and I’m sorry I blamed it all on you back then. I was wrong for that. Even if we can’t get back together, I still want to keep our friendship that has already lasted for so many years. If you can someday, please let me know when you’ll be around town. I really want to clear up this misunderstanding that has been bothering me for so long._

_I miss you lots._

_Regards, Yamaguchi._

Tadashi looked at the email he had so carefully typed from the bottom of his heart. He rubbed his eyes, trying to prevent the sadness he had stored up from surfacing again. He really did miss him so much. They had been friends since children and everything slowly started to change between them as they progressed into high school. Although he never expected it, he began to see Kei in a different way. He found himself wanting to be with him more.  He would become irritated whenever he directed his attention to someone else. He wanted to be more than just friends and he wanted Kei to consider him special. It didn’t take him long to realize. He wasn’t dense to his own feelings. It became clear that he had fallen in love with his best friend.

He kept this secret to himself for as long as he could remember. He had always been afraid of rejection and he doubted Kei felt that way toward him. After all, he was the type of guy that wasn’t interested in those sorts of things to begin with. He was always distant and even when he received one love confession after another from all sorts of girls, he would deny them all. Tadashi, on the other hand, was never quite popular, but luckily he didn’t mind since he was fine just having Kei’s company. Naturally, as time went by, he became unsatisfied with the minimum.

They managed to get into the same college even though they both had entirely different classes. As a result, they started to see each other less often which was devastating for Tadashi. He found himself spending less time with friend and it terrified him.

After a few years or so went by, he finally got the courage to confess his feelings for him. Kei wasn’t entirely surprised by his statement, but his usual calm expression did falter a bit with a small blush coming to view. However, his response was rather surprising and even to that day, Tadashi could still remember the overwhelming joy he had felt. Kei had accepted his confession and while he said that he didn’t make any promises, he didn’t think that them being together was a bad idea. That’s when Tadashi's love life with his best friend began and he couldn’t deny that the following years were definitely filled with great happiness.

Of course, nothing lasts forever and Tadashi knew this better than anyone. Kei ended up transferring to a different college just as he changed his studies to Education. There were courses he needed to complete his degree that were simply not offered by their school. He didn’t have much of a choice but to move to different campus to finish.

Tadashi tried to be supportive since they were determined to maintain a long distance relationship. He thought it would work since they had made plans to call each other everyday or at least try to whenever they could. They promised to message and text one another. They promised to visit during the weekends if it was possible or meet up during the holidays. They both promised each other so many things, but nothing ever goes as planned. This was something that Tadashi learned the hard way.

With another long sigh, Tadashi read the email he had written on the screen one more time. He moved the cursor toward the send button, but, with a heavy heart, he saved it up as a draft instead. Tadashi just couldn’t get himself to do it. He opened up his email draft folder and scrolled down to look through all forty saved messages he had failed to send to Kei. It was dreadful to realize that he was just such a coward and worse still, he still harbored feelings for his once best friend.

Tadashi shut down his laptop before he walked to his small bedroom. He plopped himself over the bed, rolling his bed sheets over his suddenly exhausted body. He wrapped himself up with the blankets and closed his eyes to the sound of the ticking clock. Taking deep breaths, Tadashi managed to calm himself down as he thought about the new life that laid before him. Even though he wasn’t sure what to expect, he wanted to make the most out of it.

 

* * *

 

His hands were trembling like crazy and if he was nervous last night, then he definitely felt like running to the bathroom in that moment. His legs felt like they were about to collapse and even though his smile was present at all times, Tadashi could feel his bottom lip quivering with uneasiness. He had prepared and he had waited so long for that day. He had spent the last two weeks pacing around his room, reciting a proper greeting to say when introducing himself to his new class. While he wasn’t alone and he knew the experienced teachers nearby had offered to help him whenever he needed it, Tadashi grew anxious enough to make him nauseous.

The parents formally greeted him, giving him a respect that he didn’t think he yet deserved. Even so, as a devoted educator he hoped to be, he assured them their children would receive the best instruction. Each time, he would let them guide their kids inside the classroom, making them feel welcome. In return, they were all oddly nice to him especially considering that a majority of them knew that he was new and still kind of inexperienced. The children seemed excited to be there which warmed up his very soul. However, there were some that seemed to have trouble separating from their mothers. Still, it wasn’t anything too bad and after a few soothing words, they understood that they would be fine.

Placing his hands on his waist, Tadashi looked around the room proudly, unable to believe that he finally had a class of his own. He had made sure to decorate the place a week before to his liking and he had arranged it well enough to create a happy, welcoming environment.

Turning back around and stepping out the door a bit, Tadashi suddenly saw a man that was taller than him approaching his doorway while holding the hand of a small girl. He looked rather dashing especially since the suit he was wearing made him look important and high in the social status. Tadashi quickly adjusted a smile before he greeted them. Then, he suddenly realized who that man was. His jaw almost dropped when he realized that Oikawa Tooru, Aobajousai's former captain, was standing right in front of him.

He couldn’t believe it and he blinked a few times in awe as he awkwardly stared at him. Oikawa was too busy looking around to notice, but when he finally caught sight of him, he lifted an eyebrow curiously. He looked at the number posted by the door before he checked the paper he had in his hand. After making sure he had the correct classroom, the former setter turned to look back at him. Tadashi didn’t think he would be remembered, but of course, he was wrong much to his confusion.

"Oh, I know you!" He told him with a smile, but that didn’t make Tadashi feel any better. He looked down at the girl with him and surprisingly, he could see the resemblance. It was clear that that the little girl with him was his daughter. With her hair arranged in two nicely done pigtails, it was stunningly brown like her father’s along with her big brown eyes. Even so, distinctively, she was quiet and she seemed awfully shy.  A few passing kids would wave hello at her and she would wave back to them sheepishly, never leaving Oikawa’s side.

“You were Karasuno’s pinch server at that time, right? Number 12?” He asked him and Tadashi could only nod, hoping he would let go of the topic. Sadly, he didn’t. “Ahh, I remember! That was seriously some killer serve and you even scored a few points off us, huh? That was...really a memorable match. Anyways, so what are you doing here?”

Tadashi didn’t know why he was talking to him with such familiarity, but he tried not think much of it. Still, it was incredible to see that Oikawa hadn’t changed much since when he last saw him in high school. He was the same person as ever. It took Oikawa several seconds to realize that he wasn’t there dropping off his own kids. The teacher apron must of given him away and the past setter’s expression fell when he caught on that he was there as an instructor and not a parent. “So you gave up volleyball as well?”

Speechless, he tried to respond but nothing came out. Instead, he kneeled down in front of the little girl, who was tightly gripping onto Oikawa’s pants. As he approached her, she quickly cowered behind her father’s legs, trying to hide. “Hello, there. I’m your teacher, Yamaguchi Tadashi. What’s your name?”

She didn’t answer his question even though he spoke in softest voice he could possibly muster. He was about to try again when Oikawa responded for her. “This is my daughter, Aiko-chan. She’s very happy to be here even though she’s a bit shy to say so. It takes her some time to open up to people I suppose.”

He patted her head, giving her a smile and with a bit more confidence, she stepped forward. Tadashi stood up and watched as she introduced herself as well. He didn’t want to admit it, especially since she was Oikawa’s daughter, but she was awfully adorable. It almost made him wonder who the mother could possibly be. Startling him, Oikawa suddenly extended his hand out toward him for handshake as a sly smile appeared across his face. Unsure of what to do, Tadashi nervously took it and hoped Oikawa didn’t notice his sweaty hand.

“It’s a pleasure meeting you again, Yama-sensei. I’ll leave Aiko-chan in your care.” He said, but there was a humorous tone in his voice that Tadashi simply couldn’t understand. When he finally let go, he pulled out a business card from his pocket and handed it to him. “If you ever need anything or if Aiko-chan ever gives you any trouble, feel free to contact me.”

Tadashi almost fell back when he looked at Oikawa’s business card. It truly explained his formal appearance, but it was amazing to think that he was some sort of CEO to a company.

“Lets make this year a pleasant one.”

He never thought, not in a million years, that he would encounter Oikawa Tooru again and with his daughter no less. It was the least thing he expected and at the moment, he didn’t if that was something he should dread or not.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my second fic on this website and i'm still not sure how to tags things as you can probably tell. I did try, though. I hope I get it eventually. Anyways, I'm in oiyama hell and i'm not sure where this is even going. Sorry for all the mistakes and thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

_“Don’t you think it’s time for you to settle down already?”_

Those words ran through his head as he slowly sat up from the bed. He checked the time on his phone, realizing that it was already past midnight. He had about fifteen missed calls along with twenty or so unread messages and they were all from Iwa-chan. Tooru pushed his hair back as he imagined the look on Iwa-chan’s face in that moment. He was probably silently raging with anger, mumbling over and over that he had things to do too. He would most likely kill him for coming home so late even though he said he would be back before nine.

Still, it wasn’t anything new and it always happened. However, he promised to get home in time to tuck Aiko-chan in bed. He was really such an idiot and once again, he hated himself for it. Her first day of school was the following morning and he couldn’t even be with her the night before because of his own stupid actions.

Standing up, Tooru started looking for his clothes in the darkness of the room. While he couldn’t really see, he lit up the room with the dim light coming from his phone. He tiptoed around, trying to prevent the girl still sleeping on the bed from waking up. After successfully finding his briefs, he looked around for his pants and was lucky enough to notice them nearby. Once he was at least half clothed, he hoped to be fortunate enough to find his shirt and coat as well since he couldn’t quite remember where he had yanked them off.

When did he become such a wreck? He wasn’t even sure himself, but he was always unsteady when it came to relationships. Ever since high school, even though he dated more than the average boy, he never really took anyone seriously. Sure, there were plenty of girls that he found attractive, but that was pretty much it. He never found anything special in them and to top it off, none of them were content with the amount of time he dedicated to volleyball.

Tooru smirked at his thoughts as he quietly walked across the room. Thanks to the light coming from the window, he was able to spot his tie hanging from the side of the night stand and right next to it laid his white shirt.

_“It must be tough raising a kid on your own. I never thought someone like you was capable of being a father at all.”_

Volleyball was the center of his world in the past and he could remember the countless hours he would spend practicing. He wanted to be the best he could and trying was simply not enough for him. Tooru understood that better than anyone. Then, his beliefs were only emphasized when he met Kageyama back in middle school. It made him face the reality of his circumstances. He was no prodigy. He was no genius. He wasn’t born with natural talent like that little twerp he wanted to knock out so much. He had to work hard and practice to get the results he wanted.

While he did manage to become an unbeatable and feared opponent, in the long run, it was hardly even worth it.

Tooru adjusted his sleeves before he began to button up his shirt. If he was going to get home so late, he wanted to at least look somewhat presentable. He told Iwa-chan he was going to be at work and he was for the most part. Even so, there wasn’t really much to do since it was Sunday and he somehow ended up getting distracted with the recently hired secretary. He invited her for a quick dinner, but naturally, things just got carried away. Before he knew it, he had his hands down her skirt and his lips on her neck.

He was grateful for having Hajime by his side after everything they had gone through and even then, he still put up with his immature behavior. He was the support he needed much throughout middle school and high school. In fact, if it wasn’t for him, he probably would have self destructed at some point. Iwa-chan always kept him in check, making sure he didn’t overwork or hurt himself with his long practice sessions.

Even after their crushing defeat in their third year of high school, Tooru remembered silently thanking his best friend for being the ace he could always count on. Hajime smacked him in return and called him an idiot for saying such cheesy things, but Tooru could easily see that he was ready to cry. His hands were clearly trembling and his smooth words were probably not enough to console him.

He tried to remain strong for him. He tried to act cool, but his heart was probably aching with a much greater intensity.  They remained in the locker rooms for some time even though the rest of the team had already stepped outside. Tooru remembered placing his hand on his back as he continued to thank him. Their journey together wasn’t over yet and he was right.

_“How do you even manage with such a busy schedule? It seems like most of your time is preoccupied with work and women. Your daughter must be incredibly lonely. Wait, do you even think of her at all?”_

He got accepted to a prestigious university and surprisingly, Iwa-chan followed him. He was so incredibly happy the day his childhood friend told him that he had gotten into the same college. Even though he wasn’t on a scholarship like he was, he was still determined to continue playing volleyball with him. After all, there wasn’t anyone in the world that could take care of him like he did. Tooru remembered embracing him out of pure joy much to his embarrassment. Iwa-chan struggled to push him off and out of impulse, he ended up kissing him.

It had happened so quick that Tooru had even caught himself by surprise. He never thought he had hidden feelings for his best friend. In fact, he never even considered it. Things got extremely awkward and he could only back away in response. However, Iwa-chan stood speechless there for a couple of seconds, confused and unsure of how he was suppose to respond. He quietly left after that and he didn’t talk to him for the next few weeks.

He would ignore his countless texts, calls and apologies. Tooru even dropped by his house a couple of times, but his mother was always the one that opened the door. Then, she would always tell him that Hajime wasn’t home or that he had gone to bed early which was a flat lie. He was clearly there. Tooru could see the light coming from his room as he walked by. It was annoying, stressful, and he almost went insane.

Tooru put on his tie, but left it a bit more loose than normal. He was tired after all and what he wanted most was to get home. He picked up his suit from the floor, searching the pockets for his keys. The sleeping woman stirred around in the bed and Tooru immediately froze in place.

He couldn’t afford to wake her up because he knew she was a persistent one. If she saw him leaving, she would probably persuade him to stay for the rest of the night and of course, that was something that he couldn’t afford. There was a precious little angel he had neglected enough because of his incompetence as a father. With a wave of guilt, Tooru let out a sigh and headed toward the bed to make sure the woman was still asleep.

_“I think you kind of had it coming and there’s no point lamenting things now. You just have to live with the consequences you didn’t think through enough before. No excuses.”_

After some time, Tooru was lucky enough to accidently bump into Iwa-chan in the local convenience store. Immediately, he pulled him aside and went on a massive rampage. He wanted to know why he had started to ignore him. He wanted to know why he had done everything possible just to avoid him. And, most of all, he wanted to know what he thought of him after their kiss. Even as he said all this, Hajime’s expression remained steady and unamused.

With the sun blazing directly above them, Tooru could remember the anger that boiled within him as he continued to get the silent treatment from the person he considered the most important in the entire world. He was about to turn away when he was he graced with the most sincere smile he had ever seen in his entire life. Iwa-chan had smiled at him before he silently spilled out a confession.

He was caught by surprise and Tooru almost fell back from utter shock. However, just as quickly as it had appeared, Iwa-chan's smile vanished and became a frown full of embarrassment. His cheeks were covered by a red tainted blush that he had hardly ever witnessed before. Scratching the back of his head, Iwa-chan told him he had harbored feelings for him since middle school and even as they proceeded onto college, he doubted those affections would change soon.

At first, Tooru couldn’t even believe it and he didn't know how to respond. His emotions became a puzzled mess, but one thing he knew for sure was that he was undeniably happy.

Iwa-chan wasn’t demanding anything in return and he thought it was only appropriate for him to know so that he wouldn’t do anything so rash again. He was about to leave, but Tooru stopped him from doing so. He grabbed his arm much to his own astonishment. Without a second of hesitation, Tooru suggested that they should give it a try. Naturally, he was quickly rejected, but Tooru continued on. It was true that he didn’t love him the way he wanted him too, but he did like him very much.

The thought of them being a couple excited him and he knew that if there was one person that could make him happy, then it was definitely him.

It took great effort to convince Hajime and he could understand why he was insecure. If things fell apart, then he would probably be the one getting hurt most of all. Still, Tooru was determined to not let that happen. He knew he would properly fall in love with him. He was sure of it and when he got a taste of Iwa-chan’s lips again, he knew he was capable of seeing him more than just a friend.

_“You can’t just live life as a joke and play around. You placed a big responsibility on yourself the minute you became a father.”_

They went on to college and everything seemed to be working out. Nothing much really changed between them, but every once in while Iwa-chan would surprise him with a sweet gesture. While much of their time was consumed by volleyball practice, they would ride the train to and from school everyday. They would spend hours into night procrastinating their homework and shutting away the term of volleyball. Since they had agreed to rent out a nearby apartment, they would occupy themselves with each other’s company until morning. The weekends for the most part were filled with unplanned dates if not just more volleyball.

He couldn’t deny that the first few years in college were pleasant and possibly one of happiest moments in his life. Iwa-chan became the first person that maintained a steady and healthy relationship with him.

However, fate was cruel to him and everything changed one day during an evening match. They were up against the undefeated team that had made it to the championship the year before and they were giving them much more trouble than they had previously accounted for. They were strong and even though Tooru knew that no one could beat him on the court, he was having trouble catching his own breath.

They were both striving for the finals so it was only natural to feel the tension rising in the air as the minutes continued to tick on. Neither team was willing to give up, but as the last set began to favor his rival, Tooru began to feel a bit annoyed. He wasn’t ready to lose and he wasn’t going to fail his team.

Tooru wasn’t sure how it happened, but the pressure on his right knee suddenly became unbearable. He remember flinching to the swelling pain and he tried to desperately ignore it. He jumped up in the air, getting ready to serve but the power and strength was just not there. Iwa-chan probably noticed immediately from the sidelines and yelled out his name, but it was too late. He landed back down, but his legs were no longer able to support his own weight.

He fell back and almost shouted out in utter agony. The coach and the medical staff quickly came rushing toward him. He remembered Iwa-chan calling out his name over and over again as he laid back on the floor. He remembered looking up at the lights above him while hearing the anxious chatter of the spectating crowd.

They didn’t need to tell him. He didn’t need to see physician to know what had happened. Then, without really realizing it, he was desperately crying as he clutched Iwa-chan’s shirt as tightly as he could. He remained silent, but that was all he needed to keep himself alive. Because, they both knew, in that dreadful moment, that he would never be able to play volleyball again.

_“Honestly, Tooru, you have to think about what’s best for both of you. Don’t pressure yourself and hurriedly find someone to be with for your daughter’s sake. That sort of stuff takes time.”_

Stepping inside his car, Tooru turned it on before sending Iwa-chan a quick text. He told him he would be there in a couple of minutes and that he would explain everything when he got back home. He didn’t get anything more than a simple ‘okay’, but he immediately felt relieved. He had asked Iwa-chan if he could take care of Aiko-chan on Sunday since the sitter he usually hired was going to be out. He really needed someone to watch over her because he was almost sure he would be gone for most of the day. There were some pending issues he needed to take care of with the company, so it just couldn’t wait. While he was the sort of guy to take weekends off, there were just some things he had no control over.

Then again, after the incident that ended up ruining his volleyball career, Tooru felt like he had lost grasp of everything. His relationship with Hajime was one of the few things he ended up losing because of it. He was hardly to blame for it, but there was a time when he just became angry over everything with everyone. Sadly, Iwa-chan was there and he was the one that was constantly bombed with daily rage. No one could deal with him, but then again, from a certain perspective it was understandable.

Volleyball was the center of his entire existence since middle school and in one brief second, all the hard work he had put in was destroyed.

Much to his frustration, Iwa-chan continued playing and even though he was invited to matches, Tooru couldn’t find the heart to go. As they kept on advancing, he couldn’t help but feel left behind which was one thing that he feared most of all.

Trying to get his mind off things, he began to make new acquaintances that weren’t really considered ideal by anyone. He began to party whenever Iwa-chan was at practice or whenever he was out of town for a game. Since there was no one really there to watch over him, he started to drink and each time it the amounts of alcohol he consumed would increase. He remembered Iwa-chan would always come home to either find him missing, drunk, puking, or hungover.  

_“If you weren’t ready to be a dad yet, then too bad for you. That’s what happens when you don’t think out your actions. At this point, you’ve probably piled up more regrets than you can count.”_

He didn’t want to, but he began to make Iwa-chan’s life a living nightmare. They began to constantly argue over things that didn’t have any significance at all. There were times when his tantrums were enough to get his boyfriend to leave the apartment for the night. Tooru didn’t ask questions and he would just let him go. After all, he would probably be better anywhere but there. Even though he didn’t want to lose Iwa-chan, Tooru didn’t change and what aggravated him more than anything was the fact that his best friend kept holding on. He didn’t break up with him no matter the hell that he put him through.

Everyone has their limits, however. He reached Hajime’s the night he met Aiko-chan’s mother in some unknown party he had wandered in to. He didn’t even know her and yet, he ended up having sex with her after consuming a few too many drinks.

The results and the consequences were inevitable.

His relationship with Iwa-chan crumbled completely, he became a dad, and the Aiko-chan’s mother gave him full custody because she was simply not ready to be a mother and she still hadn’t achieved her dreams. Or so she said. She promised to keep in touch and visit her daughter often. At first she did seemed to be doing so, but after a year went by, Tooru never saw her again.

Then, it was only with time that Iwa-chan started talking to him. While he did agree to be his friend again, he said that, at least for the time being, he didn’t want to go any further. Tooru didn’t protest because he wanted to change. He thought he could, but after his relationship with his childhood friend ended because of a breaking betrayal, he just kept seeing one person after another. He would receive constant scolding remarks from his parents, past teammates, and friends about it. They would tell him that he needed to settle down and that it was time he get his life back together, but he was too much of an idiot to listen.

Even after several years had gone, he was still the same. He had graduated with a business major and earned himself a spot in his father’s company. While his mother helped him out a bit at first, he struggled with parenthood. Nevertheless, he worked hard and made his way up to a respectable position. His flirtatious habits never ceased and he thought Iwa-chan was the only person in the whole world that was capable of stopping that. Of course, he was wrong.

_“I’m sure there’s someone out there that will reach out to you, Tooru. Even if it’s not me.”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is supposed to be an oiyama fic and it is, but I'm just not sure what happened. Anyways, sorry for all my mistakes and thanks for reading!!


	3. Chapter 3

When Tooru finally got home, he was greeted by an impatient and terrifyingly furious Iwa-chan. He was standing by the doorway with his arms crossed and despite the darkness of the place, Tooru could easily make out his friend's angry expression. He smiled in return, letting out a nervous laugh as he tried to keep his own embarrassment under control. Tooru walked past him and headed toward the sofa. Laying down his coat, he took off his tie and prepared himself mentally before he turned back to look at Iwa-chan. He turned on the lamp and waited for the worst.

While it was his fault, he didn't think there was anyone stricter with him than Iwa-chan. He could almost say that his own parents were more lenient on him. However, he could also understand where Iwa-chan's frustration was coming from. His problems weren't any of his business and yet, Tooru kept getting him involved. Even after everything they went through, it was selfish and wrong of him to ask for anything, but he knew he couldn't make it on his own. Then, there was no one else he could really count on. He trusted Iwa-chan with his daughter and with his entire existence. He could only hope that one day Iwa-chan would be able to rely on him like before. Still, a part of him knew that things between them would never be the same especially if he didn’t manage to change his current behavior.

"Sorry for being late again, Iwa-chan." He told him, brushing his hair back with his fingers. He looked away after feeling an immediate heated glare from Hajime. He wasn't falling for his cheery tone of voice anymore and at that point, he had run out of excuses to make. "I'm so sorry, okay! It was pretty busy and I just ended up losing track of time somehow? I was going to let you know, but I kind of forgot. I promise that it won't happen again! I was going to come home on time! I really was, but then I accidentally bumped into Mari-chan and we decided to go get some quick dinner before going home. Things happened after that and well, I’m really sorry!”

“Don’t apologize to me, Shittykawa. Save your excuses for your daughter. She wanted to wait for you, but you never arrived. She went to sleep disappointed because you weren’t even capable of putting her to bed the day before her first day of school.” Iwa-chan walked toward him and got close enough before he reached out to grab the collar of his wrinkled white shirt. He tried shoving it toward his face, but he ended up pushing him back in the process, causing him to stumble a bit. “I guess that explains where all that lipstick came from. Honestly, I can’t believe your irresponsibility sometimes.”

His voice faded away with a long sigh. He rested his back against the wall, but Tooru didn’t have the courage to look at him. “I’ve told you this before. I’m not interested in butting into your love life. You’re allowed to spend your time with whoever you please. It’s your decision after all. However, don’t leave Aiko-chan unattended because of your stupid relationships. She should always come first before everything. I shouldn’t have to say this to you every time.”

“You’re acting like if I never look out for her at all and you know that’s not true!” Tooru snapped back at him since Iwa-chan was acting like he knew everything when it came to parenting. While his advice was always right and well taken, he just didn’t feel like listening to his lecture in that moment. He understood he was a terrible father. He was constantly being reminded by the people he interacted with everyday. Those words tormented him regularly and there was no escape from it.

“I love her endlessly! She is the world to me and I would do everything for her!” He continued on after a rather long pause. Tooru wasn’t angry with his friend because he was speaking the truth. He was annoyed with himself for being incapable of meeting his daughter's most basic needs. At that point, the only thing he was good at was running away from the messy reality he had created for himself. “I just don’t know how to demonstrate it. I want to be with her, but at the same time, I don’t think I’m even suited to be by her side. She’d probably be better off with anyone else besides me.”

“Yeah, she probably would be.”

Tooru bit his lip, feeling hot tears of frustration in his eyes. People always accused him of being a thoughtless carefree person, but a majority of them never tried to comprehend his pain. It was true that he did mess around with both men and women alike, but it was during those moments that he was able to forget the overwhelming pressure of everything that existed. He would be able to forget his burden from work. He would forget his mother’s demands that urged him to settle down and find a decent wife. And most of all, even for just a couple of hours, he would be able to ignore the breaking desire he felt to get back with his Iwa-chan. Even after they started talking again, he never once heard Iwa-chan say that he was forgiven or that he still loved him.

“You’re right. Aiko-chan might be better off with anyone other than you, but it’s not a matter of choice, idiot.” Iwa-chan walked toward him and briefly smiled when he placed a hand over his shoulder. Tooru lifted his head to meet the most the reliving eyes he ever knew. “She doesn’t want to be with anyone else that isn’t you and just like you said, she loves you just as much. Once you learn to treasure that, you’ll probably finally grasp the idea of what it means to be dad.”

He quietly ruffled his soft hair before he grabbed his keys that were laying over the counter. He then said a quick farewell, but just as he went toward the door, Tooru stopped him. He held onto the rim of his sleeve and without saying anything, he gently leaned his head over his sturdy back. Iwa-chan tried to step away and shake him off, but Tooru didn’t let him. Instead, he held on to his wrists and buried his face against his shirt, inhaling the sweet scent of his favorite cologne.

He just didn’t want to let go, but what right did he have? Ever since he could remember, Tooru had always taken Iwa-chan’s presence for granted. Whether he loved him or not was not even the issue anymore. He was just so used to having around that he couldn’t image living anyway else. Still, now that he needed him the most, he couldn’t be with him because of his stupid past mistakes.

“It’s already late, Iwa-chan. The streets are dangerous.” He told him in something that was quieter than a whisper. “Why don’t you just stay for the night? There’s plenty of rooms if you want to and I’m sure Aiko-chan wouldn’t mind it either.”

It was such a shameful thing for him to even suggest, but how could he stop himself when he had him so close? The person he wanted more than anything was within reach and yet, the distance between them was that of a million miles. His chances of being forgiven only kept narrowing with each passing day. It was driving him insane and everything was his own fault. He didn’t value enough what he had in the past, but what was worse was that he was doing the same exact thing to his daughter. Releasing his wrists, Tooru lowered his hands enough so he would be able to reach Iwa-chan’s. He held on him tightly, but received no response whatsoever. After a while, Iwa-chan successfully managed to shove him away. When he turned back to look at him, he seemed just as hurt as he was.

“That’s not necessary, Tooru.” Hajime stepped back and while his face remained serious, his lustful eyes gave him away. He probably wanted to be with him as well. Maybe he was just afraid of being betrayed again. Tooru wished he could reassure him that would never happen again, but he couldn’t. They were similar in that way and it was only Iwa-chan that could make him realize the fear that he carried. Because what Tooru least wanted in the world was to hurt the friend that gave his life some meaning.

“It’s not too late and I can manage. You’re had a busy night and it’s obvious you don’t even know what you’re saying.”

Tooru didn’t say anything else and instead watched him leave his dark penthouse. Broken yet again, he desperately looked for his phone. He quickly grabbed his coat and pulled it out from an outside pocket. Turning it on, he scrolled through his contacts and tried to find someone to talk to. It could be anyone. It didn’t even matter. He just wanted someone that would listen and understand the position he was in. For once, he wanted to hear some reassuring words that it was okay to feel and be confused. He just wanted someone to tell him that everything was going to be fine. However, most of the people in his contact list were people from work, acquaintances, distance friends, or people he just randomly had sex with from time to time. He smirked to himself realizing that he didn’t have anyone he could depend upon. He didn’t have anyone he could vent to beside Iwa-chan and for the time being, he wasn't an option.

He was the most popular guy around and he had everything anyone could ever be envious for. He was handsome, he was more than financially secure, he had a successful job and he even had a gorgeous daughter. There was nothing more he could possibly ask for. It was amusing to think about because while he was crafted as a masterpiece, he had no sense of worth. He was more messed up and torn than anyone could possible imagine. And it was all because of that incident during his last volleyball match.

Just how weak was he? How could he fall over something so small and insignificant? He wasn’t the strong, brave, overconfident Oikawa Tooru everyone pictured him to be. In fact, he was almost sure that person never even existed. He was always filled with more insecurities than he could handle. Having one thing or one skill was never enough for him. He always wanted to have more and achieve the impossible. It wasn’t wrong to dream, but he did understand now that it was wrong to not value what’s already at hand. Impatient with himself, Tooru turned off his phone and threw it across the vast living room. He heard it slam against the floor, but he honestly didn’t care. He had more to spare.

Tooru took a deep breath as his mind shifted back to his daughter, who he had failed once again. Without thinking about it as much, he climbed up the narrow stairway and headed to Aiko-chan’s room as quietly as he could. He slightly opened the door to find her fast asleep, unstirred and unaffected by the noise he had provoked.

Grateful, he stepped inside the pink painted room. He tiptoed around her stuffed animals until he reached her bed. Tooru stared at her sleeping face for a while before he reached down to stroke her long sauve brown hair. He removed some hair off her face and pulled her blankets up to her chest. The night was pretty chilly, so he didn’t want her to go about catching a cold when she was just starting school. Tooru sighed as his hand gently began to caress her puffed up little cheeks. With an aching pain forming within his chest, he leaned down and kissed her forehead.

“Good-night, Aiko-chan.” He whispered to her after he carefully adjusted her pillows. He moved some stuffed animals on her bed to the side, trying to make her as comfortable as possible. Then again, it was the least thing he could do. “I’m sorry for today. I know I’m terrible, but I love you more than anything in the world.”

He had probably spoken too loud because the minute he stood up to leave, she quietly sat up in her bed. She rubbed her eyes, grabbed a nearby stuffed bear, and called out for him. “Daddy? Daddy, you’re home?”

“Ahhh, Aiko-chan, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to wake you up! Please go back to sleep! Everything’s okay! I just came to see if you’re alright and say a quick goodnight!” Panicking for a second, Tooru motioned her to lay back down on her bed and this time, he pulled her blanket up to her neck. She unconsciously yawned and began to drowse back to sleep. To make up for it, Tooru sat down on her mattress and patted her hair gently. She gave him a brief smile before her small hand reached out to grab his. His heart skipped a beat and in any other moment, he would have melted away from pure joy.

“I’m happy you’re here, Daddy.” She told him, but her voice was barely even audible. Letting go of the stuffed bear in her right arm, she reached up to touch his face. Her soft hand brushed against his skin before she buried it underneath the blanket. She cuddled herself within her bedsheets, her breathing slowing down ever so slightly. “Please don’t leave me.”

“I won’t.” He was dirty, completely filthy in more ways than one, but he didn’t have strength to move anymore. It was clear that he didn’t deserve her. She needed a father that would be able to properly care for her. He wasn’t the person meant for that and yet, he couldn’t bare to let her go. If Iwa-chan gave his life meaning, then Aiko-chan was the reason he breathed. “I’m right here with you.”

Even so, it was always sad to realize that he was never the gifted person the world thought him to be. Not now or ever in a million years.

 

* * *

 

“Okay, Aiko-chan! Here we are!” He exclaimed as excitedly as he possibly could to cheer up his daughter a little. The entire morning she had been dead silent and at first, he couldn’t figure out what was wrong with her. He even made her favorite breakfast, but that hardly brought a smile at all. He had brushed her hair in her favorite style; two cute pigtails adored with fancy curly bows on top. She looked adorable and Tooru wanted to squeeze her cute red cheeks, but the frown on her face would stop him from doing so. It was until later, after a small conversation with her during the car ride, did he figure out that she was just nervous.

She was always quiet in nature and everytime he occasionally took her to the park she would struggle to talk to the surrounding kids. She could never quite get herself to speak up. Then, whenever she was invited to play along, she would quickly refuse and hide behind his legs. It was a habit that was becoming difficult to get rid of. Tooru didn’t really understand her behavior since he hardly ever acted that way as a kid. He remembered he was always the one that would initiate things between the group of kids. He would just naturally lead games that one could ever beat him in.

Standing in front of the school gate, Tooru extended his hand and Aiko-chan nervously grabbed it. Whenever a kid would pass by, her trembling hand would grasp onto his with a tightening force. At that point, she probably wasn’t just nervous but also terrified. Unsure of what to do, he decided to walk her inside and luckily Aiko-chan didn’t seem to have a problem with that. A small girl around her size came up to them and quietly greeted her, but she could only nod without spewing a single word. Like always, he had to be the one that did the introduction. Most of kids outside seemed to be getting along quite nicely, but asking Aiko-chan to hang around with them while he met her teacher was almost impossible.

Tooru pulled out a small slip of paper that he had received a while back when he first registered Aiko-chan in school. It was strange because the room number was displayed on it, but the name of her teacher was missing. He wondered why that was so, but found it unimportant to fret about. They both walked into the building, hand in hand, before he started looking around for the room number that had been indicated on the paper.

That’s when he saw him.

By the door to Aiko-chan’s classroom, stood a very familiar looking guy. With a height just under his, Tooru stared at him curiously as he tried to remember where on Earth he had seen him before. His face was covered with light freckles that seemed to suit him quite beautifully. His hair was pretty messy even though a majority of it did seemed to be pulled back by a hair tie. But, there were strands of hair that reached far enough to cover his forehead and the sides of his face. He wasn’t too bad to look at, but his body was nowhere near as built as his. He was pretty skinny and lanky overall, but he did appear to have some nice arms going for him.

Tooru lifted an eyebrow when a flashback of one his volleyball matches came to mind. That’s when he remembered. The person standing in front of him was Karasuno’s cute pinch server that had managed to score a few points off them. While he couldn’t really remember his name, Tooru was certain that the Karasuno’s pinch server had recognized him as well. After all, he was staring at him with a glare of doom and utter despair. Feeling excited for some reason, Tooru looked at the paper in his hand to confirm that he found the right classroom. He couldn’t help but wonder what in the world that guy was doing there.

“Oh, I know you!” He said with a smile, but he didn’t receive a confirming response of any sorts. Unlike him, he didn’t seem excited to see him at all which was probably natural. He had never spoken to him before, so it was a bit strange to start acting like friends. Still, Tooru was amazed by how well he had aged and how puberty had done him some justice. As he continued to look at him, he became aware that the guy standing before him was someone he would bang.

“You were Karasuno’s pinch server at the time, right? Number 12?” The guy nodded and he seemed to be a bit more relaxed by his presence which satisfied him greatly. “Ahh, I remember! That was seriously some killer serve and you even scored a few points off us, huh? That was...really a memorable match. Anyways, so what are you doing here?”

He looked around, waiting to see the guy’s kid running around or something, but he was all alone. That’s when it occurred that he wasn’t there as a parent. He standing in front of the doorway because he was the teacher. Tooru couldn’t believe his own realization because as far as he could tell, the guy in front of him had quite an exceptional talent for volleyball. He was sure, after seeing his jump float serve during his last match, that he was going to go on and be a professional athlete. At the time, he was only a first year. There was still so much room for him to grow. He had the potential to get better. Of course, he would never get good enough to surpass him or Kageyama, but with hard work, he would have probably been more if not better than average. He wondered what could have happened.

Then again, why was he even so surprised in the first place? He was no different. He had strived to be the best in the world and yet, he turned out to be another common business man the universe could probably be better pff without. Tooru’s smile faded as he turned to look at the guy before him once more. Maybe, he had suffered the same fate as he did. He could have been injured and that’s why his career as volleyball player was terminated. Maybe he never really cared enough for it to begin with. There were so many possibilities that Tooru couldn’t even imagine.

“So you gave up volleyball as well?”

Ignoring his question, Karasuno’s past server kneeled down in front of his daughter, who was still hiding behind his legs. Even though he gripped her hand tightly for encouragement, he couldn’t get her to move forward. She was desperately trying to hide, but when Karasuno’s past server showed no intention of backing away, her hands stopped trembling. She slowly peaked her head from behind and just like him, she became dazzled by the smile the cute pinch server gave her.

“Hello, there.” He began as he leaned his hands on his knees. Since he seemed friendly, Aiko-chan loosen her grasp on his hand which was something that hardly ever happened. She was usually awfully nervous around everyone except for Iwa-chan and now, here she was, trying to making an interaction with the person before her. “I’m your teacher, Yamaguchi Tadashi. What’s your name?”

So, his name was Yamaguchi Tadashi. Now, he was starting to remember.

The question didn’t startle her, but she was still unable to answer. Feeling proud of his daughter for not hiding away anymore, he decided to help her by introducing her to her new teacher. “This is my daughter, Aiko-chan. She’s very happy to be here even though she’s a bit shy to say so. It takes her some time to open up to people I suppose.”

He waited patiently, but it didn’t take Aiko-chan long to step forward. She sheepishly placed her hands behind her back before she finally gathered the courage to speak up for herself. In a rather quiet tone of voice and even though her words were kind of rushed, she introduced herself to Yamaguchi, who seemed quite pleased to see her talking. “Hello, Yamaguchi-sensei. My name is Oikawa Aiko and I am 5 years old. I like...pudding and I can’t wait to be in your class.

With that being done, Tooru almost instantly extended his hand for a handshake and even though Yamaguchi was reluctant at first, he ended up accepting it. Then, contrary to what he thought, his hand was awfully rough. While it seemed wrong, he could easily imagine those slick hands going up and down his body.

“It’s a pleasure meeting you again, Yama-sensei. I’ll leave Aiko-chan in your care.” Without a second thought, Tooru pulled out an old business card from his pocket. Not allowing him to object, he placed it his hands which surprised him entirely.  “If you ever need anything or if Aiko-chan ever gives you any trouble, feel free to contact me.”

He was attracted to him, but that didn’t make him any different from the people he had slept around with. Yamaguchi Tadashi was good looking and that was all. There wasn’t much else going for him beside that. However, he did seem like the type of person he could kill some time with. If he couldn’t be with Iwa-chan, then he would just have to keep his mind and body occupied. That’s the way things always were. He doubted anything would ever change.

“Lets make this year a pleasant one.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this ended up being longer than I thought and after vaguely plotting out future chapters, I had to add some tags? It's been a month already and I still don't know how to tag things. Anyways, I'm very sorry for any mistakes and thank you very much for reading!!


	4. Chapter 4

_Tadashi waited patiently as his boss looked at his request form. He had been indecisive about it all week and he wondered whether he should even turn it in. After all, it really wasn’t the best time to be asking for some days off. They were low in employees and because of a tight agenda, the manager hadn’t had any chance to call in people for interviews. They were the most popular coffee shop on the block, so it was regularly crowded with people. However, lately and possibly because of the holidays, it was a lot busier than usual. In the current state, the shop couldn’t afford to give up another worker._

_Still, he really wanted to at least get the weekend off since he had made plans to visit Kei at his university. Tadashi hadn’t told him yet, though. He wanted to surprise him. He hadn’t seen him in a long time because he was living in a rather busy schedule. Work, school, and exams were always piling up on him. Then, there were times when he assisted with the neighborhood volleyball team that was sponsored by enthusiastic parents of the local school. Even though he was usually running around, he would still think about the person that he loved the most._

_His boss looked at his request quietly and didn’t say a single word for the longest time, making him a bit nervous. It was already pretty late and he should have been gone hours ago, but he had stayed behind for that sole purpose. Christmas was in a couple of weeks and because he usually spent the holidays with his family, he wanted to pay Kei a visit beforehand. If he didn’t, then he probably wouldn’t get another golden opportunity until summer. He couldn’t wait that long._

_Quick phone calls and dry text messages didn’t satisfy him sometimes especially coming from Kei. There were instances where he was the one that was doing most of the talking. He would go on and rant about his daily occurrences, but would only receive a quiet grunts in response. Tadashi tried to understand and reason with Kei’s cold behavior, however there was only so much he could cope with. Whenever he asked him about his day, Kei would just complain about the load of homework and studying he needed to get done. It was in times like those that Tadashi wished he could be with him to lighten up his mood._

_“Clarify something for me,” his boss suddenly started, putting the paper down on the counter. He didn’t look amused in the very least and Tadashi could only expect a rejection. “You want Thursday, Friday and the entire weekend off?”_

_Tadashi nodded, but he didn’t have the courage to even look up at him. He hadn’t been working there long, but it was a place that he enjoyed coming to everyday. The pay was reasonable and the environment was extremely friendly. The people that came there daily always greeted him and there were even a couple of them that talked to him on much more familiar terms. His coworkers were just as nice and they were awfully helpful when he first started out as barista. He honestly couldn't thank them enough for their help. His boss and the manager were a bit more scary, but they weren’t bad people._

_“Giving you some time off would put us in a tight spot, Yamaguchi-kun. I’m sure you’re aware of that, though.” His boss sighed, crossing his hands as he leaned back on his chair. “I guess you wouldn’t be asking if it wasn’t important, huh? I could refuse and it’s probably what I should do, but I won’t. You’re our best employee and you’ve worked extremely hard up until now. You deserve some time off, so I accept your request.”_

_“Wait, really?! Really?” Tadashi almost choked on his words as he stared at his boss. He was so happy that he couldn’t believe that it was actually true. He smiled before giving him his eternal thanks and gratitude. After months, he was finally going to get a chance to see his boyfriend and he just couldn’t wait. His heart felt like it was going to pound right out of his chest. “Thank you so much! I really appreciate it and I promise that when I come back, I will work twice as hard!”_

_He really meant what he said and when he stepped out of the coffee shop, he quietly squealed with delight. He began to make plans of all the stuff he and Kei could do. He wanted to hang out with him all day. He wanted to be with him all day. He wanted to enjoy the days he was given off to the maximum. There were so many things that went through his head, but telling Kei that he was going to pay him a visit was not one of them._

_Tadashi wrapped up his scarf around his neck, feeling the harsh cold hit his face. He placed his bag around his shoulder as he headed toward the train station. However, he stopped when he felt a flake of snow land on the tip of his nose. He looked up at the dark sky and watched as it slowly began to drizzle with it. He smiled, extending his hand to the cold substance._

_It was indeed getting chillier, but his entire body felt warm._

 

* * *

 

After the quick but simple entrance ceremony, Tadashi found the joy of being a teacher within his small classroom. He wasn't going to deny that he was dead nervous at first. However, when he stood in the front, ready to formally introduce himself to his kids, all his insecurities were washed away in a instance. They were happy to be there, so it was only right for him to return that excitement back. From that day on, he would be accountable for their education and while the responsibility was grand, Tadashi knew he could do it.

He took attendance out loud which, among five year olds, would probably be time consuming in the future. Still, Tadashi took that minute to learn their names and establish a connection with his new class. With a deep breath and a smile, Tadashi looked for Oikawa’s daughter as he read aloud her name. She nervously responded with the proper etiquette, but when she felt the entire class turn to glance at her, she quickly looked down with embarrassment. She lowered her head as much as she could with her cheeks becoming a bit red. The kids sitting next to her tried to talk to her and start a small inner conversation, but she wouldn’t join in.

For the rest of the morning, Tadashi carried out the agenda he had prepared with weeks ahead. He instructed them to draw the things, people or activities that they loved the most. It wasn’t anything completely mind blowing, but it was an approved exercise that the veteran teachers suggested him to start off with. Not only did it keep the kids engaged, but it was also something that would help him get to know them a little better.

After passing out a blank piece of paper to everyone, Tadashi set out a box of colors in each table group that contained crayons and markers. With excitement, the kids went after their preferred colors before they began the assignment that he hoped would go well.

While his hands were no longer trembling by that point, his heart was still beating like crazy and he couldn’t get himself to calm down. He was truly happy to be there and as he walked around his lively classroom, he got a glimpse of the pictures his kids were drawing. Naturally, they weren’t stellar and some of them were difficult to understand, but he was still impressed nonetheless.

Furutani Chiyo, an energetic girl with short black hair, had three particular pictures drawn on her paper. On the right corner, she had a couple of stick figures he presumed were her family. After all, it seemed she had drawn herself in the middle with three taller individuals on her side. Beside that, she had a house that resembled more like a castle than anything else and in the very bottom, she had five pink colored circles covered with the tiniest dots ever.

When he quietly asked her about her picture, she told him in a presumptuous tone of voice that she was trying to draw the summer vacation that she and her family had spent together. Apparently, the castle was suppose to represent Disneyland while the pink circles were suppose to be the doughnuts she had eaten that time for breakfast. Tadashi praised her work, but she proudly told him that she wasn’t done and that he should walk by again later.

On the other hand, right next to Chiyo-chan, sat Hori Yukio. He was a lot more quieter than his classmate and he almost seemed intimidated by her overconfidence. When he kneeled down next to him to see his work, he quickly tried to cover it with his hands. Tadashi tried to reassure him and asked politely if he could please see what he was working on. Yukio-kun wasn’t very convinced, but after he double checked it himself, he nudged his paper toward him. His drawing was much more understandable and he could tell that Yukio-kun was trying to draw the famous comic hero Superman. The iconic symbol had been implanted in the front of the drawn character and behind fluttered the well known red cape. He patted his head which managed to bring a smile on the cheery boy.

“That’s a wonderful drawing, Yukio-kun. Please continue doing your best.”

It was his first day of class, but he knew without a doubt that he had picked the right profession. He understood that things wouldn’t always work out so smoothly. Eventually, he would run into problems that he wouldn’t be able to handle and that was okay. He had been told by the other teachers that he should treat every situation as a learning opportunity to gain knowledge and experience.

He took a deep breath, smiled, and continued walking around the room. Impatient, Tsuda Kenji went up to him and placed his paper high in the air for him to see. With a face full of excitement, Kenji-kun pointed to him all the different animals he had managed to draw. There was an elephant, a giraffe, and an overgrown puffed up cat that was suppose to be a lion. However, in the very center stood a very pleasant looking tiger that he was the most proud of.

“Yamaguchi-sensei, this one is my favorite!” He told him, pointing at the tiger as he stood on his toes for him to see better. “The tiger is so cool! I have a book about them at home and my mom reads it to me everyday! I wish I could see one in real life! It would be really awesome! They’re really cool, right, Sensei!?”

“Yes, I think so too. They are very interesting and powerful animals.” Tadashi nodded, feeling just as excited as Kenji-kun felt and upon his agreement, the small child pumped his fist in the air with delight. He walked him back to his table and the minute he sat down, he quickly reached out to grab the brown crayon. Tadashi stood there for a couple of seconds and watched as Kenji-kun began to draw a bear. “You’re doing really great, Kenji-kun. Keep doing your best.”

His observations were small, but they weren’t meaningless and within minutes he was able to see what some his kids were like. Still, for some strange reason, he would occasionally catch himself gazing at Oikawa's small girl specifically. Unlike the other kids, she seemed extremely uncomfortable and she still hadn’t really managed to speak with the kids sitting at her table. She kept her head bent down as she drew, her bangs successfully covering her brown eyes. He had walked over her table twice and he couldn’t even get her to look up at him. The other children were more than happy to show him their drawings, but Aiko-chan wasn’t like that in the least. He wanted to help her in some sort of way, but he wasn’t exactly sure how.

Tadashi wasn't overly conscious of her because she was Oikawa'a daughter or at least, that's what he wanted to believe. They were just so different and even though they resembled each other in appearance, their personalities were the complete opposite. From his brief observation, he could easily tell she was quiet, shy, and maybe even a bit awkward around others.

The comparison was slightly off, but she sort of reminded him of his younger self. He was exactly the same much throughout elementary because no one ever offered him a helping hand. No one ever bothered to be his friend or asked him to play because he was considered the weird one in the class. In fact, up until middle school, he was always the target for bullies. If it hadn’t been for Kei, he would have never grown to be the person he currently was.

Kneeling down next her, he immediately noticed her cringe away as much as she possibly could. Her paper was not exactly empty, but unlike the rest of the children, she only had one thing drawn on it. Even though he kind of knew what it was, Tadashi pointed at her drawing which startled her a bit. “This is a really cute picture, Aiko-chan. Who is this person suppose to be?”

“He’s my daddy.” She responded a lot quicker than he had expected which was a good sign. Tadashi smiled at her even though she still had her head bent down with embarrassment. However, as he remained by her side, Aiko-chan found the courage to look at him. It was only then, because of the close proximity, that he able to see her beautifully long eyelashes. Even in that way, she resembled Oikawa and he couldn’t help but be amazed by it. “He’s the person that I love the most.”

“I’m sure he is and that’s really sweet of you, Aiko-chan.” Trying to encourage her, Tadashi stood up and mentioned that she still had plenty of room left to draw.  He wasn’t planning to end the activity just yet, so he wanted her to continue working in the meantime. After all, he wasn’t entirely sure why, but he wanted to see what else she was capable of coming up with. It wasn’t because he wanted to pry into her life or Oikawa’s. He was just a bit curious.

“There’s lots of room left for you draw, Aiko-chan. Why don’t you draw the rest of your family as well? Maybe your mother or your siblings? Or maybe you can draw the food you love the most? Or maybe the place you love to visit? Your classmate Kenji-kun drew all his favorite animals. Do you have an animal that you would like to draw for me?”

She didn’t say anything as she stared at her paper intensely. It was a bit awkward since he had suggested so much and yet, he didn’t manage to spark a single idea. Even so, after a minute or so, she picked up a blue marker and drew a line across the bottom. She colored it in with a blue crayon before drawing the sun in the horizon. “I like the beach too. And pudding.”

Tadashi walked toward the board and began to erase the procedures and rules he had explained earlier in the morning. His head was bothered by a million things and a majority were his own personal problems that revolved around unwanted memories. Still, he didn’t understand Aiko-chan’s behavior. He thought she had opened up to him a little before class even began, but clearly he was wrong. While he did manage to get her to speak up, he felt that there was something else that was wrong. Tadashi turned his head to look at her once again and he wasn’t surprised to see her in the same position he had left her.

She looked isolated from the group of surrounding kids and she didn’t seem to fit in either. The children sitting next to her had already given up trying to talk her which made him feel incredibly sad. He knew that feeling too well and he wished he could reach out to her. Tadashi cleared his throat as he got ready to move on with the day. There was an ache in his chest, but he knew it was a feeling he had to ignore. However, every time he looked at Aiko-chan, he could only see his own reflection.

That feeling she was probably going through was something that he knew much too well. He had experienced it first hand. Even as an adult, he still had trouble shaking off the fear of loneliness.

When the day finally came to end, Tadashi was mentally exhausted that he just wanted to go home, shower, and sleep. There were so many things he needed to get used too and after completing his first day as a teacher, he understood that there was still so much for him to learn. His class was overall really enjoyable, fun, and pleasant to have. He didn’t think he could have asked for better students. While they were five year olds, they weren’t nearly as stressing as he had pictured them out to be.

The parents came to pick up their kids and they were excited to hear how their first day of school had gone by. Of course, they all said that they had tons of fun and that they couldn’t wait to come back the following day. Tadashi was happy to hear such compliments since it was the best thing a teacher could ever receive, but the first week was always planned out easy. They would eventually get to some of the actual learning stuff and that’s when he would finally see just how fitted he was to teach. It was something that he anticipated and dreaded.

Tadashi watched as the kids in his class were taken home. Pretty soon, they were mostly all gone except for one child that no one had bothered to pick up yet. He sighed and he really should have seen it coming. Walking toward her, Tadashi held her hand. She was patiently waiting for him, but there was just no sign of her dad coming anywhere. Half an hour had already gone by and Oikawa still hadn’t picked up his daughter. It was her first day of school, so he should have been waiting for Aiko-chan upon her release with a smile.

He was about to walk her back inside the classroom for her to sit while she waited when Oikawa came running through the door completely out of breath. The minute she spotted him, Aiko-chan let go of his hand and went toward him. She was happy to see him and Tadashi was surprised since she had made an expression that he hadn’t really seen all day. Oikawa carried her into his arms, embraced her, and gave her a quick kiss on her forehead. Aiko-chan wrapped her arms around his neck and squeezed him tightly. They were acting like if they hadn’t seen each other in years.

“I’m so sorry I’m late, Aiko-chan!” He told her, snuggling up with her like if she was some sort of cat as he tightly pressed his cheek against hers. “I got held back in work and then, I just couldn’t get here in time! I’m so sorry! I promise to pick you up tomorrow on time, okay! Ahh, but how was your first day of school?! Was is it fun?”

“Yes, and I drew a picture of you.” She happily said which was completely from the treatment she had given her classmates all day. Tadashi didn’t know what to think anymore, however he was glad to see Aiko-chan’s smile. He had tried so hard to see her grin that happily, but it seemed that was something that only Oikawa was capable of pulling off. “It’s in my bag. I’ll show it to you at home.”

Tadashi headed back inside his classroom when he was, unfortunately, called back out by Oikawa. He had decided to avoid him. He had no desire of being friends with him and if all possible, he wished he could just leave him alone.  Aside from the fact that he didn’t quite trust him, they were completely different people and he doubted they would ever be able to get along in the first place. He was a regular school teacher while he was some CEO at a distinguished family company. The only connection he planned to have with him was with his daughter and that was it.

“Yama-sensei, I hope Aiko-chan didn’t give you any trouble.” He stated, almost as if he had read his mind earlier before. He placed her back down and held her hand instead. Tadashi looked down at her, but she shyly turned her attention to something else. He shook his head, but he did hope, that with time, she would be able to open up to her classmates and to him a bit more. Maybe she just needed to get used to her new environment. After all, she seemed perfectly fine around Oikawa.

Not wanting to be around him much longer, Tadashi tried to walk away once again. Aside from the fact that he had hardly gotten any sleep, he had woken up to a dream that he still couldn’t really shake off. He was tired and looking at Oikawa’s face didn’t make him feel any better. He gave his respects, but the man standing before him didn’t seem to get it.

“Hey, why don’t we go and get some coffee? Or if you’re too busy, we could just hang out some other time?” Tadashi glared at him with disbelief since he couldn’t believe just how bold that guy could be. Just what did he want anyways? He wasn’t interested in hanging out with him in the least. There was no point in doing so. “You know why don’t you just give me your number?”

“What for?” He tried not to sound too surprised, but at that point, he didn’t even know what to expect. He had hardly ever talked to him before and now he was inviting him out for coffee. Clearly, there was something wrong with him. What did he even find appealing in a person like him?

“So, I can contact you of course.” Oikawa didn’t hesitate with his own words as he pulled out his phone. He waited for him to say something and after receiving no response, a mischievous smirk appeared across his face. “Isn’t obvious, Yama-sensei? I want to see you again. Often.”

There was just no escaping it.

 

* * *

_“I’m finally here! It’s really been such a long time, hasn’t it? I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever!” Tadashi exclaimed as he set down his bags in the middle of the room. He was exhausted, but he was so excited that he didn’t even care. He was glad to be there and there was probably no greater joy. However, the person he had gone out of his way to visit didn’t seem to be reacting in the same way. “I’m sorry I came on such short notice, Tsukki. I kind of wanted to surprise you and all. I never would have imagined that you were pretty busy for visits right now.”_

_“It’s fine. I don’t mind.” He told him, but it was pretty clear that he was bothered by something. Tadashi didn’t quite understand his behavior, but if Kei wasn’t talking about it, then he wasn’t going to press the issue. He usually acted like that anyways. Still, they hadn’t seen each other in months, so he figured he would at least be a bit more lovable. “There’s leftover food in the fridge if you like. Do you want me to heat it up for you?”_

_That’s when Tadashi remembered that he stopped by the convenience store before calling Kei that he had arrived. He grabbed one of the grocery bags he had set down with his luggage and pulled out a small box. With a bright smile on his face, he showed to Kei and opened it to reveal a nicely baked strawberry shortcake. “It’s okay, Tsukki. I bought this along the way. If you like, maybe we can have a slice?”_

_Kei didn’t say anything, but sighed and headed toward the kitchen to prepare some tea. Tadashi walked into his rather cramped living room to find books piled up everywhere. They were probably his college books that pertained to his field of study since there were titles that he had never seen before. He casually opened one to find impossible math problems that he could probably never solve. He shuddered and sat down. The coffee table was scattered with papers, but he carefully picked them up and put them to the side. He placed the cake in the middle and waited._

_He was beginning to feel bad for dropping by so unexpected. It seemed like Kei was busy enough as it is to have him around as well. He was done with school and exams for the meantime, but it appeared that Kei was just in the middle of it. Taking off his coat, Tadashi made himself comfortable and it didn’t take long for Kei to come with two cups of tea for both of them. He accepted it with joy, taking a small sip and feeling its warmth travel throughout his body. Kei placed two plates in front of them and cut up some slices for both of them to eat._

_“Say, Tsukki,” Tadashi began, taking a fork full of cake. “Are you perhaps still taking exams? I mean, I’ve already taken mine so I figured you were done with them too, but it seems that you’re not? Did I come in a bad time or something?”_

_“Not really. I’m almost done.” He replied even though his entire apartment said a complete different story. It wasn’t precisely messy despite the fact that there were books and papers scattered everywhere. He was usually a rather orderly person, so the fact that there were things thrown all over was a bit surprising. It made the place seem smaller than it actually was. Even so, it was just the typical college student’s home and honestly, Tadashi could almost say his apartment looked far worse a majority of the time. “There is a project I’m currently working it, but it doesn’t really have anything to do with school, I guess. It’s fine even though it would have been better if you would have told me in advance.”_

_‘So why do you look so bothered?’ is what Tadashi wanted to say._

_“Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry about that.” There were so many things that Tadashi wanted to talk about. There were a thousands things that he wanted to ask, but he couldn’t find the words for it. So, for the longest time, they both remained silent as they ate their portion of cake. Tadashi would occasionally open his mouth with hopes to start a conversation, but nothing would come up. Before he knew it, he had finished his slice and his tea had gone cold._

_He had been that way since he had arrived. Kei wouldn’t make much effort to speak unless he spoke. He would figure that there were tons of stuff they could talk about since they hadn’t seen each other in a long time, but it turns out that he was wrong. The tension between them was just as awkward as ever. “Anyways, how have your studies been going for you, Tsukki? Not having too much trouble?”_

_“Of course not. It’s not as difficult as you think. Just a lot of work.” He told him as he leaned back on his hands. The exhaustion on his face was clearly visible which made Tadashi feel a bit guilty for even showing up at all. He wasn’t excited as he was. It made his chest ache since he had anticipated that day. “How about you?”_

_“Oh, yeah, everything's fine. I guess, I’ve been pretty busy. There are times when I’m so tired that I don’t even know what to do with myself. It all works out though.” Tadashi cleaned his mouth with a napkin and unknowingly scooted his body closer to his boyfriend. He probably didn’t notice, but their hands were only inches away from touching. “Thankfully, my classes weren’t too difficult this semester and they were really enjoyable. I took a course called Children Literature and so far it’s been my favorite. I’ve learned so much about the books and genres children read. It was really interesting.”_

_“I see. Sounds like something you would need to take if you want to be an instructor.” Tadashi just didn’t understand why his voice sounded so cut out and dry. He seemed uninterested with everything he said. It was hurting him. “Anyways, I don’t mind you being here, so make yourself at home. I have to study for an exam coming up in a cou-”_

_He didn’t let him finished because in that instance he leaned in far enough to reach his lips. Tadashi kissed him with a desperate force that was surprising for even him. Still, was it so wrong? He wanted to be with him and for the longest time, he had been craving some affection. Kei wasn’t really great with his feelings, so he was just taking some initiative. However, it wasn’t long before he felt a sturdy hand pressing him back. Shocked, Tadashi’s eyes widen as he was pushed off._

_“I’m busy right now and I don’t have time for this.” Kei told him standing up, but he wasn’t even looking at him. Tadashi just wanted to disappear. “You can sleep in my bed. I’m probably going to study all night anyways. We’ll hang out tomorrow.”_

_Tadashi didn’t say anything, but managed to nod. After that, he took a shower, put on some comfortable clothes, and went to bed. The bed sheets had Kei’s scent. They were warm and soothing. He wasn’t alone since Kei was sitting in his desk working, but he felt more lonely than ever. He hadn’t spoken to him since the kiss, so it was only natural for insecurities to form. Tadashi covered his entire body with blankets even though he wasn’t necessarily cold. He faced the white wall and hoped he would fall asleep quickly. He closed his eyes as he listened to Kei type away._

_Maybe he really was busy. Maybe he would grant him the best of his life tomorrow. For the time being, he could only wait. He fell asleep eventually and he was probably dreaming when he felt a cold hand brush his hair because when he woke up the next morning Kei was nowhere to be found._

_He had already left._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this ended up being way longer than expected again. Still, thank you so very much for reading and I apologize for my mistakes!


	5. Chapter 5

When he finally woke up, he realized that he come close to missing his train stop. He quickly stood up, gathered his belongings and pushed his way to the door. It wasn’t as crowded as the morning, but there was still enough people to block the doors. Luckily, he was able to step out just in time before he was trampled by the incoming rush. Placing his bag around his shoulder, Tadashi sighed and tried to shake off the drowsiness that had kicked in on his way home. He stretched his hands and headed for the exit. It had been a long day, but he wasn’t only tired because it had been his first day as a teacher. He had received a handful of unexpected coincidences that he would have been better off without.

Tadashi didn’t walk far from there before it suddenly began to rain. He extended his hand and let the cold droplets land against his skin, bringing memories of the past that he rather forget. Everyone around him scattered for cover, but he remained intact. He looked up at the sky, trying to remember if the morning forecast had mentioned anything about a night shower. There were flashes of lightning illuminating the dark cloudy sky followed by an unsteady roar of thunder. As the rain increased in strength, Tadashi headed toward a nearby shop and decided to wait it out for a bit. He didn’t have an umbrella and it seemed there wasn't a place anywhere nearby that would actually sell some.

He stood under the shop’s overhang and it wasn’t long before a group of individuals joined him. Since his clothes were partially wet, Tadashi could feel the weather getting colder. He quietly shivered as he stood under the covering, but every so often, the chilly wind would blow the rain right at him. Unsure of what to do, Tadashi stepped aside and headed inside the place behind him. He took off his drenching thin coat and shook off some of water dripping from the tips of hair.

Tadashi looked up and even though he hadn’t realized it, he had stepped inside a coffee shop. He slightly smiled at it’s sight since he used to work in a similar setting only a couple of years ago. It was back in a time when he was naive and thought that the world he lived in was perfect. Of course, he couldn’t have been more wrong.

Ordering a simple cup of dark coffee, Tadashi sat down by the window and watched as the storm manifested itself into something inconceivably big. By this point, however, the streets were mostly empty. With the intensity of the storm getting worse, Tadashi didn’t find it all surprising.

It didn't seem like it would stop raining anytime soon which was a bit concerning. After all, he still needed to find a way to get home. The distance he needed to cover by foot was too grand to do under the rain. Then, it was the beginning of the school year and he couldn’t afford to get sick so early on. He looked through his phone for someone to call, but there was no one that could possibly bother themselves for him at such an hour. Scrolling up and down his contact list, Tadashi stopped when he saw that he was still carrying Kei’s number.

He stared at it for the longest time, wondering why he hadn’t erased it yet. They never called or texted each other anymore though there were times when he would come close to doing so. In fact, he didn’t even know if that was still his number. Tadashi lowered his head and leaned his forehead against the screen of his phone. Even though he hadn’t seen him in such a long time, he was always thinking about his former friend. There wasn’t a single day that would pass by without him feeling a sour pain in his chest and regretting his mistakes. If he could turn back time and rewind their story, then he would. He would change everything or maybe at the very least, he would erase those haunting words from ever existing.

_“Maybe it’s best if we take some time for ourselves. It seems this long distance thing isn’t really working out.”_

It wasn’t long before his cup of coffee was set down next to him, but he didn’t touch it until the steam was completely gone. He remained there until closing and even though it was a lot later than usual, Tadashi had no desire to go home to his lonely apartment. The rain had slowed down a little, however there was no telling when it would pour down again with all it’s might. The lighting and thunder still hadn’t settled down after all. Even so, he decided to head home now that he had the slightest chance of making it without getting completely drenched. It was awfully dark, but Tadashi wasn’t in the age where the smallest things would scare him.

He would have made it home earlier if he hadn’t stayed behind to talk with the veteran teachers about his day and future lesson plans. They gave him some insight on the things that he could have possibly done wrong or right. They were helpful in giving him advice, but nothing relieved him more than just hearing about their first day experiences as teachers. It was encouraging to realize that none of them started out great in the beginning, but with hard work, they managed to find the correct pace that would bring good results every year.

Nobody was perfect. Tadashi understood that, but there was nothing wrong in striving to be the best. Even after that, he ended staying behind in his classroom cleaning up and tidying up the place for tomorrow. It would be a new day of teaching and he could hardly even wait.

Still, he wasn’t going to deny that Oikawa Tooru was hanging heavy inside his mind. He couldn’t believe that he had asked for his number without even thinking about their circumstances. Then, he highly doubted that what he seeked for was friendship and because of that, Tadashi quickly refused to give it to him. He was shocked upon the rejection, but didn't bother insisting any further which was a good thing. He couldn’t even imagine why he would even need his contact information in the first place. Any conversation with him would just end up awkward anyway and he didn't think they would even have something remotely interesting to talk about.

Tadashi unconsciously placed his hand inside his pocket and pulled out the business card Oikawa had given in the morning. He still hadn’t thrown it away which was something that he didn’t quite understand himself. He crumpled it up in his hand and thought about dropping it on the ground. However, in that precise moment, a car drove by too close to the sidewalk a little too fast causing a wave of water to land directly on him. Startled, Tadashi became completely soaked and almost yelled out of anger.

“Why?” He shook his arms, but it was useless. Tadashi couldn’t even imagine how wet the papers and books inside his bag were at that point. He needed to get home fast before he got sick and luckily, his apartment complex wasn’t that far from there. If he hurried then he could probably make it in fifteen to twenty minutes. He tried to squeeze some rain out of his coat, but since it was still lightly drizzling, his efforts were pointless.

“This day started off so well too. How did it end up like this?”

It had yet to get worse since it was only then that he noticed the car that had soaked him wet had stopped just ahead. They had the emergency lights on, blinking and Tadashi wondered if the person inside was actually going to be nice enough to apologize.

Instead, he saw a tall figure getting out with an umbrella in hand. They approached him and once they were close enough, they tilted the umbrella over him, covering him from the still falling rain. Tadashi couldn’t find the words of thanks for such a strange act of kindness and when he finally got over his embarrassment to say something, he realized that the person standing in front of him was no stranger. Because of the dim streetlights, Tadashi was able to recognize their beautiful features.

“Oikawa-san,” He whispered into the darkness as his voice was quickly drowned off by a distant sound of thunder. Tadashi couldn’t believe it and he wished the ground could just swallow him whole. Feeling his face getting hot, he took a step back and hoped the man in front of him wouldn’t notice his burning cheeks. “What are you doing?”

“Seriously, Yama-chan, it’s not safe to be out so late. Don’t tell me you’re barely going home?” He asked him and once again, Tadashi didn’t understand why he spoke to him with such a friendly tone. He didn’t like it one bit and yet, he couldn’t get himself to tell him to stop. “Look at you! You’re soaking wet!”

“Well, part of it is your fault.”

“I’m sorry and I didn’t realize it was you. It’s such a coincidence meeting you here though.” Oikawa smiled at him, but he wasn’t amused in the slightest. He could have gone the rest of the day without seeing him. In fact, he could have probably gone the rest of his life without ever encountering him. It wouldn’t have made a difference anyways. Seeing such a person was just a reminder of lonely he really was. Oikawa had a lovely daughter and probably a beautiful wife that anyone could be envious of. Meanwhile, he couldn’t even get a date because he was still in love with someone he had lost.

“You’re going to get sick if you’re out in the rain for much longer. If you like I can give you a ride home? Or walk you? I wasn’t really doing much anyways. Just planning to go to a friend's house, but they can wait. So, what do you say?”

“No, it’s fine. I can walk on my own, but thanks for offering.” He was about to step away, but Oikawa grabbed his wrist and prevented him from leaving the umbrella’s protection. While he seemed serious, Tadashi had no intention of accepting his help. He tried to shake off his grasp. “Don’t insist, Oikawa-san. I don’t live far from here honestly. It’s not even raining that hard anymore, so I really don’t need your help. Please let go.”

“Fine! Fine! But at least take the umbrella with you. It’s clear that you’ll be needing it more than me anyways.” Surprisingly, he handed the umbrella to him before giving him a smile that could drop anyone dead. However, it’s sincerity could definitely be questioned. Tadashi didn’t reject the umbrella since it was a million times better than riding alone with a guy that made him extremely nervous for some reason. “However, I need a big favor from you!”

“What is it?” Tadashi responded much too quickly with hopes Oikawa could just leave him alone already. It was bad enough having to see him everyday at school because of his daughter. He seriously didn’t have the energy to put with him in the middle of night either.

“Okay, you see my phone ran out of battery a while ago and I really really need to call Aiko-chan’s sitter.” He told him with the most worried expression he had ever seen. Tadashi couldn’t believe that he was actually capable of being a responsible father. Still, it was weird to think that his daughter was being left with a sitter so late at night. Wasn’t her mother around to take care of her? Or was it that she was still working? Maybe she was out of town?

Then again, it wasn’t any of his business.

“She called me a while ago and told me that she had been crying about something. I didn’t get to hear what since my phone shut out on me. I’m really worried, so I was wondering if you could please let me borrow yours. I just need to give her a quick call. I promise it won’t take long, okay?”

Tadashi couldn’t exactly say no and just gave it to him without a second thought. Thanking him, Oikawa quickly dialed some numbers and waited for someone to pick up. However, strangely, the phone that started ringing sounded really close. Oikawa heard it as well, but he wasn’t as surprised as he was. Then, he pulled out his own cellphone from his pocket and it was vibrating, beaming like crazy. That’s when he realized what that person had done. With a loud gasp, Tadashi snatched his phone back and quickly hung up, but it was much too late. Oikawa had purposely called himself from his phone. He had tricked him to that extent just to get his number. He couldn’t believe it and he wanted to punch him.

“Great, thank you lots, Yama-chan! Now, I have your number.” Oikawa smiled at him as he pretended to save his number into his contacts. He showed it to him and he almost fell back from embarrassment when he saw his name listed as ‘Yama-sensei <3’.

“Okay, then. Are you sure you don’t want me to give you a ride home? I honestly wouldn’t mind.” He remained quiet, but thankfully, Oikawa understood his silence as a no. Still, why? Why was he being so persistent when it was clear that he wanted nothing to do with him? “I guess I’ll let you get going then and it’s a good thing that it’s not raining that much anymore. I’ll give you a call later to see if you got home safely. Now that I have your number. Oh, and you better answer me! I won’t stop till you do!”

Oikawa went toward his car after a quick goodbye. However, Tadashi stood there for the next couple of seconds and didn’t move until he was long gone. He sighed in utter exhaustion, feeling a headache coming through. There wasn’t much more he could do, but he hoped he could find a way to escape from that guy.

* * *

 

_He wasn't exactly sure how, but he had managed to convince Kei to go to the movies with him. There was a dinosaur one that was currently airing and while he didn't have a particular interest for it, he knew Kei was into that sort of stuff. Because of that, it didn't take much to convince him. He, on the other hand, was just happy to spend some time with him. After being ignored for the last two days or so, he was finally getting the date he had hoped for even though it wasn't anywhere near to what he had romantically imagined. Still, he couldn't complain. His mind was bothered by a million things, but he kept his questions to himself. The awkwardness between them had vanished a bit since his arrival, but he couldn't find the courage to ask him why he had pushed away the other night._

_The movie they had gone to see had been highly recommended by one of his coworkers and had been given really high ratings online. He thought without a doubt that it would be something Kei would enjoy lots. He wasn't wrong, of course. Throughout a majority of the movie, he seemed more interested than not. His eyes never left the screen which was really relieving since he was the one that had suggested it. However, things between them didn't ease up and even within the darkness of the theater, when he grabbed his hand, his hold was so stiff that it made his sweat heavily. He wasn't comfortable with him in that way, so Tadashi decided to just let him go for the rest of the movie. With every popping attacking dinosaur, he would only jump and squirm in his seat silently. He gave up seeking for comfort from his boyfriend._

_They weren't like other couples and he always understood that. Kei had his own special way of showing him his affection. He was never the type to resort to mushy lovey details especially not in public. For some reason, Kei was always more open about their relationship when they were alone. He would, for the most part, occasionally kiss or hug him. They would cuddle within in the bed sheets and only minutes after would his touch become rough. Before they ever started their long distant relationship, he never once questioned Kei's feelings. While he never told him, Tadashi always assumed that he loved him just as strongly as he did. He thought that he was the most important person to him in the world, but now he wasn't really sure. Everything seemed to have changed and he wondered if the distance was solely to blame._

_When the movie was over, they weren't excitedly discussing the events like other people were though he did try. He tried to talk to him about his favorite parts, but he couldn't get more than a couple of agreeing nods and side comments. They didn’t resemble a couple at all and it was okay since he was used to it. However, they had been dating for such a long time. Was it wrong to crave a little more affection?_

_They headed to a nearby burger place where they decided to grab something to eat. They sat down near the window, but neither of them said a single word. Tadashi ordered the same thing as Kei; a sandwich with some side fries and a soft drink. He didn’t have much of an appetite since he had eaten too much popcorn at the theater, but he still took Kei’s fries anyways._

_“So, Tsukki, I’ve been wondering about something,” Tadashi started after taking a quick sip from his drink. However, his words weren’t enough to get Kei to stop texting. He had been texting an unknown person since they had got there and while he was curious, he didn’t bother to ask who it was. He would most likely just scold at him and tell him that it was none of his business. Either that or he would tell him that it was no one important which would be a straight out lie._

_Now that he thought about it he didn’t have insight to any of Kei’s friends. He never talked about them and he never mentioned them. It could be that he didn’t have any, but that seemed pretty ridiculous to believe. He was incredibly smart and good looking even though his personality wasn’t the best. Tadashi figured he would at least have someone or two to hang around with._

_Honestly, he didn’t have many friends either and his social life could probably be called boring, but he was happy. He had met some wonderful people at work. Then, there a couple of people he talked to in his university. While they usually only hung out to study, there were occasions when they would get to together to grab lunch or morning coffee. He would happily hang out with the kids in the small volleyball team he coached and they were always so incredibly fun to play with it._

_“What are you planning to do for the holidays?” He suddenly asked him after a long pause and watched as Kei slowly put away his phone annoyingly. He looked irritated, but it wasn’t exactly being directed toward him or at least, he hoped it wasn’t. Tadashi grabbed a french fry and waited for his reaction. “I mean, they’re just around the corner, right? Christmas and New Years? Are you going to visit your family again?”_

_“Yeah, I probably am.” He pushed his glasses back before he grabbed his drink from the table. He punched the straw inside it, but didn’t bother to give it a taste. “I was talking to my brother the other day and apparently, he wants to introduce his fiancee to the family. They’ve been engaged for a while I think, but he wants the whole family to meet her. So, we’ll probably end up having a family gathering at my parent's place. Honestly, I would avoid it if I could.”_

_“Oh, I see.” Tadashi bit his lips, feeling slightly disappointed. He knew that Kei always spent those special days with his family and that’s why he had also made plans without including him, but he wished Kei could invite him over. They had been dating for so long and yet, he was still known among the Tsukishima household as ‘Kei’s Only Friend’ or ‘Kei’s Childhood Friend’. They had no idea what was really going on between them. They had no idea that he was someone much more important than that._

_“That’s good to hear. Tell your brother I said congrats. I’m sure she’s a great woman and your parents must be really excited about it.”_

_“I guess. They’re planning to get married sometime next year I believe.” Kei took a small bite out his sandwich, but even as he spoke, he didn’t look as excited as he should be. “I don’t understand the rush to make such a commitment.”_

_Marriage rarely ever crossed his mind. It was hardly even possible especially considering the kind of society they currently lived in, but he had many times thought about a distant future with Kei by his side. It seemed foolish and yet, it was something that he believed he could reach with the passage of time.  However, at the moment, he wasn’t asking for much. He just wanted to be acknowledged by him as his boyfriend, but even that seemed unattainable sometimes._

_“I’m also planning to spend the holidays with my family. I haven’t seen them in awhile, so I guess I’m kind of looking forward to it. They're still not too happy about my decision to become a teacher, but I think they’re finally starting to understand that it’s a career that I decided to work for. Anywys, you already seem to have plans, but you’re welcome to come by our place if you want. I wouldn’t mind having you along as well.”_

_Tadashi could feel his cheeks burning with embarrassment at the sudden proposal that he was sure would be refused. Kei didn’t even like his own family reunions, so he doubted he make an effort to even show up to his._

_“We’ll see about that.” Kei suddenly reached out and pinched his cheeks, surprising him completely. Then, for the first time since he had arrived, Tadashi was able to catch a glimpse of his mocking smile. “I always did like your mom’s desserts.”_

_They finished eating their food and decided to walk around town to do some window shopping. Kei had told him that if he saw something that he wanted, then he would buy it for him as an early Christmas gift, but Tadashi wasn’t interested in any of that. It was a Saturday evening and the streets were crowded. There were people constantly bumping into him, but none of that really bothered him. He was content with just having Kei near him._

_He would be leaving tomorrow in the afternoon since he had an early morning shift at work on Monday. His short vacation with Kei had gone by much too quickly, but he was satisfied. He had gotten to spend sometime with Kei even though it was brief. Next time, he would make sure to tell him in advance that he was coming over for a visit. That way they could properly plan things out. Then, he needed to make sure that Kei wasn’t in the middle of his exams. He still felt bad that he had exclusively taken some time off his studying for him, but it made him happy to know that he cared._

_There were Christmas lights everywhere and the entire place was so beautifully lit up. Even though it was lightly snowing, he felt warm and he couldn’t stop smiling. What turned out to be a soggy disappointing day was ending on a pleasant note.  He wished he could be holding hands with Kei and even in the crowd, he didn’t think anyone would even notice. With that in his mind, Tadashi gathered his courage and extended his nervous hand to reach Kei's. However, he was interrupted by a voice that he immediately recognized._

_“Hey, didn’t think I would find you here! What a coincidence!”_

_It was Kuroo Tetsurou._

* * *

 

He was cold. He was shivering and something was annoyingly ringing. Tadashi opened his eyes to find himself still wet, laying on top his sofa trembling nonstop. He had gotten home so tired that he had forgotten to even take off his soaking clothes. For a brief moment, he had decided to close his eyes, but he probably ended up falling asleep in the process. He wiped the water trickling down his face, feeling his heart racing uncontrollably. He placed his hands over his chest, took a deep breath, and wondered when he would finally be free from those memories.

Startling him back to reality, his phone continue ringing and Tadashi quickly looked for it inside his bag. It was already way past midnight. He couldn’t even imagine who would be calling him at such an hour, but then he remembered what had happened before. He remembered bumping into Oikawa in the rain and remembered the way he had so cleverly tricked him to get his number. With a groan, Tadashi looked at his phone. He wasn’t even surprised to see a couple of missed calls and texts from an unknown phone number he was sure belonged to Aobajousai’s past setter. He sighed helplessly, deciding to see what he wanted even though he had pretty vague idea.

 

_Yama-chan, are you home already?? Please remember to change out of those wet clothes immediately or you’ll get sick!! ლ(´﹏`ლ)_

__

_Why aren’t you answering? Are you okay? Are you home already?? (ﾉ゜д゜)ﾂ_

__

_If you’re ignoring me, I’m not going to stop until you answer me!! I thought I already told you that remember?_

__

_Okay, I’m sorry for stealing your number from you! I shouldn’t have. Are you angry about that??_

__

_You’re not picking up, Yama-chan!!! C’mon just answer already! Or at least text back?? (๑•́ㅿ•̀๑)_

__

_Have you been kidnapped?!!! Should I go look for you??!!? Should i call the police??!? ((╹д╹;)) ヾ(´ﾟДﾟ｀;)ゝ_

Why? Why was he so worried about him when they hardly even knew each other? Was he just exaggerating or was he being serious?  How should he even react to that sort of thing to begin with? No one had ever shown that level of concern for him, so he wasn’t sure what to make of it. Then again, what could he even expect form Oikawa Tooru? What did he even know about him besides the fact that he had a daughter in the class that he was teaching?

He was about to text him and tell him that he was perfectly fine when his phone started ringing again. Giving up, Tadashi pushed his damp hair back and decided to just answer. If he didn’t, Oikawa would probably call the police to report him as a missing person or something similar anyways.

Coincidences, though. He always hated them and besides Oikawa, there were other reasons why they always brought trouble. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry for my mistakes and thank you very much for reading!! Ohhh, the movie Yamaguchi and Tsukki went to go see was Jurassic World. I just had to.


	6. Chapter 6

"Aiko-chan, where did you go?" He asked, pretending to be worried as he looked around the pink lit up room. He had stepped out for just a second to grab her blanket from the living room. When he returned, she had already gotten up again. Tooru could only sigh with defeat since he had already spent fifteen minutes chasing her all over the house to get her to sleep. He scratched the back of his head and pretended to be utterly clueless about her whereabouts. However, he could easily see her small figure hiding behind her doll house. Her pigtails were sticking out and occasionally he could hear a giggle.

Tooru picked up her stuffed bear and looked underneath. It was already late and Aiko-chan should have been in bed an hour or so ago. After all, she had to get up early for school and she wasn't exactly a morning person. He didn’t have a problem waking up early. In fact, he was always eager to get up to make Aiko-chan her favorite breakfast. The joy on her face would always be worth it. Still, he couldn't help but play along with his daughter. For some reason, he always had fun doing so. He stood up straight and looked around the room, placing his hands on his waist. He pouted like a concerned father that was desperately searching for his daughter in her own room.

"Just where could she be?" He asked himself as he continued to look around. Tooru turned in every direction, but out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Aiko-chan peeking from behind the doll house. She giggled once more and covered her mouth with her small hands. "This is really strange. I was sure I left her in bed. Oh, my! I hope the aliens didn't abduct her! I should go look for her!"

She couldn't hold in her laughter anymore and honestly, he was having trouble doing the same. He headed toward the door, but suddenly stopped and looked in her direction. "Wait a minute. What was that? Is someone there? I think I just heard someone laughing. I wonder what's going on. Wait, maybe-"

He walked toward the doll house before he rapidly leaned down to pick her up and surprise her. She squealed in return as he easily lifted her up in the air. Tooru looked at her laughing face and his chest was filled with an incredible warmth. Her happiness was the only thing that mattered to him and he seriously loved her more than anything. However, there were times when he couldn't demonstrated it because of his own ignorance. There were many parts of him that he needed to change, but whenever he saw Aiko-chan's precious smile, he found hope. "Aha! There you are, Aiko-chan! I found you!"

Tooru carried her in his arms tightly and when her joyous laughter settled down, he quietly leaned his forehead against hers. She smiled at him and placed her small soft hands over his face. Growing weak, Tooru placed his daughter on top of her bed for the third time that night before he laid down right next to her. He pushed some hair off her face, patting her head with hopes that she would eventually fall asleep. However, even as he tucked her underneath the warmth of her bed sheets, her beautiful brown eyes that were often complimented and admired stared at him with awe.

“Well, Aiko-chan, I’m very happy that you weren’t taken by aliens, but it’s already extremely late and you have school tomorrow, remember?” Even as he said this, her small little smile turned upside down and she tried to quickly hide her disappointment under her blanket. She was hiding something from him and Tooru didn’t know if he should be alarmed by it or not. “Aiko-chan, did something else happen at school that you haven’t told me about? I mean, I know how much you love your teacher and I know you had lots of fun, but you haven’t mentioned anything else. What about your friends? Were you able meet some of your classmates and make friends?”

“It’s hard.” She told him simply, but her voice sounded a bit hurt and dejected. Aiko-chan turned to look away from him, grabbing the nearest stuffed animal and putting it over her face. Tooru sat up suddenly realizing that all the joy he had felt earlier had vanished from existence. “I don’t know how. What if they don’t like me?”

“But Aiko-chan, who wouldn’t like you?! You’re super cute and adorable! You look like your dad after all!” Those comments weren't going to be enough to convince her, but it was a start to make her feel better. He ruffled her hair which made her turn around just slightly. He smiled and hoped he could at least give some reassurance. “Then again, you’re never going to know if you don’t try. If you want to make friends, you have to start by talking to others. I know it’s a bit difficult and it might make you feel a bit nervous, but I think it’s worth it. It’s never fun to be alone.”

“Okay, I’ll try.” Her voice was so quiet that he could barely even hear her. Tooru sighed and adjusted her pillow after giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. He was about to get up, but Aiko-chan spoke again and her words almost caused him to fall back from shock. “Today, Yamaguchi-sensei told me to draw mom, but I don’t know what she looks like. He told me to draw my brothers and sisters but I don’t have those either. How come?”

“My, my, Aiko-chan! Look at the time! It’s time for you to go to sleep, young lady!” He wasn’t ready to speak about that with her and he didn’t think he ever would be. It was topic that he always avoided to talk about. Aiko-chan was still young, so she didn’t understand much about the adult world. She probably didn’t think much about him evading a conversation that was about her mother. However, he wasn’t stupid enough to believe that he would be able to run away from that truth in the future. At some point, Aiko-chan would learn about his irresponsible mistakes and when that happened, he would never be able to face her again. Tooru didn't want his daughter to find out that he and her mother had unexpectedly hooked up one night that resulted in pregnancy. He dreaded that moment.

He stood up from her bed, turned off her lamp and watched as her nightlight automatically turn on. It was still raining outside, but not as intensely as it had been before. Occasional flashes of lighting would appear in her room with a sound of distant thunder following close by. It was nothing big to scare her. Aiko-chan had already gotten over her fear of lightning and thunder, but he still made sure to close the curtains on her window. Tooru placed her stuffed animals beside her bed before he gave her another small peck on her forehead. She smiled at him and he was glad that she wasn’t asking him questions about her mother anymore. Tooru sat back down on her mattress and patted her head until she fell asleep.

It was aggravating to think about, but if he hadn’t met Aiko-chan’s mother then his entire life would be entirely different. He wasn’t sure if it would have been better or worse. That was something he couldn’t and didn’t want to conclude. After all, if he hadn’t met Aiko-chan’s mother than he obviously wouldn’t have been blessed with the most precious daughter that the world had yet to see. She was everything to him. He couldn’t live without her. However, there was the slight possibility that if he hadn’t met Aiko-chan’s mother then his relationship with Iwa-chan might have lasted just a bit longer. There would always be a win and loss regardless.

Tooru headed toward the living room where he was quickly swallowed by the surrounding darkness. Once again, Aiko-chan had fallen asleep and he was found completely alone. He didn’t have anyone to talk to about his day. He didn’t have anyone that would sit down next to him and sincerely listen to his problems. He didn’t have anyone that would actually care about his physical and mental well being. Or maybe he was wrong from that aspect? Tooru grabbed his phone and scrolled down his contacts. He stopped at Iwa-chan’s number. He stared at it for the longest time, trying to decided if he should call or text him.

In the end, he decided to just head over to his place real quick. He called Aiko-chan’s sitter, told her he had an emergency, and left as soon as he could.

* * *

 

_He was dizzy and he couldn’t get rid of the headache that had been bothering him for hours. Tooru wasn’t entirely sure where he was, but he hoped he was lying on the carpet of his small cramped up apartment that he shared with Iwa-chan. He felt nauseous and he was afraid he would throw up if he even tried to get up. He had been conscious for a while now, but he couldn’t find the strength to sit up or even open his eyes. He needed help, but those were the consequences after a long night of partying. He would end up in the same conditions almost every weekend, so there was nothing particularly new. However, he was almost sure that it was already way past noon. Iwa-chan would probably arrive in any minute._

_Once again, he had gone away for a volleyball game that he was no longer a apart of. Iwa-chan had been nice enough to invite him, but naturally the answer was always the same. He couldn’t get himself to go. He couldn’t get himself to sit in the crowd and cheer for his totally awesome boyfriend. It was too much for him to bear because he wanted to be there in the court with him. He wanted to continue being his setter until they officially retired. It was such a stupid and foolish dream that he could almost laugh at himself. Even if it hurt, he knew that nothing in the world was meant to last. His relationship with Iwa-chan was probably no exception either._

_Tooru, with some determination, tried to get up once again. He pushed himself up with his arms and rolled over so that he was at least facing the ceiling. Opening his eyes, he was horribly greeted by the bright blast of sunlight coming from the window. He groaned in annoyance as he placed his arm over his face. He felt terrible and even though he didn’t want Iwa-chan to see him in such a state again, he didn’t think he could overcome the terrible hangover. With enough force, he was able to successfully sit up. It was only then that he realized that the entire place reeked with the scent of strong alcohol. Just what in the world had he been drinking the night before? How ruined was he?_

_Looking around, he spotted some empty bottles and cups of who knows what all over the floor. He had probably brought them in after the party, but the question was, how had he even gotten home? He couldn’t quite remember, but he was sure that the mystery would clear up when he felt better. After all, he couldn’t even think with that killing headache he was trying to endure. Wiping his dry mouth and feeling awfully thirsty, Tooru managed to stand up. His movements were unsteady so he had to lean against the wall for support and to prevent himself from falling over. He took small steps to the bathroom, but before he had a chance to take a dip in the shower, he heard keys and the sound of the door. He gulped, preparing for the worst once again._

_When Iwa-chan was finally standing before him, he could only look down at the floor with regret and shame. He just couldn't do it. He didn’t dare to face him after the crazy night he had experienced. At that point, he couldn’t even assure him that he hadn’t cheated on him with some random person. Everything was unclear. It was the worst and if he could, Tooru wished he could just disappear from the planet. Why? Why did he always do that to him? Iwa-chan hadn’t done anything wrong. It wasn’t his fault he gotten injured and yet, he always felt so angry whenever he saw him in his volleyball uniform. He always felt so envious that he was playing while he could only watch. His feelings were always one jumbled mess and apparently, drinking and partying had been become one of his only solutions to forget his list of endless regrets._

_“Again, Tooru?! Seriously?!” It was the only thing he could say as he put up his angry mask, but Tooru could see the how hurt he was inside. He could tell even though Iwa-chan tried to act strong. It wasn’t the first time he had done something like that, but every time Iwa-chan always ended up forgiving him, giving him another chance. He wondered just how much more it would take before he became completely fed up with him. How? How much longer until he was thrown away by the person he considered to be the most important? Then again, if he really loved him, maybe he wouldn’t be doing such things. At that point, he didn't even understand his own reasons._

_That’s when it occurred that maybe he didn’t know how to love. Maybe he never really did. His feelings toward Iwa-chan were honest, but he had no idea how to show him how much his eternal company meant to him. He was truly pathetic. Tooru didn’t say anything even though he could feel Iwa-chan’s piercing eyes. He was beyond pissed this time and he couldn’t really blame him. There was no hope for him. He was a complete disaster._

_“Why?! Didn’t you promise last time that you would stop this?! Didn’t you swear that you wouldn’t hang out with those people again?! Were you just lying to me?!” Iwa-chan looked like he was ready to punch him and honestly, he wished that he did. He was probably strong enough to knock him out. That’s what he wanted the most in the moment. He wanted to escape his mistakes and the reality that he had created for himself. “What in the world were you thinking?! Just look at yourself! You’re completely wasted and I can’t believe that you didn’t even try to fix your appearance before I arrived!”_

_Iwa-chan came toward him and his sports bag had already been dropped on the floor a long time ago. He grabbed the collar of his shirt, pinning him against the wall with all his might. This time Tooru doubted he would ever get his forgiveness. He was angry to the point where he could easily see the tears forming in his eyes. This is what he had done to him. He caused him all that pain because of his own stupidity. It was clear that he didn’t deserve him. He didn’t deserve his affection, his kindness, his warmth or his lasting love. Maybe it was better if they just ended everything. His best friend’s life would be a thousand times better without him._

_“Why are you doing this to yourself, Tooru?! Just how big of an idiot are you! Is this what you want to do with your life, huh?! Is it really worth it?!” He was yelling so close to his face that he could no longer avoid looking into his eyes. Still, what was he even suppose to do? What was he suppose to say to him? Nothing that came out of his mouth would ever make him feel better. He had already crushed him since his first night out. In fact, Tooru didn’t even think he was trusted anymore. Maybe it was better that way._

_“This is the worst.” Iwa-chan finally said, completely out of breath as he leaned his forehead over his shoulder. He held onto his arms and he remained close even though he probably stunk with the awful scent of alcohol. Tooru seriously hated himself because despite everything he had done and caused, Iwa-chan didn’t hate him back. “I want to leave you. I want to leave this place and never see you again. I want to and it’s something that I seriously should do. I can’t put up with you much longer. It’s painful to even look at you now.”_

_It was coming. He was breaking up with him and there was no turning back. Tooru could feel himself holding back endless sobs. It was the best thing that could happen to them at that point and yet, he didn’t want to let go. He had caused everything, but he wanted to remedy the problem with a simple sorry. How many times had he apologized to Iwa-chan, though? How many times had he been forgiven? Did he think that was just some endless cycle? Did he think that would be the same outcome every time? Just how stupid was he? He didn’t want to break up with him, but he couldn’t get himself to stop hurting him._

_“Then, I honestly don’t think I can trust you anymore. Who would after seeing you this way?” Iwa-chan wasn’t looking at him anymore, but Tooru could hear the agony in his voice. Even though his grip remained firm, his hands were trembling. “Who knows what you did last night. You probably don’t even know yourself. This place is completely trashed and the apartment that we share stinks just as badly as you do. What do you expect me to think?”_

_Tooru closed his eyes and waited._

_“Any other person would have dumped you ages ago, but unfortunately, I’m not that person.” This time, he could seriously feel his tears crawling down his cheeks. He opened his mouth to call out his name, but he didn’t have too. Iwa-chan stood up straight and looked up at him like if he had just made the worst decision in the world.  “I’m a bigger idiot than you, but even after all this shit you put me through, I can’t let you suffer alone. Not yet.”_

_He placed his hand over his heart. “There’s still enough room in here to forgive you.”_

* * *

Tooru hadn’t expected him to answer, so when he heard his voice, he was kind of taken by surprise. He stopped pacing around the room and he suddenly felt a bit relieved. It was incredible since he had already sent him hundreds of messages and none of them had been responded to. He had called him dozens of times, leaving him worried voicemails shortly after. While some were more serious than others, he didn’t bother to call back. It had already been an hour or two since he had accidentally met up with him.

It hadn’t been raining that much, but Tooru still stopped his car when he noticed Yamaguchi walking down the sidewalk by himself. Without even thinking about it twice, he got out with an umbrella and placed it over his completely soaked body. His hair was dripping wet and his clothing were soaked right through. His face was covered with tiny droplets of water that slightly overshadowed his freckles. He was truly a sight to behold and he still couldn’t quite believe that he had actually managed to spot him despite the darkness of the night.

 _“What do you want, Oikawa-san?”_ He sounded rather angry and grumpy, but it was only to be expected since it was already pretty clear that Yamaguchi couldn’t stand him. Even after he had gone out his way to ask for his number, Yamaguchi had refused to give it to him. The feeling still stung. He tried to play it off and pretended like his rejection had meant nothing, but he was slightly offended. Still, for some reason, that intrigued him even more, deciding to accept his refusal as a challenge. _“Can you please try bothering someone else? I’m seriously trying to get some sleep.”_

“You’re so mean, Yama-chan! I was seriously worried about you! I called you a million times and you weren’t answering! I thought something had happened to you!” For the most part, he was slightly exaggerating, but there was some truth in his words. He really would have felt much better giving him a ride home than leaving him alone under the rain with just a mere umbrella. It was late and the streets were dangerous at night. If something would have happened to him, then the guilt would have never left him. It was only a natural reaction or so he wanted to believe.

“It’s a good thing you finally picked up, though. I wouldn’t have stopped until you did so. Still, you do know that I’ll be frequently calling and texting you now that I have your number, right?” He told him and he could hear him sighing with frustration on the other side of the line. It was kind of amusing. Tooru cleared his throat before he casually decided to change the subject. 

“Anyways, Aiko-chan really enjoyed your class today. She kept talking about you during the whole car ride. She said that you were extremely nice and that you really made her feel better when she was dead nervous. I know it’s your job and all. That’s probably what you're expected to do, but I’m still really happy about it.”

He sat down on the edge of his bed before he dropped himself over the mattress. He looked up at the ceiling, feeling a smile creeping on his face. “I’m sure you’ve already noticed and I think I told you as well, but she’s really timid around people. She won’t talk or open up to you unless she’s comfortable around you. She’s been that way since I can remember. I’m sure she’ll get over it with time, but there’s nothing wrong with giving her some help.”

There were only a handful of people that Aiko-chan felt safe and relaxed around. He didn't see it as much of a problem until Iwa-chan pointed out that her behavior would give her trouble making friends in the future. He wasn’t wrong and he immediately noticed how her shy nature affected her during daycare. He was often told by the childcare providers that she wouldn’t really participate in the activities that they tried to organize. It was rare finding a person that she liked right away. That’s why he had been a bit surprised when she automatically responded to Yamaguchi. There was nothing special about him. He was pretty much an ordinary type person, but that was probably the reason why Aiko-chan could relate to him in some sort of way. Everything about him was sincere, almost pure. The complete opposite of him.

 _“I didn’t really do as much as I could have, but I’m happy she feels that way.”_ His voice sounded different from before and he could almost picture him smiling. _“I promise to help her in any way that I can, but please remember that I’m doing it for her and not really because you asked me too.”_

It was fairly strange since the more he talked, the more Tooru wanted to listen to him. He wanted to stay that way for the rest of the night since the void he had been feeling earlier was completely gone. He and Yamaguchi were nothing but strangers still and yet, he felt at ease just hearing his voice. He wasn’t able to make it to Iwa-chan’s place because he stopped to help him out. Even though he had sent Iwa-chan a text that he was on his way, Tooru decided to go back home and wait for Yamaguchi to call him instead. Of course, he never did. He was the one the spent the entire time dialing his number over and over. Even so, whether he was interested in him or merely desperate to forget didn’t even matter.

“Hey, are you busy this weekend?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you very much for reading and I apologize for my mistakes!


	7. Chapter 7

Two of his students approached him, completely out of breath and with the most worried looks on their faces. Tadashi, immediately concerned, went toward them and left the teacher he had been briefly chatting with. He kneeled down in front them, but his heart almost stopped when he noticed their teary eyes. With his hands nervously trembling, he patted Naoki’s head and tried to settle down the jumpy Megumi. “It’s alright. Just tell me what happened. What’s wrong?”

“We were playing!” Naoki-kun began, but he couldn’t understand him much after that since Megumi-chan tried saying her version of the story at the same time. Then, no matter how much he insisted, they wouldn’t calm down. “But she pushed Aiko-chan and she fell to the ground! She’s bleeding!”

“No! It was an accident! I didn’t push her!” She rubbed her eyes with her small fists, trying desperately to hide her tears. Tadashi remained with them, but in that instant, he desperately started looking around the playground for Aiko-chan. He grew unquestionably worried to the point where he even wanted to run and find her. “I wanted her to play with us! I pulled her along, but she fell over! I didn’t mean to, Yamaguchi-sensei! She was all by herself, so I wanted her to come too! My mom said that it’s a nice thing to do!”

He stood up, kindly ruffled their hair, and assured them that everything was going to be okay. It was an accident after all and he could only warn them to be more gentle with others next time. They sniffed with a nod, calming down a bit. While he hadn't seen Aiko-chan's injury yet, Tadashi hoped it wasn't anything serious and prayed from the bottom of his heart for it to be so. He wouldn't hear the end of it from Oikawa, but then again, he didn't mind his daughter so much and had grown to care for her in a way that was a bit different from his other students. It wasn't that he considered her a favorite. She just resembled his past self a lot and he couldn't help but relate to her.

They pointed to Aiko-chan's location and surely, she was sitting by herself next to the sandbox. She was as quiet as could be while her focus was directed to her injured knee. He went to her, but Noaki and Megumi didn't bother to follow him.

There was a minor scratch and it was slightly bleeding, but it wasn't anything to get overly concerned about. He sighed with relief, feeling an enormous pressure being lifted from his chest. He was really glad that she was okay. Still, Aiko-chan wasn't crying nor did she appear to hurt. She carried the same composed and thoughtful expression.

"Are you okay?" He asked her, but the question itself was rather stupid. "Your classmates told me that you fell down. They explained that it was an accident due to rough play. Megumi-chan wanted you to join them, but you didn't want to and resisted. She pulled you harder than she should have and she's very sorry for it. I want you tell me your version as well. What happened, Aiko-chan? Was that what really occurred?"

It wasn't that he didn't trust his students, but he did understand that they were just kids. Their way of seeing and describing things would always be different. For that reason, he figured it was important to get Aiko-chan's perspective as well. However, she wasn't saying anything at all. She remained silent and she kept cupping her hands around her bleeding injury. She probably didn't want him to pry any further even though he was there to help.

Tadashi stood up and extended his hand for her to grab. He helped her get up before they both walked to the classroom. The other teacher was informed of the situation and encouraged him to attend Aiko-chan while she kept an eye on the others. It was just a small scrape, but if it got infected, then it could get much worse. He couldn't afford that. He already felt slightly responsible since he should have been paying attention to the playing children rather than conversing with his rather amusing coworker. Then, she was Oikawa's daughter and something about that made him even more overly conscious.

He sat her down on a nearby chair while he grabbed the first aid kit. With extra care, he cleaned up her wound which did cause her to flinch a little in pain. Tadashi tried not to think much of it, but every time Aiko-chan made any sudden movement, he would grimace along with her. When he was finally done with that, he placed a bandage over it. He gave her a smile as he wiped his own sweat from his forehead. "There. All done. I know that must have stung a little and I’m sorry about that. It’ll feel better soon in no time.”

She nodded, tracing the edges of the bandage with the tips of her fingers. Then, without looking up at him and with her cheeks turning bright red, she lowered her head, covering her eyes with her hair and faintly said, “Thank you, Yamaguchi-sensei.”

Thrown completely off guard, he looked at her only to see her already crying. She had probably been holding it in and he couldn’t comprehend why she was sobbing now. Even as he was disinfecting her injury with the antiseptic wipe, she remained completely silent and would only occasionally squirm in her chair.  Tadashi panicked, not sure what to do or what to say. “Aiko-chan, what’s wrong? Does it hurt? I’m sorry. If you like I can take you to the nurse's office. She’ll be able to take a look at your knee. I mean, it doesn’t look like anything serious or something to really worry about, but if it hurts, we can pay the school nurse a little visit. Do you want to, Aiko-chan?”

“It doesn’t...hurt.” She said, covering her face with her small hands as she took deep breaths in between her long and heartbreaking sobs. She remained that way for a minute or so, but he remained right there next to her. “They...Megumi-chan and Naoki-kun...were being mean to me.”

He didn't really want to hear the rest and he wanted to embrace her, but he wasn’t in a position to do so. Instead, he placed his hand over her head and waited since he didn’t know how else to comfort her. Tadashi understood that feeling too well, though. He knew what it was like to be turned down and to be dejected for being just a bit different. Unlike the other children in the classroom, Aiko-chan was a lot more bashful and she was probably even a bit difficult to approach. He had already noticed before, but maybe she really was having trouble fitting in. Still, that was no reason or excuse for the others to be mean to her. Even if they were just children, he couldn’t let such behavior slide. He wanted to set things right, but what evidence did he even have in her defense. He didn’t want to scold Megumi and Naoki because of his emotional preference. After all, there was also a chance that Aiko-chan had misinterpreted her classmates actions. 

Then again, if he looked at the situation from a different angle, it could also be seen as a small accomplishment. She was able to open up to him a little more and that was something he was never able to do as a child. That is until he met Kei.

“I’m sorry, Aiko-chan. I didn’t know and I promise I’ll keep a closer eye on them. If they ever do anything that’s mean or if anyone ever says anything that hurts your feelings, you can let me know and we’ll resolve the problem together.” He gave her a smile and she seemed to be surprised by his overwhelming support. She stared at him with awe, tilting her head as she slowly lowered her hands away from her face. She wiped her nose with her sleeve, but Tadashi quickly gave her a tissue for that. “Still, I want to say that I’m proud of you for being able to speak up a little for yourself. It’s always important to say what your feeling.”

It was ironic because as he was telling Aiko-chan this, Tadashi knew that he always had difficulty being honest when it came to his feelings. With everything that had happened, he still wasn’t able to tell Kei what he wanted or that he regretted their break up. He didn’t have the courage for it. After all, so much time had already passed by and he doubted that Kei still felt the same way.

Shoving his thoughts away from his mind, he grabbed his lunch from the back counter and pulled out the frozen cup of pudding that his neighbor had given him that exact morning. His neighbor was a sweet old lady that occupied her time by making desserts and sweets. The nice smell of her creations would always seep into his apartment and because of that, she would frequently drop by with a sample. This time around she had brought him several cups of homemade pudding. He had brought one to work to eat it during lunch, but if it was going to put a smile on Aiko-chan’s face then he didn’t mind giving it up. He grabbed the small spoon he had brought along as well and showed the treat to the sniffling girl.

Her eyes immediately lit up at the sight of it and strangely enough, he felt an indescribable happiness arising within him as well. He didn’t know if he would get in trouble for it later, but at the moment, it felt like it was the right thing to do. Tadashi would just have to deal with the teachers later if it became a problem and blame his inexperience for it. Still, her cheeks became rosy pink as she saw the cup of pudding in his hand. She wanted to reach out for it, but stopped and immediately pretended to not notice it. He silently laughed to himself since it seemed he had found a way to reach her small heart. When he was first introduced to her, he remembered her saying how much she liked pudding. In fact, now that he thought about, she had repeated that same fact more than once.

Tadashi handed her the cup of pudding along with the spoon and she didn’t hesitate to take it. She peeled off the top, taking a spoonful of the squishy dessert. Without thinking about it twice, she placed it in her mouth and savored the flavor. Then, she smiled shyly as she filled up the spoon once again. “It’s really good! This is the best pudding I’ve had in all my life! Thank you, Yamaguchi-sensei!”

His heart was given a severe blow since seeing her smile was possibly one of the cutest things in the world to witness. It wasn’t anything like Oikawa’s fake and deceiving ones. Her laughing expressions were pure and sincere. Tadashi shook his head and decided to get the recipe from his quite talented neighbor. Maybe, if he tried, he could try to make her some too. “I’m glad you like it. The pudding was given to me, so I didn’t actually make it.”

“Really? It’s still very good!” She said without taking any breaks. Then, before he knew it, she had wiped the entire cup clean and there wasn’t a single drop left of the pudding he had kind of looked forward to eating himself. Aiko-chan handed it back to him and it seemed that she was feeling much better than before which was good. That was what he had aimed for after all. “Oh, Yamaguchi-sensei, are you friends with my daddy?”

“What? Oh, no. I mean, not really. I knew him from a long time ago, but he isn’t really a friend.” Tadashi stumbled with his own words since he didn’t really want to tell the small girl that he wasn’t fond of her dad at all. Oikawa was a troublesome type of person and aside from that, they were completely different. Their personalities didn’t match in the slightest, but it seemed that he was the only one out of the two who believed that. After seeing him for the first time in almost ten years, Oikawa had gotten the nerve to ask him out in a date. Tadashi immediately refused and didn’t bother to answer any of his calls or texts after that. It made him sweat to just think about. What were his intentions? What were his purposes? Why was making such an effort for a person he barely even knew?

“I played against him in some volleyball matches back in high school. We never really exchanged words, but I guess we kind of remembered each other.” Or then again, it was shocking that he was actually remembered at all. “He was a really great volleyball player. One of the best I suppose. Does he still play?”

“No?” It had escalated to such a casual conversation that he was slowly starting to stress about it. What Oikawa did wasn’t any of his business, so he didn’t really get why he was even bothering to ask. He wasn’t interested in his life, but he supposed that maybe he was just a bit curious. “He plays with me sometimes, though and it’s really fun. I like it, but I’m not very good at it. Iwaizumi-san says I can better with practice.”

Iwaizumi-san? He pondered about it for a bit and then remembered that he was Abojousai’s ace during that time. He didn’t bother to make a comment about it since his chipper mood began to disappear. Tadashi had heard from Kageyama once before that Iwaizumi and Oikawa were childhood friends. It would only make sense that they would still keep in touch despite the many years. They weren’t like him and Kei. They were probably the only ones that had such a disastrous ending to their friendship.

And it was all because of him.

“Yamaguchi-sensei, is it true that you're going to come with us on Sunday?” He was snapped from his thoughts and rapidly turned to look at Aiko-chan with utter surprise. She was already up from her seat, ready to go back outside, but her remark startled him to no end. “Daddy said that you were going to come with us? Is it true? I hope it is because it’s going to be so much fun!”

* * *

 

_There was a terrible awkward silence between them and it had been that way since they had gotten back from their rather short lived date. He had expected so much more, but decided not to complain since he was just happy being near the person he loved the most. However, they ran into Kuroo Tetsurou and everything rapidly changed after that. Kei tried to not make much of their casual meeting, but Tadashi could easily tell that they were close. He didn’t have a problem with it, of course. In fact, he was quite relieved to realize that Kei at least had another person he could consider a friend even though he wanted to hide it._

_What did make him anxious was the fact that Kei hadn't bothered to mention him at least once. Their conversations over the phone would always end up very one sided, but even when Kei was talking about his about his own life, he never once told that he was still in touch with Nekoma’s past captain. It was okay, though. He decided not to let it bother him or at least that's what he hoped._

_Kuroo greeted them, but he never really paid much attention to him. He probably didn’t remember him much and he didn’t think Kei would actually bother talking about him unless it was extremely necessary. It was just the way he was. Kuroo didn’t stay there long since he insisted that he was in hurry. However, before he turned around and left, he did tell Kei that he would drop by his place sometime. He said that he needed to return some old music albums he had let him borrow sometime ago. He waved goodbye, but at that point, Tadashi’s insecurities slowly returned one by one._

_He sat on the floor silently as he tried to pay attention to the show that was coming out in the television. After flipping through the channels a million times, it was the only thing that had remotely caught his attention. Even so, he didn’t really know what was going on since his mind was preoccupied with things he could only quietly stress about. He was cold. His feet were freezing and it seemed like the heater wasn’t doing it’s job properly. He had a blanket over his head, covering his entire body quite well, but it wasn't the cold he was necessarily trying to hide from. He just didn’t want Kei to see his pathetic face in that moment._

_What would he even think of him if he told him that he was all those doubts because of their encounter with Kuroo? It was unnatural for him as well, but they had been apart for so long that he didn’t even know what to think anymore. Tadashi sighed and placed his chin over his knees. He pulled the blankets closer to his body, but the coldness still wouldn’t leave. He seriously wanted to disappear for feeling so awful without any real reason._

_Then again, maybe visiting Kei was a mistake. Since his arrival, he never really quite felt welcomed and he could still remember the way Kei had pushed him away after kissing him. His rejection was still lively present within his memories and he didn’t think he would able to to forget it anytime soon. Turning around only slightly, Tadashi could hear Kei in the kitchen, but just like him, he hadn't spoken much since they had gotten home. If he wasn’t going to say anything about the matter, then Tadashi wasn’t planning on asking any questions either. He turned on his phone and stared at the displayed date. His trip had already come to an end. Tadashi was suppose to leave tomorrow morning and yet, everything had gone horribly wrong. Was it okay for him to want to cry?_

_“Here.” Tadashi looked up to realize that Kei was handing him a cup of hot chocolate. He quickly wiped his eyes and tried to smile as he took the warm mug. He didn’t bother to get up since he figured Kei would just go back to studying. After all, he had already wasted enough time with him. “What are you watching? That looks boring.”_

_Surprisingly, Kei didn’t leave. Instead, he sat down right next to him with his own cup of hot chocolate. Tadashi's heart began racing rapidly and he didn’t know what to do to hide his own flustered reaction. He nervously took a sip of the hot chocolate that he been prepared for him. Closing his eyes, he felt the hot liquid going down his throat relax him. He took a deep breath and decided to turn his focus back to the television. He didn’t realize it at first, but it turned out that Kei was carefully watching him. “Hmmm, it’s really good and it really hits the spot especially in this weather. Thanks, Tsukki.”_

_“Stop hogging all the blanket.” He told him, grabbing it away from him and forcing him to share. It was too small for both them to use at once which caused them to sit awfully close. Tadashi could feel his skin slightly brushing against Kei’s which almost made him spill his hot chocolate all over the floor. Why now? Why was he making an effort now? “I’m cold too, you know.”_

_They stayed that way for the longest time and Tadashi tried to watch the airing documentary about space. However, he figured that it wss the right time to clear up some things. Tadashi was about to take a drink, but let the rim of the cup graze his lower lip as he spoke. “I didn’t know you were still friends with Kuroo. You never mentioned him before, so it was quite a surprise.”_

_“It’s not what you think and he’s not someone I would really consider a friend.” He told him much more rapidly than he had originally anticipated. It seemed that maybe Kei was just as eager to get rid of the tension and it made him a bit glad that was the case. Still, Tadashi didn’t quite believe him. Anyone could easily tell that they were more than just past rivals. “He goes to the same university I do and unlike me, he’s still playing volleyball. I play with him occasionally and it’s only because he’s so damn persistent. It’s annoying. I told him I already quit, but he doesn’t seem to get it. He drags me around everywhere.”_

_Tadashi listened and didn’t bother to comment since he was afraid that doing so would cause Kei to stop his explanation. After all, this was the first time he was being tuned into Kei’s personal life really. It intrigued him. “Anyways, his field of study is similar to mine I guess, so were taking a lot of the same courses. We study together sometimes. He’s so stupid that it's even hard to believe. I don’t understand how he’s made it this far.”_

_He nodded, but he wasn’t feeling any less relieved much to his own frustration. He said they weren’t friends and yet, they seemed to do a lot of things together. Kei probably didn’t notice, but even as he spoke about him in such a negative tone of voice, his eyes were vividly sparked. Tadashi took a sip of his hot chocolate before he tried to give Kei an understanding smile. “Oh, I see. I seriously had no idea.”_

_“Anything else you're worried about?” His question was quick, dry, and a bit impatient. He had probably noticed that there was still something bothering him which wasn’t surprising in the least. Tadashi knew Kei like the back of his hand, but unlike him, his expression was always much more easy to read. Placing his empty cup on the floor, Tadashi’s brief smile disappeared from sight._

_“Yeah, I guess.” He buried his head in his arms since he didn’t want to be seen as he spoke. It would be too embarrassing for him to bare. “Before, the other day, why did you push me away? I understand that you were busy and I’m really sorry that I came without telling you first. I seriously regret that now. I promise I won’t do it again. I should have told you beforehand, but I just wanted to give you a surprise. I was so excited to see you, but ever since I arrived, I’ve felt like you really didn’t want me here? It could be that I’m just imagining things. I’m sorry.”_

_They remained silent for the next passing seconds or so and he was thankful the television was on to cut some of the awkwardness. Then, much to his own astonishment, he felt Kei’s cold hands trying to lift up his face. He looked at him and hoped he didn’t notice his quivering hands. Just like him, though, Kei was having a hard time dealing with the pending circumstances._

_“It’s not like that, idiot. I never said that I didn’t want you here. I’m not unhappy about you being here. I didn’t think you would get that impression.”  He turned away, but because of the television's dim light, Tadashi could see a slight blush forming across his face. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to push you away either. I just hadn’t seen you in a long time and I guess I wasn’t ready. I don’t know really, but seriously I can’t believe you’ve been fretting about something like that.”_

_Tadashi laughed, but it wasn’t quite directed at Kei’s response. He laughed at himself for letting his emotions get the best of him. It wasn’t the first time and he doubt it would be the last it would happen, but for the meantime, he was glad they were able to resolve the conflict. However, he was naive to think that such trivial matters would be the worst of his problems in the unpredictable future. “So, that’s how it is. Well, that’s good to know then. I forgot you also get embarrassed easily.”_

_“Oh, shut up, Yamaguchi.”_

_“Sorry, Tsukki!”_

_After that, the distance finally seemed to be closing in. He leaned toward him once again with a different approach from before and gave him a light kiss. Kei responded back, his lips softly pressing against his at first. He was gentle as his hand touched the side of his face. It reached up to brush his messy hair and he could only retaliate by wrapping his arms around his neck. He loved him so much and he didn’t think he could contain his pent up yearning in check. The blanket fell from his shoulders, but it was okay because he wasn't cold anymore. Kei’s hot breaths were almost enough fill him an overwhelming heat._

_“Hey, Tsukki,” He said, briefly pulling away as he watched his boyfriend turn off the television. They were immediately surrounded by darkness that he could only be grateful for. Kei took off his glasses and set them on the coffee table before he turned his attention back on him. He kissed the side of his neck before making his way back to his lips, his hands busily unzipping his pants._

_“I seriously love you.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long. Lots of things came up and I just couldn't find the time. Still, thank you very much for reading and I apologize for any mistakes! I appreciate the support dearly!


	8. Chapter 8

_Hey, Tsukki_

_How are you doing? I hope you're well or at least I hope you’re doing a lot better than me. It's been rough lately and it's not necessarily because of my new job. My entire class is wonderful and a joy to be with. I'm really liking this profession so far. It's great and it comes with lots of great intrinsic rewards. I'm convinced that I made the right choice back then._

_Of course, nothing is perfect. We're both aware of that from experience. I'm sure you remember Oikawa Tooru from Aobajousai. Well, it just so happens that his daughter is in my class. She truly is the sweetest thing ever, nothing like her father. She's quiet, passive, and extremely shy. It's been great getting the chance to meet her. Not Oikawa, though. Honestly, I could have gone the rest of my life without ever seeing him again._

_Anyways, there's nothing much else to say, but that I really miss you. I hope I get a chance to see you again._

_Take care._

_Regards, Yamaguchi_

_Saved As Draft_

* * *

With a long tired yawn, Tadashi brought his cup of coffee from the kitchen and set it on the dining table next to his burnt up piece of toast. Even though he had gone to bed early, he was still rather tired, but it wasn’t anything new. Lately, he had trouble getting a decent amount of sleep. He would stay up for hours tossing and turning in bed, pondering about the millions of things that could have been different. It was useless to agonize over events he couldn’t change, but he couldn’t help it. Nostalgia would hit him in the most random times and before he knew it, his thoughts would drift to Kei. He sat down and looked at his rather disappointing breakfast. Grabbing the jar of jelly, he covered his toast with it and took a bite even though his appetite was hardly there.

There was a light knock on the door, but Tadashi wasn’t entirely startled by it at first. He got up from his chair and quickly headed toward the door since he figured it was his next door neighbor coming over to offer him some leftover pancakes she had made that morning. When he opened the door, he expected to see her kind smile and to hear a quiet apology from her for bothering him so early. Instead, however, he was greeted by a pair of big familiar eyes, a joyous laugh, and bright blond hair. He took a step back, not believing that the young lady in front of him was Yachi Hitoka.

It was an awkward encounter since he really hadn’t seen her in years and yet, she was standing in front of his door. She looked like she just happened to drop by which was still rather strange since he had never given her his address before. Even so, she looked happy and almost relieved to see him. While he was a bit embarrassed, Tadashi pushed back his hair from his face and adjusted his sloppy shirt. He smiled back at her, but he was so shocked that he didn’t think that he would have anything proper to say.

“I’m so glad I was able to find you! I thought I would spend all morning looking for your aapartment and then I was worried that someone else was going to open the door or something.” Tadashi let her come inside and that’s when he realized that she had truly become a beautiful person. He admired her silently from afar secretly staring at her features that had so gracefully matured since the last time he had seen her. Aside from that, though, she truly looked well and most important of all she seemed fairly happy.

“It’s nice to see you again, Yachi,” he told her as he went to the kitchen. He offered her some coffee, but she kindly refused by saying that she prefered tea. Tadashi came back with a small bin of muffins he had gotten from the bakery nearby the other day. He placed them on the table in case his surprise guest was hungry. “So, umm, what brings you around here?”

“Oh, right, I’m sorry. I was trying to call you, but it seems the number they gave me isn’t in service anymore?” She pulled out her phone and showed him the number she had saved. Sure enough, the one she had been disconnected for a while already. He didn’t say anything, but his heart immediately started racing because he had a vague idea from who she had gotten his contact information. “I’m glad your address was still accurate, though. I would have panicked if it wasn’t.”

“Yeah, I changed my number a long time ago for personal reasons, but I’ve been living here since my college years. It’s not much, but the rent is good and there’s a nice atmosphere too. I really like living here.” He told her, sitting back down on his chair and taking a sip of his warm bitter coffee. His smile disappeared and a well known ache formed in his chest. “Once I’ve raised enough money, I do plan to move out and find a more suitable apartment complex. There are a lot of unpleasant memories here that I rather get away from.”

“I see.” Yachi sat across from him and placed her bags on top of the table. She quietly sighed before she slowly reached out to grab a muffin. “Something happened with Tsukishima, right?”

Tadashi bit his lip, but managed to give her a small nod. He didn’t dare to look up at her because he was afraid that he might end up telling her everything that had happened between them. Even though they hadn’t seen each other in years, he still considered her his close friend. During their last year of high school, they had gotten especially close. She became the person he could trust in, aside from Kei, when it came to his personal matters and his then unrequited love. He never told her directly that he was in love with Kei, but she somehow figured it out anyways and secretly supported him from the sidelines. When he and Kei finally formed a relationship, Yachi was the first person to know about it. She laughed and said she had known about his feelings all long. He hadn’t really talked to her since.

“I talked to him just yesterday over the phone actually. He was the one that gave me your phone number and address.” She told him which erased his suspicions completely. Tadashi’s couldn’t help but stiffen since he hadn’t really mentioned his situation with Kei with anyone before. Ever since their breakup, he had swallowed up all his emotions to the point where they almost destroyed him. He had endured the sadness and the pain on his own. “He said he wasn’t sure if you still lived here or not. When I asked him if you guys were still dating, he said it was something he rather not mention. He was really cold about it, but I think he was trying to hide that he’s still kind of hurt by it?”

While he didn’t say it, Tadashi doubted that was the case. He probably didn’t bother to comment about it because he hated him. There was probably no other explanation. He hadn’t heard or seen Kei in such a long time, but after what Yachi said, he wasn’t really sure anymore if he even wanted to. Tadashi took a drink from his coffee and tried to eat his much less appetizing piece of toast. However, this time, the little hunger he had before had completely vanished. “Was...was that all he said?”

“Well, yes, I suppose. I didn’t ask him much to begin with. I happened to have his number from before and I told him that I was looking for you because I had something important to give you. He just said that you weren’t there and gave me this address so I can find you. We didn’t really talk much after that since it seemed he was a bit busy.” Yachi took a bite out of her muffin and her eyes briefly lit up when she realized how delicious it was. She ended up finishing the whole piece within the next five minutes or so. “What happened? I thought things were going well between you guys? I mean, the last thing I heard was that Kei was transferring to a different school or something?”

“I’m sorry.” Tadashi quickly apologized, lowering his head so that she was notice the painful look that was probably written all over his face. He couldn’t get himself to tell her and he didn’t want to hear her say that everything was his fault. He wasn’t ready even though he had taken the blame since the beginning. “Just like Kei, it’s something that I rather not mention and it’s something that I’m trying really hard to forget.”

They sat in silent, but Tadashi was glad that Yachi didn’t push it much further. Instead, she nodded and told him that she completely understood. She explained that she had also had her share of rough instances that she rather not bring up. It was normal to want to forget the past, but whether it was achievable or not was a different story. Yaichi grabbed her second muffin and ate it as she talked about her life in her new job as a photographer. She talked about all the places she had traveled to for it with excitement. She showed him pictures of her best work and Tadashi was pretty amazed. They talked about his new job as well, but somehow their conversation would always drift back to one of the places Yachi had been too.

Three muffins later, she suddenly got quiet and took out an envelope from one of her paper gift bags. She gave him a bleak smile before she handed it to him. Tadashi grabbed it from her, not sure what to really expect. His name was written in the front so he immediately figured it was something for him. He scratched the back of his head as he looked at the envelope from all directions. He wondered if that was the thing that Yachi had been wanting to give him and had searched all over to find him.

Not really sure what to do with it, Tadashi decided to open it after receiving a quick nod in approval from Yachi. To his surprise, he pulled out the most elegant wedding invitation he had ever seen. There were nice white flower designs in the front adorned with thin strips of white lace. They were tied in small ribbons on the sides as extra decorations, but they also appeared to be holding the entire card together. When he opened it, the first thing he noticed was Yachi’s name in the center followed by another name that he didn’t recognize.

“I’m inviting you to my wedding, Yamaguchi. I met my fiance two years ago in a photo shoot I was hired to and everything just went really well between us after that. We started dating and got engaged only a couple of months ago. It’s all pretty exciting.” She told him with a smile, but her voice didn’t sound happy in the slightest. He looked up at her, not believing what he was actually hearing. “That’s why I was looking for you. I’ve already given invitations to some of the other Karasuno members. I just needed you. It’s still a few months away, but it would really mean a lot if you would come. The official date is on the invitation, so make sure you leave that day open!”

“Oh, yeah, sure. I’ll definitely go.” He told her, but he had trouble understanding her reasons. He always thought that she and Kiyoko were meant to be. As far as he knew, they had a compatible and healthy relationship going even after Kiyoko graduated. They remained that way for years. At what point did they separate and break up? What in the world had happened? He wanted to ask, but he was in no position to do so. “Congratulations. I hope this decision brings you happiness.”

They exchanged emails and they promised to keep in touch until the wedding. She thanked him for the muffins, saying that they were really delicious and that she looked forward to eating them again. Before she left, she apologized for dropping by without a warning. She could stay there and chat with him all day, but she had things around town that she needed to take care of. Tadashi bid her farewell and told her to stop by whenever she liked. When she was finally gone, he went back to drinking his coffee that had already turned cold. His apartment became dim with color, loneliness and foul memories surrounding him once again.

Shutting his eyes for only a couple of seconds, Tadashi heard his phone ringing by his desk. He ignored it the first time around and let it go silent. It was Sunday, but lately the only person that would swarm him with calls and texts was Oikawa. There were even instances where he would even turn off his phone. The man was more than annoying and when he did bother to answer him, he was only pestered with redundant conversations. Then, he kept asking him if he had any plans over the weekend. While he insisted that he had a busy schedule all around, Oikawa didn’t seem to understand. His phone began to ring again, but for the second time, Tadashi decided to ignore it.

He hadn’t seen Oikawa since the first day of school that unfortunate rainy night. Aiko-chan’s babysitter had been the one to pick her up for the rest of the week. She seemed like a kind woman, but Aiko-chan was never quite excited to see her. In fact, she seemed pretty indifferent each time. Tadashi wasn’t necessarily concerned and while he rather not see Oikawa’s face every single day, he did think it would be better if he came to get his daughter instead. Of course, it wasn’t any of his business. When his phone rang for the third time around, Tadashi got up to turn it off for good again, but out of frustration decided to answer it. “Please, Oikawa-san, just leave me alone! It’s too early for this!”

 _“Yamaguchi-sensei, is that you?”_ Tadashi froze since he knew that voice quite well and he knew that it was hopeless to argue back against her. _“Are you coming with us? Do you want daddy to pick you up or are you going to meet us there? It’s going to be so much fun! I can’t wait!_ ”

How could he possibly say no to her?

* * *

 

_Hello, Tsukki,_

_How are you doing? Is everything going well for you? I hope so and thankfully, things have been going pretty good for me too. Well, sort of. It's only been a few days after all. I'm really getting the hang of the whole teaching thing now and with the help of some of my fellow coworkers, I've been able to come up with some fun activities for my students. They seem to like me and that's enough to boost my confidence. I'm quite content with the way things are progressing so far. I just hope I'm able to keep this steady pace throughout the rest of the year._

_Still, Oikawa's daughter worries me. I've mentioned before how she's awfully shy, but now I'm starting to realize that she's seriously having trouble fitting in. I don't know what to do to help her and I'm not sure if I should consult Oikawa about this since it seems he's also quite aware of her personality. She's an awfully sweet girl and I've gotten her to speak up a bit despite her small effort. I don't know why but I can really relate to her. I kind of used to be the same way back when I was a kid. Or maybe I was even worse? I guess we'll see how things turn out._

_I miss you lots and I really hope I get the chance to see you again. Maybe we might be able to clear up this situation? I know you probably don't want to especially after all the terrible stuff I said to you. I didn't really mean what I said and even now, I feel awful about it. You know, if I could turn back time, I would change that entire moment. I spoke out of anger and frustration. I didn't mean it, Kei. I hope you'll be able to forgive me._

_And I really want you to understand someday that I never wanted us to break up._

_Regards, Yamaguchi_

_Saved As Draft_

* * *

Surprisingly, they had invited him to the aquarium and after hearing Aiko-chan’s thrilled voice, he could necessarily refuse. He had nothing against her and she wanted him to come which seemed to be pretty convenient for Oikawa. For some reason, since the very beginning, he was always asking him out for coffee or something else similar. Naturally, he turned him down each time since he felt unease about him approaching him so easily. Sometimes he wondered if he acted that way with everyone he met or if he just found him amusing in some sort of way.

Tadashi placed his hand over his forehead feeling a headache coming on. He hadn’t eaten much for breakfast and now, he was seriously starting to feel the consequences. He sat down on a nearby bench and watched as Aiko-chan admired the fish on the other side of the glass. Oikawa was with her and almost like a child, he kept pointing at all his favorite ones. Aiko-chan would rapidly agree with a nod even though she probably shared a slightly different opinion. She would press her face against the glass, trying to squint and see the fishes that were swimming at a greater distance. She loved the colorful ones and at one point, she was determined to count them all but gave up when she reached seven.

They stepped over to the next window where there were a few jellyfish floating about. Fascinating by them, she mentioned that she wanted to touch them, but Oikawa, pretending to be frighten, told her that they would sting her if she did. She squealed and continued to watch them with wonder. “They’re so pretty. How can they be dangerous?”

“There are many beautiful things in this world, Aiko-chan, but that doesn’t mean that they won’t hurt you.” Oikawa responded, placing his hand over her head. She looked up at him with a confused look on her face, not really understanding or following his sudden words. However, out of nowhere, he picked her up and placed her over his shoulders. She laughed with surprise, wrapping her small little arms around his neck. “But it’s okay! That’s why I’m here! I’m going to protect you!”

Even though he wasn’t feeling very well, Tadashi felt a strange warmth developing within his chest. He didn’t like Oikawa one bit. Even back in high school, for some particular reason, he just was never fond of his character. He seemed like a mischievous sort of person with a difficult personality. Of course, he never really got know him, but he didn’t need to. Now, that same feeling still remained, but after seeing the way he truly did care about his daughter, his opinion just might of slightly changed. He was wrong to have judged him as a terrible or irresponsible father. There was still so much that he didn’t know, but even after observing him with Aiko-chan for that last couple of minutes, he could easily tell that he cared about her more than anything in the world. He didn’t think that such a strong devotion or love could be faked so easily.

With Aiko-chan sitting over his shoulders, they continued to watch the fish that were located in that specific section. From jellyfish to tropical fish, they went to each window until they reached the last one. However, before they decided to move on to the next exhibit, Oikawa placed Aiko-chan back down on the floor and told her to give the area one last look before they moved on. She happily nodded and went back to see the small translucent jellyfish she had become so fond of earlier.

Tadashi saw her skipping away, but became incredibly agitated when he realized Oikawa was coming in his direction. He sat down next to him and Tadashi had to scoot to the side as much as he could. He didn’t know why, but he still felt awfully awkward around him. Even though they had agreed to meet up in the aquarium, he tried to avoid him as much as possible. Then, the first thing he did was explain that he had come only for Aiko-chan. She was excited to see him at first, but after a while, the fish had captured most of her interest.

He gave Oikawa a quick peek and while he didn’t want to admit it, he was indeed a very beautiful person. His hair was absolutely perfect as well as his face. He was definitely worth admiring and he was almost sure that he wasn’t the only one in the room that had taken notice of his dashing appearance. Then, to make matters worse, he looked good in casual clothing. He hadn’t had a chance to see him that way, but he couldn’t deny that he was pretty impressed. He took a quick glance at his own clothes and sighed quite miserably. Compared to him, he was much more plain. His hair was tied up into a messy bun and he was wearing a pair of jeans he had gotten from the thrift store. His face was probably nowhere near as attractive either. That’s why he didn’t understand. He didn’t get why a person like Oikawa would even bother to hang out with him.

“You know you’re not even looking at the fish and that’s kind of the whole purpose.” He suddenly told him which caused him to jump up. Oikawa gave him an immature pout before his lips curved into a slick smile. “You’ve been looking at me the entire time.”

An unexpected blush formed on his face and he tried to deny it, but he couldn’t since it was partially true. Instead, he slanted his body forward a bit and pretended to ignore his rather unwanted comment. He turned his attention to a group of teenagers coming in, but Oikawa’s presence was too strong for him to overlook. He was so close to him and he wasn’t sure what to even do. “I’ve been meaning to ask you why you invited me here. I mean, I know that Aiko-chan was the one that called me and everything, but you were probably the one that gave her the idea. Didn’t I tell you before that I had plans?”

“I think I’ve told you before that she really appreciates you. You should have heard her the other day when she got home. She told me how she had scraped her knee and how you took care of her. Then, in order to make her feel better, you gave her some of her favorite dessert.” He turned his attention to his daughter, who was secretly trying to imitate a fish without anyone really seeing her. “That was really nice of you. She couldn’t stop talking about you for that whole day. It meant a lot for her and just the same way, it means a lot to me. So, seriously, thanks.”

“Anyone would have done that. It’s nothing special really.” Tadashi felt really embarrassed and he should have known that Aiko-chan was going to tell her dad about such occurences. Now, that he thought about it, he could have seriously gotten in trouble if she had ended up getting sick or if she turned up with some sort of allergic reaction. “Still, shouldn’t you be doing this sort of thing with her mother or something? Why are you bringing me, a complete stranger, instead?”

Oikawa frowned at the mention of Aiko-chan’s mother and Tadashi immediately regretted bringing her up. “I haven’t seen her in years. I haven’t heard from her in years. Honestly, we don’t even need her.”

He couldn’t believe it and while he tried to hide his own surprise, he couldn’t prevent a gasp from escaping his lips. It was surprising enough to see Oikawa as a dad, but it was more astonishing to consider that he was raising her on his own. He didn’t want to, but his impression of Oikawa was starting to turn into a better one. Then again, there was no reason to tell him all that and yet, he was giving him so much insight into his life.

“Isn’t it kind of obvious why I invited you along, though?” He got closer and he purposely extended his hand over the top of the bench. Adding to his own grief, Tadashi could feel the space between them getting smaller. He tried not to panic, but he couldn’t stop his hands from shaking or his heart from racing. “Whether you believe it or not, I do kind of like you.”

Tadashi was ready to get up when Aiko-chan came in their direction or more specifically, she went toward him. Oikawa leaned back again much to his relief. However, he didn’t think his embarrassment would vanish anytime soon. He decided to focus on Aiko-chan who was happily talking about the floating jellyfish with a smile. “They look really squishy. I kind of want to take one home! What’s been your been favorite so far, Yamaguchi-sensei?”

“The sharks probably.” He told her much to rapidly since it was the first thing that came to his head. He tried to keep up with her surprisingly vivid conversation, but he could feel Oikawa’s intense gaze on him. It made him feel terribly uncomfortable and he wanted to tell him to stop.

“Maybe we can go to the gift shop after and buy something?” She tugged on her dad’s shirt and of course, he thought that was a great idea. There’s was still so much to see. The aquarium was a really big place and they hadn’t even seen half of it in that lone hour. Still, he didn’t know how much more he could take and he took back everything nice he had thought about Oikawa before. If he really did like him, then he was almost sure that there was something terribly wrong with his eyes.

Then again, he was probably just messing with him.

* * *

  _Hey, Tsukki,_

_Are things going well in your new career? You're not overworking yourself too much? I'm not exactly sure what your specific occupation is now, but I wish you success in everything you do. It's the only thing I can hope for._

_Remember when I mentioned Oikawa Tooru? Well, things haven't exactly gone too smooth for me because of him. He took my number somehow the other day and now, he won't leave me alone. Just today he's texted and called me like a million times. I don't understand what his motives are. He's strangely persistent that it's starting to annoy me. I don't even answer his phone calls or texts sometimes, but he still sends them anyways. I don't get what he achieves from all this._

_I guess the thing is that I haven't gotten over you. I know it's been a long time since I last saw you, but I still think about you every single day. The events that led up to our breakup still play inside my head nonstop. I can't help it and even right now I don't want to imagine giving up on you for good. At this point, though, you've probably found someone better than me. You've probably found that special person you want to be with for the rest of your life and it's okay. While it breaks my heart in half to realize that I will eventually get left behind with these feelings, I want nothing more than your happiness._

_I'm sorry for everything, but please never forget, that during all these years, I seriously did love you. I still do and I always will._

_Regards, Yamaguchi_

_Saved As Draft_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thanks for reading and I apologize for all my mistakes. I seriously need to stop updating at four in the morning.


	9. Chapter 9

“Oikawa-san, why don’t we go eat somewhere?” His secretary had come inside his office once again without even bothering to knock. It had already become a habit, so there was no reason to correct her for it. Still, she managed to startle him enough, causing him to jump up in his chair a little. She stood in front him with her purse over her shoulder while carrying some folders that contained a mess of papers. For some reason, she looked excited as she patiently waited for a response to her question. Tooru looked at her, but he couldn’t find her appealing anymore. Then again, he had found someone better.

With a yawn, Tooru ignored the woman and stood up to leave. Aiko-chan’s babysitter was suppose to leave at ten and he didn’t want to call Iwa-chan to sub in since he would never hear the end of it. He grabbed his coat and headed toward the door, leaving a stack of documents he still needed to look over for tomorrow. Honestly, he wasn’t in the mood to do anything, but his secretary thought otherwise. She followed him as he stepped out the office and headed down the elevator with him.

He had probably given her the wrong idea since she started talking about all the possible restuarants they could go to. She named them all, one by one, but Tooru wasn’t listening and he wondered when she was going to realize it.

Pulling out his cellphone from his pocket, Tooru checked his inbox and his voicemail, but there was nothing. Again, Yamaguchi hadn’t bothered to respond to any of his messages and again, all his calls from before had been ignored. It was disappointing, but at the same time incredibly amusing. He was just so stubborn and he couldn’t help but feel interest. He seriously wanted to get to know him better, but how could he when he couldn’t even approach him? It was definitely a challenge he wanted to take upon.  

They reached the bottom floor and exited out of the empty lobby into the parking lots. He walked toward his car and when his secretary tried to grab his arm, he intentionally shoved it away. Shocked by his reaction, she asked him what was wrong, jumping to the conclusion that he was angry with her about something. “Is it because I was talking to one of your assistants the other day? I can assure you that nothing is going on between us. We’re just friends. He was trying to help me out with something and I guess he might have gotten too close. I told him to back off immediately. You can believe me, Oikawa-san. I’ve told you before, but I’ll tell you again. You’re the only one for me.”

“Sadly, I don’t feel the same about you, Mari-chan.” He told her with a smile, breaking her spirit in an instance. She stared at him with disbelief. Annoyed, Tooru sighed and calmed himself before he ended up laughing in her face out of spite. “You’re fun to hang around with, but that’s it. I’m sorry if you misunderstood whatever it was that was going on between us. If that’s what you really feel, then it’s better if we end this or else you’ll just become a burden.”

“Then, what you’re saying is that this entire time you were just messing around? You weren’t taking my affections seriously? Did I only serve you as a distraction?” She wasn’t on the verge of tears. Instead, she was furious beyond comparision. Tooru yawned again, pretending that her words were meaningless to him. “I can’t believe you! I thought you had actually given our relationship some thought, but of course, it seemed that I was wrong! But, you know what?! I don’t care! You’re the worst person alive and with the way you are, you’re never going to find someone better! I was actually willing to become a mother for your daughter, but thanks for saving me from that trouble! I didn’t want to take care of your stupid kid anyways!”

Tooru nodded and acted like he understood her completely. However, he was already getting a little impatient himself. “Well, it’s been a long day and I’m pretty tired. Thanks again for inviting me for dinner, but as you can see, I have no intention of going out with you. I didn’t think you were so stupid to not notice. It was nice knowing you, Mari-chan and as of tomorrow, you will no longer work for me, so try finding another department to transfer too. Or, wait? You know what would be better? If you quit completely from the company. That way I won’t have to see your ugly face every single day. What do you say?”

She wasn’t looking at him, but he approached her anyways. In a threatening manner, Tooru leaned low enough so he could quietly whisper something inside her ear. “And just to let you know, you would make a shitty mother for daughter.”

Tooru left her there without saying another word. He had seriously pissed her off, but honestly, he didn’t care. It wasn’t the first time he had experienced a scenario like that. In fact, he’s was kind of used to it. The people he would date around always thought the same way when he would make clear the sort of relationship he was looking for from the very beginning; one that was detached with no further sentiments beside simple attraction. For some reason, they would misinterpret everything.

When he finally got home, after a long and boring car ride, he found his daughter still awake. She quickly ran toward him and greeted him with a smile. Her babysitter left immediately after that, saying that she was already running late for her next appointment. With Aiko-chan in his arms, they both waved goodbye to the elder woman who happily, but in a hurry, waved back. She stepped out of the apartment, leaving the two of them alone for the rest of the night. Aiko-chan wrapped her arms around his neck before a delighted giggle escaped her lips. Tooru looked at her curiously and noticed that she was unusually cheerful.

Loosing up his tie a bit, Tooru placed Aiko-chan back on the floor and made his way to the sofa. He sat down over it and stretched out his hands. Now that he was home, the weight of the day was starting to hit him. If he tried, he could probably fall asleep right then and there. He yawned for the millionth time that evening, but just as he was about to close his eyes, he felt something heavy fall on top him. Aiko-chan clasped her hands around his face to snap him back awake. Surprisingly, it sort of worked.

She jumped up and down, not showing any signs of drowsiness despite the late hour. Playing around, Tooru tried to get her to sit still, but she just wouldn’t settle down. He wondered what was up. That’s when he noticed a small little bandage over her knee.

“Aiko-chan!” He suddenly exclaimed which was able to catch some of her distracted attention. “What happened to your knee? Are you okay? When did you get hurt? Where?”

His worry wasn’t responded to the way he would have liked. Aiko-chan even continued to giggle around much to his own confusion. “Daddy, you won’t believe what happened in school today! We were out in the playground and I ended up scratching my knee!”

"But, Aiko-chan, that’s not something you should be happy about! You could have seriously have gotten hurt! You need to be more careful! Here, let me take a look at it! Maybe it wasn’t properly disinfected! What if you get sick?!” Tooru paced around the room, not sure if he should set up an appointment with her doctor. After all, it was always better to be safe than sorry. “Did you bleed? Does it still hurt? I know. Let’s change the bandage for the meantime. I think we have some in the bathroom.”

Tooru didn’t get a chance to step away because Aiko-chan's small hand grabbed his sleeve. She looked up at him with the smile still as bright as ever. She pulled him back to the sofa and sat him down, successfully getting him to calm down only a little.

“It’s okay. It doesn’t hurt anymore. See? Everything is okay. I did want to cry since it did hurt a little bit. I was bleeding too.” He opened his mouth to say something, but Aiko-chan beat him too it. “Yamaguchi-sensei made me feel all better! He said a whole bunch of nice stuff and he put this bandage on me! He even gave me a cup of pudding! It was so good! I really loved it! It was better than the ones you buy for me at the store!”

Everything made sense and even now, he couldn’t stop smiling himself. He probably didn’t mean to do it intentionally, but Yamaguchi was seriously winning some points with his daughter. Aiko-chan already liked him so much and similarly, he kind of did too. He was different from the type of people he typically dated and he wondered if that was the reason why he was so interested in him. Aside from the fact that he remembered him from high school, he doubted their meeting was more than just a mere coincidence. Maybe it had something to do with fate.

“Oh, that was nice of him, huh? What else did he say?” Tooru asked her, hoping the conversation went on a bit further and of course, Aiko-chan’s next words didn’t disappoint in the slightest.

“We talked about you too! I asked him if you two were friends.” She placed her small fingers over her lips, trying to remember the words her beloved teacher had spoken. It was really weird because as she thought about it his heart pulse slightly elevated with anticipation. “Oh, yeah! He said that he played against you in a volleyball match, I think! He said that you were one of the best players!”

He stood up from the sofa, surprising his small daughter so suddenly. Like his daughter, he was suddenly filled with a rush of excitement. He had been asking out Yamaguchi over and over. He had told him more than once to leave the weekend open and he hoped he had listened to him. He had no intention of taking him out as a potential lover, but he simply wanted to enjoy his company with his daughter. In such a short amount of time, they both had become so fond of him that he didn’t see anything wrong with bringing him along to their already planned out trip. He had already told her before that he wanted to bring Yamaguchi as well and she wasn’t opposed to the idea at all. In fact, she seemed more eager to go with him too.

“Well, then, Aiko-chan! It’s been decided! Yama-sensei is coming with us to the aquarium on Sunday!” Contrary to what he wanted believed, there were no ill intentions. He just wanted to get to him a little better especially after what Aiko-chan had said. “But, let’s let not tell him until then. This is a secret between the both us.”

It was strange. Tooru hadn’t felt such sincere feelings toward anyone in a while.

* * *

_He had been forgiven, but Iwaizumi hadn’t talked to him since their fight. In fact, it almost seemed like he was starting to avoid him. He couldn’t blame him especially if he considered the way he had acted recently. He didn’t deserve to have such a great guy and yet, he was still allowed to remain by his side. After everything that had happened between them, Tooru felt awful for it, so while Iwa-chan avoided him for a while, he made no effort to talk to him either. He thought it was best to give him some space for himself and decide whether or not he still wanted to stay with him._

_It broke him apart to realize the kind of situation their relationship of many years was in, but he had brought it upon himself._

_Still, he was getting impatient and found it difficult to stay away. With a long sigh, Tooru looked toward the gymnasium once again and wondered when their match was going to be over. He had been there for a long time, but he couldn’t get himself to actually go inside. It would be too awkward to see the his old teammates he didn’t bother to keep in touch anymore. He didn’t want them to feel sorry for him because of his injury and in order to save himself from that humiliation, he decided to just keep his distance. Even though a majority of them had already graduated, there were a few members that had witnessed the moment he collapsed on the court._

_Tooru checked the time on his phone, but he somehow ended up in his empty inbox. He pulled up Iwa-chan’s name and thought about texting him. He wanted to surprise him with the notion that he was waiting for him outside, but he had no idea if he even wanted to see him. Instead, Tooru placed his phone back inside his pocket and decided to wait for a couple of more minutes. He didn’t know how Iwa-chan would react if he told him that he was around there. He would probably exit through the back door as a way to ditch him. It was just best to surprise him._

_He sat down in a nearby bench and waited for him. While he didn’t know the score, he was almost sure that their university was winning. Overall, and even without him, they were a pretty good team. That was part of the reason why he had come to the school in the first place. Of course, none of it mattered to him anymore, but deep down he felt happy for their success. He just wished he could be part of it once again. It infuriated him to think that he was getting left behind so quickly by everyone; by Iwa-chan, by Kageyama, by Ushijima._

_With a horrible ache in his chest, Tooru leaned his head down as frustration began to consume him once again. He just couldn’t stand it, but he could only cringe with envy. He wanted to be in the court. He still wanted to play. He wanted to hold a volleyball with in his hands and serve against his opponents, but that now was an impossible feat. While he continued seeing his therapist ever so often, they had assured him that his knee would never completely heal. It didn’t matter what he did. It would always remain the same._

_“What are you doing here?” He suddenly looked up to find Iwa-chan standing in front of him with a shocked expression written all over his face. He couldn’t believe he was actually there and honestly, Tooru couldn’t either. He didn’t remember what had possessed him to come meet him. His heart was racing rapidly since it was the first time in a while that Iwa-chan was looking at him straight in the eyes again. Then, what was even better, was the fact that he wasn’t turning away. “I didn’t ask you to come. You should have just stayed home.”_

_Tooru grabbed his arm, but just like the countless times before, it was pushed away. It was obvious that Iwa-chan was still angry at him. In fact, he was almost sure that a part of him had gotten to hate him._

_His attitude was the same everywhere. In their apartment, they would usually eat breakfast together whenever they could, but now, Iwa-chan would leave to school without even waiting for him. Whenever he would try to approach him, he would just be ignored or shoved off. It was frustrating and the whole situation was driving him crazy. He had been forgiven, but it certainly didn’t seem like it. In fact, he didn’t even understand why Iwa-chan was still with him if he was going to treat him that way._

_How could he complain, though? He didn’t have any right to that anymore and even though he didn’t want to admit it, Tooru had a vague idea as to why he hadn’t been abandoned yet. Iwa-chan probably didn’t want to leave him alone in his current state. He was already going through some critical times and he probably figured that breaking up would leave him off worse. Naturally, it wasn’t wrong at all, but no matter what happened, he would hate himself for everything regardless._

_“I wanted to see your game, but I couldn’t get myself to step inside. I was going to tell you I was here, but I couldn’t get myself to do that either. I wanted to see you. That’s why I came. I’m sorry, Iwa-chan.” He told him after a long pause, but Iwa-chan wasn’t even looking at him. However, he appeared to be just as hurt as he was._

_They didn’t say anything else and started walking home with that awkward atmosphere looming over them, side by side. It wasn’t far from there, but their steps were small and they didn’t seem to be advancing. Nevertheless, Iwa-chan stopped when they passed by the local playground. He turned to look at the playing children some who were happily running around without a care in the world._

_“I remember when we used to play like that back then. You were always falling down from stuff and I was the one that would carry you home, crying and bleeding. I tried to take care of you the best that I could. Even after we stopped being kids, I watched over you and I’m sure you're well aware of that.”_

_Hajime proceeded on, but his eyes remained on the children who were now bouncing a ball around. “It was hard, believe me and for some reason, you just seemed so fragile in my eyes. Like one wrong move would cause you to break and of course, I was right. You couldn’t stand the idea of being weak and you suffered from it.”_

_The sun was slowly starting to set, making the gentle breeze chillier from before. People were on their way home to see their family that they loved so much. Teenagers hung around in groups, waiting for the night to befall for fun and action. Businesses were wrapping up another day of hard work. Everyone was going on with their lives as it should be, but in that moment, time felt still for Tooru. His eyes were focused on the person before him as he suddenly came to understand what had been puzzling him for months._

_“You were constantly overworking yourself and it went that way even into high school. I remember scolding you for it so many times. Just thinking about it still makes me furious. You were so stubborn and you still kind of are.” His tone of voice got higher which was reliving and frightening at the same time. “Despite your thick head, I watched over you and made sure you didn’t do anything stupid. As long as I was near you, I thought things would work out somehow. But, I was wrong._

_“We were both aware of your injury, but I didn’t do anything to stop that from happening. We both secretly knew that it was getting worse, but I didn’t try enough to stop you. I should have forced you to quit when I could, but I didn’t. I let you keep playing because I knew how much you loved volleyball. I knew how much it meant to you. How could I tell you to quit something that you love without getting hated for it?_

_"Still, even then, I thought as long as I watched over you, then everything would be fine. As long as you didn’t you didn’t overwork yourself, then nothing bad would happen. I was so positive that everything was going to be alright, but I couldn't have been more wrong._

_"It's not entirely your fault." Hajime discreetly grabbed his hand and placed his focus on the ground. "I couldn't see what was happening or more like I refused to. I underestimated the circumstances and because of that, you ended up injured. If there's anyone that's to blame, then it's me._

_"I'm sorry."_

* * *

After their trip around the aquarium, they stopped by the gift shop where Aiko-chan was fascinated by absolutely everything. She wanted stuffed animals, keychains, cute little fluffy pens, shirts, figures, and probably anything with pretty colors in them. She couldn’t decide what she wanted, so he spent the entire time following her around with suggestions. Yamaguchi wandered off on his own, admiring the shop that was nicely decorated. Tooru watched him from afar and wondered what kind of souvenirs he would end up choosing. Still, when Yamaguchi made his way toward the register with something in hand, Aiko-chan dragged him to the far side of the store and prevented him from seeing.

When they finally came out of the shop, they both found Yamaguchi waiting for them by the exit. Unlike him, he was only carrying a small bag that could easily fit in the palm in his hand. Aiko-chan headed towards him with a smile before she started showing him all the things he had gotten for her. Their spending had definitely caused a hole in his wallet, but he simply couldn’t help himself. His mother had told him on occasions that he spoiled her too much sometimes. However, he didn’t think so at all. He wasn’t the ideal kind of parent, so he had to pay her back for putting up with all his trouble. It was the least he could do.

“Well, thank you for inviting me. I really enjoyed myself.” Yamaguchi told them suddenly even though he looked a bit indecisive. He opened his mouth again to say something, but hesitated. He looked at the bag in his hand, took a deep breath, and kneeled down in front of Aiko-chan. For some reason, he seemed embarrassed and he constantly kept looking at him. “Thank you, Aiko-chan, for bringing me along. I hadn’t been to an aquarium in a long time.”

“Yeah, we should come again! Or maybe, next time, we can go to the zoo! I would love to see a real life bear!” She paused and looked at the stuffed shark she held with her small hands. “I have lots of bears at home. Lots and lots, but I would love to see a live one too. You should come if we go.”

Yamaguchi didn’t say anything and instead looked away with a simple but unmotivated nod. Tooru knew he hadn’t enjoyed himself which was probably his fault. He just seemed to make him uncomfortable everytime he tried to approach him. Whether he had something serious to say or not, Yamaguchi didn’t trust him in the least.

Then, for some reason, he seemed just as distracted as he was most of the time. While he didn’t notice, Tooru would sometimes catch a quick glimpse of him when they were walking around the aquarium. A majority of time, as he slacked behind, he appeared to be lost in his own world. Then, every so often, he would see his eyes flickering with utter sadness.

Clearing his throat, Yamaguchi extended the bag he had gotten from the gift shop toward his daughter. She stared at him with confusion before she took it from him. “Anyways, I know your dad bought you lots of neat stuff, but I wanted to get you something too as a way of saying thanks, I suppose. It’s not much and it’s not really that fancy, but I hope you like it anyways?”

“It’s for me?” If their was one thing that Aiko-chan loved more than pudding, then it was surprise presents. Upon this realization, Aiko-chan looked inside the bag before she pulled out a small ocean snow globe with tiny jellyfishes positioned in the middle. They weren’t made to be realistic, but they were incredibly cute in Aiko-chan’s eyes. She shook the globe and watched the small white specks float around with fascination. Unexpectedly, she embraced her teacher with all her might, shocking him and causing him to tip back. “Thank you very much, Yamaguchi-sensei! It’s very pretty! I’m going to put it next to my bed.”

“You’re welcome.” Seeing Yamaguchi's smile was a great thing to witness and he envied Aiko-chan for getting the chance to be so close to him. Honestly, he kind of wanted to hug him as well. He was too nice for his own good, but what captivated him the most was the fact that Yamaguchi didn’t expect anything in return for his kindness. It was already more than obvious that he wasn’t interested in him and yet, that didn’t stop him from forming a bond with his daughter. He talked to her because he truly wanted to and not just as an excuse to get close to him. He wasn’t like Mari-chan who thought that becoming a mother was the ultimate sacrifice just to get him.

He stood up and shook some dust off his pants. Tooru watched him, but didn’t say a word as the scene continued to unfold. It was strange, that feeling of sincerity and peace that he hadn’t felt in a long time. Constantly, as he looked at him, he had to keep reminding himself that it wasn’t Iwa-chan. That small glimmer of promise wasn’t coming from his former friend.

Aiko-chan’s expressions changed rapidly after that as she held the small precious snow globe in one of her hands. After giving it one last glance, she snapped her eyes shut and held her stuffed shark toward Yamaguchi. Startled, he nervously laughed as he scratched the back of his head. He probably didn’t understand what she was doing, but Tooru could see it so clearly and it seriously warmed his heart.

“Here, this is for you then!” She exclaimed after the freckled man failed to grab it the first time. With that statement, he quickly took it from her. Then, for the first time since their arrival, Yamaguchi truly looked happy. He placed his hand over his face, trying desperately to hide his burning cheeks. “Do you like it? You said your favorite was the shark. I like them too, but it’s okay. It’s better if you keep it, yes?”

“Yes, thank you, Aiko-chan. This is the best thing anyone has ever given me. I’ll treasure it forever.” He could tell that he wasn’t lying as he said this. In fact, Tooru could very easily see him in the future still hanging on to the stuffed shark a small girl had given him one fine afternoon. “Anyways, I have to get going. There are some things I need to get done. I’ll see you tomorrow, Aiko-chan.”

Tooru, with great efforts, had managed to get him to accompany them. Now, that he was finally there, he wasn’t planning on letting go that easily. A devilish smirk appeared on his face and Yamaguchi caught sight of it just as he was about to leave. Tooru grabbed his arm, leaving the man solid firm in his place. His entire body stiffen upon the touch of his hand, a reaction he found much to pleasing.

“You can’t leave just like that, Yama-chan. It’s not even three yet. Let’s get some lunch together. I’m sure Aiko-chan would love that.”

He wasn’t Iwaizumi. That was more than clear, but the light of happiness that surrounded him in that moment confused him. There was so much of it that he didn’t know what to do with himself. Was he even allowed? After everything he had done, was it really okay for him to start over?

Maybe a chance to escape the past had finally arrived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oiyama week is over and I seriously wanted to update this before that happened. I wasn't able to contribute as much as I would have liked which is really disappointing. Well, that's that I guess. Anyways, thank you very much reading! I really appreciate the comments and everything else! Again, I apologize for my mistakes!


	10. Chapter 10

_Everything seemed perfect, but once again, he headed toward his kitchen and opened his fridge. He had bought all the food and drinks they would need ahead of time, so he couldn’t wait until he arrived  He hadn’t seen him in a while and for a change, Kei was going to be the one coming over. He managed to make time out of his busy schedule to visit which was a gesture that Tadashi still couldn’t comprehend. It was so unlike him to go out of his way. Then, it was New Year’s Eve. He could only imagine how crowded and congested the streets would be._

_He offered to pick him up from the station, but Kei quickly refused the suggestion. He didn’t know when he would arrive and he didn’t want him waiting in the station for an endless amount of time. Tadashi understood his reasoning, but he honestly wouldn’t have minded at all. In the end, Kei said he would take a taxi from there and call him when he was on his way._

_With a sigh, Tadashi gave the cake he had a made a quick peek, wanting to take a bite to see if it tasted alright. It had taken him so long to bake that at one point he even came close to giving up. In the end, after many attempts, it turned out to be pretty decent looking._

_Of course, it was in no way perfect and a side of if was even badly burnt. Then, to make things even more stressing. he became impatient and started putting on the frosting before the cake completely cooled off. As a result, a part of it started to crumble. He managed to hide it by putting an extra lump of frosting over it. Aside from the that, the small slices of strawberries he had successfully cut adorned the cake quite nicely.  Before dessert however, he had ordered some takeout food that he could easily just heat up at anytime._

_He looked around the room and made sure that the entire place was spotless clean. He had taken the day before off for that sole purpose. He adjusted the curtains, opening them slightly so he could see the white snow falling. Then, he looked at the picture frame that was standing over his bookshelf, a memory of the last New Year’s Eve they were able to spend together.  Tadashi smiled to himself as an overwhelming happiness developed inside his chest. He could only wonder what kind of memories they would make this time around._

_Checking the time, he was happy to realize that Kei would be calling him in any moment. Tadashi quickly checked himself in the bathroom one last time, fixing his hair that he starting to grow out a bit more. His clothes weren’t extraordinary, but it was already late in the evening and he found no need to be extravagant. It was just going to be him and the person he loved the most._

_His mind was starting to drift away when his phone finally started ringing. He quickly grabbed it and answered it to hear Kei’s soft voice._

* * *

The car ride was incredibly awkward and Tadashi didn’t know what else to do to distract himself. Oikawa had treated him to lunch, but he was thankful that Aiko-chan was able to steal most her father’s attention away from him. For the most part, he just sat silently across of them and watched as they continuously bickered over their preferred food choices. The restaurant they had stopped by was small, so their conversations sounded incredibly loud. Tadashi was incredibly embarrassed at first since he didn’t really seem to fit into the picture. However, he quickly got over it.

For some reason, he was fond of the relationship between Aiko-chan and Oikawa. He would occasionally find himself smiling whenever he looked at them. Tadashi had considered it before, but he seemed to establish the fact that Oikawa was the best dad Aiko-chan could ever ask for every single time. She was surely a lucky girl to have such a caring father looking after her. Still, there were moments when he could barely differentiate between them. Oikawa was just so incredibly childish that it was almost laughable.  

Lunch, overall, was quite pleasant if he just ignored the constant and serious stares he would receive from Aobajousai’s past setter. Since the beginning, Tadashi had tried to keep all interactions with him to a minimum, but now that they were all sitting so close, he found it hard to avoid. Even as he was eating, he could feel Oikawa’s eyes glued to him. It made him feel extremely uncomfortable to the point where he even had to excuse himself and step into the restroom.  

He was probably expecting something from him especially after the informal confession he had received back in the aquarium. Still, what was he even suppose to say?

Once in the restroom, he spent much his time in front of the mirror. He looked at his face as he pushed a few strands of hair away from his eyes. There wasn’t much to look at, so he didn’t understand why Oikawa seemed to pay so much attention to his freckled face. He was probably, at most, average. He was nothing compared to his great looks. With a sigh, Tadashi figured he was being messed around with for amusement.

When he returned, he wasn’t surprised to see that they had already ordered dessert. Even though he was itching to go home already, he stayed with them and ate the pastry that Aiko-chan had respectively chosen for him. He couldn’t say no to her and Oikawa was probably well aware of that.

He tried to leave right after, but none of his excuses were convincing enough. Instead, they dragged him to the park where Aiko-chan could release her stored up energy. She was extremely excited about it which was rather odd. She was never usually that happy when he released the class outside to play. In fact, he had already noticed that she typically remained near the swings where she could successfully stay in her own small world and avoid unnecessary conflicts with her rowdy classmates.

She ran about, blowing bubbles from a small fish-like container Oikawa had gotten for her in the gift shop. Then, she would stand back and watch as they slowly floated away with the cool breeze. In one occasion, she tried to make a bigger one and failed. She continue to try several times, but eventually gave up and came to ask them, or more specifically, she came to ask him for some help. She took off the string that held the container around her neck and handed the bottle toward him. Sadly, though, he wasn’t really great at blowing bubbles either.

Aiko-chan moved on to a different activity instead and went to the playground where only a couple of kids were roaming about. Meanwhile, he and Oikawa stood on the side, leaning against the wooden rail that surrounded most of the area. They watched over Aiko-chan like two over protective and doting parents. However, anyone else would probably wonder what two grown men were doing there. He would notice some worried mothers giving them strange looks, but it was nothing compared to Oikawa’s intense gazes.

“It’s such a nice day!” He suddenly startled him, causing him to move away ever so slightly. For some reason, his heart would race whenever he heard him speak. That’s how nervous he started to become around him. “Instead of eating in, we should have planned a picnic or something. Aiko-chan would have loved it.”

Tadashi was certain Aiko-chan would have enjoyed sharing a picnic, but he wasn’t too enthusiastic about the idea. It was just too weird to think about. Still, he managed to smile at the suggestion.

Adding to his grief, Oikawa had offered to give him a ride home. He immediately refused and told him that he rather take the subway, but it seemed he never listened to anything he had to say. Tadashi was forced to accept and now, the next couple of minutes were probably the worst. Aiko-chan, tired after a long day, had fallen asleep in her seat and her head was even slightly tilted to the side. She didn’t look very comfortable, but her exhaustion was probably overwhelming enough. It was incredible since just moments ago she seemed to be talking quite excitedly about the fantastic time she had with them. Now that she had gone silent, the car was surrounded with a stiff atmosphere.

Tadashi didn’t know what to say and he hated that Oikawa was letting him squirm in his own embarrassment on purpose. He decided to look out the window and of course, that didn’t seem to make time go any faster. He looked through his phone as well, but there wasn’t anything sufficient enough to entertain him there either. His mind was about to shift to Kei when Oikawa finally decided to break the silence between them.

“I know you didn’t want to, but thanks for coming along with us anyways. She had a great time and I’m thankful for it.” Again, for some apparent reason, his voice sent his heart racing like crazy. Then again, just being around such a beautiful person would make anyone with common sense a bit nervous.  “We should hang out again and maybe, if there’s a chance, it should be just the two of us.”

“Ah, y-you know, it’s f-fine.” Tadashi stuttered while he reached to grab his bag that was located near his feet. “You can drop me off right here. My apartment isn’t that far from here and I honestly wouldn’t mind walking home from here. It’s actually pretty convenient since I wanted to stop by the library as well? Anyways, thank you very much for giving me a ride, but I’ll handle it from here.”

“Well, if your complex is as close as you say, then what’s the point of getting off now?” Oikawa didn’t stop the car and continued down the street where they had accidently met that rainy night. Still, in that moment, he never would have thought that their brief interaction would turn into something that he was desperate to avoid. He just wasn’t interested in forming any sort of relationship with him or with anyone. Ever since his breakup with Kei, he prefered to be on his own.

“Geez, Yama-chan, relax. It’s not like I’m going to attack you or at least not yet anyways.”

Tadashi’s face flushed red and his shoulders weakly sank back against the car seat in utter defeat. After giving him specific instructions, they eventually made it his apartment much to his relief. He couldn’t wait to isolate himself in his room with his own thoughts and away from Oikawa. He was a tiring person to be around especially since he’s doing everything possible to get his attention. When he finally thought that he was free, Aiko-chan woke up after feeling the car stop. She rubbed her small eyes and declared that she needed to use the bathroom. Oikawa didn’t waste the opportunity to barge into his home with Aiko-chan’s urgencies as an excuse.

When they stepped inside his apartment, he quickly directed Aiko-chan to the bathroom. He turned back to find Oikawa exploring his living room with a dissatisfied look in his face. Tadashi rolled his eyes and placed his bag over the table. He didn’t care about his opinion and yet, he secretly wished he had cleaned up a little better in the morning before leaving.

After his visit from Yachi, he didn’t really get a chance to do anything and he didn’t even get around to eating his breakfast. The announcement of her wedding had shaken him completely. Even though it was a few months away, Tadashi was already debating whether he should go or not. All of his high school friends were going to be there, but that wasn’t what worried him. There was a chance that Kei would be around and he wasn’t sure if he was entirely prepared to see him. He wanted to, but he was afraid he'd burst from the many swirling emotions he carried within.

“Isn’t this place a bit small?” Oikawa asked him completely unimpressed as he continued to look around. He decided to ignore the question since it had been obvious to him since the beginning that their financial status were completely different. He always thought his apartment was of a decent size, so he couldn’t even imagine how grand Oikawa’s place probably was. Just how perfect was he? “I don’t know, but I think you can do better than this. The entire place seems pretty run down.”

“I think it’s just fine and I’m happy living here.” Tadashi’s eyebrow twitched since his comments were kind of starting to offend him. He really did speak his mind and he was seriously starting to annoy him. Still, even then, his heart felt like it was going to pound right out of his chest. “It might not be good enough for you, but it’s enough for me.”

“Well, the good thing is that I know where you live now.” That’s what he had been afraid of most of all and it was part of the reason why he wanted to take the subway home in the first place. “I can visit you whenever I like.”

“No, you can’t.” He quickly interrupted him which Oikawa found quite amusing. He silently laughed at his reaction, walking over to the bookshelf he had leaning against the wall. Tadashi bit his lip and looked down the hallway hoping to see Aiko-chan’s cute face appear. He wondered what was taking her so long. He wished she could hurry up a bit since he was getting really fed up with her persistent father. He never really acted that way when she was around. It was an attitude he seemed to seemed to reserve only for him. “I have better things to do than to satisfy your amusement. I would prefer if you never come here again.”

“I don’t think I can stay away though.” He was joking around and even though he was turned away, he could easily picture a devilish smile smudged across his perfect face. He couldn’t believe such phrases were actually capable of escaping his mouth. Then again, considering how easily he said them, he was sure he flirted that way with everyone. “Don’t be so uptight, Yama-chan. Enjoy your youth while you can. Trust me, I’m already close to thirty and I feel like I missed so much in life.”

“If you’re thirty, then you should really start acting your age.” His comment had come out a bit more dry than he had expected, but Oikawa didn’t seem to have caught on. Instead, he laughed as if he had just told him an old classic joke. Tadashi desperately sighed and checked if Aiko-chan was coming. Unfortunately, she still wasn’t finished.

There was a sudden silence from Oikawa and Tadashi quickly shifted his focus to him. He internally panicked when he figured out what he was staring at. His eyes widen at the realization, but he waited for even the smallest reaction. Oikawa picked up the picture frame and showed it to him. The smile on his face had completely disappeared. “Hey, I remember this guy too. He was part of Karasuno, right? I don’t remember his name, but he was that really tall middle blocker. He was pretty good.”

Tadashi clenched his teeth and made his way toward Oikawa. He tried to snatch the picture away from him, but couldn’t since it was lifted out of his reach. He quickly demanded it back. “Yes, he was a part of the team and he was really good in his position. Please, Oikawa-san, just give it back.”

“I see. You seem pretty close here, though. Much closer than any normal teammates would be. Are you guys close friends or something?” His pleads were ignored and Oikawa continued to looked at the picture in his hands.  Tadashi didn’t know if he was messing with him or not, but he was getting tired of it really fast.

At that point, it wasn’t even embarrassment that he was feeling. He just didn’t like talking about Kei or his past with him to anyone. It was painful to remember and to think about. “Of course, it’s not really any of my business, but I am curious.”

“You’re right. It isn’t your business and I don’t see why you would even be interested in the first place. All the same, I have no reason to give you details about my private life when I can do what I please!” His loud voice surprised him which was the perfect chance to take the picture away. He hadn’t felt that angry in a while, but everything he ever held inside was threatening to seep out.

Oikawa said he liked him, but honestly, how could he when he didn’t even know anything about him? He had no idea how many times he cried with that picture in his hands, wishing he could turn back time and fix everything he had destroyed. He didn’t know the endless nights he spent talking to that particular picture or the way he would type emails that he would never send to his former lover. Those behaviors hadn’t faded away completely and he was sure his feelings would remain there with him forever.

“Now, if you don’t mind, I would really appreciate if you would leave.” Tadashi continued and it was in that precise moment that Aiko-chan decided to peek her little head from the hallway. She immediately asked them what was wrong with a worried expression written all over her face.

“Nothing, nothing! Everything is fine! I was just telling Yama-chan here that he has horrible taste for things and he sort of got mad.” Oikawa didn’t seemed to be fazed at all which was incredible from his part. Still, even though he gave his daughter a silly smile, his eyes weren’t smiling in the least. “It’s getting late and you have school tomorrow. If you’re done, then we should really get going...”

Aiko-chan nodded in agreement and went on ahead to the doorway. Oikawa slowly followed behind, but as he walked passed him, he whispered in his ear, quiet enough so his daughter wouldn’t hear, “...since it seems we’re not really wanted here.”

Tadashi watched them leave, but he doesn’t bother to say anything else. The ache in his chest feels worse as he tiredly sits on the chair nearby. He places the picture on the table and pushes it away so that he doesn’t see it. Instead, he grabs the stuffed shark Aiko-chan had given him from the bag. He looks at it before he leans his head over it with complete misery. He was truly an idiot.

Even then, his heart just wouldn’t calm down.

* * *

_“Where are you? Are you almost here?” He asked him, not able to control his own happiness seeping out of his voice. He sat down on the sofa and grabbed the remote to turn on his small television. He needed to distract himself until Kei got there after all and he was already running out of patience. He just couldn’t wait to see him. He couldn’t wait to hold him in his arms once again after such a long time. “The weather seems pretty bad outside, but I don’t think it’s going to get any worse. I checked a while ago and I think it’s going to lightly snow all night.”_

_“Tadashi, there’s something I need to tell you.”_

_His body froze at the sound of his seriousness and he immediately sat up with concern. There was something wrong. That much he could tell. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”_

_Kei remained silent after that and Tadashi couldn’t help but worry. He stood up, waiting for his best friend and boyfriend to say something. “You see, the thing is..I won’t be able to make it after all. Something came up at the last minute. I’m sorry.”_

_“Wait, what do you mean something came up? I don’t understand?” He quickly sprinted toward the door and put on his shoes. He opened his closet before he began to look for his coat. “Tsukki, what’s going on? Do you want me to go meet you? Is there something you need? You’re not sick or anything are you?”_

_“It’s not me. I’m fine. There’s no reason to be worried.”_

_Tadashi stopped just as he was about to turn the door knob. His hands were already shaking even though he still didn’t have a full grasp of the situation. Still, he could only imagine the worst, so he was glad when Kei assured him that he was okay. Then again, he didn’t sound hurt, just anxious or maybe stressed. He headed back to the living room and sat back down on the sofa._

_“Oh, that’s good. I was about to rush to find you. You had me really worried there. So, what’s wrong? Did something come up in school or something? Is it  your family? Was the weather that bad in your area?”_

_“No, not necessarily.”_

_“Then, what is it? Just tell me. I mean, if it was urgent then I’m sure I’ll understand? I was looking forward to spending this day with you, but there are some things that can’t be helped. It’s okay. We can always arrange to meet some other time, right? So, it’s okay. Just tell me what’s going on so-”_

_“It’s Kuroo. He’s going through some things right now. I don’t think I can leave him the way he is. I was going to tell you sooner, but I guess it slipped my mind. I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you.”_

_“Oh.” He wanted to know and now he had gotten his answer. Still, he never thought he would feel so awful about it. Tadashi wanted to understand, but the sadness was too much for him. He couldn’t contain it. “I see. It’s perfectly fine. There’s no reason to explain. If he really needs you that much, then you can go ahead and stay with him. I’m okay with it completely.”_

_“It’s not what you’re thinking. I’m not choosing him over you. I would ne-”_

_“I said it’s fine. Don’t bother.” Tadashi didn’t know what he was saying anymore and he hated himself for it. He knew he was being selfish, but he couldn’t help it. He felt broken for so many reasons. “I’ll see you some other time, I guess.”_

_“I’m sorry, Tadashi. I know I couldn’t make it for Christmas either, but I’ll make room in my schedule to see you.”_

_“You don’t have to apologize so much. It’s not like you.” Tadashi leaned his head over his knees, feeling all the energy he had felt earlier disappear in an instant. However, in that moment, he wanted nothing more than to cry. They were dating. They were going out and yet, they hardly ever saw each other. Sometimes it didn’t even feel like they were in a relationship at all. Talking over the phone, texting or even seeing him across the computer screen was tiring._

_Maybe Kei didn’t love him anymore. Maybe that was the reason why he made such a little effort when it came to their relationship. He wouldn’t hesitate for his family or for school or for Kuroo. However, whenever things came to him, he hesitated. He hesitated to touch him, to kiss him, to talk to him, and possibly to even look at him. They were dating, yes, but it always felt like he came second in his life. Wasn’t it natural for him to feel a little insecure? Was it so wrong for him to crave and desire some time? When were things going to go back to the way they used to be? Probably never._

_He didn’t want to admit it, but their long distance relationship wasn’t working out._

_“I’m the one that should be sorry. I didn’t mean to be so selfish. I should know by now that there are other things and people important to you.” He was already close to tears, but he forced a smile on his face. “It’s just New Year’s Eve. I’m sure there’s many more we can look forward to. I promise, to make a better cake for you next time.”_

_“Tadashi, wait.”_

_“Anyways, Happy New Year.” Tadashi was almost crying by that point and he was sure, Kei could hear him from the other side of the line. He wondered if that was the reason for his pained silence. He wiped them away with his sleeve, but they wouldn’t stop. “I’ll see you around.”_

_He didn’t let Kei say anything else and hung up on him immediately. He buried his face over his knees, covering his head with his shaking arms. He felt so awful for everything and what was worse, he was trying to make Kei feel bad about it. How could he be so pathetic? Anyone looking at him would probably say he deserved it for being so demanding, for being so self centered. His phone rang a few more times, but he didn’t answer it. Instead, he let it buzz until it fell dead silent._

_Maybe Kuroo really did need him and yet, he was there crying like a selfish child. He didn’t get the chance to ask Kei what had happened to him and at the same time, he didn’t want to know. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust him. He wasn’t afraid of being cheated on since he knew Kei wasn’t really that sort of person to begin with. He was afraid messing up and losing Kei’s love. He was afraid of being left behind. He was afraid that Kei would find a better person than him. He was terrified that Kei would start looking for his happiness elsewhere. There just so many insecurities that always pulled him down._

_“I love you, Tsukki.” He quietly said to himself within the coldness of the room with the snow still quietly falling outside. “I’m sorry for being this way.”_

_He had no idea that they would never be spending another New Year’s Eve together. It didn’t even cross his mind that the previous year was their last._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to wait until my wave of exams were over to update, but I couldn't help myself. Now that I know what's going to happen (I think?), I really want this story to progress. So, thank you very much for reading and I apologize for my mistakes!
> 
> This is probably the first time updating at a time that isn't 4 am.


	11. Chapter 11

_Winter, snow, and coldness._

_Long lasting, never ending._

...

It had been too long already and for some apparent reason, he was starting to get a bit worried. He told himself a million of times that he didn’t care, but now that Oikawa had left him alone, he was getting incredibly anxious. Tadashi couldn’t stop thinking about it and replayed the words he had lashed out on him that Sunday. He hadn’t really said anything mean or offensive. There was honestly no reason to feel guilty when he was just defending his privacy from an unwanted invader. Still, he felt terrible and he wanted to apologize to him already.

The whole situation was driving him mad and it was probably because he had to face Aiko-chan everyday. She didn’t make any particular remark and proceeded to act the same as usual. Of course, every now and then, she would give him the sweetest smile that would instantly melt his heart. He would smile back, but it would quickly fade since there were moments when he was tempted to ask her about her father.

He didn’t want to admit it, but he knew very well that he didn’t necessarily hate Oikawa. In fact, from a certain perspective, he even admired him. He was annoying beyond comparison, but again, he wasn’t a terrible person. He hadn’t done anything wrong that day, though his prying was uncalled for and definitely unneeded. He just asked him about Kei and naturally, he sort of snapped. With that sort of reaction, he had probably given Oikawa more ideas about his unnerving past.

Tadashi looked at his phone before he helplessly leaned his head over the table. He was in the teacher's lounge, taking a break, but there was no way he could possibly relax. Instead, he debated over and over whether or not he should call that pestering man. Still, aside from the fact that he had an adorable daughter, he knew very little about Oikawa’s current life. He would hate to call and interrupt him for something that really didn’t have significance. For all he knew, he could be at work or in some important business meeting that he had no awareness over.

Sighing once more, he tilted his head and looked outside the window. What was he suppose to do then? He didn’t understand why he was agonizing over it. Shouldn’t he be relieved instead? Shouldn’t he be overjoyed that Oikawa stopped bothering him around all the time? Instead, he felt a strange uneasiness within in his chest. He didn’t think he would get rid of it until he apologized in some sort of way. Turning his attention back to his phone, he decided to send a text message. Whether it was enough or not, he hoped it would at least make him feel a little bit better.

_I’m sorry about what happened last time. I didn’t mean to kick you out like that I guess. Anyways, thanks for the trip. It was pretty fun._

As soon as he clicked send, Tadashi panicked and felt his embarrassment rush to him all at once. He immediately grabbed his water bottle and gulped some with hopes he would calm down. However, in that same minute, his phone vibrated. He checked it to find Oikawa had already responded back. Startled, he almost started choking and it was by this point that some of the faculty members hanging about were giving strange worried looks. This was definitely not the kind of impression he wanted to give.

_Aww, there’s no need to apologize!! Just let me take you out on a date and I’ll forgive you! ღゝ◡╹)ノ♡_

He should have expected such a reaction and his embarrassment was slowly washed away with subtle irritation. He glared at the message, but at least, for the most part, he felt a bit relieved since his last emotional outburst had caused his breakup with the person he loved the most.

_Nevermind. I take back what I said. Leave me alone and have a nice day._

It was weird. Even though the thought of being around Oikawa made him highly uncomfortable, the smile forming across his face was sincere. He felt happy enough to even laugh. He pushed his phone to the side only briefly while he opened the lunch he had packed for himself. It didn’t look particularly delicious anymore since he had made it half asleep that same morning, but for the first time in a while, he actually felt hungry. Tadashi was about to take a bite when his phone vibrated a couple of more times and again, his heart fluttered. He looked at the series of text messages, not sure what was going through that man’s head.

_Don’t be so mean, Yama-chan! I’m just really really happy that you actually messaged me! ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و_

_I would call you, but I’m kind of busy right now?_

_Don’t worry, though!! I’ll be seeing you around! (ღ˘⌣˘ღ) (｡´∀｀)ﾉ_

He was busy or so he said and yet, he was taking the time to respond to him. Honestly, he would have never done the same thing for him. Tadashi looked at his messages before he looked out the window again, wondering what it was that he was supposed to feel. He was almost sure that Oikawa was just messing around with him, but at the same time, he didn’t even know what to make of all the attention he was being given. He never asked for it. Their meeting had been a plain coincidence and it wasn’t as if it was memorable either. Of course, there were a series of events and emotions that followed after. He was even given the privilege to meet his daughter, who seemed a bit distant at first.

Confusion. That was probably the correct word to describe him in that moment.

“What’s with that smile, Yamaguchi-sensei?” A teacher from his same department asked him as she passed by with a drink in hand. She grinned at him curiously which caused Tadashi to quickly turn away. He knew he was feeling a tint of happiness, but he didn’t think it was that obvious. “Chatting with the girlfriend?”

“No, of course not!”

* * *

_He was dead tired, but he still had an hour or so to go until he was finally done with his shift for the day. The holidays were officially over and everyone, including himself, proceeded on with their busy lives. Even so, he was torn in half with regret and sadness. He wasn’t able to spend the New Year’s with Kei even though he had gone out of his way to prepare everything. A couple of weeks had already passed since then and he still hadn’t found the guts to talk to him. Then, to make things worse, Kei wasn’t trying to reach him either which only made his doubts increase._

_Forcing a smile on his face, Tadashi continued to take orders and compliment customers to the best of his ability. It was still snowing outside, so occasionally, he made that the topic of conversation whenever he was spoken to by the others. No one could tell how broken he was which was a good thing from his part. The last thing he wanted was to weigh people down with his own personal problems. Then, thankfully, it was incredibly busy since the cold weather typically made everyone crave some coffee. It kept his mind occupied and his thoughts away from Kei even if it was for just for a bit._

_After a while, however, the cafe became completely still. The steady inflow of customers stopped, leaving the place staggered with only a few individuals sitting silently in the surrounding tables. He sighed and looked at the time once more. It seemed to go on forever and he wished it could speed up so he could go home already. He didn’t want to be there after all. He wanted to go to home, crawl under his bedsheets, and shut everything out._

_The door chimed and Tadashi immediately perked up at the sound of it. He greeted the incoming person with another fake smile, but the cap they were wearing prevented him from seeing their face clearly. Regardless, Tadashi offered his distinguished service and asked him what he was ordering. The person in front of him stayed silent and that’s when he began to offer a list of suggestions that were pretty popular among most people. He still didn’t receive a response and running out of ideas, he thought about some discounts he could also recommend._

_However, he wasn’t given that chance. The person in front him tilted his cap up a little, pulling off his scarf and unbuttoning his rather thick coat. His face was red, but not as much as his was. Tadashi’s eyes widen and his jaw dropped with complete surprise. Stepping back, he even came close to tripping._

_“T-tsukki? What are you doing here?”He tried not to sound too alarmed since he didn’t want to cause a commotion and he most definitely didn’t want to catch the attention of his superiors. They hated when they mixed their personal affairs with work matters. Tadashi gulped, unsure of what to do. None of it made sense.“Hasn’t the new school term started already?”_

_He was ignored._

_“I waited outside your apartment, but you never arrived so I figured you were here and I was right.” His hands began to tremble and he couldn’t even look at his boyfriend standing before him. The thought of him standing outside in the cold for his sake was incredible enough. Tadashi bit his lip and let him continue since his words were really comforting in that moment._

_“I didn’t tell you ahead of time because I wasn’t expecting to come at all, but I guess, there are some things we need clear up. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. Especially about him.”_

_“Yeah, I suppose.” If he wanted his shift to be over earlier before, then he definitely wanted it to go on forever now. He wasn’t mentally ready or prepared for such an encounter. In fact, Tadashi thought he would be the looking for him in the end and not the other way around. Instead of saying anything, he quietly nodded and turned to look at an empty table that was located near the back. “My shift is over in less than an hour if you want to wait around?”_

_Kei nodded to the suggestion and ordered something while he was at it, but Tadashi couldn’t think clearly after that. There were so many questions running through his mind that he had trouble concentrating on what he was suppose to be doing. Then, every now and then, he could feel Kei looking his way. His gazes made him more nervous. Still, he waited there patiently until he was done with work._

_A few minutes later, they walked out of the shop and Tadashi instantly shivered when a gust of cold wind hit his face. He pulled his coat closer toward his chest, but it wasn’t helping in the least. He quickly looked through his bag to find his scarf, but it wasn’t there. He wasn’t able to find it and figured he had probably left it behind in his workplace. He was about to turn back, but Kei  figured out what he was looking for. He grabbed his hand, stopping him from leaving, and took off his own scarf. He wrapped it around his neck carefully as if he would shatter if he did it any more forcefully. Tadashi said nothing as he watched Kei adjust the scarf over and over._

_It was still snowing and it was much colder than it had been in the afternoon. He could even see his own breath against the air. It was also quiet and the streets were filled with the white soft snow. In any other moment, he probably would have jumped around and joked that they should build a snowman. However, he didn’t have the spirit to do anything really. Things were awfully awkward and it was going to stay that way until they cleared up the misunderstanding that remained between them._

_When he was finished, Kei stepped back and looked at the scarf he placed around him. It was definitely warm, but of course, it wasn’t enough to stop the chilly breeze from seeping in. He wasn’t shivering anymore and it was Kei’s presence that warmed his heart completely. He couldn’t get himself to smile yet, but he was the tiniest bit happy that he was finally there with him. It was better late than never after all._

_“First of all,” He suddenly began after a long while of staring at one another. “I wanted to say that I’m sorry.”_

* * *

Tadashi looked around and let out a content sigh. He was finally done sweeping, leaving his classroom spotlessly clean before he decided to leave for the day. He straightened out some of the books and aligned some of the desks that were slightly crooked. He closed the window blinds and picked up some the crayons the kids had dropped while they were coloring. It wasn’t that his classroom was always needlessly messy, but there were some days were his students would get bit more excited than usual. Then, he had assigned them to bring something from home that they liked, so they could share it in class. Everyone was, surprisingly, thrilled by the idea.

After class, he discreetly walked over to Aiko-chan’s table, where she was patiently waiting for someone to pick her up. He reminded her of the assignment and as a joke, told her that she could bring anything she wanted except her dad. She giggled at his comment and told him that she wanted to bring her collection of seashells she had gotten from her trip to beach last summer. Tadashi thought it was an excellent idea and encouraged her to do so immediately. Still, she looked unease about standing in front of the class to explain her favorite item. He didn’t know why, but he was also nervous for her.

He gave her some advice for it, telling her that it would be alright and to focus on something on the back of the classroom when she stood up to speak. They didn’t get to talk much about it since her babysitter came shortly. He had seen a few times already and she seemed pretty kind. Aiko-chan seemed comfortable around her and as they left, hand in hand, she turned to wave goodbye to him. Tadashi waved back, but he was slightly disappointed that Oikawa didn’t come around this time.

Of course, he quickly shook that feeling away and cursed himself for acting so strange. It was almost as if he had been looking forward to see him. He couldn’t believe it and for the next couple of minutes, he was actually furiously angry at himself for it.

Tadashi began cleaning his classroom since he didn’t really have anything better to do and he remained there until the rest of the kids had securely gone home with their guardians. It was just the same routine as always.

Giving the room some last final touches, he headed toward the board and picked up an eraser. He started to wipe it clean when he heard some noises near the door. He turned around to find the person that he least expected to see. He gasped and stumbled back against one of the desks. In turn, Oikawa laughed as he leaned his body against the doorway. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you!”

“No, that’s not it! What are you doing here?” He asked him, quickly taking off his apron and setting it off to the side. “Aiko-chan already left with her sitter a long time ago. I think she came a few minutes after class was over. If I knew you would be coming for her, I would have told her so.”

“Yeah, I know. I told her to come pick her up. I was going to be late from work anyways.” He told him with a shrug and without a single care in the world. Tadashi quickly fixed up his hair since a few strands had become loose as he had been cleaning. Even so, Oikawa wouldn’t stop looking at him and it was making him overly conscious of his appearance. “I came to get you, not Aiko-chan, just so you know. In case you forgot, you promise to let me take you out on date. Well, at least for some coffee maybe.”

“I never promised anything.” Tadashi quickly said, recalling the messages he had sent him that afternoon. Then again, he probably misinterpreted them on purpose. He continued to wipe the board clean, pretending he wasn’t affected by his presence even though he was. “Anyways, I can’t today, Oikawa-san. I’m busy as you can see. I have to stop by the bookstore after this and get some materials I’ve been meaning to buy for a while.”

“That’s perfect, then. We can get coffee and then stop by the bookstore.” He probably didn’t get that he didn’t want him tagging along. It was a straight up lie after all and not a very original one at that. Tadashi knew it was hopeless to shake him off especially when he was already there. It was definitely frustrating and yet, there was a small smile that kept threatening to come out. “What do you say, Yama-sensei?”

Tadashi thought about it for a while, but he already knew what he was going to say. There was just no use avoiding him now especially when a part of him didn’t even mind anymore. “Fine, whatever. I don’t care.”

There was happiness reflected on Oikawa’s face and Tadashi’s heart skipped a beat at the sight of it. For some reason, it made him think that maybe he wasn’t just messing around with him for fun. Tadashi continue to put away the rest of the stuff that was scattered about, so he let Oikawa wander around the classroom for a bit. He looked around curiously at the things he had posted on the walls and at the drawers that were filled with handmade activities for the kids to enjoy. He looked at the kids’ tables and stopped when he saw Aiko-chan’s seat. As anticipated, he got much too excited.

“This is where she sits, right?! Who sits next to her?! Have they tried talking to her? Has she finally made some friends?” Oikawa asked him a wave of questions and Tadashi didn’t have the capacity to answer them all at once. “Last time I asked her, she said she didn’t have anyone in particular she talked to. Ahhh, it’s so upsetting especially because I know that she really wants to.”

“She’ll get around to it.” Tadashi told him just as he was finishing up. “She already seems more comfortable around most of her classmates. She hasn’t gotten around to making friends yet, but I know she will. She’s getting better at speaking up too. Well, at least, that’s what I’ve noticed so far. I think everything will be fine just as long as we encourage her and support her. That’s probably all she needs.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” He told him, but he could already tell that he was proceeding on to another topic. Oikawa left Aiko-chan’s desk and slowly approached him instead. Tadashi nervously bit his lip, taking a couple steps backward until his back was pressed against the wall behind him. Oikawa hovered over him and he was so close that he could almost swear he could feel his restless breathing. Still, he didn’t do anything and remained there for what seemed to be an eternity. “You’re seriously a great person. I wouldn’t mind falling in love with you at all.”

“Ha, funny joke there.” Tadashi immediately pushed him off. He turned away, not wanting him to notice that he was secretly dying inside.

“But, I’m not joking.”

...

_Winter, snow, and coldness._

_Long lasting, never ending._

_But slowly melting away._

_With the warmth of spring._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seriously appreciate all of the comments (that I tried to reply to just now omg!!). I finally clicked on my "inbox" and I feel so embarrassed and slow for not realizing this sooner. I had read them through emails which brought me endless smiles, but I never thought about hitting reply. I have not been ignoring them I promise and I seriously thank you all for taking the time for it. 
> 
> Then again, there's still many things that I'm trying to figure out from this website. Anyways, like always, thank you for reading and I apologize for my mistakes!


	12. Chapter 12

_"Look, there he is. Did you hear what happened? He hurt himself during the volleyball match and they’re actually saying that he's never going to play again? He got messed up really bad and suddenly collapsed on the court. It was pretty bad, so the coach isn't letting him play obviously. They're hoping for a recovery, but the whole team knows the truth."_

 

He wasn’t paying attention and honestly, he didn’t even care since there were so many other things going through his mind. His assistant went on, talking about finances and proposals that he had no interest in whatsoever. Instead, he found the clicking noises his pen would make much more entertaining.

Tooru sighed again, for the millionth time that same hour, as he placed his head over his hand. He looked at the paperwork scattered all over his desk among other folders and binders. He was suppose to look through them, sign them, and hand them over to his assistant, but he couldn’t find the motivation to do anything. It pissed off his assistant beyond belief which was also quite amusing.

The day so far had been long and boring especially when he was having a hard time refraining himself from calling Yamaguchi. Harder still, he tried to stop thinking about him. It wasn’t that he was totally crazy about him, but the freckled man was appealing and had managed to capture his complete attention in such a short amount time. However, for some reason, it never crossed his mind that he could actually, maybe, be dating someone else at the moment. Tooru groaned at his own thoughts, smacking the pen in his hand on the desk.

Then again, what did it even matter? He wasn’t even serious about him to begin with. He just thought he’d give him a chance since Aiko-chan really seemed to like him or at least, that’s when he wanted to believe. The truth was that Yamaguchi affected him a lot more than he wanted to admit.

“Hey, I have a question for you.” Tooru suddenly said after many minutes of silence and thorough thinking. He sat up straight. For once, his assistant gave him a content look of satisfaction, but it was quickly washed away when he continued talking. “This is just hypothetical, but suppose that there’s a person that you’re interested in. You do everything possible to gain their affection and for some reason it doesn’t really work. You’re very persistent, though, so you keep going after them until you realize that they might actually be together with someone else. Would you just stop and forget about it even though you’re kind of already into it? Would you keep talking to them? Then, you get this feeling that if you keep interacting with this person,  you might actually start liking them seriously, but you’re not sure if that’s suppose to worry you or not?”

“Listen, Oikawa-san.” His assistant was furious and Tooru was doing everything possible to suppress his laughter. His assistant came forward and slammed the pile of papers he had in his hand over his desk. “I’ve been here with you discussing the future of this company and this is what you come up with?! Your love life makes no difference to me and you can share it with whoever you want! Honestly, I don’t care! But, whenever someone is trying to talk to you about something with even the smallest of importance, you should listen! You’ve been spacing out this entire time.”

“Now, now, Nakamura-chan. There’s no need to get mad. I know what’s going on, sort of. Just read and sign, right?” He was completely lying and he made sure his assistant knew this with his bored expression followed by a yawn. It was always the same, though. There was never a day they didn’t argue about something at some point. In fact, it was pretty incredible he had put up with him for so long.

“Oh, speaking of which, how’s the search for that new secretary coming along? Who do you have in mind? I really can’t handle all these phone calls and appointments on my own, you know.”

“Do you think I have enough time for that right now? I can’t believe she requested a transfer now of all times. I can only wonder what the hell you did to her to make her leave like that so suddenly. She can’t even stand to look at you.” He commented, sitting down in one of the seats that he had in front of his desk. He slowly regained his composure as he gathered the papers he had thrown just a minute ago. He fixed and adjusted them back in the same order before he handed them over. “Then again, I can’t really stand to look at you either.”

“You’re just jealous.” He teased him, but his assistant didn’t him find him amusing in the least. Instead, he let out a sarcastic laughter that wasn’t fooling anyone. “You always look so stressed, Nakamura-chan! You need to relax and get rid of those tensed up shoulders. You work too hard and if you keep that up, you’re going to get old quick. Seriously, when was the last time you took a vacation?”

“Well, I have to work double to make up for the stuff that you don’t do!” He yelled back at him again which was quite funny to watch. For some reason, he reminded him a lot of Hajime. Their appearances weren’t anything alike, but their attitudes had more than a couple of similarities. He tried sleeping around with him once, but it never went beyond that. No feelings ever emerged for either of them, so they were successfully able to put those memories behind.

“If I leave for even a week, this entire place is done for and believe me, I am very confident that no one here can take over my job. You’re just a handful to deal with. A complete mess actually.” He stood back up with angry frown and with his hands resting on his hips. “Remember to look through those papers and sign them if you agree with the terms and conditions. I don’t want you to hand me back anything until you fully understand them. We can’t really do business with anyone without your consent, so please take it seriously!”

“Yeah, whatever,” he responded which wasn’t the exact answer he was looking for. Still, he seemed much more calm and didn’t lash out at him like last time.

“And about your problem, if you’re pondering about it to that extent, then doesn’t that mean you already like them far too much? It’s not like you be so attracted to one person specifically. That’s why I think you should continue to talk to them until you sort out what you really want from it I guess. Once you figure that out, then you should decide whether to step down or not.

“I’m terrible at giving advice, so don’t listen to me personally and I don’t get why the heck you’re asking me in the first place. Just do whatever your gut tells you to do. Isn’t that the way you’ve always lived your life?”

Tooru watched his assistant leave his office and was left completely alone in his own swarm of papers with his own mind drifting thoughts. Of course, they were all centered around Yamaguchi. He wondered what he was doing in that moment. Was he thinking about him as well? Did he feel just as confused as he did? Or was he dating that blonde guy from his former team in high school? He had no idea and it was stressing him out. He could just easily ask, but he didn’t know what would happened if it turned out to be true.

He would clearly be disappointed. That was just inevitable.

_"So, now what are you doing with all your free time? You're not going to your volleyball practices anymore because of your fucked up knee, right? Here, I know, why don't you come to our party this weekend. It's going to be great and you might be able to distract your mind a little. You know, pick up a cute girl and flirt around. There's nothing wrong with that."_

 

Then, it happened and he literally almost fell out of his chair when he received a message from Yamaguchi. It didn’t say much and honestly, it wasn’t all that exciting, much too formal for his own liking. Still, in that moment, he was unable to hide his smile. He would have screamed and shown it off to the world if he wasn’t stuck in some stupid meeting that he was being forced to attend.

One of the top executives was giving a presentation about their current sales and their massive distribution of their electronic products when his cellphone suddenly started vibrating. Everyone turned back to stare at him, but that didn’t stop him from checking it out. He always kept his phone with him in case something happened in school with Aiko-chan. He had to be prepared for anything. Still, when he realized it was a message from Yamaguchi everything he knew was blocked out and he internally panicked with excitement.

Tooru got up from his seat, but his assistant quickly sent him a glare, signaling him with his intense gaze to sit back down. He ignored it and instead, went through all his possible options in that brief second. Without a doubt, he decided to reply back before it was too late. "Excuse me, something important came up. Please feel free to continue on without me. It will only be a minute."

There were murmurs among them and his assistant unwillingly tried to apologize for his rudeness. He stepped out the room and looked at the message the freckled man had sent him. Immediately, he felt his heart soar to the skies. It was a rare occasion since Yamaguchi hardly ever answered his own pointless texts much less initiate one. Tooru didn't waste any time and sent him a reply. Yamaguchi was apologizing over their small dispute they had that previous Sunday. He didn't quite get it, but he told him not worry about it anyways. Of course, he didn't waste the opportunity and invited him out on a date.

"Okiawa-san! What are you doing?" His assistant marched toward him with the angriest look on his face, if that was even possible. "Do you not understand how important this meeting is? This is not the time to be messing around."

"I know! I know! Just give me a minute!" At most, he was given a few seconds before he was pulled back toward the room. He was able to respond to Yamaguchi's last message which was a bit reliving. Still, he was completely annoyed since he definitely would have called him in any other given situation. It had only been a couple of days and he already wanted to see him again. It had only been a couple of days and he was feeling desperate to hear his voice. Even so, he was a hundred percent convinced that it was just a small childish crush he was feeling.

“Alright, I’m coming, Nakamura-chan! No need to be so aggressive and mean!” He pouted and shoved his hand away from him, but he wasn’t given a chance to run away. His assistant knew his tricks too well by this point. “Next time you’re planning a hot date, I’ll ruin it for you too!”

He had already told Aiko-chan’s babysitter to pick her up since he had another meeting he had to attend to later on in the evening. Of course, with everything that was going on, he wasn’t planning on going at all anymore. Instead, he decided to drop by Yamaguchi’s school and give him the surprise of his life. They hadn’t really had a chance to sit down and actually talk about one another after all. He would just ditch the later reunion, meet up with Yamaguchi and put up with his assistant’s raging fumes tomorrow morning.

 

_"I'll be gone for a while. We have a game in another university that's kind of far. I would like for you to come, but I know that's too much to ask. I can't force you to do anything especially when I know how painful it is for you. I'm seriously sorry about all this. I'll call you as often as I can and we're coming back home as soon as we're done. Meanwhile, please behave and don't do anything stupid..."_

 

In the end, he decided to take him out for coffee which wasn’t a terrible idea, but also not the best. They were alone, sitting across from each other in the round table. Tooru wanted it to be this way, but for some unknown, he was feeling kind of nervous. Unsure of what to talk about, he couldn’t help but stare at the dark black coffee Yamaguchi had ordered. For some reason, he kind of figured he was into sweets like he was. Tooru looked at his own beverage, a vanilla latte, and took a drink when he realized that he was also carefully being watched by the person in front of him. He smiled at him which caused him to blush insanely.

“I’ve been wondering this for a while, Yama-chan.” He began with his eyes set on Yamaguchi. He didn’t comprehend his own feelings, but he was well aware of the fact that Yamaguchi was incredibly pleasing to look at. Then, what was more, his freckles seemed to resemble stars. He was definitely handsome, so it wouldn’t surprise him if he was already dating someone. “I know this isn’t any of my business, so don’t get mad, but are you dating that guy from the picture? You got all offended last time, so I want to assume your not, but I guess I could be wrong?”

“Why are you still asking about that? If you don’t mind, it’s something that I rather not talk about right now.” Yamaguchi turned away, but he could see how uncomfortable he became with the question. While he was dying to know, he thought it was best to not mention it anymore if he wanted to have an enjoyable evening.

“Oh, I don’t think I’ve told you yet, but I gave out an assignment where the kids are suppose to bring their favorite thing from home and present it to class. Aiko-chan told me she wants to bring her jar of seashells, but I think it would be great if you helped her out a little. You know, practice with her or suggest what she could say when she’s in front of the class speaking.”

“She probably would have told me about it as soon as I got home, but thanks for letting me know anyways. It just shows how much you care.” Tooru gave him another smile, placing his hand under his chin as he stared at the man in front of him. “Still, there are times when I wonder why she’s so shy. She’s been like that since I can remember. I don’t think I was ever like that as a child and I don't think her mother was like that either.”

“Aiko-chan’s mother? What was she like then?” Tooru lifted an eyebrow at the question since it was probably unintentionally spoken. He couldn’t get any information out of Yamaguchi regarding his past and yet, he expected him to talk about his own.

“Sorry,” he apologized after a few seconds of silence from his part. Still, it wasn’t that he couldn’t talk about her, but she was a person that was simply not worth mentioning especially in front of Aiko-chan. He was, for the most part, glad that she wasn’t involved in his daughter’s life.

“It’s fine. Honestly, I don’t really care.” Tooru began, taking another sip from his drink. “She left when Aiko-chan was really small, a baby in fact. I had to raise on her my own with the help of my mother, naturally. I didn’t know how to change her diaper, how to feed her, or how to get her to sleep. I would panic every time she would start crying and I never knew what to do. I only ended up learning with time and experience. Her mother never really showed any real emotions to her. I don’t think she was ever interested.”

Aiko-chan had grown up to be a great and respectful girl, but it took lots of hard work from his part. He was never the perfect father, that much was obvious, but he certainly did try to be. “Anyways, I never really got to know her that well. Believe it or not, I wasn’t even in a relationship with her when it happened. I was dating someone else and it was a disaster. I just ended up losing control of everything I had after that, I guess. There are times when I seriously regret not thinking things through.

Yamaguchi was quiet which could either be a good or a bad thing. He probably thought the worst of him now and he was sure that if he continued talking then he would ruin any chances of them actually dating in the future. He would realize what a mess he was and try to avoid all communication with him because of it. Still, they were both sitting there drinking coffee and since he hadn’t talked about Aiko-chan’s mother in a while, the words flowed out much too easily. He felt as if he was removing heavy bricks off his chest one by one, removing the pressure that had haunted him for years.

 

_"Woah, just look at her. Isn't she beautiful? Aside from being pretty, she's also super smart. I heard she's aiming to be a lawyer or something. She also has a part time job with a modeling agency. That's how incredible she is and you know what frustratesfrustrates me about all this? She's been asking about you a lot! Ahh, you're so lucky, Oikawa! You get all the cute ones! I will personally punch you if you don't make a move! What? You're already dating someone? Who even cares, though!"_

 

“If I were to see her right now, I would slap her and yell at her for leaving her daughter behind. You have no idea how many times Aiko-chan has asked about her and each time, I have to avoid the question because I have no idea what to say.” Tooru pushed his hair back and let out a long sigh, turning to look away from Yamaguchi. “But, also, if I were to see her again right now, I would thank her. Aiko-chan is everything to me.”

There was another terrible silence between them and Tooru wondered if he had said too much. He didn’t mean to intimate him, but since he was willing to listen, he ended up saying more than he had first intended to. Now, their much awaited date had become bitter. In the next couple of minutes, they both finished up their drinks and the continuing silence forced them to leave. When they stepped out of the coffee shop, the air felt chillier than before and sky had become dark.

He had agreed to take him to the bookstore earlier as well, but he hadn’t mentioned it since then. Because there was one nearby, they both subconsciously started walking toward it. The awful silence was driving him insane, however, much to his surprise, it didn’t last long.

“I had no idea about what had happened between you and Aiko-chan’s mother. I shouldn’t have asked. I’m sorry, I wasn’t really expecting it.” Yamaguchi stopped walking and there was guilt written all over his face. “Aiko-chan is an incredibly sweet girl and while I don’t know much about the both of you, I think you raised her well. You’re not a terrible person, Oikawa.”

Those were words he would have loved to hear a few of years back.

He got closer to Yamaguchi, startling him and causing him to frantically take a couple of steps backward. In return, Tooru grabbed his wrist, preventing him from moving away any further and pulled him toward him. With a small gap in between them, he placed his hand over his waist and stared down into his brown eyes. His heart was pounding loudly, a sensation he hadn’t felt since he was together with Iwa-chan and while it bothered him, he couldn’t control his impulses anymore. He didn’t care if there were people around. He just liked being that way with him.

Yamaguchi remained still for the first couple of seconds, probably too shocked to move or too busy trying to comprehend what was going on. Honestly, he wasn’t sure what he was doing either. When he tried to push him off, Tooru placed a hand over his face and leaned in to kiss him. He did so with passion, with desire, with a craving that was unknown to him. He kissed him like an inexperienced teenager with nothing to lose. He kissed him as if he never wanted to let go of the person that had come along to save him from the depths of his own his own misery and despair.

 

_"Also, don't forget that I love you."_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, the second season of Haikyuu is so close and I'm just so excited for it! Anyways, like always, thank you for reading and I apologize for my mistakes!


	13. Chapter 13

_Hello, Tsukki_

_It's been a while, but I seriously hope things are going much better for you than they are for me. Well, it's not that I'm miserable. That's not it at all, but Oikawa has invaded my life and I think it's too late to do anything about it._

_We went to the aquarium today with his daughter. She really enjoyed herself and had lots of fun. Of course, I was extremely uncomfortable a majority of the time. I don't understand why I get so nervous around him. I can never think straight. He's a complete distraction and recently, I’ve caught myself staring at him. I find him handsome which is reasonable and yet frustrating. He's annoying, childish, and a flirt, but he's not a bad person._

_These thoughts scare me, though. I'm not sure what I'm suppose to do anymore. It's terribly confusing and his mixed gestures only make it worse. He says he likes me, but I don't want to believe it or even consider it. After all, who would ever find a person like me attractive? I doubt I'm the person he's looking for. He could get anyone he wants probably and I’m almost sure he’s just messing around._

_Then, what was even more surprising was that Yachi unexpectedly showed up. She invited me to her wedding which is still a couple of months away. It’s an important day for her, but I don’t know if I can find the motivation to go. She said she invited everyone from Karasuno as well, including you. I want to see you. I really do, but I wouldn’t know what to say. I wouldn’t know how to react or how to apologize for ending our relationship. I wouldn’t know how to look at you in the eyes. In fact, I don’t think I would even dare to. I’m not ready to face you even though a part of me is dying to see you._

_Then again, would you even go? Would you arrive with your new partner? Have you moved already? And most importantly, are you happy? You must be and I hope you are. You still have my contact information. You’re the one that gave it to Yachi. I still live in the same apartment that we once shared so many years ago. I’ve been unable to move and you know that well. Still, you haven’t bothered to look for me either. It’s the same as before, isn’t it?_

_Again, I’m sorry for ruining everything, but if you were truly interested, then you wouldn’t have left things the way they were. I messed everything up, but I thought you would try to fix things up. You never did. You never came for me and of course, it could only mean that you didn’t love me enough to even try._

_With Regards, Yamaguchi_

_Saved As Draft_

…

He dropped his keys, his hands still shaking from what had just happened a couple of minutes ago. He still couldn’t believe it even though the scene kept playing over and over inside his mind. His heart was beating out of control and he kept looking back even though he was a hundred percent certain that he hadn’t followed him home. He didn’t think he could look at him with a straight face anymore. He didn’t think he could be held that same way without melting completely within his arms. Tadashi bent down to grab the keys that had accidentally slipped from his hands, but the books in his bag came falling out instead.

Cursing under his breath, Tadashi tried to get himself to calm down, but he couldn’t.

He could still feel Oikawa’s warm touch against his skin despite the chilly weather. He could still feel his soft lips as they were forcefully and suddenly pressed against his. He could still feel the way his hand rested upon his waist, pulling him closer and closer to his heated body with every passing second. He could still feel his tongue pushing its way through, exploring the insides of his mouth with passion and hunger. He could still feel the way his fingers brushed back his messy hair. He could still feel his hot breath hitting the side of his cheek. Then, he could still hear his voice and his sullen words when they briefly parted.

_“You’re irresitable.”_

Tadashi shivered, once again, pulling his loose coat closer toward his beating chest. He sat in front of the his door, unable to move and unable to think. He was completely stunned that he even thought he was dreaming; a dream where the impossible was set to happen. However, he was aware that wasn’t the case. Oikawa’s scent was still there with him. The strong smell of cologne had rubbed off on him, making him realize the reality he was in. He had been with Oikawa just moments ago. Against all odds, they had been together and had even shared a kiss that had shaken his very being.

Then, he could still remember. He could remember the way he responded to it after the first initial shock. They broke away only shortly before Oikawa continued kissing him again much slower than before. Tadashi, surprisingly, let him. He didn’t protest against it as his mind went completely blank. His body didn’t reject to the notion of being touched by unfamiliar hands, by lips that were completely experienced and unknown, by someone that clearly wasn’t Tsukishima Kei. Everything in that moment became a blur. It all happened too quickly, but what he knew for sure, was that a part of him was truly happy.

He hadn’t felt that way in a long time. He hadn’t felt cherished or wanted by anyone in what seemed like forever, but Oikawa changed everything. In an instance, he made him forget about all his insecurities. It almost felt that he was giving him all the love that Kei had failed to give him in their long years of dating. Was it really that easy? Was it really that simple to give affection to someone out of fondness?

Tadashi scared himself when he unconsciously lifted his hand to grab Oikawa’s. When their fingers slightly intertwined, he was snapped back to reality and he suddenly realized in a flash that what he was doing was wrong. He immediately pulled away, his face more flustered and probably more red than what was acceptable. He stumbled back, unsure of what to say to explain his sudden behavior. Oikawa, in return, was amused by his reaction and stared at him in complete silence with a satisfied expression plastered all over his face. He wished the Earth could just swallow him whole.

His breaths were long and heavy while his legs quivered uncontrollably. Tadashi quickly excused himself, saying he could make it home from there which was a complete lie that they both knew well. He turned away to leave, but, naturally, he was stopped by Oikawa. He grabbed his hand that time, not his wrist. It was rough, but at the same time  it was gentle and soft. He liked it which was twice as frightening than his unanticipated response from before.

_“Why are you so against it? I don’t mind taking you home. It’s dangerous to be out so late. I'm not letting you go like last time.”_

The sound of his voice became so soothing that he didn’t know what to do with himself anymore. He gave in to his plead, but managed to remain at a respectable distance from that moment forward. He couldn’t let himself surrender again. When he arrived, he quickly thanked him and got off the car without giving Oikawa a chance to speak. Somehow, he made it to his apartment after making sure a million times along the way that he wasn’t being followed by the man that had opened his heart and had set forth a ball of emotions he didn’t know still existed; emotions he thought he had buried deep within after his breakup with the person he considered the most important.

He stepped inside his apartment, exhausted and ready to go to bed even though he was sure a long sleepless night laid ahead. With a long sigh, he leaned back against the closed door, lifting his head to get a glimpse of the white ceiling. Tadashi placed his hand over his chest, taking deep breaths to see if he could get himself to calm down a little.

Unfortunately, it didn't work and no matter what he did, he couldn't get Oikawa out of his thoughts. He wondered how long he would remain that way. He took a quick shower, ate some leftovers from yesterday’s takeout dinner, and used his laptop for a bit, but nothing changed.

Not long after that, he got ready for bed and dropped himself over his mattress, letting his body bounce up and down rhythmically. He curled himself within the bedsheets as he grabbed and adjusted his pillow. He still felt extremely uneasy with the sensation of Oikawa’s warm hands still vividly present. He would close his eyes, but an image of Oikawa would appear every single time, smiling and brushing back that beautiful brown hair that seemed to fit him perfectly. Cursing in a whisper once again, Tadashi wanted to push away those unwanted thoughts that brought him so much anxiety.

He tossed and turned. He tried to cover his face with his pillow. He lifted his legs up against the ceiling. He let his head hang from the bed with the nape of his neck leaning against the side. Tadashi tried many different sorts of positions, but was unable to find the sleep that he so desperately needed to forget. He tried thinking about other things such as his students and their assignments. He tried to think of the books he could read to them during class. He tried to come up with fun activities he could try out at some point for their enjoyment.

Tadashi thought about the millions of things that he could say if he ever encountered Kei again. He wondered and plotted many scenarios that could transpire during their occasional meeting. He thought about his unknown future. Still, it didn’t matter because his mind was a complete traitor and it would always drift back to Oikawa Tooru.

The kiss. His hand. His soft and tender touch. His eyes. His hair. His smile. His hot breaths. His sweet words.

_“You’re irresitable.”_

Again and again.

_“I wouldn’t mind falling in love with you at all.”_

Nonstop.

_“Whether you believe it or not, I do kind of like you.”_

His words kept replying inside his head, drowning away the cries that were once reserved for Kei.

_“Isn’t obvious, Yama-sensei? I want to see you. Often.”_

Everything was driving him crazy.

 

* * *

The kids were excited for the most part to share and present their most favorite item in front of the class. He anticipated their show-and-tell greatly even though he was extremely tired from another long sleepless night. In the end, when he was finally starting to doze off, his alarm rang, screeching at him to get up and get ready for another day of unexpected surprises. Still, he couldn’t be yawning during his students’ presentations. It would not only be awfully rude, but unprofessional and unsightly, so he tried his best to pay attention to the best of his ability. The two extra cups of coffee he had earlier that morning were finally starting to kick in their effects.

They started of with Chiyo-chan, who cleared her throat extremely loud to get everyone’s undivided attention. Immediately, she pulled out a rather stunning necklace from the small box in her hand. She lifted it up in the air, showing everyone how beautifully it reflected against the light. She proceeded on with a story, declaring it had been given to her by her grandmother on her birthday, but that it had belonged to a princess a long time ago. It brought many giggles among her classmates. Naturally, though, she didn’t really seem to care.

Yukio-kun went next, but he walked to up to the front much more shyly. He placed a shoebox over a set up table and took off the lid to show his collection of small dinosaur figurines. The kids were much more impressed and some even got up to see his figures up close. This brought a smile to Yukio-kun’s face and his knowledge on dinosaurs was absolutely incredible. He described some of them, listing their strengths and weakness. It took Tadashi a while to get the class to calm down, harder still to get them to sit back in their seats.

Still, he understood their excitement since Kei used to be the exact same way.

That thought didn’t last long because after hearing countless of stories from many of his students, Aiko-chan’s turn finally arrived. Instantly, he felt a knot forming in his throat as he called her name. He watched her attentively, secretly hoping that everything would go well. She appeared to be uncomfortable up in the front and it seemed that she didn’t even know where to start. He wasn’t that far from her, purposely taking a few steps closer to show his support. She looked around nervously, holding onto the gift bag with trembling hands. She seemed scared and as a result, it made him tense as well.

They suddenly made eye contact and Tadashi took this opportunity to give her a comforting smile. He nodded his head, signaling her that everything was going to be okay and showing her that he was right there to help her if she needed it. Aiko-chan bit her lip and reached inside the bag to pull out her cutely adorned jar of seashells. She placed the bag on the floor and held the jar with both her hands, making sure she didn’t drop it before she started talking.

“I’m Oikawa Aiko and t-this is what I brought.” Her voice was too soft and even though he was standing so close, he was having trouble hearing her. Tadashi wanted to tell her to speak up, but he didn’t want to embarrass her and make the experience worse than it already was. “These are my seashells. I collected them when I went to the beach last year.”

The class was listening which was amazing since they could hardly ever stay still. Then again, they were probably more amazed by the fact that their rather small and quiet classmate was actually talking. Slowly, the trembling began to decrease and some confidence began to emerge. He wondered if Oikawa had taken his advice had helped her practice in preparation.

His chest ached at the thought of him. He quickly pushed him out of his mind and decided to place his focus on Aiko-chan. “My dad helped me find them. We filled up this jar together. It was a lot of fun."

She smiled at him and once again, he gave an approving smile that she was doing great. She continued, pushing one of her pigtails away from her face before she slowly opened the jar. She reached down and grabbed a shell that fit perfectly in the palm of her hand. A bit more enthusiastically, she showed it to class and explained why it was her favorite. “My dad says that if you place it next to your ear, you can hear the ocean.”

It didn’t take long after that for the others to finish presenting. After much excitement, the kids continued to share and play with their items even when class was officially over. Tadashi, unable to resist, approached his most beloved student and kneeled in front of her when they were both waiting for her sitter to pick her up. She didn’t bother to hide her jar of shells in the bag anymore and had even left it somewhere behind in the classroom. Aiko-chan smiled and let him see her collection up close. “Look, Yamaguchi-sensei. I have lots of them.”

“Yes, I see. They’re very pretty too.” He complimented which brought along a small laugh filled with joy. Then again, anything that related to Oikawa always brought a beautiful smile across her face that could possibly outshine the sun itself.  “You did very well with your presentation, Aiko-chan. As your teacher and as your friend, I am really proud of you.”

“Listen to this.” She told him as she pulled out the conch shell she had demonstrated during class, not paying much attention to his compliment. Reaching her arms toward him, Aiko-chan placed the shell over his ear and made him listen attentively. While he couldn’t really make out anything out of the ordinary, Tadashi went along with her. “My daddy says you can hear the ocean’s waves if you listen very carefully. Isn’t it cool? Can you hear it?”

“I can. It sounds really beautiful.” She placed the shell back inside her jar and looked through them again. She continued to show him the best shells she had. Some of them were slightly broken from the edges while others seemed more worn out and used than the rest. Still, she was fascinated by them and he was starting to understand why she had enjoyed visiting the aquarium so much the other day. He didn’t know why, but he wished he could see her that happy all the time.

“Oh, I know!” Aiko-chan closed her jar of seashells before she took a couple of steps toward him excitedly, moving her feet up and down as she spoke. “We’re going to beach again next summer! You should definitely come with us, Yamaguchi-sensei! It would be so much fun! And my daddy seems happier when you’re around too!”

His heart almost stopped, but he pretended to be unaffected by her oblivious words. He smiled at her again, patting her shoulder lightly. He stood up and felt his chest heavy again. If he looked into his future, would he seriously find both of them in it? Would Oikawa and Aiko-chan be a part of his life in upcoming years? Aiko-chan gave him a worried look, tilting her head a little while embracing her most treasured possession. She tugged on his apron, grabbing his attention and snapping him from his thoughts before he got too caught up in them again.

“You don’t want to go to the beach with us? Do you hate my dad?”

“No, I would love to go to the beach. In fact, I can’t even remember the last time I went.” He quickly replied, not wanting her to get the wrong idea. “And...I don’t hate your dad. I don’t think I can even if I wanted to. He’s...he’s a great person I guess.”

Aiko-chan’s attention had already been captured by something else, so she didn’t get to listen to his last phrase that had accidentally slipped out with him really realizing it. He was relieved, immediately regretting it. Another smile formed on the child’s face, probably one that was the brightest he had yet to see. She was looking toward the doorway, so Tadashi figured Oikawa had come to pick her up instead of her usual babysitter. He held his breath, waiting to hear his annoying voice, but instead, he only heard Aiko-chan let out a quiet squeal. Tadashi turned around and followed her gaze, but it wasn’t what he expected at all. His jaw slightly dropped and he was suddenly shaken back by an abrupt truth.

“Iwaizumi-san!” She ran towards him and he extended his arms for her. He carried her, lifted her up in air with great ease that he could probably never do. Tadashi recognized him. He remembered him clearly. He was Aobajosai’s past ace and Oikawa’s partner, Iwaizumi Hajime. His appearance was still very similar, but he was much better built, more muscular, and handsome beyond comparision. In fact, he was almost sure his looks could rival Oikawa’s. “You came to pick me up today!”

Tadashi could feel an intense pain forming in the pit of his stomach as he continued to stare at the scene unfolding in front of him. Iwaizumi noticed him not long after, but he wasn't quite sure if he was recognized or not. After all, it had been such a long time and they had never once spoke to each other before.

Even so, Iwaizumi looked at him steadily with Aiko-chan in his arms, but he didn’t bother to speak to him. He didn’t approach him and whether he recognized him or not, he didn’t seem interested to interact with him at all. Tadashi was glad about it, but at the same time he was instantly being torn apart for reasons he couldn’t even explain. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

Iwaizumi placed Aiko-chan back on the floor, holding her hand lightly before he pulled her toward the exit. She turned around to wave goodbye at him and told him from afar that she would see him tomorrow. Tadashi nervously waved back, his knees locking in place when Iwaizumi sent him a cold glare as well.

He didn’t know why, but he had the terrible feeling that Iwaizumi knew exactly who he was. It was the worst and he wanted to disappear within the walls of hallway. He didn’t ask for any of this, but he gotten involved with people he never expected. Things were much simpler when he was dating Kei and yet, he had lost control of that too. The ache in his stomach never left and even as they walked away, he could hear Aiko-chan’s chatter.

“Iwaizumi-san, that’s my teacher, Yamaguchi-sensei! He went to the aquarium with us the other day! He’s also dad’s friend! Just like you!”

...

_Hey Tsukki_

_Oikawa, he kissed me. He actually had the nerve to kiss me. I still can’t get it out of my head. I can’t stopped thinking about it. I hate myself for it, but I can’t help it. Ever since I could remember, you’ve been the only one in my life. The only person that I allowed myself to be touched by. I loved you and I wanted to continue loving you forever. Oikawa’s interference is just too much for me to handle._

_I’m not sure what to do anymore and Oikawa is seriously driving me insane. He dropped by the school unexpected, but he didn’t come to pick up his daughter. No, instead, he came to get me. I don’t understand why he’s so persistent when I’ve never given him any signs of being interested. Or at least, I don’t think I have. Slowly, things are changing and I’m afraid of what’s going to become of all this._

_He keeps saying nonsense, over and over again. Can you believe that he even said that I would be a great person for him to fall in love with? Like seriously! The nerve of that guy! I can’t even believe he could say such things with a straight face!  I know he’s just messing around. He has to be. There’s no other explanation for his actions. After all, we hardly even know each other. The only thing that connects us is his daughter really._

_It scares me. Everything about this whole situation scares me and I don’t know how to fight off these strange feelings. I don’t need them. I don’t want them. I still have you in my thoughts and I think that’s more than enough. I don’t need Oikawa here to confuse me, but he has already invaded my mind, invaded my life and my very being._

_Why did this have to happen? Why him of all people? How do I prevent myself from taking his words seriously? How do I forget his warm touch? How do I forget the way he kissed me so passionately and so full of desire? How? How do I erase his perfect smile and his perfect face from my mind? Why can’t I go back to hating him?_

_I’m sorry for ranting, but the thought of Oikawa sends my heart racing. I don’t know what to do anymore._

_Regards, Yamaguchi_

_Saved As Draft_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't expecting to update so soon, but I couldn't help myself. I'm sorry. Again, thank you for reading and I apologize for my mistakes!


	14. Chapter 14

He had kissed him back that much he was sure of. His feelings weren’t one-sided as he had originally thought and he was finally starting to consider that maybe he did have a chance with Yamaguchi. It’s want he wanted now more than anything especially after he had gotten an exquisite taste of his soft lips. He didn’t think he would be given another chance, another attempt to bury the thing he had for Iwa-chan for good. After so many years, he felt like he might finally be able to let him go.

Standing on the side of his balcony, Tooru looked at his glass of wine in his hand before he leaned his elbows against the railing. The air was pretty chilly, but the apartment felt so incredibly stuffy that he found himself pacing uncontrollably. His thoughts were still racing with Yamaguchi. He couldn’t get him out his mind to the point where it suffocated him. In the end, after putting Aiko-chan in bed, he decided to step outside for a bit before he went completely insane. It was still there after all, the vivid sensation of Yamaguchi’s kiss.

The whole thing was rather strange to comprehend since he had never felt that way with anyone before. He had slept with lots of people in the past, but none of them got his heart racing like the way Yamaguchi did. Iwa-chan had always been the only one and he thought it would remain that way forever. Clearly, he was wrong and he was able to discover that with a kiss that he hadn’t really anticipated himself. Tooru silently laughed at himself, taking another sip from his drink. The look on Yamaguchi’s face was still imprinted in his head and he didn’t think he would ever forget it. He was glad he had been able to catch him off guard. If not, he sure he would have been pushed away.

Again, it wasn’t love. He didn’t think it was. He wasn’t even sure if that was even possible so soon. There was a thing called 'love at first sight', but he didn’t think that applied to his exact situation. Maybe it was more like attraction at first sight? That was probably the better term to describe it.

Even so, Tooru was convinced that Yamaguchi Tadashi was a beautiful person. He was remarkable in ways that he couldn’t describe. He was good with kids, awfully trusting, kind, respectful, and extremely caring. He would probably make an ideal dad, a much better one than him. Then, that wasn’t all he could list. It was seriously endless, but he was also fascinating to look at. He could probably stare at him for hours if he tried.

For that reason, he wouldn’t find it all that shocking if he was actually dating someone. He hadn’t shown any indications of being in a relationship with anyone, but his reaction to the picture of his friend still bothered him. It bothered him so much that he actually went back to some old magazines from his high school days to see if he could get any recollection of who that blond was. Then, after some serious research, he remembered that he was Tsukishima Kei, Karasuno’s Clever blocker. He remembered seeing them together quite often, but even those memories were vague and blurry. In those times, they, or more specifically Yamaguchi, was unimportant. The only reason why he had probably recognized the freckled man instantly was because of his float serve. It had impressed him greatly.

Naturally, things are completely different now, but he does wonder what would have been like if he had actually met him during high school. Would he have been as interested as he was now? Would he still have developed some feelings for him? Was he attracted to him now because he was so messed up and desperate to forget Iwa-chan? He didn’t doubt his current feelings. He knew Yamaguchi had somehow crawled his way into his life without him wanting to. It was inevitable and bound to happen. However, he was also sure that in any other situation, he wouldn’t have paid much attention to him.

Tooru set his empty glass to the side and pulled out his cellphone to send him a text. Halfway into the message, he stopped and erased it all. He brushed his hair with his fingers before he leaned his head half heartedly over his hand. He looked at the cloudy sky, letting out a loud sigh that he was not used to. If he didn’t love him, then why was he was thinking about him so profoundly? If he didn’t love him, then why did he want to continuing kissing him until his lips became sore? Why was he okay with just being with him? What was it then? A crush? An infatuation? An attraction? An obsession? He wondered what the right word was, but love was definitely not it or at least he didn’t think so.

He wanted to send him a message before things became awkward between them. He knew Yamaguchi wouldn’t initiate anything and honestly, he had no idea what he could possibly say either. He could easily call him. The desire to hear his voice was always there after all, but he was sure that wouldn’t help calm his nerves. He was still on edge, excited and yet nervous about their development. Yamaguchi had kissed him back and he didn’t think he would get over that intriguing thought. It brought a smile on his face every time, a sincere one that was once directed toward Hajime.

_Goodnight. I hope I appear in your dreams._

Before he could analyze and rethink it over, his finger hit send by reflex. Immediately, he panicked and cursed at himself for coming up with such a lame phrase. He felt incredibly stupid for some reason and while he couldn’t directly see his reflection, he was sure his face was flushed bright red. What the hell was wrong with him? Did it matter that much? Taking deep breaths, Tooru tried to regain his composure. He told himself that maybe Yamaguchi was asleep already and wouldn’t see his text. He certainly hoped so, but after a couple of minutes, he realized that wasn’t the case at all.

_Goodnight, Oikawa. And did you mean nightmares?_

He couldn’t help it and snorted out a small laugh in response. Yamaguchi was just the same as always. Still, Tooru stared at his phone’s screen for the longest time and wondered if he was also having a hard time sleeping. He wondered if he was also being pressed down by endless thoughts that pertained to him. With the cold wind getting the best of him, he went back inside the dark apartment. All the lights were turned off, but he was still able to make out a small little walking figure coming in his direction.

“Aiko-chan? It’s late. What are you doing still awake?” He asked her completely horrified as he checked the time. She didn’t say anything, but quietly yawned as she continued to walk toward him. She held her small blanket tightly with one hand while she dragged her stuffed animal with the other, He reached down to pick her up, bringing them along with her. He carried her in his arms and made their way back to her room.

“Aiko-chan, you have school and your presentation tomorrow.” He told her, but in a much more playful manner. He pinched the tip of her nose which caused her to giggle a bit. “What are you doing up, young lady?”

“I went...to the bathroom and I saw the balcony door open.” Aiko-chan yawned again and this time she also tiredly rubbed her eyes with her small fists. She leaned her head against his chest with her small body relaxing over it. “I heard you laughing and I thought you were outside. I was going to bring you a blanket. I didn’t want you to be cold.”

Tooru kissed her cheek and embraced her tightly as he could. There was another thing. Yamaguchi genuinely cared about his daughter which was a plus. He wasn’t doing it just because he was her kindergarten teacher. It was something more than that and he could see it whenever they interacted. He showed an interest for her well being. That was something he couldn’t overlook and that was possibly different from Iwa-chan.

While he occasionally dropped by, he would see a deep sadness mirrored in his eyes over and over again. Iwa-chan loved her just as much as he did. He cared for her just as much as he did. He partially saw her grow up to be the child she was, but that sadness never left. Even when they sometimes played together, Iwa-chan would look at her with a thousand regrets that he was to blame for. She was the embodiment of his past mistake and for the longest time, he was sure Iwa-chan thought about her in that way. Of course, gradually and with time, she was able to win him over. She was too cute for the world to resist.

They reached her room and he tucked in her bed, pulling the bedsheets up to her neck. He kissed her forehead and patted her head gently before he turned around to leave. However, he was suddenly called out by her sweet voice. Her words shook him to the very core. “Daddy, I’m glad you’re happier now.”

 

* * *

_“Hey, what’s wrong with you?” He turned to look at his classmate and rolled his eyes completely unamused by his snide attitude. It was unnecessary and uncalled for. Then, he had a massive headache that he couldn’t handle. He tried drinking some coffee earlier, but it had only made him feel worse. He dropped his books over the table and sat down with hopes his friend wouldn’t talk to him anymore. Leaning his head, Tooru wished he could drown away the background noise that was also getting on his nerves. Were people always this loud so early in the morning?_

_“Honestly, you look like crap, but then again, what else is new?” His tone of voice was annoying even though he could tell that was indeed slightly worried. His friend, Izumo, looked at him curiously, tilting his head to meet his red eyes. “Another hangover, huh?”_

_“No, you’re wrong.” He spoke too loud and there was a loud pound in his head as a result of it. Tooru tried to cover his face with his arms, but it didn’t seem to work. He couldn’t deny it and he had no idea why he had even bothered coming to class in the first place. Then, he remembered. He was trying to avoid Iwa-chan. He wanted to prevent him from seeing him that way again. He wouldn’t hear the end of it this time. “I’m totally fine just so you know. I couldn’t sleep last night, so that’s why I feel terrible.”_

_“You couldn’t sleep from partying probably. I heard about it. I’m not completely dense, you know.” He had a smart mouth which only increased the desire to punch him even more. Tooru turned his head in a different direction, avoiding his gaze, but he kept on talking anyways. “I might not go to those particular events, but I hear about them all the time. You’re the subject of conversation occasionally.”_

_“Stop lying. People don’t even know I’m there.” Or at least, that’s what he wanted to believe. Tooru pouted as he watched the professor coming into the auditorium. He sighed and tried to sit up, but failed miserably. Thankfully, he had chosen to sit more towards the back. He didn’t have to pretend he was interested if he didn’t want to. “Why are you such a pain in the ass today? You don’t have to tell me stuff I already know. I get it. You’re cooped up in your space studying all the time.”_

_“No, unlike you I actually have control of what I’m doing.”_

_His words hurt especially since he felt more sensitive than usual. He couldn’t exactly remember what had happened the night before, but he was sure he had messed up big time. He was positive that was what Izumo was referring to. Then, he wasn’t entirely sure or if he had been dreaming, but he could almost swear he hit on girl at some point._

_Tooru hoped it was a dream. He hoped he had gotten so drunk that he started hallucinating things. However, it seemed so real. He could remember holding her. He could remember kissing someone that wasn’t Iwa-chan. He seriously wanted to die. Nothing could possibly be worse than that. He was probably wrong. He had to be wrong. There was no way he would do such a thing. He was stupid, sure, but to that extent? Tooru didn’t think he would ever be able to forgive himself. He needed to remember._

_“You know, Iwaizumi-san is going to be furious if he finds out. Didn’t he specifically tell you last time not to hang out with those sorts of people? Do you really need him to take care of you that much? How old are you? Three?” Tooru rolled his eyes again since the last thing he needed from Izumo were his burning comments. It just made his headache worse. “I heard he tried to fight one of your ‘fun’ friends because of that. Seriously, do you hate Iwaizumi or love him? It’s like you want him to quit volleyball too, so he can come take care of you or something.”_

_“Why are you talking so much today?” He suddenly snapped, but Izumo was unaffected. Instead, he shrugged his shoulder and opened his economics’ journal. He wrote the date on the top and got ready to take notes from the coming lecture._

_More visions from the previous night kept coming. With each passing second, he continuously felt worse. He had messed up. The thing he had with the girl, the girl that had been crushing on him for weeks, wasn’t a dream. They did more than just kissing, though. They got intimate and he was sure that had escalated to something regrettable. Tooru panicked in his seat, burying his face in his hands as terror slowly started to consume him. Was he mistaken? He had to be. There was no way he could have done such a thing to Hajime. He couldn’t stand for it._

_“Hey, I’m being serious when I say this, but you’re face has gone pale. Why are you even here? You should go home right now.” Izumo shook him by the shoulder, but he wasn’t listening to him anymore. The headache and the hungover were the least of his problems in that moment. He had fucked up and big time. “I’ll copy down the notes for you. Just go get yourself checked out. I think you’re running a fever too. Dammit, Oikawa. Just what the heck did you do yourself?”_

_That was exactly what he wanted to know as well._

* * *

 

“Hey, we need to talk.”

Iwa-chan was angry which was a bit unexpecting since Aiko-chan was still around. She was splashing her small little feet on the water, having the time of her life. Tooru had asked her to stop many times, but gave up on that after a while. Instead, he told to be careful and to not fall in. He would have instant heart attack if he saw her drowning. With his hands crossed across his chest, Tooru gave his former friend a nervous smile since he knew the topic of discussion that day would be Yamaguchi.

They were at Iwa-chan’s work place, a local fitness center where he was practically known for being the best personal trainer. Since Iwa-chan held some authority, he was allowed to stay in the gym a bit longer even after closing. As a result, he would sometimes bring Aiko-chan to play around in the pool when he was at work. She loved playing around in the water and splashing her feet in it. Tooru didn’t mind it so much either even though the place was usually crowded with smelly sweaty men. However, it was partially empty in the evenings which allowed Aiko-chan to play as much as she wanted.

Pushing his attention to his daughter, Iwa-chan placed his hand on her shoulder and she immediately got up. Her obedience around him was incredible that he could hardly even believe it. “Aiko-chan, why don’t you go dry yourself with the towel? We don’t want you to get sick if you stay in the water for too long.”

She nodded, completely agreeing to his suggestion before she dashed off to the benches that were up against the wall. She grabbed a towel that Hajime had probably set for her and started drying off the water from her feet. After that, she slowly started putting her socks and shoes back on. Tooru stared at her lovingly before his focus was once again directed to the much too serious Iwa-chan.

“So, what is it that you want to talk to me about? Are you going to lecture me for not being to pick up Aiko-chan today again? I seriously did try, but I got behind in some work and Nakamura-chan wasn’t letting me go. He’s so uptight. He sort of reminds me of you.”

“You being late isn’t anything new.” He responded, throwing him an annoyed glare that was intimidatingly scary. They were both aware of what was going on and Yamaguchi Tadashi was the one to be blamed for it all. Still, Tooru pretended to be clueless which only bothered Iwa-chan even more. After a while, however, he let out a helpless sigh, completely giving up. “I can’t believe you're actually doing it with Aiko-chan’s teacher and worse still, he was part of Karasuno during that time, wasn’t he? Seriously, what the hell are you thinking, Trashykawa?”

“It’s not like that, Iwa-chan! I don’t know what brought you to that conclusion, but it’s not like that at all! I swear!” He waved his hands in the air, leaning forward and trying to convince him that he was quite mistaken. Even so, it was sad that was the way he thought of him. “I haven’t had sex with Yama-chan, or at least not yet, but that’s not the point! I’m kind of serious about him I think? I’m not that way with him! He wouldn’t let me even if I wanted to, though.”

“You’re unbelievable.” There was more in his voice than anger. He noticed it immediately, but concluded that he was just being overly defensive for the sake of Aiko-chan. It was always that way. Whenever he dated someone new or different, he always thought about her first. “So you do have something going on with her teacher? That’s just really immature of you and sick. You’re going to ruin her image of him.”

“I told you already, Iwa-chan! It’s not like that!” He was practically whining by that point and went over to place his arms over his shoulders. Tooru was pushed away as Iwa-chan became more and more irritated with the passing seconds. Typical. “Okay, okay. Let me explain what happened. It’s obvious you’re not going to believe me anyways. I met Yama-chan when I went to drop off Aiko-chan on her first day of kindergarten. I’m not going to lie. I did want to fuck him upon sight, but it quickly changed. I ran into him again, by complete accident and I got his number or more like I stole it.”

Iwa-chan shook his head, letting out another annoyed sigh along with it. He didn’t seem quite interested and yet, he was listening, paying attention to every word he said attentively. There was something off, though. He was fidgeting and he couldn’t seem to stay still, constantly placing his hands in his pockets or resting them in against his hips or crossing them over his chest. It almost seemed like he was getting impatient. Tooru tried not to think about it so much.

“It’s been going from there and we’ve gone out twice, I suppose. Aiko-chan really likes him and it’s not just because he’s her teacher. He’s nice to her and all.” He paused, placing his finger over his chin before he gave Aiko-chan a quick glance. She was standing by the doorway, carrying her jar of seashells and waiting for him to come over. She was probably anxious to tell him about her day. Honestly, he couldn’t wait to hear about it either.

“I think it’s only fair to say that I do like him. I don’t mind his company either.” Tooru smiled at his words and part of him couldn’t believe that he was actually saying this to the man that he loved so dearly once before. It was a strange feeling, but it was sign that he was finally ready to move on. He was going to take that step forward and never let his past get the better of him. Unlike before, whether things worked out with Yamaguchi or not, he was determined to not look for Hajime again as a rebound. He had let go of him since a long time ago and now it was his turn. Though they never planned to part when they first started their relationship, fate had something else in store for them.

“I’m sorry, Iwa-chan.” He said, words that he had rehearsed over and over, so many times. Words he had given his his former lover with an avail to amend what he had started. Tooru gave him a smile, but his chest stung with a familiar pain that always came when he was with Iwa-chan.

They both knew it now. Things could never work out between them again. The trust had been broken and there were just too many unpleasant memories that would prevent them from being truly happy. Iwa-chan always knew this, but it had taken Tooru a bit longer to figure out. Even until recently, he thought Hajime would be the only one he could reach out for.

But, Yamaguchi had brought in an unusual light of hope that he was willing to grasp and never let go. What he felt for him was unclear, but he was sure he would make sense of it along the way. Attraction? Infatuation? A crush? No, it was none of those. Something stronger that could make him do and say things that he never would have imagined. Something that made him cut the thin piece of thread that had connected his heart to Iwa-chan since they were young. It wasn’t love, but something that resembled it surely.

“I am serious about him and it’s not just in the way you think.” Tooru almost whispered. He lifted his head to see Hajime completely speechless and confused by his sudden declaration. He could probably sense it. He could probably feel the sincerity and the truth behind his words. “He’s probably the person I’ve been looking for and the person I’ve needed for a long time.”

In that precise moment, Aiko-chan called him and Tooru decided to leave it like that. He said goodbye, but Hajime didn’t bother to reply back. Instead, he turned away and his eyes were unable to meet his. It hurted a lot. The whole thing was painful for him too and he couldn’t help but wonder what Iwa-chan was expecting from him. He didn’t seem content with anything he had just said which was strange since he was always telling him to hurry up and find someone to settle down with. Maybe, was he possibly, referring to himself that entire time? Tooru didn’t know, but he didn’t want to think about it either. He was better off not knowing. It would prevent him from feeling any more guilty than he already was.

Tooru walked toward his daughter and grabbed her hand before they headed toward the exit. He didn’t say a word since his mind was jumbled up with emotions he didn’t expect to have. After a while, it was Aiko-chan who decided to break the awful silence that had loomed between them so suddenly.

“I talked about my seashells today.” She began with a smile that was capable of cheering him up on most days. “I was really nervous, but they all liked them! They thought they were cool! Ohh, I showed them to Yamaguchi-sensei later too. He said they were beautiful.”

“Really? What else did he say?” He didn’t get why just mentioning his name stirred something up inside him with excitement and anticipation.

“I showed him that trick you taught me, You know, the one where you put the shell in your ear. I told him and he said he could hear the ocean from it too. Isn’t that cool?” Tooru was practically beamng at the thought of him going along with Aiko-chan. He wished he could have seen that sight before him. “And I told him we were going to go to the beach this summer again too. I asked him if he wanted to come with us and he said yes. So, can we? Can we bring Yamaguchi-sensei? To the beach? Next summer?”

“That's such a great idea, Aiko-chan. We’re definitely bringing him along then!” He patted her head, amazed that his daughter was just as into him as he was. Aiko-chan giggled and skipped ahead of him to open the door that would take them to the parking lots. She didn’t hear him after that which was rather unfortunate.

“Maybe we could try keeping him with us forever.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and for the comments!! All support is greatly appreciated! And again, I apologize for my mistakes!


	15. Chapter 15

 

 _“_ _First of all,” He suddenly began after a long while of staring at one another. “I wanted to say that I’m sorry.”_

_Tadashi felt guilty upon hearing his apology. He shook his head, but couldn’t get himself to say anything in return. If there was anyone responsible for their messy relationship, then he was the one to blame. He had been too stubborn, childish, and selfish. He hadn’t gotten angry over something insignificant and even then, he couldn’t forgive himself for it._

_However, he also couldn’t shake off that feeling of loneliness and abandonment that had plagued him since that day. He would always be second to Kei regardless of the situation. That was a fact and something he couldn’t forget so easily. It had always been that way and even through years, not much had changed. Even so, was it really so wrong to want some undivided attention when he was feeling so insecure? Did he always have to take the initiative? Why was Kei there with him really? Tadashi turned away, avoiding Kei’s almost golden eyes, and looked up at the falling flakes of snow. It was cold, but not as cold as it could get, at least not yet._

_He hadn’t talked to Kei in what seemed like forever. The situation was awfully awkward and with the passing seconds, the tension between them only seemed to get worse. They both had a lot on their minds, but it was difficult to clear the clouding confusion. He had misinterpreted everything. There was really nothing more to say from his part._

_Tadashi nervously rubbed the back of his neck, wondering if his boyfriend thought the worst of him too. He remembered the way he had cut his phone call so angrily and shivered even more. He hadn’t been thinking straight. He regretted it so much. His words had been rooted with jealously and irritation_

_Kei had ditched him during New Years’ Eve to be with Kuroo. He had explained that he was currently going through some things, so he couldn’t leave him alone. It was reasonable. They were friends and that much was obvious, but he couldn’t get that through his head. Tadashi wanted to dismiss the misunderstanding and that was part of the reason why he had refused to contact him. He wanted to see if Kei would make an effort to reach out for him first. He did, of course, thankfully, a bit late. He had come such a long way just to apologize because of him._

_Stubborn, childish, and selfish; that was probably the most suitable way to describe himself. He couldn’t find reason in his decisions anymore. He felt so conflicted between wanting to hug Kei with all his might and wanting to cry his entire pain out. Of course, he did neither and tried to ignore the ache in his chest._

_“It’s not what you think and I think you’ve got the wrong impression about what’s going on really.” Kei continued adjusting his glasses and wiping off some of the snow that had stuck to the lens. “Kuroo came over and he was feeling kind of depressed I guess because of a recent breakup. He was worse than usual. Pretty pathetic, in my opinion, honestly. I was just going to leave him there and come with you anyways, but in the end, I decided not to. He asked me to as a favor. I thought you would be okay with it. I suppose I was wrong. I’m really sorry for it especially since-”_

_“No, I’m sorry for making you come all this way.” Tadashi interrupted him since he couldn’t bear to listen to him much longer. He felt awful, much worse than before and he wanted to disappear that very instance. Just how inconsiderate was he? How could he make Kei say such things to him when he wasn’t at fault? He was the one that had taken the circumstances in the wrong way. He was the one that had failed to trust him unconditionally._

_“And I’m sorry for not contacting you all this time. I wasn’t upset about it for that long, I think. There was just so much going through my mind. I couldn’t get myself to talk to you after the way I lashed out at you and I’m really happy there are people you consider friends. I was just hoping to see you. I just wanted to spend some time with you and it was troubling for me to understand that things didn’t turn out they way I had planned. I’m sorry about everything. It’s not your fault. I should have listened.”_

_Kei gave him a small smile and reached down to grab his hands. He gripped them tightly, making Tadashi’s heart melt in an instant. He loved him so much that he didn’t know what to do with himself anymore. He wanted to be with him. While he had agonized about that moment for weeks, he was seriously glad to have Kei within his reach once again. He couldn’t live without him after all. He needed him like air._

_“I can’t stay too long because of school, but I promise to come visit you whenever I can during the summer. We’ll spend our days together then.”_

_It was in small moments like those that Tadashi believed things would work out between them. Their relationship hadn’t gotten a bit rough ever since Kei had transferred to a different university, but if they were both willing to work out their problems, then he was sure everything would be fine. Kei didn’t show his affections easily, but he was already aware of that. He just had to believe in him. That was the only thing that was left for him to do. Tadashi wasn’t the ideal boyfriend anyone would want . He had his flaws. He had his insecurities, but Kei had chose him regardless. He would just have to keep that in mind and move forward._

_“Close your eyes.” Kei suddenly said to him after a minute or so of holding each other’s hands. Tadashi did as he was told before he felt something placed on the palm of his hand. He couldn’t exactly feel what it was because of his thick gloves, but it was small with rough edges. He was going to take a quick peek, but Kei beat him to it. “I couldn’t spend Christmas with you either because I was so caught up with studying, so here’s the present I had gotten for you.”_

_Tadashi opened his eyes and looked at the box that had been placed over his hands. His heart instantly skipped a beat at the sight of it. He nervously looked at it, wondering what could be inside and gulped at the possible thought of it. Without much delay, he opened it and found a sterling bracelet carefully laid inside. He turned to his attention to Kei, but he was already looking in another direction as embarrassed as he could be. Tadashi smiled widely and he couldn’t contain his own happiness. He probably thought he wouldn’t notice, but Kei had a similar bracelet around his wrist._

_“You don’t have to wear it if you don’t like it.” He told him after a while to which Tadashi quickly shook his head. He closed the box back up and held it close to his pounding heart._

_“No, it’s perfect and I absolutely love it.” Tadashi quickly reassured him, reaching up to touch his boyfriend’s face. Kei still wouldn’t look at him since the blush on his face didn’t seem to disappear, so he decided to move over a bit. He stood on his tiptoes and leaned in for a quick kiss against his cold trembling lips. He let go of his overwhelming emotions to embrace the man he loved with his entire being. It was amazing how Kei’s small but meaningful gestures could erase all the terrible feelings he had harbored for weeks. It was all he needed and wanted. Was he asking for too much? Probably, but he would learn from his mistakes eventually or so he figured anyways._

_“And I absolutely love you.” He confessed for what seemed to be the millionth time since they started their dating. Slowly, with fumbling hands, Kei reached out to hug him back. He sank his face into his messy hair and whispered something that he was unable to make out clearly. It was faint, but he was almost sure he had confessed back._

_The snow continued to fall. More and more with the progress of time. It was cold, but it hadn’t reached it’s peak. Winter wasn’t over. It wasn’t as cold as it could be. Not yet. Tadashi wasn’t aware of it either. That he would continue messing up. One instance after another, each time worse than before._

* * *

 

His students were sitting around him as he read the picture book out loud, flipping the through the pages and pointing out his favorite images. They were all pretty excited and they would squeal with delight whenever he made fun voice effects for them. It was an enjoyable activity for them and he was sure they were going to leave class imitating him, but that wasn’t enough to get rid of the inexplicable worry he carried since the morning. Tadashi had memorized the book by that point, so he continued reading out the words before he turned to look at the smiling faces of his happy class with their attention being taken by the exciting narrative. However, she wasn’t among them.

Aiko-chan had missed school, but what was truly worrisome was that Oikawa hadn’t bothered to call in and give a reason why. Naturally, it made him extremely anxious. He didn’t want to jump to any severe conclusions, but he ended up worrying more than what was necessary. He tried not to think about it and he wanted to believe that Oikawa would call up the school later on throughout the day, but he never did. He even checked his own phone to see if there was any sort of message left by the irresponsible man, but there was none there either. He hadn’t contacted him since their ‘goodnight’ texts.

His thoughts continued to trouble him, but it wasn’t until the end of the day when he finally got a chance to call him personally. It rang a few times before he reached his voicemail. Surprised by the lack of response, Tadashi decided to try again. Still, no one was picking up and in that exact moment, his hands began to shake a bit. He yanked off the apron that was still tied around his waist and decided to call him for the third time. Unfortunately, the result was the same. His mouth became dry as he refused to consider that something bad might have happened to him. Not knowing what else to do, he slowly took deep breaths to prevent himself from panicking any further.

One more time. He hoped they would answer his annoying call and thankfully, after a couple of seconds or so, he was finally able to hear her sweet voice. He sighed with relief, his heartbeat sinking back to an average pace. “Aiko-chan? Thank goodness. It’s me, Yamaguchi. I called in to see why you didn’t come to school today. Is everything alright? Are you okay? Is your dad around?”

 _“Yamaguchi-sensei?”_ He was asking too many questions for the young girl to keep up. There was definitely something off with her, but it didn’t sound like she was sick. He wasn’t sounding like himself either. Still, after waiting for some sort of news all day, he was feeling kind of desperate. _“Yes, I’m okay. I didn’t go to school today because my dad didn’t take me. We’re both home right now. I think he’s asleep and then his phone started ringing. It was ringing a lot. I got scared he would wake up.”_

“What’s wrong with him?” Of course, he couldn’t resist the urge to ask. “If he wasn’t going to bring you to class, he should have called the school to inform that you were going to be absent. I’ve been kind of worried about this all day.”

 _“I’m sorry. Maybe he forgot? He’s been feeling really sick all day. I think he had a fever earlier too. He didn’t go to work and he hasn’t gotten up from bed. He said he was going to call my sitter, but I think he forgot. It’s okay, though! I’m taking really good care of him like the way he does when I get sick!”_ She wanted to stay positive, but Tadashi could hear the sadness slipping through. She was just as concerned and now that he knew what was going on, he inevitably became uneasy. _“He told me I was a great nurse.”_

“Still, it was irresponsible of him to keep you there. You could catch his cold if you’re not careful. I’m sure you haven’t eaten either, right? Seriously, what is your father thinking? Okay, well, just stay put. I’ll be over there in a few minutes.”

 _“Ahh, Yamaguchi-sensei you’re going to come over? My dad is going to be so happy when he finds out! He said the other day that he wanted you to come over!”_ She sounded cheerful, but he already felt nervously nauseous. In that exact moment, he wanted to take back his words. _“He talks about you a lot, Yamaguchi-sensei. I think he’s been happier because of that too. He smiles more. He doesn’t seem so lonely.”_

The thought of Oikawa being lonely seemed impossible to imagine, but he wasn’t going to tell Aiko-chan that. He had Iwaizumi after all. “Listen, Aiko-chan, I don’t want your father to get the wrong idea, so just let him sleep for now. I’ll be over to bring some food and medicine, but nothing more.”

Tadashi ended the call not long after and quickly finished cleaning up the room. He was lying and he hated himself for it. He secretly wanted to see him. He wanted to see the person he recently couldn’t stop thinking about. Once he was done, he opened one of the cabinets located in the back and looked through some personal files that belonged to his students. He pulled up Aiko’s information and jotted down their address. He could get into a lot of trouble for prying into business that had no privilege over, but he figured that there could be exceptions.

It would take him a while to reach their neighborhood and he wasn't even surprised to realize that they lived in the better side of town. He rolled his eyes at the thought of it, but pushed it away from his mind. He reached the nearest convenience store by foot and bought a few of the items he considered a sick person would need. Still, he couldn’t help but wonder why he was going out of his way when only a few weeks ago he considered Oikawa to be the most obnoxious person in the world. Then, he remembered how much he had grown to like him in such a short amount of time.

As frustrating as it sounded, Tadashi didn’t think he was ready accept or even consider such developing feelings. The thought of Kei still stung deeply. He still thought about him constantly. He still yearned for him occasionally. Of course, not as much as before, but those emotions still existed. He couldn’t get rid of them so easily. Sometimes he would catch himself daydreaming of the pleasant times they spent together. He wished he could go back to those days, but at the same time, when he thought about Oikawa, his entire being would tremble with anticipation.

He was afraid of hurting himself again. His relationship with Kei didn’t go smoothly despite they had known each other for years. With just a few months of separation, it became fragile and weak. He had caused it to be that way. Their small problems became massive and unfixable. Their friendship was also ruined in the process. Since then, he hadn’t bothered getting to know anyone because of that fear and no one turned their interest towards him either. He thought he would be fine living and going through life by himself until he met up with Kei again. He had pictured it in his mind several times, a fateful accidental meeting followed by a wave of apologies, tears, and a sign of new opportunity. It was unlikely such an event would happen, but that didn’t stop Tadashi from hoping anyways.

Still, Kei hadn’t bothered to look for him since their breakup. He hadn’t bother to call him either. What was he left to believe? That he had moved on already with someone else? That he stopped waiting around for him to return? It was only natural. Kei wouldn’t spend all that time waiting around when he had probably already grown tired of him. Tadashi sadly smiled to himself as he pushed himself through a crowd of people in the subway. Holding onto his bags, he made it just in time and got on the scheduled train he needed.

Now, things were different. Oikawa had changed everything and he didn’t know what he was suppose to do with the attention that was being directed toward him. Then, what was worse still, was that at some point he starting becoming accustomed to it. He hadn’t thought of anyone but Kei for the longest time. He thought it would remain that way forever. However, Oikawa had showed up in his miserable life and lit up a spark that was threatening to grow into bursting flames. He wanted to see him. He wanted to hear his voice. He didn’t mind being around him. It wasn’t the same anymore and he was afraid because of it.

When he finally made it  to Oikawa’s apartment complex, he was surprised by how luxurious It actually was. They were fancier than he could have ever possibly imagined and a place he probably couldn’t afford with his current salary. He wanted to turn away in that very instance, but he found the courage to proceed. Tadashi anxiously went inside and made his up through the elevator, but still got lost regardless. After a long struggle, he was able to find the door he was looking for, a bit out of breath and with the help of a kind neighboring stranger. He hesitated and took a deep breath before he hit the buzzer. He waited impatiently since the urge to leave kept increasing.

He hit the button one more time, hearing the same low buzz echo from within. Aiko-chan answered it and asked who it was. He stuttered a reply with his mouth suddenly becoming dry and his hands sweating more than they normally would. She cheered happily upon hearing his voice and let him off for a couple of seconds. Then, he heard someone unlocking the door. Tadashi expected to see Aiko-chan since he had called her a while ago in advance. She had probably been waiting for him since then, but he was wrong like in most occasions. Instead, he met with an unsteady Oikawa. He stared at him completely surprised before he started rubbing his eyes with disbelief. Tadashi became too flustered to function.

“Here.” He immediately says, handing him the bag with the stuff he had gotten from the store. Oikawa doesn’t take it and continues to look at him silently. Tadashi nervously bites his lower lip, shoving the bag toward him with embarrassment. He wasn’t suppose to be there. It was a mistake. He should have known better. He gives the man a small smile and watches as he leans against the door for support. Aiko-chan wasn’t exaggerating when she said he was sick. He looked like he was still going through a high fever. Tadashi didn’t need a thermometer to confirm that.

“Yama-chan?” He suddenly whispered and he seemed to finally get a hint of what was going on. He lifted his hand to touch his hair, making Tadashi freeze in his spot. “I’m not dreaming?”

“I’m sorry. I called you a while ago, but you didn’t answer. Aiko-chan told me you were sick and I just came by to hand you some things you might need.” He couldn’t look at him anymore. The smile across Oikawa’s face was too much for him to handle all at once. Did his presence really bring him that much happiness? “Anyways, it was irresponsible of you to keep Aiko-chan with you and to not send her to class without noticing the school. That’s all I wanted to say. I hope you get better.”

Tadashi turned around to leave, but Aiko-chan peeked in from the doorway. She grabbed his hand and started pulling him inside against his will. He internally started to panic. “Yamaguchi-sensei! You really came to visit us! I’m so happy! My daddy didn’t believe me when I told him you were coming! See? I told you!”

“Make yourself at home.” Oikawa told him, but his tone of voice wasn’t serious at all. Tadashi took off his shoes by the entrance before he was pulled further in by the overexcited girl. They stopped in the middle of living room and he looked at the spacious apartment. It was incredible. He could see why Oikawa had thought so little of his own home. He slowly took a deep breath, wishing he could be anywhere but there. He started feeling nauseous again and fought the impulse to run to the bathroom.

Aiko-chan left, running to her room to bring something she wanted to show him. Oikawa took this chance to get closer, his smile never disappearing from his face. “I didn’t know you would get this worried about me.”

“I wasn’t worried about you.” He snapped at him much too quickly though he couldn’t really deny it so well. He was already shaking. Then he remembered their kiss and became worse. “I was worried about Aiko-chan since she didn’t come to school. I thought something had happened since you didn’t call in to excuse her absence either.”

“Yeah, but you still came anyways. To see me. Just admit it.” Oikawa approached him and got incredibly close from behind. He leaned his head over his shoulders, but Tadashi could only close his eyes shut in response. His fever was probably getting the best of him. It was a contagious thing, but that didn't explain why he wanted to turn around and hold him too. Oikawa tilted his head toward the nape of his neck. He stayed that way for a while without really doing anything in particular. He lifted his hands and held on tightly to his arms. Tadashi flinched by his sudden touch. He shuddered when he placed them just over his hips.“You smell nice. You’re really warm too. Ahh, I’m so into you…you're irresistible.”

Unexpectedly, Tadashi turned around and placed his hand over the stunning man’s forehead. He was really burning with a fever, but he didn’t think the blush spread across his face could compare to his. He pushed him off immediately before Aiko-chan came back. “You’re worse than I thought. You shouldn’t be up if you’re feeling this bad. Honestly, how irresponsible are you? You’re never going to get any better.”

“But, I’m so happy you’re here, Yama-chan.” Oikawa stumbled forward a bit and Tadashi had hold him up to prevent him from falling over. Still, they were so close and once again, he could hear his rapidly beating heart. He would never forget the sound of it. “Has anyone ever told you how cute you are? Because you are. I can tell you that a million times over until you believe me.”

“Please stop. You need to go to bed right now.”

“You know, Yama-chan, you’re beautiful.” He was running on a fever. That was the only explanation he could give himself. The fact that someone like Oikawa found him beautiful was absurd. No one had ever called him that, not even Kei. Tadashi wanted him to stop, but again, it was always the small details and gestures that got to him. “I wasn’t going to take this serious at first. I’m kind of messed up in that way, but you managed to convince me. You’re meant to be with me.”

How did things turn out this way? He wasn’t really sure, but he didn’t like it one bit. Still, he didn’t hate it either and even though Oikawa was kind of out of it, Tadashi sincerely smiled at him as if he were in love. “You really say some ridiculous things.”

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated much later than I would have liked, so thanks for the wait. Also, thank you very much for reading and like always, I apologize for my mistakes!
> 
> And a special happy birthday to Yamaguchi, my lovely child!


	16. Chapter 16

 

Surprisingly, he had spent his entire afternoon there with him. He hadn’t planned it that way at all, but he couldn’t exactly leave Aiko-chan alone when Oikawa was no condition to watch over her. As soon as he dragged him to his room, he fell asleep and hadn’t woken up since. Tadashi decided to stick around for a bit and keep the young girl company until it was time to tuck her in bed as well. She was quite obedient even though she kept constantly asking if her dad was going to be okay. He tried to reassure her countless of times, but it was never enough to convince her. It gave him a headache since he couldn’t help but worry also.

After checking his temperature again, Tadashi was glad to see that the medicine was finally starting to kick in. The fever was still there, but it had weakened and his breathing had regularized itself. Sitting down on the edge of the bed for a bit, he sighed with relief as he felt a heavy pressure being lifted off his chest. He was okay and he would probably be completely cured by morning. He got a little closer, grabbing the wet cloth over the nightstand. He pushed his soft brown hair away from his face before he placed the cloth over his forehead. His fingers accidentally brushed his skin, but he didn't immediately stumble away.

Tadashi remained there next to him and he didn’t even notice the small smile that was starting to form across his face. It was weird how just being there with him could set his heart running. Everything hurt. His feelings for the man existed, but he didn’t want to let them grow into anything further. Sadly, he didn't know how to prevent it. 

He subconsciously started watching him again, his eyes completely fascinated by his perfection. He looked beautiful even though he was sleeping. It was annoying since he didn’t think anyone was capable of looking so graceful even when they’re not trying to be. For one, he was a terrible sleeper and he was known to kick around a lot, the total opposite. 

Tadashi lifted his hand once again and was tempted to touch Oikawa’s face, but stopped himself before the realization hit him. He pressed the wet cloth over his forehead firmly instead. He wasn't the sick one and yet, his face felt just as hot and flustered. He wasn’t sure what he was still doing there, but he just couldn’t get himself leave. Unfortunately, he wasn’t given enough time to think of an excuse.

“What? You’re...still here, Yama-chan?”

He panicked and almost fell back from utter shock. Tadashi immediately stood up, laughing nervously as if someone had just told a bad joke. Oikawa was awake now, but the grin plastered across his face wasn’t making him feel any better. He looked around and rubbed the back of his neck, feeling an ache in the pit of his stomach.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up. I was just checking to see if you were okay before I left. Aiko-chan’s asleep already and I left some soup for you in the fridge. It probably won’t meet your standards, but it’s better than nothing, right? Anyways, there’s a bag of medicines over the counter. If you start feeling sick again, you should take some. Well, that’s that. I guess you’re awake now, so I should get going.” Tadashi’s palms were starting to sweat and the room suddenly felt stuffy. He turned around to leave in an instant.

“Don’t go. I think I’m going to puke.” Oikawa placed his hands over his mouth and of course, Tadashi went toward him. Even so, he should have known that the childish man was just lying. Taking advantage of the moment, he grabbed his wrist and pulled him low enough so that his eyes were gazing straight into his taunting ones. The tips of their noses briefly touched and Tadashi tried his best to suppress a surprise screech. Then, Oikawa placed his other hand over his face. He gulped.

“I could have sworn I was dreaming.” He didn’t know if he was teasing him or not, but Tadashi couldn’t find the will to move himself away anymore. He didn’t really mind it, so when Oikawa leaned in to kiss him, he let him do it. “Thanks for taking care of me.”  

“Don’t get the wrong idea. I was doing it for Aiko-chan. She was really worried about you and I just couldn’t leave her alone. After you were knocked out, she kept asking me if you were going to be okay. I couldn’t really calm her down after that.” He told him, looking away since he felt himself being absorbed into Oikawa’s charming brown eyes. Then again, anyone would probably get lost in them. They were that beautiful. “She’s asleep now, thankfully. Seriously, though, how in the world did you get this sick to begin with? You seemed fine before.”

“I think I might have stayed out for too long in the cold.” Oikawa let go of his wrist and sat up straight, placing his finger over his chin, letting the wet cloth fall over his mattress. “I don’t know, but I’m guessing that’s what it was. I couldn’t sleep, so I stepped out into the balcony to clear my mind, but that didn’t really work either. I just can’t stop thinking about you.”

Tadashi rolled his eyes at his comment, but deep down, he was sincerely flattered. He could never say something so embarrassing, but to Oikawa, stuff like that was pretty easy to express. “Anyways, I’m happy you’re feeling better, but I don’t think it’s necessary for me to be here for much longer. It’s getting late. I have to wake up early for work tomorrow. I think I should go now and please don’t forget to send Aiko-chan to school.”

“I want you stay here with me.” Oikawa’s voice became so serious that it almost scared him.

There was an awkward tension arriving and Tadashi didn’t know what to do. He knew that Oikawa could convince him to stay if he tried, but that wasn’t what he wanted. It couldn’t be. He stood there for what seemed for hours when Oikawa’s phone started vibrating to a cheerful little tune. He reached to grab it, but didn’t bother to answer or reply back. Tadashi noticed, though, the way his face briefly lit up with joy. It wasn’t hard to see, but awfully difficult to ignore. “It’s Iwa-chan.”

Iwa-chan, meaning Iwaizumi Hajime. Everything Tadashi felt crumbled in a split second. He was brought back to reality, remembering the position he was in. He scolded himself for it. He was still in love with Kei. He had to be. “Well, there you go. Maybe you should tell Iwaizumi-san to come keep you company. He’ll probably be better suited for you than me, considering you’ve been friends for a while, right? I’ll get going, then, so I hope you feel well soon.”

“Wait! It’s not what you think!” He immediately got up from his bed which startled him completely. Rushing towards him, Oikawa embraced him tightly from behind and stopped him from leaving the room. Tadashi’s chest felt like it was on fire. “Listen, Yama-chan, I really want you to stay here with me. Trust me. Iwa-chan is just a friend. We dated before, sure, but that’s in the past now. We had a really bad breakup and it was mostly my fault. No, it was entirely my fault. I hurt him in the most awful way.”

Tadashi listened even though he wanted to runaway.

“I’ve mentioned this briefly before, but I don’t think I’ve told you the full story.” There was regret in his voice. There was pain, agony, and misery. He could feel it. He understood it well. “I messed up my knee during a volleyball match once and ever since then, I haven’t been able to play. It seriously ruined me. Volleyball meant everything to me and just like that, in a single moment, all the hard work I had put in for years was ripped from me. I couldn’t bear it, but it was wrong of me to take my frustration out on Iwa-chan. He didn’t deserve it.

“We were dating at the time, but I screwed up everything. I ended up partying more than I should have and that’s when I met Aiko-chan’s mom. I hooked up with her when I was still with Iwa-chan. Obviously when the news broke out, we split up for good. I think it was the best thing he could have done. Since then, I haven’t really been serious about anyone in particular, but you’re different, Yama-chan. I really think-”

“So, in other words, you’re just using me to forget about the love of your life.” There was a harsh tone in his voice, but he wasn’t planning on holding back. He was angry for letting himself get carried away with false illusions. Did he ever actually think that he could start something Oikawa? Did he honestly believe that he liked him? “I wasn’t asking for an explanation and I’d really appreciate it if we just left this alone.”

“Why, though? I’m really serious about this and I want to get to know you better. I want to be with you. I want to spend time with you. I never thought I would feel this strongly towards anyone ever again, but I was wrong and I’m glad I was wrong.” Oikawa took his hands and he was surprised to feel them hotter than before. He wondered if his fever was starting to come back. Then again, it would make sense. It would be the reasoning behind his sudden impulsive behavior. “Just tell me one thing. Do you like me, Yama-chan?”

“I do. I like you...very much as a person. You’re a wonderful human being.” Tadashi wanted it probably just as much as he did, but he was afraid of what could happen. He was terrified of getting hurt again.

He still wasn’t over Kei and he never thought he would be. That’s what he knew and what he wanted to continue believing. He couldn’t move on yet when there could still be a chance, a chance that still hadn’t presented itself. Was it wrong to hope? Dating Oikawa wasn’t going to assure him happiness. It wasn’t going to guarantee him anything. Why should he risk it? Whether he liked him or not didn’t even seem like the issue in that moment. Kei meant the world to him and he wanted to keep it that way no matter what. No matter what...maybe?

“That’s not what I mean. Do you like me romantically?” The question was rephrased and he waited for an answer. He turned around, facing him for the first time since the start of their conversation. Oikawa wasn’t joking around. He wasn’t smiling or evilly smirking at him like the way he always was. His face was flushed red, but Tadashi was sure that it was because of his fever. Still, it confused him. He was torn between what he was suppose to do when he had already made it clear.  

“It’s okay if you don’t like me back because I promise I can win you over. I want you to go out with me.”

“I don’t know, Oikawa. There’s still lots of things that I need to work out. I don’t think I’m ready for...something...I think you should look elsewhere first. I’m not...I’m not the one for you probably.” He was a wreck, a complete disaster and he wanted to disappear. The more he thought about it, the more he became convinced of what it was that he wanted and it was completely inevitable. “I’m not much better than you...with this sort of stuff...I think you’re just desperate to find someone that will help you forget Iwaizumi-san. If that’s what this is, then I want you to stop.”

“How can I convince you that it's not!” He wasn’t given a chance to respond because that was when Oikawa’s exhaustion got the best of him. He stumbled on top of him, but Tadashi was able to catch him before he collapsed on the floor. He continued to mumble some things underneath his breath, but of course, he couldn’t understand his gibberish language. He didn’t even try to. He was quite heavy, but he was able to get him back into bed somehow. He placed several blankets over his body and quickly checked his temperature. His fever had definitely risen again.

He spotted Oikawa’s phone that was laying on the bed. It was blinking. There were several missed calls and of course, they were all from Iwaizumi. It hurt. Terribly. More than he imagined, but he grabbed it anyways. He had always been wrong about many things in the past. He always did and said things he didn’t mean. It’s what caused him to end his relationship with Kei and he never looked for him again. He didn’t deserve to be looked for or found. The things he wanted tended to always contradict his actions. Slowly, he was turning into that same pathetic child that couldn’t stand up for himself so many years ago. A complete coward. That would never change.

He called him and it didn’t take him long to answer.  _"Hey, Tooru! What the hell!? I've calling you for hours!"_

It hurted. Intensely. He hated it, but he couldn’t stop himself. “Iwaizumi-san, it’s Yamaguchi Tadashi. I’m Aiko-chan’s teacher and I just wanted to let you know that Oikawa-san is in pretty bad shape. I think you should come and take care of him. Please.”

But, there was nothing more to think about. He couldn’t admit it or deny it yet, but he had a horrible suspicion that he was no longer in love with Kei. If that was true, then he instantaneously losing his chance with Oikawa too.

He was a mess, a complete disaster, a coward.

* * *

 

_He hadn’t said much since he had arrived, but Tadashi, for the most part, was okay with it. There was really nothing much to say and he was just happy that he was getting the chance to spend some time with Kei. They had both been very busy lately especially him. His schedule was divided between school, his job and the small volleyball team he was handling with the kids. It was fun and he was currently preparing them for the mini tournament they were going to have early in the summer. There were still a few months until the event, but he thought it was best to get them ready beforehand. Then, much to his joy, they seemed to like him. It made him believe that his career as a teacher would go well._

_Thankfully, he had managed to get a break for the weekend and he was able to meet up with his boyfriend in his university. They were holding their annual festival and Kei had invited him over for it. Of course, he quickly accepted. There were cool stands all over with games, food, and interesting club displays. The entire place crawled with overexcited students and other neighboring residents he presumed. Certainly, it was impressive and it was nothing compared to his own school._

_Still, Kei wasn’t into the whole commotion and after he quickly showed him around, he pulled him away to a place where they could be alone. They sat down right next to each other in an isolated bench on the far side of the main campus building. There were fireworks illuminating the sky and Tadashi was really enjoying the view. He leaned his head over Kei’s shoulder with a long deep sigh as he slowly reached down to grab his hand. It was dark enough, so Kei didn’t stop him. The fireworks continued to blast away for a solid minute before everything fell silent. Distant music began to play again with sound of cheers and an applauding crowd._

_“That was incredible. I don’t think my school could ever pull off something so grand. Thank you for inviting me.” Tadashi smiled at his boyfriend, but he got no response. He seemed lost in his thoughts, his attention directed somewhere else. “Hey, Tsukki? You’ve been kind of out of it this whole time. Are you okay? Are you sick? If something is bothering you, then please tell me.”_

_“It’s nothing for you to be concerned about. Everything’s fine.”_

_He was lying obviously which made him feel incredibly uneasy. After everything that they had been through, did he still not trust him enough to talk to him about his problems? That was part of the reason why they had gotten into such a messy misunderstanding before. He was always so determined to bottle up his feelings and while he tried his best to respect his decisions, there were occasions when he couldn’t handle it. He didn’t let his insecurities bog him down, but he still couldn’t make them completely disappear._

_Kei sat up straight before taking a deep breath. He looked at him with tired eyes and Tadashi could see the many nights he had probably stayed up late to study. “My brother is getting married in a few months. I think I mentioned it before, but the date has finally been decided. They’ve been going on about this for a year already I think, but they finally told us when the ceremony is taking place. She’s a good person. I’m sure she’s going to make him happy.”_

_“That’s great. I’m glad he found someone to share his life with.” Tadashi commented, but Kei wasn’t finished yet. He briefly smiled and reached out to brush his hair back with his long fingers. For some reason, he looked like he was in deep pain and it confused him terribly. “Aren’t you happy for them? I mean, your brother is an incredible person. He’s been there for you, so shouldn’t you support him in his big decision?”_

_“It’s not like that. I do support him and if he likes her that much, then he should just go on ahead with it.” The music playing changed into something less exciting and more soothing, but that wasn’t enough to calm him down. He could feel his anxiety levels slowly rising as he tried to guess what was wrong with the person he loved. He watch him as adjusted his glasses, placing his focus on the burning lights that were carefully hung around the tree branches._

_“We’re not kids anymore. We’re adults and there are people that expect certain things from us. My parents are some of those people.” Tadashi nodded since he knew Kei’s parents quite well. They weren’t terrible and he had always been very fond of them, but the truth was that they were a bit strict. They could, on occasions, be rather demanding. Still, every time he would come over, his mother would treat him like another son and ask him join the family dinner. He never declined them once._

_“Ever since my brother mentioned his marriage, they’ve been wondering and asking how I’m doing with those sort of things too.” Kei told him and he was finally able to see the direction of the conversation. Immediately, he was overwhelmed with guilt. “It’s weird because they had never taken any interest in my love life, so I don’t get why they’re so pushy all of a sudden. It’s annoying. They’re driving me crazy.”_

_Tadashi didn’t say anything and instead focused his gaze on the cold ground that was covered with colorful confetti. He played with stitches of his scarf, not bothering to look up at Kei. His chest felt heavy again since everything was his fault. The Tsukishima’s loved him, but they both knew quite well that he would never be accepted as Kei’s lover._

_“It’s understandable, though. They’re just worried about you and they want you to find the ideal person like your brother. I’m sure they’re just concerned. You’ve never mentioned this to them before, I think? And you’re right, we’re not young anymore and before we know it, we’ll be graduating from college. Time goes by fast. I’m sure they’re waiting for you to settle down with someone.”_

_He would never be good enough. He would never be accepted in the family that way. That was the reason why Kei was stressing out about the situation so much. He couldn’t tell his parents about their relationship because things wouldn’t end well otherwise. He could only expect the worse and once again, he felt slightly responsible. It was just one small problem after another._

_Kei looked at him with solemn eyes, but Tadashi’s hands were already shaking. He opened his mouth to say something, to say the inevitable, but a firm hand was quickly pressed over his lips. He looked at Kei’s annoyed face. His eyebrows were slightly furrowed with anger and his cheeks were showing hints of a blush._ _“_

_No, Tadashi, I’m not breaking up with you.”_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Halfway there, huh? I still can't believe it and sometimes I feel like there hasn't been much progress. Still, thank you very much for reading! I apologize for my mistakes!


	17. Chapter 17

 

“I’m sorry, but can you explain that to me again? I don’t get it.” He wasn’t hungry at all, but he was sitting in the table anyways with Iwa-chan. While he felt much better from before, there was still a faint headache he couldn’t get rid of and it was mostly due to the events that had transpired the previous night. Yamaguchi had been there and from what he could remember, he had really embarrassed himself. Tooru pushed aside his plate of food, turning to look at Iwa-chan who was drinking a sole cup of coffee.

He rolled his eyes at his question since they had been talking about the same topic most of the morning. “There’s really nothing more to explain. He called me over to take care of you because you were hopelessly sick. When I got here, he was already gone.”

“But, he really was here, wasn’t he?” Tooru beamed with delight, remembering the way Yamaguchi had briefly touched his face when he thought he was asleep. Then, not much longer, he kissed him and the freckled man quietly let him. He let him hold him. He let him be there next to him. In other words, Yamaguchi cared about him. That much he was sure of. There was a mutual feeling and that’s why he didn’t understand why he had rejected him. He asked him out, he remembered it clearly, and he never accepted. It left him incredibly uneasy.

“I still can’t believe it. I should get sick more often if that’s the kind of attention I’m going to get from him.”

“You’re an idiot.” Iwa-chan snapped at him, throwing him a frightening glare that he knew from middle school. He shrugged his shoulders and stared at his phone next to him. He had been completely out of it. He had considered the whole thing to be a dream, but then he saw the countless missed calls. He had a vague memory of what had happened and Iwa-chan had successfully erased the few doubts he had left. His smile probably couldn’t be less obvious. He was unexpectedly happy even though he had been out flat rejected. His sincere confession had been ignored again, but the fact that Yamaguchi had come over just for him was a big win.

“Still, I was kind of surprised. I never expected him to have that kind of nerve. Honestly, I don’t remember much about him beside his annoying serves.” Hajime lifted his mug to get a drink, but stopped and rested the rim of cup against his lower lip. A glimpse of sadness flickered in his eyes. “Are you actually serious about him, though? It doesn’t really seem like you. He doesn’t seem like your type either.”

“Strange. Isn’t this what you always wanted me to do? Weren’t you always saying that I should settle down already and that I should stop fooling around? Weren’t you always telling me that I should start behaving for Aiko-chan’s sake? I’ve lost count of the times you’ve scolded me for that.” Tooru didn’t say it with ill intentions, but there were certain things that he couldn’t refrain from letting go. “I’m not saying that Yama-chan is the one. Well, he might be, but I really want to try things out to see if they work. So, back to your question, yes; I am serious about this, about him.”

Iwa-chan placed his mug on the table again and didn’t dare to look at him. He remained still as if he were slowly processing the words that he had just spoken. Was it really such a shock? Was it really that unbelievable that he was truly interested in someone other than him? Then again, if he would have said the same thing to his past self, he wouldn’t have believed it either. Thankfully, he had changed and his life was starting to look better. There was a chance, there was hope that everything would work out. “Why do you ask? Is it really that surprising?”

“No, it’s not like that. If you think he’s the one that will make you happy, then go for it.” His voice didn’t sound encouraging, but he could tell that he was trying. Tooru brushed his hair back with his fingers, feeling the headache starting to surface again. The worst possible scenario had happened. He was sure of it now. Hajime still had feelings for him. He still wasn’t over him despite all the pain and suffering he had caused him. He was truly an incredible person.

“Clearly, I failed at something as simple as that. I guess I couldn’t give you the happiness that you were looking for.”

He was remembering the past. He was remembering the time when they both thought they would remain with the other forever. However, he messed everything up because of his own selfishness and thoughtless acts. Even if they managed to patch things up, Tooru was sure that they would never forget. Iwa-chan might probably still love him, but he would never do anything about it. He had already given up on him. Completely. Something still remained, but those feelings were buried deep within like tiny seeds that would never sprout again.

Tooru shook his head and gave the man a smile that would once emerge so naturally. While he didn’t like it, they both knew it was the right thing. They both needed to move on to heal their broken and shattered hearts. It was inevitable and the only way to prevent more unnecessary pain from both sides.

“How many years has it been since then? Six? Almost seven?” Tooru began, leaning his head over the palm of his hand as he stared at the blank ceiling. “We’ve gone through so many things and I don’t think I’ll ever stop saying sorry to you. Again, for the millionth time; I’m sorry. I was a complete idiot, but you’re still here with me and I’m sincerely thankful for that. Honestly, I would have been lost without you.”

Hajime took a deep breath and looked at him for the first time since the start of their conversation. He didn’t appear angry. Instead, he seemed passively calm and resilient. Until a while ago, Tooru was the same way and he wanted to get together with him  He would go to him whenever his problems got the best of him. He would turn to him after each failed and broken relationship. It was the same story every time. He was never serious about anyone because of Hajime. Now, with Yamaguchi in the picture, he wanted to start over the right way.

“I don’t know how it happened. No, actually I do, but I never thought things would turn out this way.” He lowered his head and placed it over the table helplessly. He covered his face with his arms, turning away from Iwa-chan’s silent stern gaze. “But, I really like Yama-chan and I don’t think it’s like a high school crush either. He’s stubborn and difficult to get along with, but he’s a pretty amazing person. Someone I could definitely see myself with for the passing years. The problem is there’s something else that’s stopping him from accepting me. I don’t know what it is, but I’m going to figure it out. After all, who could possibly resist me?”

“Shittykawa.” Tooru looked up at him just slightly and was surprised to see a small smile on his friend’s face. He still carried a sorrowful expression, but it wasn’t as bad as before. “How can you be so sure he even likes you back? You’re an incredible pain in the ass and annoying as hell.”

“Mean! Iwa-chan is mean!” He told him, but he couldn’t suppress his laughter. “And for your information, he does feel something towards me. After all, he did come over just to take care of me. He made us dinner and brought some medicine. Oh, then I kissed him once and he responded back. He often stares at me too. I think it’s pretty obvious that he does like me back, maybe not as much as I do yet, but enough to call it important.”

There was proof. There was plenty of evidence that their feelings were mutual, but how could he get the freckled man to admit it? Tooru sighed, pulling his breakfast plate towards him again. He wasn’t nauseous anymore, so he figured he could take something in without worrying. Iwa-chan had gone out of his way to make it after all.

“I actually asked him out last night out of impulse and I told him how much I liked him, but he didn’t say anything about it. He mentioned you, so I tried to explain our situation, but again, I think he misunderstood completely. Even though we’ve gotten to know each other a bit, I don’t think he has any faith in me. He doesn’t trust a single word I say despite the time we’ve spent together. He doesn’t believe in my feelings for him probably. I don’t know, but I get that there is something else going on too.”

“Sounds complicated.” Hajime replied after adding some more sugar to his coffee. He took another sip, found it displeasing, and added a bit more. “You’re overthinking about it. Just leave him and he’ll come to you if he’s serious. I’m not one to give advice, but if he is going through some stuff, let him figure it out on his own. There’s not much you can do if he doesn’t want to talk about it.”

Tooru nodded, but his patience was already starting to run low. He knew exactly what he wanted. His mind had decided which path to walk down in. He hoped Yamaguchi would realize it soon too.

They didn’t say much to one another after that and he ate the rest of his breakfast in silence. After a couple of minutes, Hajime got up and told him he had to go to work. He cleaned up some of the empty dishes from the table before he went over to the kitchen to wash them. Once he was finished, he grabbed his light coat that was set over the sofa. Tooru quickly got up and followed him to the door.

“Thanks for coming over and staying the night. You didn’t have to you know. I could have managed.” Iwa-chan turned around to give him the biggest disapproving look. He was lying, of course, and Iwa-chan knew it. In fact, he felt so terrible in the morning that he had to take another day off from work. Then, he couldn’t even find the strength to take Aiko-chan to school. Thankfully, since Hajime was there, he was able to take her for him. He never would have heard the end of it from Yamaguchi if he had forced his daughter to miss another day for unjustified reasons.

“Anyways, I hope you're okay with all this.”

Iwa-chan gave him a smirk and walked over to smack him in the head as hard as he could. He whined loudly, but he was strangely happy about it. Somehow, he felt like he was reliving his friendship days with the man he used to love so dearly. “Who the hell do you take me for? I’m not going to sit around forever and be depressed about it.”

Even as he walked away, Tooru could see through his terrible acting. His movements were unsteady. His hands were visibly shaking. His eyes were red from a long sleepless night he had no recollection over. It was almost as if they were breaking up for the second time. However, this time, it was certain that nothing could ever be. He might have wanted to date Hajime again a couple of months ago, but his indecisiveness and carelessness brought him to the point where he couldn’t move at all. He could only sit back and watch as time continued to tick by. He hated it, but he had already decided that there was no going back. He was firm with his decision. He had met Yamaguchi and he wanted to be with him.

Iwa-chan opened the door, but he grabbed his wrist and stopped him from leaving. He didn’t look at him which was a bit relieving. “I don’t think I’ve ever stressed this enough, but I’m truly sorry. I’m sorry for everything I’ve made you go through even now. I hope you find the right person that will know how to value and appreciate you. Something I wasn’t able to accomplish.”

“Don’t feel bad for it. I’m happy for you.” His brief smile quickly turned into a deep scowl that could possibly scare away the children right out of town. “But, I swear Tooru, if he hurts you, I’ll fucking murder him.”

“Let’s hope not, then.” He let go of his hand and watched his friend leave not much happier since the morning. Closing the door, he leaned against it and thought about Yamaguchi. He thought about what laid ahead. He was sure that neither of them was prepared for it.

Already, so soon, he wanted to see him again. He wanted to ask him out properly. The night before had been messy and it definitely hadn’t worked out in his favor. He had been, after all, indirectly rejected instantly. Tooru sighed and checked his phone for messages. There were none, but he wrote one to Yamaguchi anyways; _Hey, Yama-chan! Thank you so much for yesterday! I’m feeling much better in case you're wondering. (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)_

He wasn’t expecting a reply since he was probably at work, so he sent him a few more. It wouldn’t hurt and it was a fair way to get rid of some of his anxiety. _I might of made you uncomfortable last night and I’m sorry. It wasn’t my intention. I hope you’re not mad at me for it? (˵•́ ‸ •̀˵) ヽ(;´Д｀)ﾉ_

Tooru gave the last message a bit more thought. He stopped and looked around the room, wondering what would be best. _I’m going to pick up Aiko-chan today. Maybe the three of us could go somewhere to eat? Or we could hang out and have some fun? (*´∀`*)_

It wasn’t that he was asking him out on a date, but he really wanted to talk to him. Even if he was turned down again, he wanted to know where their status currently stood. He wanted to know what his feelings were for him. He wanted to know if he liked him back. Tooru sat down on the sofa and leaned his head back with a sigh. Yamaguchi had his doubts. He was indecisive about the whole situation and while he was unsure about his reasons, Tooru was determined to help him clear it up. 

Yamaguchi felt something for him. If he didn’t, then he wouldn’t have kissed him back. He wouldn’t have led him on for so long. He probably wasn’t ready to start another relationship, but he was tired of waiting around. He really liked Yamaguchi. It wasn’t love or anything like that, but it was a strong feeling that resembled it.

Or at least, that’s what he wanted to believe. There was always a saying that said whoever falls in love first loses and he wasn’t going to risk it anymore.

* * *

 

_He picked up the phone for the millionth time, but he couldn’t find the courage to call him. He had to tell him. He needed to before he found out by someone else. There were going to be rumors spread around, some more exaggerated than others, that he needed to set straight. Tooru had left in the middle of the lecture after his persistent friend suggested him to do so. He felt awful, but it wasn’t because of the amount of drinking he had done the night before at the party. He fucked up and there was nothing he could do to fix the mess he had gotten himself into._

_Hajime still hadn’t gotten home even though he had received a text earlier. He had told him to go to class and that he would arrive later in the day. Training had gone well, so he was in a pretty good mood to spend some time with him. Tooru didn’t get a chance to reply back then, but now he didn’t think he could face him ever again without breaking down._

_It was tormenting him._

_The incidents that had occurred played back in his head dozens of times. Tooru had been with her. He had sex with her. He cheated on Iwa-chan with a girl he barely even knew._

_Wrapping himself in bed sheets, Tooru turned on his phone again and went through the pictures that were saved in his album. There were photos of him and Iwa-chan together, moments that captured their love he thought would last a million years. A majority of them were selfies with his annoyed and much frustrated boyfriend in the background scolding him. There were unexpected shots he had gotten of Iwa-chan too. He usually kept them all, even the blurry ones. He loved looking back at them and sharing a laugh. He loved him more than anything, but he had still failed him in so many ways._

_He thought about sending him a text message and started one out several times. However, none of them sounded right, so he gave up quickly after. Tooru groaned as he turned around in the bed, feeling his headache getting worse with the passing minutes. His endless thoughts kept emerging to torment him and to remind him that his relationship with Iwa-chan was over. The life he had always dreamed of with the man he loved was beyond reach and had become the impossible because of his stupid mistakes._

_Tooru bumped into her by chance. His so called friends had left them behind, but he saw the way they supportively nudged her elbow, telling her that her chance had finally arrived. He didn’t get what was going on and he was too intoxicated to even care. He stayed there with her. He flirted around with her and she playfully flirted back. She touched him, slowly at first, but he let her anyways. It wasn’t much different from what he usually did. He thought he would be able to handle the situation regardless. Of course, he was completely wrong._

_He didn’t know her that well, but she was quite popular and often talked about in campus. Aside from being a part time model with an impeccable body, she was incredibly talented and was involved in numerous clubs. Her grades, from what he had heard from others, were impressive and almost unbelievable. She had plans of going to law school, so worked hard to get and maintain high scores. Then, she was attractive with a unique personality._

_She had been wanting to get with him for the longest time, but Tooru never paid attention to her. He never gave her any signs that he wanted something intimate or personal. In fact, he wasn’t even interested in acquiring her friendship. He had Hajime. That was all he needed._

_Even so, he stayed there with her and chatted about things that were hardly relevant. She first saw him in the volleyball court. She was impressed with his skills and instantly made it her goal to meet him. She asked him why he didn’t play anymore, but he didn’t bother to answer. Then, the entire time he was there with her, he didn’t even remember to get her name._

_He peaked his head from underneath the blankets and with a heavy sigh, called Hajime. He answered immediately, greeting him with a rough angry voice. Tooru couldn’t help but faintly smile. “Dammit, Tooru! Why the hell are you skipping class?! Where the heck are you?”_

_“I’m sorry, Iwa-chan. I wasn’t feeling well. I did go to class, but Izu-chan told me to come home instead. He said he would get the notes for me, so it’s fine.” He paused, but Hajime had already fallen silent. He could probably tell that something was wrong. They were that close and he knew him that well to notice. “I know you’re probably tired. You’ve been working hard and everything, but I really need to talk to you. I need you to come. Please.”_

_“I’m almost home. Just wait for me there.”_

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you for reading and for making it this far into the fic! I seriously appreciate all of your comments and I apologize for my mistakes!


	18. Chapter 18

_Summer had just begun and as a result he had to give a lot of his time to the small volleyball team he managed. He was standing by the sidelines, watching the kids while they played against their neighborhood rival. Things weren’t looking too good for them, but Tadashi was positive they would win this set. He was there in the audience after all. Kei had come to visit him for a change and even though it took a lot of persuading, he was able to bring him along to their game. He quickly glanced at him, but he seemed just as bored as before._

_He didn’t appear to be enjoying the match at all which was truly heartbreaking. Tadashi had watched the kids evolve in strength with time and he learned to appreciate every single one. They gave their all in each game. They played with all their might, but most important of all, they never gave up. They were great players. Tadashi believed in them, so he could only cheer them on as they executed the plays they had practiced so hard for. However, they were falling behind on the scoreboard. He was forced to call a timeout._

_They gathered around and he advised him once again. They had already lost the first set, so they needed to win the second one to move forward. Even so, luck didn’t appear to be on their side. The other team wasn’t much stronger, but they made less mistakes which worked in their favor. Tadashi encouraged them and told them to put their full concentration in the game. They were better. They had great instincts. They couldn’t win by themselves, so that was why they had to learn to trust one another. He sent them off with a different vibe, a more spirited mood had been set place. Tadashi tried to sit on the bench and relax, but found himself unable to._

_The game continued on, but nothing changed. They ended up losing both sets which consequently disqualified them from the local tournament finals. He was upset about it, but not because of his reputation. He embraced the kids, who were sobbing loudly. He reminded them how proud he was and that he couldn’t have asked for a better team to coach. They nodded, but his words alone weren’t enough to console them. He understood, though. He had lived the same feeling once before. Defeat. It was haunting, but something one could exceptionally learn from._

_Sadly, while they didn't know yet, it was most likely his last time coaching them. He would be graduating from college soon and he needed to place his full focus on his studies. He would probably be replaced with someone else, a more skilled person, but he didn't think they would love them as much as he had grown to._

_They went home not long after that with their parents, not wanting to stay there to watch the other team celebrate their success. Kei waited for him by the gate. He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t need to anyways. He was just glad that he was there with him. They walked home in an awkward silence that was stiffer and drier than ice. He cleared his throat several times with hopes he could start a conversation. However, nothing interesting seemed to come to mind. They hadn’t seen each other in while, since the time he went to Kei’s university._

  
_Unfortunately, they had gotten into argument that time too since the blond somehow figured out his trail of thoughts. Tadashi had attempted to break up with him. He didn’t know why he had reasoned that way then, but he was glad Kei had stopped him. It was already more than clear that he couldn’t live without him. He loved him more than anything in the world. He didn’t think he could ever stress that enough._

~~... ~~

 

He was more distracted than usual. He couldn’t stop remembering the what had happened the night before. Out of impulse, he had gone to Oikawa’s place to see if he was alright after learning that he was sick. He didn’t bring Aiko-chan to school, so naturally he thought the worst had occured. He became exceptionally worried and couldn’t help himself from going. He wouldn’t be comfortable otherwise. Again, though, his intentions were misunderstood and Oikawa had asked him out once again. Still, Tadashi wasn’t even sure what his motives had been either.

It was difficult to believe, almost incredible to imagine that someone like Oikawa would even find him remotely pleasing to date. It had to be a joke and that was the only explanation he could come up with. He couldn’t possibly be serious. Then again, even if his feelings were honest, it didn’t matter to him. That wasn’t the problem that was bothering him. Tadashi was still in love with Kei and he was almost completely sure of it. He had to be or else he would be making a grand mistake.

With a long sigh, he continued to walk around as he vaguely listened to the conversations of his students as they ate their lunches. He smiled at them, but he wasn’t really paying attention at all. For the second time, however, he stopped in front of Aiko-chan. He thought about asking her about Oikawa. He wondered what had happened after he left. Most important of all, he was curious to know whether Iwaizumi had gone after he had called him. It wasn’t any of his business. He had no right to ask when he had no interest of getting involved, but the urge to ask was there. It was inevitably annoying. 

Honestly, Tadashi never quite expected Iwaizumi to answer so angrily. He was immediately startled by his raspy stern voice, but that didn’t stop him from asking him to come to Oikawa. He was just as surprised to hear him. A deep hovering silence was quickly followed before he tried to explain the situation again. Thankfully, Iwaizumi didn’t question him, but his arrival was never guaranteed since he stated he was pretty busy with something else. He hung up and Tadashi was left with an aching heart. He briefly walked back and looked at Oikawa as he restlessly laid in bed. He brushed his soft hair back before he turned around to leave. He stepped out the room and, as he closed the door, he heard his weak voice.

_“Don’t go, Yamaguchi.”_

Tadashi sighed again and got next to Aiko-chan after a minute of thinking it over. He immediately grabbed her attention and she happily proceeded to show him the lunch that had been especially prepared for her. She specifically held out a little bunny shaped pieces of apple. She seemed quite excited about it and strangely, her happiness seemed to spear right through him. Her smile was always the greatest thing to witness.

“Yamaguchi-sensei, look. Aren’t they cute? Iwaizumi-san made my lunch for me today! My daddy never has time to make me cute lunches! My sitter is the one that makes them for me. Iwaizumi-san is the best!"

He bit his lip and tried to prevent himself from screeching out loud in frustration. That was all he needed to confirm. He should have known better. There was probably no one in the world that would ever be too busy for Oikawa. He thought it was the best thing he could have done in that moment. Now, he wasn’t too sure. He was silently dying within at the thought of them being together. Again, everything was his fault. Iwaizumi probably ran to him right after without second thoughts. He didn’t hesitate.

As much as he wanted to deny it, Tadashi was torn in half. He was swimming in his own jealousy and envy, but he was the one to blame for everything. He didn’t know what he wanted anymore. A part of him wanted to rush to Oikawa’s side and at the same time, he wanted to remain with the memories he had made with Kei. While some were pleasant and others filled with sadness, he couldn’t forget. Tadashi felt a headache rising for the countless time that week. He didn’t know what to do anymore and the series of messages that Oikawa had sent him earlier only made him panic further.

“Is your dad feeling better? He seemed to be in a pretty bad shape yesterday.” He decided to change topics before he ended up saying things that he could regret later. Aiko-chan’s smile briefly vanished as she placed her cut apple back in her bento box. “The medicines seemed to be working, but then he sort of collapsed.”

“He wasn’t feeling too good in the morning. He couldn’t get up from bed and that’s why he didn’t go to work today either. Iwaizumi-san was the one who brought me to school today.” She looked down at her lunch with a worried expression written over her face. Tadashi patted her head gently with hopes she would feel better. “He did ask about you, though. He kept asking where you were. I think he had a fever or something because he couldn’t say anything else. It was driving Iwaizumi-san crazy.”

Tadashi turned away and he could feel an awful blush creeping across his face. Flustered, he stood up straight and quickly told Aiko-chan that her father was strong. He encouraged her by saying that he would get better in no time because he had her to look out for. It seemed to have worked for the most part since she went on to eat her lunch quite happily. Tadashi didn’t mention Oikawa to his daughter again for the rest of the day, but that didn’t stop him from thinking about the foolish man.

The day went by much too quickly, a realization that he could only dread. He still hadn’t come up with an excuse to deal with Oikawa’s invitation. He wasn’t prepared to see him yet so soon after what had happened. He wanted to have faith in his own decision of staying and remaining alone. However, there were so many doubts filling his mind. He didn’t know how to deal with so many surging emotions.

They waited for him together even though he didn’t want to be there at all. Aiko-chan held his hand patiently as they stood by the door to his classroom. Most his students were already gone, so it wasn’t that he anything else more urgent to do. He kept her company and chatted with her about idle things that naturally captured her curiosity. Even so, it wasn’t long after when he heard his voice. Aiko-chan instantly went towards him and embraced him as tightly as she could. Oikawa carried her in his arms, but he kept their meeting brief. His attention was rapidly placed upon him. Tadashi had never felt greater desire to disappear. He took a deep breath and faced the man that made his heart beat uncontrollably.

“Yama-chan, I think we should talk.” His voice was much too serious than he would have liked it to be. Tadashi remained quiet and watched Aiko-chan's confusion develop instead. She kept looking back and forth at them, probably finding the situation too intense to ask about. Oikawa set her down on the floor and reached out to grab his hand. Tadashi reacted in time, backing away. “I’m aware of what happened yesterday and I really meant what I said. I wanted the three of us to spend some time together today, but I want to clarify a few things with you first. It’s important to me. I already called Aiko-chan’s sitter for a while.”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t right now.” He was discreetly shaking. He didn’t know how to avoid Oikawa’s beautiful brown eyes. He would see right through him, right through his awful lies. “There’s a staff meeting we have to attend to later. I don’t know when it’s going to be over.”

He quickly turned around and headed back inside the classroom, but Oikawa called out to him again. Tadashi held the rim of his apron nervously and stopped. “How about later, then?”

“I can’t later either.” Tadashi closed his eyes at his own words, feeling his pain break him. Why? Why was he was so reluctant to stay in the past? He knew he had a slim chance of getting back with Kei. He had Yachi’s wedding to look forward to. He was sure he would meet Kei there. They would clear up their misunderstanding and get back together then. The same scenario replayed in his head. However, he was being blinded by the now, by the present, by Oikawa. “I can’t later. I can't tomorrow, or ever. I think it’s better if we just leave things the way they are. It’s what’s best for the both us.”

“Wait, you’re joking, right?” Oikawa tried to laugh, but failed miserably at it. Tadashi clenched his fists wanting to take back his words. His thoughts were a jumbled mess. He hated everything. His indecisiveness, insecurities, and fear would never disappear completely. “Yama-chan, you can’t be serious. I really do like-”

“I’m sorry, but I have to go. The meeting is going to start soon and I n-need to get my papers.” He interrupted him before he revealed anything more to the perplexed but silent Aiko-chan. Tadashi smiled at her, but didn’t dare to look at Oikawa. If he wasn’t careful, he was sure he would try to change his mind again. Even so, he couldn’t stop himself from stating his next words out of spite.

“You have Iwaizumi-san and I have Kei. Let's just stop this and leave it at that.”

~~...~~

 

_“It was an interesting game. You guys did well.” He told him after a couple of minutes of walking side by side. Tadashi looked at him oddly, gripping onto his sports bag nervously. It was strange he was saying those things when he never seemed to be excited by the games at all. Half of the time he looked either bored or extremely annoyed to be there. He regretted bringing him along. He had done it out of courtesy since it didn’t seem right to leave him behind in the apartment. He just wanted to spend some time with him even if it was indirectly._

_“You’re really good with the kids, though. I was really impressed by that.” There was a faint smile which caused Tadashi to feel at least a little bit better. He could question its sincerity, but he didn’t want to get into another fight with Kei. He thought their relationship had improved slightly since their incident during New Year’s eve. He didn’t want to consider that he might of been wrong. “They seem to really like you, too.”_

_“Well, they do now. When I first started out, I didn’t think I would ever get along with them. They were, how can I put it, kind of bratty. They wanted to do things their own way. They wouldn’t listen to me at all and the only thing they seemed to care about was winning. It was really frustrating actually.” Tadashi sighed, slumping his shoulders forward a bit. It came to point where he almost changed his mind about assisting the team. However, the other helpers told him not to and now, he was glad he had stuck with them. “I gained their trust eventually and pretty soon I was assigned to be their coach, I guess. We’ve been through alot together. I love them very much.”_

_Kei nodded at his comments, but made no effort to continue on with the conversation. Tadashi pushed his hair from his face, not knowing what else to say to keep the strange atmosphere from forming once more. He couldn’t help but wonder if his boyfriend was still mad at him for what had happened before in his university. There was only one way to find out, but he didn’t want to risk it and ask. “We should stop somewhere to eat before we head back home. My appetite kind of disappeared after the game, but I feel like it will at least make me feel better.”_

_“Sorry, I can’t.” Kei cut him dryly which caused him to stop walking. He looked at him and again, he carried the same bored and apathetic expression. Tadashi didn’t understand why he was acting that way. If he didn’t want to be there, then why didn’t he just say so? He never forced him to come or maybe he did, but he thought that he wanted to spend some time with him too. Clearly, he might have been wrong. Like always.“I think I told you already, but you were too busy to pay attention to what I was actually saying. I have to leave tomorrow morning. There’s some stuff I need get done first.”_

_“Stuff? Like what? What are you talking about?” Tadashi asked, but he didn’t receive an answer. Again. Kei was acting really weird. He couldn’t possibly guess what was wrong if he didn’t at least voice his worries. “What’s going on? You can tell and I’ll try to help you in any way that I can.”_

_“It’s fine. It doesn’t involve you anyways. You seem like you’re busy enough as it is.” He sounded grumpier than usual and he just couldn’t understand why. What had he done wrong this time? Did he mess up again? Tadashi thought back to the few phone calls and messages they had shared since the last time they had seen each other. He didn’t think he had said anything out of place._

_“But, seriously, how does it not involve me when I’m dating you?” It was a stupid thing to get into a fight for, but Tadashi could feel himself losing control. They were standing on a piece of thread already and he wondered if that was the reason why Kei wanted him out of his business. Honestly, it wasn’t anything new. He was used to being excluded from certain things in the past. “Why can’t you just tell me? I’ll understand-”_

_“Will you, Tadashi? Will you really?” He sounded angry, a rage that Tadashi didn’t see coming in the slightest. He was startled and he took a step back in reaction. Kei must of sensed his sudden fear because he instantly calmed down a bit. He sighed, but their was still annoyance seeping out of his voice. “That’s not what it seems like to me. It’s never been that way. Will you understand why? Will you get why I’m not taking you to my brother’s wedding? Will you be okay knowing that? I thought it would be better if I didn’t tell you about it, but since you want to know; there you go. Akiteru’s wedding is coming. He sent out the invitations already. I made sure you didn’t know about it because, preferably, I don't think it's convenient for you to go."_

_Tadashi dropped his bag on the ground as he stared at the blond. He was hurt, so much that he felt like he could cry right then and there. Had he really been like that? Was that really the way Kei saw him? He didn’t get it. His boyfriend wasn’t wrong about it. He wasn’t as loyal as his name claimed him to be. He was suddenly consumed with a sadness that he couldn’t restraint. It was obvious. He should have known since the beginning._

_“Why? You’re not taking me because you’re embarrassed of me? Because you don’t want everyone in your family to know about what we have? Because I’m not worthy enough to be by your side?” Tadashi wished he could just shut up, but his mind wasn’t listening to his pleads. He furious but at himself. He hadn’t changed much from high school at all. He was still the same anxious and apprehensive kid as ever. He probably always will be._

_“That’s not it at all. It’s not because of you.”_

_“But, you’re lying. Nothing would bring me more happiness than to accompany you. It’s such an important even for your brother, for your whole family. I’ve known you guys for such a long time. It wouldn’t seem weird if you brought me along. No one will think much of it. You know it, too. There’s something else that you’re not telling me.” He couldn’t possibly imagine what the reason could be, but he didn’t want to know anymore. He rather stay clueless about it if it was going to hurt him further._

_“You said it was a good game, but you were just lying, weren’t you? Again. You didn’t look like you were enjoying yourself at all. If that’s how you felt, then why didn’t you just leave.” He couldn’t stop himself and he could see how he was slowly starting to crack Kei’s cool composure as well. He was probably fed up with him already, tired of his whining, tired of him always complaining that they never saw each, tired of his constant nagging, tired of him always being the one that was pushing for things, tired of him always asking for his attention, tired of him always misunderstanding things._

_“Why did you even come? To tell me to ignore Aikteru’s invitation and not go? Is that what it was? Is that the reason why you’ve been acting so weird? Ever since you transferred to another school, I felt like everything was slowly falling apart. Things just weren’t the same and I felt the distance getting bigger. However, recently, I thought things could  get better. They were for a while. You came over to see me after our fight. We made up and you gave me a gift that I treasure dearly. Now, they’re starting to crumble again. Why? Because you never make an effort. You’re always hesitating about something.”_

_“And you’re always misunderstanding everything. You let your insecurities get the best of you every time. You say that I don’t make an effort, but you’re the one that’s not even trying. Even in high school, when we first started dating, you were always trying to find some excuse to break up. Seriously, just how weak are you?”_

_Kei stepped forward, he grabbed his hand but Tadashi snatched it away from his hold. He didn’t think he could look at him. He was just so pathetic, so childish about everything. He seriously knew how to ruin the moment. There were so many emotions swirling within in him. He had just lost an important match with the team. Kei had seemed angry during the whole game. Now, he was telling him that he didn’t want him in his brother’s wedding. What was the correct reaction? How was he suppose to feel?_

_“You’re right. I am weak, but I thought that was a part of me that you already knew, a part of me that you had accepted. I’m not perfect, Tsukishima. I’m selfish and I’m needy. I’m constantly asking for your attention and I want reminders of your affection. Is it really that terrible for me to ask, for me to want from my boyfriend that lives so far away? We’ve been together for so long. I know you better than anyone. I know you don’t work that way, but because we’ve been together for so long, I would at least like to think that I’m important enough for that.”_

_“You are important to me, but even though you say that, it doesn’t seem like you believe it at all.” Kei had lost his patience by then. He was probably done listening to him. Tadashi stared at the ground, letting his strands of hair cover his teary eyes. His hands were shaking, but it wasn’t necessary because of his own anger. He was afraid. The moment he knew would someday come had indeed come. In an instant, everything he knew came tumbling down._

_Everything he cherished fell apart before his eyes and it was his fault. He didn’t know why he was that way. He thought he had become stronger throughout the years. He thought he was brave enough to stand up for himself. Like always, though, he was wrong. Completely. He would never change. His personality would always be the same. Determined, he looked up at Kei and he seemed about ready to take a break too. As a result, he couldn’t stop himself from opening his big mouth and changing their lives forever._

_“Maybe it’s best if we take some time for ourselves. It seems this long distance thing isn’t really working out.”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter wasn't suppose to be this long. I was actually planning to include some more Oikawa, but I got carried away with the other part. I intended this fic to be 26 chapters, but please don't be surprised if it's extended with two or four chapters more. I actually want to write some happy stuff to make up for all this. 
> 
> Anyways, like always, thank you for reading and making it this far! I really appreciate it and I'm sorry for my mistakes!


	19. Chapter 19

He stood outside his door for a while, waiting for him to come home. It was already getting late, but he had no intentions of leaving. He wanted to know what he had meant. His words had stuck to him, replaying over and over inside his mind. Tooru paced around with hopes Yamaguchi would show up any minute. He kept looking back impatiently, giving smiles to the passing neighbors who kept giving him suspicious glares. At some point, the next door opened and he subconsciously jumped up a bit as a reaction.

It was an elderly lady and she was coming over with a plate of cookies or something of the sort. She sweetly asked him if Yamaguchi was home. He shook his head nervously, but unfortunately she didn’t immediately leave. Instead, she stayed there with him to make conversation.

“This the first time I’ve seen you around. Are you Yamaguchi’s friend?” Tooru smiled at her, but couldn’t get himself to say anything. He wasn’t sure what Yamaguchi considered him to be. He thought he meant something to him. He thought they had something going on. Now, he wasn’t sure. He kept denying him and it was seriously frustrating. “Well, it’s definitely a pleasure to meet you. Yamaguchi has been rather lonely lately, but I feel like he’s been in a better mood though he doesn’t even notice himself. His friend Tsukishima used to visit him occasionally, but I haven’t seen that young lad in quite some time. I wonder what became of him.”

Tooru’s eyebrow twitched at the sound of that name. He had gone to pick up Aiko-chan from school with a plan to take Yamaguchi out to talk about their current situation. However, his offer was rejected but the freckled man surprised him with something he didn’t expect to hear. He wasn’t able to respond after that. Tooru stood by the doorway, completely shocked and unable to move. He watched Yamaguchi head back to the classroom, but he couldn’t follow. He was silently crushed by a profound sadness that he couldn’t get rid of.

_“You have Iwaizumi-san and I have Kei. Let's just stop this and leave it at that.”_

Kei, meaning Tsukishima Kei, Karasuno’s middle blocker from that time. He was reminded of him only recently because of Yamaguchi through a photo. He had completely forgotten about it and honestly, he would have been better off not remembering how important he was. He was afraid of that, more than anything. He had made room in his heart for Yamaguchi with great effort. He had gotten to like him so much with hopes that his feelings would be corresponded to.

But, there was a problem. Tsukishima Kei had gotten there first and he occupied a space that he didn’t think he could recover.

That’s why he was feeling desperate. He needed to talk to him to see where he really stood and if he even had the remote chance to be with him. It was fate that had brought them together, but he hoped it would remain that way. “Actually, Yama-chan is my daughter’s teacher, but we’ve gotten to know each other pretty well. He’s a really great human being. I think it’s okay to say that he’s changed my way of thinking for the better. Honestly, I’m glad I had the opportunity to meet him.”

“He’s a fine young man indeed. I’ve known him for several years and he’s never failed to give me a smile. Even though, I must say that there are instances when his eyes are filled with an incomprehensible sorrow.” The elderly lady turned around with her plate of cookies that had been probably made for Yamaguchi. She gave a loud sigh before she went back inside. “Still, it’s a bit odd. Yamaguchi is usually home around this time. Tell him I dropped by.”

Tooru went back to being alone, but his patience kept growing thinner. He sat by the door instead and thought about what he was doing. Most importantly, he questioned himself if it was worth it. He could easily just go home and forget about everything. He could do as Yamaguchi suggested and leave everything the way it was. Tooru could try to live a decent life with his daughter without falling back. He could seriously attempt to forget about the strange feelings and emotions that emerged only recently. Pulling out his phone, Tooru looked at the ignored messages he had sent Yamaguchi. If he would have at least replied to one, then he would have been at ease for a while longer.

There was a smile on his face, though. He could feel it there as he continued to go through his inbox. He had really done everything possible to win him over, but it wasn't enough. Usually a small compliment, some sweet words and a dashing smile would get most people to kiss the floor he walked on. Yamaguchi was different, of course. He wasn’t just anyone; he was special and he truly liked him. Tooru leaned his head against the wall, feeling a cool breeze as he looked past the railing. He sighed for the millionth time that chilly night. A quiet laugh escaped his lips since he knew well he needed to rephrase that. He didn’t simply like Yamaguchi. It was much more than that.

“What...are you doing?” He looked up and found Yamaguchi standing right before him with a few bags of groceries. His face was beyond shocked, completely surprised to see him there waiting on the floor. His eyes widen in response, but the freckled man became more flustered to what he was usually used to seeing. He was absolutely adorable. “How long have you been here? Please go home.”

Tooru stood up, but he was actually glad that Yamaguchi had finally arrived. He reached out to grab his arm and like before, he moved away. He was instantly heartbroken. “We really need to talk and I’m not leaving until we do. Just listen to me.”

“There’s nothing left for us to talk about. I already said everything that I needed to say. So, please, leave.” Tooru pouted and being the child that he was, he stood in front of Yamaguchi’s front door. He extended his hands to prevent him from going through. In response, the freckled man rolled his eyes and set down his bags of groceries. “Why are you so persistent when I thought I had already made myself clear? When will you understand? There’s nothing more or left for us to discuss.”

“Yeah, but you see, Yama-chan, the thing is that I have no interest in Iwa-chan anymore.” He began, but Yamaguchi had turned to look in a different direction. For some reason, he seemed to be in the same amount of pain. This whole situation probably wasn’t easy on him either and what was worse, they were probably both just as inexperienced with matters of the heart. It was quite laughable, but Yamaguchi wasn’t wrong to be worried. While he didn’t know all the details, Iwa-chan was the only person he could say he had truly loved.  

“I’m not sure what I told you or tried to explain to you last night. My memory is a bit unclear because of the fever, I guess, but I can assure that there’s nothing going on between Iwa-chan and me. I used to date him, sure, but that was before Aiko-chan was even in the picture and it’s almost been six years since then.” Tooru placed his hands over Yamaguchi’s cheeks. He pulled him close, but even then he could see his teary eyes. “How many times do I have to tell you, Yamaguchi Tadashi? I want to be with you. I want to go out with you and date you. Is that really so hard to understand?”

He wanted to push him away, but he wasn’t going to let him. Tooru held him firmly and when that failed, he reached for his hand. Despite the cold air, Yamaguchi's hand was incredibly warm and it was shaking. However, he was sure that he was nowhere near as nervous as he was. His entire body was practically quivering with anxiousness. “You’re not being serious, Oikawa-san. You think you like me, but that’s not it at all. You’re just using me to forget about your friend. Why can’t you just admit already? You don’t like me.”

“Why can’t you admit that you like me?!” He was losing his mind already as he tried to keep a hold Yamaguchi’s hand. However, he eventually let go, but the urge was still there. The urge to hug him, the urge to kiss never left. “How can you automatically decide that I don’t like you? This entire time I’ve shown you nothing else. I’m serious and I swear I would leave you alone otherwise. It’s also pretty clear that you feel something for me as well, but you just keep denying it. Please, Yama-chan, if you can just give me a chance so I can show you how much...how much I really love you.”

“But, I don’t...I don’t love you.” He replied, but Tooru was still trying to figure out why he had said that. Love? It couldn’t be possible. He was sure he liked Yamaguchi. He considered his feelings to be something stronger than attraction, but love? It just couldn’t be or could it? Then, the possibility began to weigh in and that was probably the main reason why he could feel his fever from the morning coming back. He gave Yamaguchi a confused look, but by then he was trying to sort out his own mixed emotions.

“Tsukki has been the only one.” Yamaguchi continued. He fidgeted with his fingers as he tried to do everything possible to avoid his gaze. He didn’t know. He didn’t have the slightest idea of how he was slowly crushing his heart with his sullen words. “We’ve been through alot together ever since we were kids. He’s always been there for me and I still love him with my entire being. I can’t imagine myself being with anyone else. Not now. Never in a million years. I’m sorry, but that's the way it is. I don’t think it will ever change.”

“Because you’re not willing to let go. You’re stuck in the past and that’s why you can’t look forward.” He clutched his hands into fists, but he couldn’t hold in his lingering frustration anymore. He had had enough. He didn’t have a chance with Yamaguchi at all. What did it matter if he did love him or not? Tsukishima Kei was still there and he didn’t think he even had a chance because of that. “I used to be the same way until recently. I thought I wouldn’t be able to forget about Iwa-chan, but as you can see, I was wrong. Completely wrong and I’m relieved that I was wrong. If that’s what you’re set on, though, then fine. I’m not going to bother you anymore.”

“I think it’s better that way.” He responded even though Tooru could hardly hear him. His eyes were focused on the floor and he was still shaking, more than before. Yamaguchi picked up his groceries again and Tooru moved away from the door. He didn’t say anything else. He couldn’t even if he wanted to. After all, he was completely broken by Yamaguchi’s thoughtless words and actions. “I’m sorry...”

He didn’t stay around to hear his pitiful apology. Instead, Tooru walked away. He couldn’t stand it. The pain in his chest had become unfamiliar since that time with Iwa-chan. It was regrettable and he wished he hadn’t bothered to drop by at all. He should have known better. The signs were obvious. Yamaguchi had just playing along with him the entire time. He didn’t feel anything. Their kisses had been a mistake. His visit the night before had been out of courtesy and nothing more. He shouldn’t have read so much into it. He had gotten excited over nothing.

It had been a serious misunderstanding from his part. Just too good to be true. He was at a distance, but he briefly turned back and he was still there. Yamaguchi hadn’t bothered to step inside his apartment yet. He was standing outside, carrying his bags as he stared at him motionless. There was eye contact and Tooru imprinted that image to his mind since he didn’t have any plans to see him ever again. He would give him the space he wanted. He would keep his promise and stay away. That’s what he wanted. Then he would respect his decision even though it was difficult to even imagine.

Tooru shook his head and continued walking. However, as he turned around, he heard the man behind him dropping his bags. He thought he heard him call his name, but he didn’t turn around. He pretended to be indifferent. He was done with everything and he was silently dying on the inside.  

 

* * *

 

 " _What’s wrong? You had me worried the entire time.” Iwa-chan approached him, but he was still curled up on the bed, unable to move, unable to speak. He was finally there with him. He had rushed to him without thinking. He loved him, but it was obvious now that he didn’t deserve it. Tooru peeked from underneath the bedsheets to see Iwa-chan. However, he didn’t bother to turn around to face him directly._

_“Dammit, Tooru, if you don’t tell me right now what’s going on, I’m going to beat you and pull you from the bed until you do! Are you sick or something? Or is this just another excuse to skip class?”_

_“Well, you’re right for the most part. I haven’t been myself at all since college began, since the day of the accident.” He sat up slowly, feeling the world spinning nonstop. He held his knees toward his chest and he suddenly felt like crying again. “However, I think I made things much worse. No, that’s not the right way to put it. Iwa-chan, I seriously messed up this time, but I think it’s better if I tell you now. You’re going to figure it out eventually, so there’s no point in hiding it. Also, I’ve hurt you enough times. You don’t deserve to be lied to anymore.”_

_Hajime sat down next to him and held his hand tightly, trying to show him his unconditional support. His exterior was already breaking, though. He had calmed down. He wasn’t barking at him or demanding the truth because he was probably more than aware of what was going on. He probably had a vague idea of what it was he going to tell him. It wasn’t surprising either. Still, he probably wasn’t expecting the bomb he was about to throw at him. He was the worst. He had betrayed and ruined their pure, untouchable love they had harvested throughout many years._

_How? How did he become that way? He couldn’t believe it himself._

_“I’ve been hiding it from you this entire time, Iwa-chan.” Tooru began, feeling his heart shatter into millions of unfixable fragments. “Whenever you’re out for a game or whatever, I’ve been out partying with those guys. I know you told me not to lots of times, but I’ve never listened. I still go anyways with hopes I’ll be able to drown away this emptiness I’ve been feeling since that last volleyball match we had together. I’ve gotten myself wasted more times than I can possibly count. I let myself lose control every time and what’s worse, I can’t forget. I can’t leave this hole I’ve been digging for myself. Reality is impossible to escape from, but I guess I had to learn that the hard way, you know?”_

_For some reason, he had already started silently crying. Hajime had let go his hand by then. He stood up and had taken a couple of steps back. Tooru wanted to call him again. He wanted to tell him to sit back down. He needed him more than ever, but he wasn’t that cruel. He couldn’t possibly be that heartless. Hajime’s cool exterior was starting to disappear. “Why are you telling me all of this now? What did you do this time, Tooru? You’re seriously starting to worry me. Just say it already.”_

_“I don’t know why I’m like this now. I can’t explain it myself. This pain isn’t new to me. I’ve dealt with it before, many times before, but I guess I never learned the proper way to approach it or the proper way to deal with it.” Tooru wiped his face with his arm, but he kept it there. Hajime was staring at him with eyes that could practically set him on fire. He couldn’t handle it. He wished he could just disappear forever._

_“Last night was the worst. I ended up drinking more than usual. I lost reason of everything. My memories are vague and unclear. I can’t even remember the details. Everything’s a blur.”_

_Hajime grabbed his shirt intensely, but he wasn’t as angry as he had been the last time he had lashed out at him. He seemed frighten. He was just as scared as he was. He was trembling, his eyes were filled with unshed tears that were threatening to escape in any minute. Tooru let him. He let him push him against the wall until he could no longer breathe from the pressure as he was being pinned back. Immediately, he felt dizzy, but he made no attempt to push him off. “What did you do, Tooru? Don’t stall anymore and just say it. You’ve done enough already!”_

_“I cheated on you, Hajime.” He told him quietly and slowly. Hajime let him go. He instantly fell back against the bed, shaking his head as his eyes widen with utter shock and disbelief. He placed his hand over his face and whispered something he wasn’t able to hear properly. “It’s true. I slept with someone else. With a girl I didn’t even know. I was drunk and I didn’t know what I was doing, but I know that isn’t an excuse. I shouldn’t have been there to begin with. I betrayed you, Hajime. I lied. I messed up. I can’t ask for your forgiveness. I don’t deserve it.”_

_It took him awhile, but when Hajime finally recovered, he punched him. He hit him hard across the face. Tooru saw it coming, but he didn’t move. He earned it. He needed it. The man he loved so much didn’t bother to hide the pain he was in anymore. There was a terrible silence afterwards and neither of them dared to say anything. The room was filled with unsteady breathing and staggered sobs. He gritted his teeth. He clutched onto the bed sheets that had been tossed around by Hajime’s anger._

_“If you were planning to end our relationship for good, then congratulations. You got exactly what you wanted.”_

 

* * *

 

Tooru wasn’t sure how he had made it home since he was a complete and terrible mess. The pain in his chest wouldn’t go away as unwanted painful memories had come to him all at once. Still, the more he thought about Yamaguchi, the more he began to realize that maybe what he did feel for him was love. He already knew well he wasn’t simply attracted to the freckled man. Then, liking him seemed too weak to describe his actual feelings. He had hoped to be wrong before, but now he was sure what it was. He was hopelessly, horribly, pathetically in love with a person that simply couldn’t correspond him back. In other words, his feelings were unrequited.

He hated himself. He could have prevented it from happening if he hadn’t been so obsessed and determined to forget about Iwa-chan. Tooru had seen Yamaguchi as target to distract himself. He had seen him as a challenge of some sort, but of course, that quickly transpired to something else. He thought those affections were superficial. He thought they wouldn’t last long or that they weren’t strong enough. He never noticed the way Yamaguchi had slowly waltzed into his life, changing it and making him see that there was still plenty of good within him.

Aiko-chan adored him, so he quickly warmed up to the idea of him being his boyfriend or something else similar. It sounded nice after all. He was excited by the thought of dating someone seriously that wasn’t Iwa-chan. He thought it would actually work too since they had their share of moments. Yamaguchi had demonstrated more than once that he actually cared about him in more ways than one. The proof was there, but he had been stupid enough to actually fall for it. He had been the one that ended up falling in love. As a result, he was the one that lost.

There was no going back now. What was done, was done. He would just have to move on and forget once again. Or maybe, he was just meant to be alone forever. Tooru smirked to himself in the darkness of the living room. Naturally, he wouldn’t be completely alone. He had Aiko-chan, his beautiful daughter, the only one that really did love him unconditionally. She would always be there for him. He couldn’t ignore that fact.

Still, she would grow up eventually. She’ll find that special someone eventually to share her life with. She’ll get married and start a family of her own. He’ll be left behind then. Tooru silently laughed at the thought of it even though there was nothing amusing about it. He loosened his tie and leaned back against the sofa. Then, his thoughts drifted back to Yamaguchi. Unlike him, he didn’t have anything to worry about. He would have Tsukishima.

Anger. Resentment. Envy. Jealousy.

His phone started to ring in that minute, but he didn’t bother to check who it could be. It wasn’t Yamaguchi, so why did it matter? He pulled it from his pocket and threw across the room until it hit the wall. The phone broke in half as it fell on the floor. He buried his face in his hands, feeling his rage turn into hot bitter unwanted tears. He thought about it again, about Yamaguchi’s rejection. He wasn’t in love with him. He never would be because of Tsukishima Kei, his childhood friend apparently. Tooru laughed to himself again, but it was broken in between loud sobs. They were the same. He and Yamaguchi were literally the same. They had both fallen in love with their childhood friends. Sadly, the difference was that he wasn’t attached to his childhood friend romantically anymore.

“Daddy? Are you there?” He turned around immediately, finding Aiko-chan walking in his direction. He quickly cleaned his face with his coat, but it didn’t matter. She turned on the lamp from the coffee table and saw his miserable face. She hugged her stuffed animal instantly as she looked at him with a worried expression. She approached him quickly, placing her small little hands underneath his eyes. She quietly wiped them away.

Tooru leaned his head over her small shoulder and pulled his daughter into a tight embrace. Without him wanting to, he slowly let it all go. Again. He was in the same situation once more. Tooru couldn’t face her in such an unpleasant state. Still, she let go of her stuffed animal and hugged him back without asking. She patted his head with hopes he would feel better.

He really appreciated having her there. He would be completely lost without her, but sadly her sweet gestures weren’t necessarily enough to make him feel better. Tooru wanted Yamaguchi in his life too.

“Daddy, why are you crying?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you very much for reading and I apologize for my mistakes! Also, just a heads up, the next chapter is going to be sort of like a special, highlighting Tsukishima's and Iwaizumi's point of view in everything.


	20. Chapter 20

He didn’t feel like listening to him in that moment. He was frustrated and annoyed. A part of him didn’t even understand what he was still doing there. They had been talking about nothing else for the past couple of minutes and he was already growing exceptionally tired of hearing Kuroo’s voice. He wished he could just stop.

In response, Kei simply rolled his eyes and decided to grab his phone from the coffee table. He went through his inbox, but again, it was empty. He went online, scrolled down his feed to see what was new with his few friends and the world in general. Still, there was nothing that caught his attention. Another day had gone by, another long day of waiting for him to reappear in his life again.

Naturally, he kept quiet about it. Kei didn’t like to mention him in front of Kuroo, but he thought about him daily. He missed Tadashi. He missed hearing his voice and seeing his sweet smile that could possibly melt the iciest of hearts. He missed cuddling with him in the morning. He missed kissing his soft tender lips. He remembered those days often. He would think about those times when he would pull in Tadashi into his arms and silently thank the universe for letting him meet such a wonderful person.

Things hadn’t changed since then. Even though he hadn’t seen him in years, his feelings for his childhood friend had remained the same. He loved him with his entire being. Many times, he came to the same conclusion. However, Kei had decided, that terrible evening before their breakup, that he wasn’t good enough for him and that had probably been the greatest mistake of his life.

Under Kuroo’s influence, he had dated other people. He tried forming new relationships, but they never seemed to work out. Then again, finding someone pleasent enough to consider was difficult. Everyone, in general, tended to annoy him. He didn’t go out much either. He was usually stuck inside his room or his work office, occupying his time with whatever current project he had been assigned to. As a result, he didn’t have many friends besides Kuroo and Kenma, who more often than not would drop by to visit him. He didn’t talk much to his coworkers. He didn’t need to anyways. His job in the studio didn’t require him to do so. Kei was alone most of the time, so Kuroo had made it his mission in life to find him a partner he could spend the rest of his life with.

His efforts were pointless, but it took him some time to realize it. He couldn’t forget about Tadashi no matter how hard he tried. Kei wanted to find him. He was willing to swallow his pride for once and say how much he was sorry for his immature personality. He had been such a coward. He didn’t deserve his affection, but none of that really mattered anymore. He still wanted him back. It had been years since they had last seen each other, but he was confident that Tadashi’s love for him was just as strong. He couldn’t have forgotten about him. It was selfish of him to think so. Kei knew it was wrong, but he couldn’t have it any other way.

There was a time back in college when he couldn’t take the loneliness anymore. He needed Tadashi like air and that pressure caused him to call him out of nowhere. He waited for him to answer like an idiot, but he was immediately redirected to his voicemail. Kei tried it a few more times after that. However, the results were the same. Tadashi wasn’t purposefully ignoring his calls; he had probably changed his number all together. Kei was devastated by that realization. He couldn’t communicate with him anymore and he felt like he had lost his only chance to get back together.

“We’re not young anymore. If you want to see him so badly, just go look for him then.” Kuroo continued on as he flipped through the channels for the millionth time. They were bored out of their minds since there wasn’t anything particular to do. Kei could only sigh heavily. He had heard the same thing from Kuroo so many times already. “You know where he lives right? Why don’t you just go and see him? Maybe he’s dying to see you too.”

“And I’ll tell you again, it’s none of your business.” Kei told him, but Kuroo simply shrugged his shoulders. He had already raided his fridge and was stuffing his face with yesterday’s leftovers. There was honestly no sense of modesty from his part. “Anyways, what are you still doing here? You keep telling me to look for Tadashi when you can’t even make up with Kenma. Fix your own problems first.”

Kuroo shook his head, setting down the empty bowl of overcooked rice and wiping his mouth with his sleeve. “Ahh, but you can’t compare. They’re two totally different situations. Besides, it’s nothing serious. He got mad at me for no reason again and it just escalated to something bigger. I already apologized many times, but I think he’s still upset about our cat escaping. It was my fault. I was the one that left the window open. He never came back and I can’t get Kenma to forgive me. I don’t think he even wants to see me right now, but it’s understandable, I guess. I feel really bad for it. In fact, I’m already looking online for another one to adopt.”

“You’re so damn irresponsible. I don’t know how he puts up with you.” Still, Kuroo was lucky and he envied him greatly. He didn’t know what it was like to yearn for someone that he hadn’t seen in years.

“Listen, Tsukishima, you can’t just keep sitting around doing nothing. You’ll end up regretting it later. What if he ends up forgetting you? Or worse, what if he finds someone else to be with? I’m sure you’ve thought about this before and you know just as well as I do that it’s likely to happen. Tadashi-kun is attractive and he’s incredibly nice too, right? What makes you think he would sit around and wait for you too? He probably has a new boyfriend already.”

“No, he doesn’t. Shut up."

The smirk on Kuroo’s face irritated him. He knew he wasn’t being completely serious, but the possibility was there and Kuroo liked to spell it out for him occasionally. It was likely to happen. He had also tried to date several people after their breakup with failure. Kei wasn’t dense about it. Tadashi could have found someone else, but that thought infuriated him to no end. He cringed with anger and threatened to throw a book at his laughing friend. He only said stuff like that to tease him, but he didn’t know the anxiousness that always built up within. It drove him mad each time.

“Okay, fine. Whatever you say. I don’t know how you can be so sure, but I do admire your confidence.” He said, but another quick laugh escaped right after. Kei didn’t bother to make a comment. He was ready to kick the guy out of his home. “Hey, why don’t you talk to that girl? You know, the one that’s having a wedding in a few months? She said she was looking for him too, right? What if she found him? That means he’ll go to the wedding and you’ll finally be able to meet him there. You’ll forgive each other, make out and live happily ever after.”

“It’s not as simple as you make it out to be.” Kei said in a whisper, grabbing his headphones before he placed them around his neck.

He had imagined it as well ever since Yachi had called him and invited him to ceremony personally. She wanted Tadashi’s contact information, but of course, he only had his old number and former address. He gave it to her anyways, figuring that she might have better luck than he did. He was well aware that he had already changed his number, but he didn’t know if he moved out as well. He didn’t dare to find out. Then again, he couldn’t just walk up to his door, knock and expect him to open with a smile across his face. Still, he was curious to know. A part of him wanted to get in touch with Yachi again to ask her.

“No, it is that simple. He probably wouldn’t hesitate to run back into your arms. You’re just thinking too much about it.” Kuroo tried to assure him, but again he wasn’t listening anymore. He put on his headphones, blocking out his friend’s voice and the sound of the television.

Kei had thought about it, Yachi’s wedding, but there was hardly any motivation to attend. They would all be there, his past teammates and friends. Because of that and other reasons, he didn’t feel like going at all. Still, he would think about Tadashi and reconsider the whole thing. He would be there without a doubt since he was Yachi’s good friend back in high school. She had been looking for him to give him the invitation and he could only wonder whether she had found him or not. Regardless, he would go. There was a small chance, an opportunity to reunite with his first and only love had emerged. He wasn’t going to be stupid enough to waste it.

The past was filled with regrettable mistakes, mostly from him. Tadashi hadn’t done anything wrong. He was the one that had messed everything up because of his own doubts and hesitation. He didn’t deserve him. Tadashi needed someone better, someone who would truly make him happy. He wasn’t that person and he had convinced himself of it. Tadashi would ramble about his day and he could only listen in silence. He never had much to say at all and it was truly disappointing especially since Tadashi was always so eager about their conversations. It wasn’t that he was keeping secrets or hiding stuff from him. His life just wasn’t as interesting.

Tadashi was truly special. He was different from his dullness and his monochromatic way of viewing things. He coached a small volleyball team of kids. He had a pretty nice job at a cafe. He was always motivated by something. He always had something to look forward to. Kei kept quiet for many reasons during their long one side conversations, but his boyfriend never seemed to notice.

He missed him and there was a part of him that wanted to return to his former school. He couldn’t be happy without Tadashi by his side. He needed him and it broke him to hear his childhood friend so cheerful. His mind was filled with doubts because of it. His chest began to ache every time he called. It was clear. Tadashi didn’t need him like the way he did. He was fine even without him.

Sadly, things didn’t get much better from there. He kept messing up, over and over. He promised he would visit him for New Year’s Eve, but he didn’t even try. Kuroo had come along, feeling more depressed and down from a recent breakup. He begged him to stay since he didn’t want to be left alone. The guy kept constantly whining, half drunk, about it and eventually Kei gave in to his pleads. After all, Kuroo was one of the only friends he had and he owed him a few favors anyways. He couldn’t just leave him there to rot. Even so, he didn’t think much of it then. He figured Tadashi would be fine with it. He usually was, whether he had his company or not.

Of course, he was completely wrong. He ended up hurting him more than he could have imagined and Kei didn’t know what to do to apologize after that. He agonized about his decision for days. He immediately blamed Kuroo for his problems, but he knew he wasn’t the one responsible. He was the only one that kept running away from his own insecurities, from his own fear of being left behind.

It was pathetic and it completely angered him. He knew how much Tadashi loved him, but everything about their relationship began to worry him regardless. He couldn’t even bring himself to talk to him, much less see him. What was he even suppose to say?

Kei managed to patch things up with Tadashi after an impulsive decision. He went to meet him at his work place and when he saw him behind the counter, with his beautiful and carefree smile, his heart completely melted. He instantly knew that he couldn’t let him go even if he wanted to. They were simply meant to be and that was the only reason he needed to change. He wanted to become someone better, someone worthy enough to make him truly happy. Kei thought he could do it, one step at a time. However, the situation between them didn’t improve enough and the indirect pressures from his parents weren’t making things any easier.

Their argument. Their last conversation. He could rehearse the whole thing by memory if he tried. It was a hot summer day and he was sitting in the stands, irritated as he watched Tadashi cheering from the sidelines. He was supporting and encouraging the team he coached from there. After each successful play, he would wear a smile on his face that was never once directed towards him. It was special, reserved. He couldn’t necessarily say that he was envious, but the feeling that was bubbling inside his chest wasn’t pleasant.

He was anxious about a number of things; school, his parents, his brother’s wedding, the growing distance between him and his boyfriend. He didn’t understand his own emotions. He wanted to be with Tadashi and yet, at the same time, there was an overwhelming fear that everything they had shared could break.

“Tsukishima-kun, are you listening to me?”

Kei blinked, snapping back to reality after staring blankly at his cup of coffee for the longest time. He looked up with wide eyes and stared straight at the young women in front of him. He had been lost in thought again, for the millionth time, that he had completely forgotten that he was at the nearby cafe with his past volleyball manager, Yachi Hitoka. He quickly adjusted his glasses before he placed the rim of the cup on his lips. He wasn’t terribly fond of the one he had ordered minutes ago, but he hadn't been thinking properly at the time.

“I’m sorry. What were you saying?” He admitted he hadn’t been paying at all, but again, he didn’t even want to be there. Kuroo had meddled in his business again and had somehow lied, telling Yachi through a message that he wanted to meet her to talk about certain things. He snatched his phone from him right after, but it had already been too late. He to had remind himself to never leave his phone and Kuroo in the same room again.

Yachi fidgeted with her fingers, clearing her throat before she continued. It was clear that he made her uncomfortable. Sadly, he could say the same thing. He didn’t know her well enough for this or for anything else. He talked to her briefly before, back in high school, because of Tadashi. They were considered pretty good friends, quite close.

“I’m glad I had this chance so I can thank you properly for giving me Yamaguchi’s address the other day. It was lucky of me to have an assignment nearby, so I could meet up with you. The modeling agency needed a photographer replacement at the last minute and I guess they got me on the spot. Honestly, I’m not really good at capturing people’s beauty. I prefer to work in a nature environment. It’s less stressing.”

She must have noticed that she was talking more than she was accustomed to around him. As a result, she quickly stopped and sipped some of her coffee that had started going cold. “Thankfully, I was able to find him. Apparently, he still lives there.”

He wasn’t surprised to hear it. He had already suspected that to be the case, but he didn’t have the guts to confirm it himself. He was a coward after all. There was no other way to explain it. “Anyways, Tsukishima-kun, what did you want to talk to me about?”

“How is he?” He responded her question with another question. However, that was the least of his concerns since he was desperate to know how Tadashi was doing. He wanted to know if he was okay. He wanted to know if he was happy. He wanted to know if he still had some sort of chance to get back together with him. His heart pounded at the thought of it. Kei couldn’t even control his own feelings anymore.

“Well, umm, he’s doing pretty well.” Yachi was caught off guard and there was surprise written all over her face. She stuttered. She quickly turned to look in a different direction as her hands gripped on her cup. “I’m not sure what the situation is. He didn’t want to talk about it and I didn’t pressure him about it either, but it seems that he’s awfully depressed about something. He tries his best to hide it, though, and that’s why I’m a bit worried about him too. Yamaguchi gave me his new number. I tried calling him the other day, but he didn’t answer.”

Kei leaned back against the chair and wondered if Tadashi was still upset about everything that had happened. He wondered if he still hadn’t forgiven him for refusing to look for him after they had broken up. He thought it had been for the best, but he couldn’t have been farther from the truth. He regretted it so much. That much he was certain of. He could still remember the way he had returned home from that trip angry, completely furious at himself for not protesting against Tadashi awful words.

_“Maybe it’s best if we take some time for ourselves. It seems this long distance thing isn’t really working out.”_

Naturally, it made sense. They needed to reconsider what they had and decide whether they wanted to continue. He never expected that their brief time apart would transform into years. He waited for Tadashi to come back, but he never did and maybe, there was a possibility, that he was waiting for him to do the same. Sadly, neither of them did anything and their misunderstanding escalated to something unfixable. He figured Tadashi would end up meeting new people, so he decided to do the same. Now, that very idea repulsed him to no end and he wanted to win back his heart.

“Even so, Tadashi did talk about his new job. He’s an elementary teacher and he says that he really loves it so far.” There was a smile on Yachi’s face that was soothing enough to make him relax a little. Strangely enough, it made him feel a bit better as well. He was happy to hear that. Definitely. Tadashi probably made an excellent teacher. He had always been good with kids, a gift and talent that he clearly did not posses. They probably adored him. “There were some challenges, but he said that he would get over them. He didn’t specify what they were, though.”

She paused before she finally had the courage to look back at him. He wasn’t entirely sure, but he could almost see her hands shaking which was kind of odd. He didn’t think he intimidated her so much to that point. “I know this isn’t any of my business, but if you’re so concerned about Yamaguchi’s well being, why don’t you make up with him? Why don’t you ask him how he’s doing directly? Why did you have to call me to know? I’m not complaining, but I do believe things would work out better that way?”

He agreed with a nod and kept quiet. He turned to look outside the window only to remember Tadashi’s red cheeks underneath the snow back then. He had given him his late Christmas present, a matching bracelet he had ravishingly searched and bidded for on the internet. He still had his, a fact that Tadashi himself was probably unaware of. Kei briefly smiled, a genuine smile that easily reflected against the glass. He sighed at the memory and wished things could back to being so peaceful. They weren’t teenagers anymore. Their same excuses wouldn’t apply forever. He had lost his only chance for happiness because of his ignorance.

“I’ll ask him.” He suddenly responded a bit louder than he had originally intended.

Still, the more he thought about it, the more convinced he became. He was determined to see him. He would apologize for being a jerk, for not looking for him when he was probably expecting him to. He didn’t go after of him because he didn’t want to hurt him anymore. He didn’t reconcile with him because he was a coward and didn’t consider himself worthy enough for him. He had his own share of insecurities. There was no other reason for his abandonment. It wasn’t because he didn’t care. In fact, it was the complete opposite. He just cared far too much, more than he could ever handle.

“Your wedding. I’ll see him then without fail. He’ll be there and so will I.” Kei felt a heavy weight being pressed against his chest as he spoke. He couldn’t believe what he was saying. Excitement rushed to him all at once. Their meeting wouldn’t be a coincidence, but fate. He knew Tadashi was probably waiting for that day too. “Everything will change, for better or for worse.”

It wouldn’t be long until then. He wasn’t too late. There was still enough time. After all, he sure that he was still waiting for him as well. He probably still loved him and that was all that matter.

Another day had gone by, but soon he would have Tadashi by his side again.

 

* * *

 

“Good work today, Iwaizumi-san.”

He heard someone calling him from a distance, but he didn’t bother to turn around. He was tired, completely worn out from another long day at work. Hajime lifted his hand in response and went on to the showers. Everyone was already heading home, but there was still enough time for him to wash up a bit. Honestly, he was disgustingly dirty and sweaty all over. He placed the towel over his shoulders and opened his locker to hear a faint screech. Sighing to himself, he pulled out his bag and searched for his spare clothing.

There was no point in denying it. He was overworking himself to forget, to forget the pain that Tooru had unintentionally caused him the other day. He told him, flat out that he was interested in someone else. However, that wasn’t what truly bothered him. Tooru had, over the years, dated a number a people that he hadn’t even bothered to remember. It wasn’t anything new or something to be truly surprised over. Those relationships never worked out and somehow, Tooru always ended up coming back to him. Hajime found a profound comfort in that.

Now, he was completely serious over a past rival he had met by some chance in Aiko-chan’s school, Yamaguchi Tadashi. Hajime remembered him briefly from his high school days. He was Karasuno’s pinch server, who had successfully gotten a point or two from them in their last match. Unknowingly, the thought of losing still raged him within, but he ended up forgetting about Yamaguchi consequently. It was pretty obvious. Their attention back then had been toward Hinata and Kageyama specifically. He never thought that freckled boy would come back into their lives almost ten years later. It was almost laughable.

Sadly, Hajime wasn’t laughing because his feelings for Tooru never truly disappeared. He didn’t think they ever would even though his childhood friend had set his eyes on someone else. He thought he would always be there as the over looming shadow. With a sigh, he turned on the water and stood underneath it. He let it warm and soak his body as he tried to cool down his head a little. He was beyond stressed, but he didn't show it. Instead, he worked hard, taking on more jobs than he could possibly handle. Seriously, as a personal health and body trainer, he sometimes wondered when he would reach his limits.

Even so, he could remember it well. The day Tooru broke that terrible truth upon him, telling him he had cheated on him with some unknown girl because of his own stupidity. He punched him hard back then. He could have almost sworn that he ended up breaking a bone. He was furious at him for breaking the little trust and confidence he still had left. He was angry because he had betrayed him despite his many promises. Honestly, if he would have known what he was going to say, he would have preferred to die somewhere along the way home. It probably would have been better.

That was his mindset then and he was glad it had changed for the most part. His negative sentiments had mostly vanished with the years even though the pain remained intact. He ended up moving out of their apartment immediately. Tooru didn’t try to stop him and he was relieved he was actually mature enough to understand that he had lost him forever. It was the least he could do after all. He didn’t think things would work out between them ever again and damn was he right. Later that month, by a foul rumor, he ended up hearing that the girl Tooru had been with was pregnant.

It was a horrible shock and a part of him wanted to run to Tooru again to punch right across the face. Honestly, he couldn’t be a bigger idiot. He wanted to yell at him for it, but he saw no point. It wasn’t any of his business anymore. He had left his life for good and he needed to respect that. Hajime fought the urge, deciding it was best to continue on with his life without getting involved. He wouldn’t be able to forget him if he continued that way.

Unfortunately, things didn’t work out the way he had planned and at some point, he ended up crossing paths with Tooru again. He found him again with a small baby in his hands outside the hospital. Hajime had gone to see an injured coworker of his, so he never expected to run into the person he had avoided seeing for so long. Apparently, he was there for his daughter's checkup.

The image didn’t look right at all, though, and a part him couldn’t even believe that the person he loved so much was a father. It was a strange concept to even consider. Tooru, for the most part, was happy to see him and he quickly went over to show him his baby girl, Aiko-chan. She was awfully small and she looked so fragile that he was afraid that just staring at her might cause her to break. Even so, Tooru insisted and told him to carry her, but he didn’t understand why he was even talking to him in the first place. Hajime shook his head and refused countless of times. Regardless, he eventually gave in. He carried Aiko-chan for the first time in his arms and everything slowly started to change from there.

Hajime started talking to him again and nothing could upset him more than realizing that his eternal love for the man was just as strong as before. Tooru told him about his internship, about a job opportunity that had risen in his father’s business. It wasn’t a big technology enterprise yet, but he was sure that with his help, it would become the greatest company to exist in Japan. “What about you, Iwa-chan? How are you doing?”

He looked at the small baby in his hands and wrapped the pink blanket a bit tighter around her body. She quietly stirred, threatening to cry for almost a moment, but went back to sleep. Hajime sighed and decided it was time to return her back to her father. Tooru took her back and waited for Hajime to say something. He placed his hands inside his pockets as he stared at the gray concrete, unable to look at Tooru straight in the eyes. “I’m a personal trainer and counselor. I decided...to devote my life to help and prevent athletes from getting unnecessarily injured. It’s only right.”

There was an awkward silence and he was at fault for even bringing up the topic. They both knew what he was referring to. He didn’t see why he needed to hide it when it was the truth. Tooru quietly smiled at him, shaking his head and looking down at the small bundle of joy that was currently in his arms. He apologized, but that didn’t make Hajime feel any better. Sadly, he didn’t know then the number of apologies he was going to receive in the upcoming years. Tooru’s mom came over, but he didn’t stick around to say much. Instead, he thought it was best to leave. Hajime bid a dry farewell and left the entrance of the hospital instead. He would just have to visit his friend another time.

Unfortunately, he didn’t leave quick enough because from a distance, he saw Aiko-chan's mother coming along as well. She didn’t seem like she wanted to be there at all. She looked annoyed, irritated, and just completely agitated. She gave him a small glance as he walked by, but she didn’t say anything to him. There was no need to. She was probably well aware of he was. Aiko-chan was a month or so old then and that was the last time he ever saw her mother. He asked Tooru about her later when Aiko-chan had turned two years, but her whereabouts were unknown and mostly unwanted.

She had left them to continue on with her life.   

There were a number of things that instantly went through his mind and he couldn’t deny that getting back with Tooru was at the top of the list. He still loved him unconditionally, but his childhood friend wasn’t the same anymore. He didn’t trust himself. He had lost complete faith in what he used to be, a part of his personality seemed to be shattered. His mother supported him as much as she could, but there was only so much she could handle. She helped him raise Aiko-chan and took care of her constantly, but in return, she endlessly pressured him. She kept telling him daily that he needed to settle down and find a proper wife. Hajime wasn’t much different.

It was quite clear that they couldn’t be together, but Hajime seriously wanted to see him happy. He loved him so much and that was all he wanted, so he insisted as well. He constantly told him that he needed to stop his fruitless hook ups and find someone he truly wanted to be with. It was bothersome because deep down inside he was screaming, yelling at him to look in his direction. Nevertheless, Tooru only ever saw him as a rebound. After each failed relationship, he would go back to him and quickly leave. There was no end to the cycle, but he was the one that ended up getting false illusions.

It was true. He couldn’t repair or fix his broken heart. He still hadn’t forgiven the man that had caused him so much pain. However, there was hope. Hajime figured that as long as Tooru was there, next to him, then there was a small chance. He would eventually heal his wounds and Tooru would be there waiting for him with open arms. He seriously thought it would work out, but then Yamaguchi Tadashi appeared in his life. He changed everything and crushed his longing dream.

Once he was out of the showers, Hajime gathered his things before he quietly turned off the lights and stepped out. He was in charge of closing up again. The place was already empty, so he took his time walking down the hallway toward the exit. He pulled out his phone from his pocket and checked the time. He couldn’t help but wonder if that childish irresponsible man was home with Aiko-chan already. It was late and he didn’t think Tooru could still be out. He grew worried, but for Aiko-chan’s sake. Then again, he could also be hanging around with him, with Yamaguchi.

Rolling his eyes, Hajime placed his phone back inside his pocket and thought it was best not to call him. He didn’t hate Yamaguchi. He seemed like a pretty decent guy overall. Of course, he didn’t know him personally, so he couldn’t quite get a good grasp of his personality but he appeared to be pretty nice. Aiko-chan certainly liked him. She talked about him constantly, something that tended to irk him more often than not.

He had seen him recently when he went to pick up Aiko-chan from school the other day. It didn’t come to him immediately, but he did manage to recognize him after giving it some thought. He didn’t understand why Yamaguchi was so shocked to see him, though. In fact, he appeared terrified to see him there and if he was any other situation, he probably would have ran. Hajime knew he was kind of intimidating at first glance, but not to that extent. Thanks to Aiko-chan, he ended up discovering where all that fear had come from. They were both involved with Tooru in some way or another.

Still, Hajime needed to clear up the misunderstanding and he hoped he had the chance to speak to him again at some point. There was nothing going on between him and Tooru anymore. It was a fact that he was still devastated to think about. Then again, there was no point clinging on when he was already set on leaving the past behind for good. Yamaguchi had become the new ray of hope that Tooru desperately needed in his life. If he was the one that was going to make him happy, then he would gladly step aside for it. That’s what he wanted above everything else. He would probably even thank him for it.

That’s why he wanted to talk to him. He wanted to reassure him that everything between him and Tooru was over. The night he was sick, he asked for no one else but Yamaguchi and that was something that man needed to know. He had called him over, with the most desperate voice he had ever heard, and told him to come take care of Tooru since he had a high fever. He listened to him, but that was because he still had his doubts about the whole situation. However, Tooru reaffirmed his seriousness that very morning. His heart broke once again, but that was the sign he needed to move on already.

Yamaguchi had appeared to save Tooru from his own misery, something that he was clearly unable to do. He would never forgive him otherwise.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up much longer than I originally intended and I'm really sorry for it, especially since it's considered like a special.
> 
> Still, thank you so much for reading and for actually making it this far. Twenty chapters in already, but I never expected to get so many kudos, lovely comments, and wonderful readers. Truly, it makes me incredibly happy. I cannot appreciate it enough since, I'll admit, I have terrible confidence with everything. So again, many thanks and there's been lots of angst, but I promise things will get better from now on. That's what I'm hoping for anyways.


	21. Chapter 21

It was a strange, but familiar feeling. He knew it well. He had experienced it with Kei once before years ago. Tadashi never thought he would feel the same hopelessness from then. It hurted terribly. He regretted letting him leave in such a manner. His words had been a mistake, but he only realized his error as he saw him walking away. Immediately, he tried calling him back, but it had been too late. Oikawa didn’t hear his desperate cry or he pretended not to. He should have gone after him. He really came close to, but when he took a step forward, reaching out his hand, he stopped himself. He gritted his teeth and cursed under his breath with frustration, wondering why he couldn’t move.

Then, he considered it again and figured it was best to let him go. They didn’t have a future together anyways. There’s was no point in starting something that was only bound to end.

Or at least, that’s what he wanted to conclude.

Tadashi was stormed with a painful ache in his chest. He wanted him. He wanted him more than he would like to initially admit. He had been so sure that it wasn’t love, almost positive that his feelings would subside once the problem was dealt with. However, shoving Oikawa away from his life only had the opposite effect. It made him affirm how strongly he felt toward him. Truly, the realization was devastating.

He stepped inside his apartment shortly after, but he couldn’t escape it. He slowly fell on the floor, sitting down as he leaned his head back against the door. Taking a deep breath, Tadashi tried to calm himself down since he was already on the verge of tears. Everything was over between them and whether he liked it or not, there was nothing much he could do to fix his mess.

There had been truth to his words, of course. He hadn’t said anything wrong. Despite the years, he was still unable to forget Kei, but denying Oikawa a chance had been a mistake. He had become someone just as important without him even noticing. Tadashi appreciated his attention dearly. Oikawa was pleasing to be around with as well, but what truly captured his heart was the fact that he was the only person, after Kei, that could make him smile. He made him happy. Though annoying at times, he made him feel wanted. Tadashi didn’t believe he was serious at first. However, his declaration earlier had hurt Oikawa deeply and it had shaken any doubt's he still had remaining.

Why, though? Why was he denying himself the opportunity to move on and be happy for once? Why did he want to remain attached to the past? Kei had been the only one in his life since he could remember. He had saved him, many times as a child, from bullies that would constantly pick on him. He helped him become a better person. Besides loving him, Tadashi learned to admire and respect his childhood friend greatly. Even after their breakup, he refused to date anyone romantically for that same reason. It seemed pointless to even try and the reality was that he didn’t want to either. He wanted to get back together with Kei despite everything that had occurred. His fear of change always had a way to get the best of him.

Tadashi pushed aside his groceries bags and slowly got up. He went over to his laptop that was sitting over the counter. He glided his fingers over the edges, but he didn’t bother to open it up. Instead, he went to the living room and dropped himself over the couch. He buried his face within in his hands as the awful silence continued to drag on. The clock on the wall was distracting. The gust of wind that was hitting the glass window brought in some of the coldness. He shivered and sat up to hug his knees tightly.

He hadn’t noticed before, but the same thing was happening again. He had lost Kei because of his inability to do something and consequently, he was losing Oikawa for the same reason. He couldn’t accept that. He couldn’t bare the thought of it.

Angry with himself, he wanted to slam his fist against the wall. He roughly pushed his hair back as hot tears began to stream down his face. He was making things more difficult than they seemed. It wasn’t hard after all. He could easily go after him still. He knew where to find him. He had his phone number. He could apologize and explain that he had been mistaken. Tadashi could tell him that he had become someone truly important. His presence was something that he wanted and undeniably needed.

If there was ever a chance for him to forget Kei, then it would be with Oikawa and no one else. Already, he had stirred emotions he didn’t think he would ever feel with anyone else. He was sure that another small push was all it would take for him to be completely overtaken. Then again, it wasn’t only Oikawa. There was also Aiko-chan. She had become just as important and he truly did love her for everything that she was.  How could he just give them up after everything they had done for him? How could he just allow himself to sit back and watch as they walked out of his life? Oikawa had questionably accepted him, so what was stopping him from taking that chance? What was he supposed to do?

Kei was his past. He would never forget him if he kept looking back. Nothing would change otherwise. Oikawa was his present. He had extended his hand for him to reach and he wanted to take it. He would. He wanted to more than anything and letting go of long of forgotten memories was the first step.

Tadashi took a deep breath, closing his eyes as he thought about his decision. Naturally, there were risks. He could end up regretting it. Regardless, he reached for his phone inside his pocket. Turning it on, he went to his contact list and stared at Oikawa’s name on the screen for the longest time. He continued to ponder about it. He thought about the million things he could possibly say. It was late, but he didn’t think he was sleeping either. With that in mind, Tadashi got the courage to do the unthinkable.

He liked Oikawa, a lot more than he could possibly understand. It was a troubling, bothering to say the least and a feeling he never saw coming. He could regret acting on his emotions on a whim, but he was sure he would only hate himself further if he simply ignored it. He could meet Kei eventually. The possibility to reunite with his childhood friend could be close. After all, there was Yachi’s wedding to look forward to. However, in that precise moment, his heart wasn’t screaming for his first love. It was aching for Oikawa.

Tadashi called him and he nervously waited for him to answer. His hands suddenly started sweating. His breathing had become unsteady as anxiety started to consume him. After such a long time, he had finally decided what was best and yet, after a few rings, he was redirected to his voicemail. He panicked at the sound of it. He called several times again, but the results were the same. In fact, his phone wouldn’t even ring anymore. Tadashi gulped and hoped Oikawa hadn’t turned off his phone because of him.

He wasn’t picking up at all, but he needed to do something to mend what he had caused. He was sorry. He was truly sorry and he wanted to let him know that he was grateful that fate allowed them to meet. He liked him back. Oikawa Tooru was the person he had been waiting for. Tadashi called him once more, but was redirected to his voicemail again. This time, after the right indication, he decided to leave him a message.

“Oikawa-san, I’m very sorry about what I said earlier. I was wrong. I didn’t really mean what I said. I was lying. I was lying to you and to myself. Everything is my fault and I don’t... I don’t want you to leave...me. It might be already too late for this, so I completely understand if you’re angry with me. I said some awful things and I’m really sorry for that too. Still, I want to talk to you about what happened and explain. If you choose to ignore me, then it’s fine, but please let me just say this; I like you too.”

 

* * *

 

_Kei never came to look for him even though he waited for so long. He probably wasn’t important enough for it and naturally, that thought affected him more than he would have liked. As a result, he didn’t search for him either. Why would he? He would probably be pushed away anyways. It was already clear he wasn’t loved enough. Kei could have easily stopped him, but he didn’t. He let him leave and he ended up going back home without saying another word._

_So much time had gone by already. He never once called him. He never once texted and told him to come back. Kei probably didn’t miss him like the way he did. Nothing changed._

_Graduation was right around the corner, but even that wasn't enough to excite him. He was happy without a doubt. He had a few interviews pending and he was content to start a new life. Still, he couldn’t forget about Kei. He wished he was there with him, sharing his joys and watching him succeed. He missed him terribly. He thought about inviting him over then, but it was too much for him to even consider._

_Tadashi stepped outside into the cool fresh air. The place was much to crowded and packed for his own liking. He wasn’t used to crowds or parties at all. They made him nervous. He would never fit in even though he sometimes tried. He wanted to forget and have a good time, but he couldn’t. He was miserable. His friend and classmate, Hiroki, had noticed it too. For that reason, he had invited him to the party with good intentions along with his group. However, upon arriving, they quickly separated and he found himself alone somewhere. It was awkward and there wasn’t anyone he could at least talk to._

_He was there for a couple of minutes, staring as the others around him danced and laughed to the loud music. He smiled at the scene, but deep down, he suddenly felt crying again. He wouldn’t, of course. People would probably assume he was too drunk to function, so he decided it was best to leave. Sadly, he didn’t make it far from the front door before he was stopped. His name was being called from behind and he turned around to find Hiroki coming at him at full speed. Tadashi lifted an eyebrow, but watched silently as his friend panted, trying to catch his breath._

_“Why did you suddenly leave like that? I was looking for you all over the place, you know.” He told him, standing up straight before he gave him one of his crooked smiles. He was definitely tipsy, but it wasn’t only the smell of alcohol that gave him away. Honestly, he seemed like a pretty strong guy and yet, he couldn’t even manage a few drinks._

_Tadashi shrugged his shoulders and looked up at the sky instead. It was filled with stars. Some were smaller than others. Some were brighter than others, but that didn’t make them any less beautiful. Stargazing had always been a favorite pastime of his. Kei would always tell him that his freckles were like stars and far galaxies. He would name random constellations and he could only laugh in response. It was memorable, but those times seemed so far and distant, almost like a dream and the stars themselves._

_With a sigh, he turned to face Hiroki. He was staring right back with a concerned expression. There was also disappointed._

_“Yamaguchi, I brought you along because I thought you might be able to feel a bit better. I don’t know what kind of person you were dating before. You never talk about it even though I keep insisting over and over that you can trust in me. I’m not sure why you’re always pushing everyone away, but that guy was clearly a jerk. He doesn’t deserve to be in your thoughts.” Hiroki was speaking more than usual. His eyes were wide and he kept getting closer._

_Even so, his friend didn’t know much because he tended to keep the pain to himself. That’s why he wanted to leave. He wanted to go home, cry and lament for letting time go by too quickly. How could he? How could he return to the past?_

_“You can’t be this way forever.”_

_Hiroki continued on, but he was upset for a number of reasons. Earlier that month his friend had confessed to him out of nowhere. It had caught him completely by surprise and at first, he thought he was just playing around. Unfortunately, he wasn’t. They had gotten to know each other after pairing up for an assignment. Since his field of study was also education, they began to hang out, but Tadashi never really considered them to be that close. Still, Hiroki caught on quick and noticed his gloomy state of being. He pestered him until he forced to give him some insight on his life._

_Overall, he was a great guy. He was handsome, athletic, and quite funny. He was also pretty popular among their classmates. He didn’t dislike being around him, but it never got much further from there. The minute Hiroki asked him out on a date, he refused without giving it a second thought. He couldn’t betray Kei. He loved him too much to even consider it. Hiroki understood or at least, he said he did. However, he did start talking to him a bit less. It was okay, though. Tadashi didn’t mind it._

_“You need to realize that Tsukishima guy isn’t the only one out there for you and I’m not just saying it because of me. Though, I am just slightly.” He smiled before he placed his hands inside his pockets sheepishly. Tadashi shook his head, but he couldn’t help grinning either._

_Hiroki suddenly grabbed his shoulders and looked at him straight in the eyes. “This might be hard to believe now, but trust me, you’ll meet someone someday that will completely rock your world. However, when this said person does appear, you better not be standing around like this, moping around and looking all depressed. You’ll lose your opportunity if you’re not quick enough.”_

_“What if you’re wrong?” Tadashi asked him out of impulse. He didn’t think that was possible. Kei was his first and only love. It couldn’t be any other way and it was a notion he had established since high school. “How can you be so sure?”_

_“I’m not, but life is always throwing unexpecting things at you, for better or for worse. As long as you make the most of it, then everything should work out on its own.”_

_Hiroki didn’t insist any further and went back inside to the party without him. He was glad about it, but he stayed outside a while longer before he even attempted to go home. It was warm outside anyways and the night couldn’t have been prettier. For some reason, the stars seemed to be shining brighter than he had seen them recently. Tadashi sighed again and looked at the bracelet Kei had given him as a Christmas present. He slowly took it off his wrist and held in his hand tightly instead because it didn’t matter how long he needed to wait._

_He loved Kei with his entire being, but he wasn’t sure if the same could be said by him. Their problems were no longer easily fixable. Still, if he saw him that very moment, he wouldn’t hesitate to run in his direction. So, what exactly was he waiting for? What was stopping him from looking for his best friend? Everything and anything, probably. His insecurities, his fears, his doubts, his mistakes paralyzed him stiff._

_But, there was something else; a chance for better future. It was always there as well and he didn’t want to risk losing it either. He could run back to the past or move on forward with the present. It was a matter of choice, but he decided to neither._

 

* * *

Oikawa was avoiding him and it was slowly starting to drive him insane. He stopped picking Aiko-chan from school. Her sitter was the one that constantly came to get her, taking away his opportunity to casually meet him. He tried calling him again, but it seemed his phone had been completely disconnected. There was one particular afternoon when he had actually found to courage to go to his luxurious apartment complex again. His nerves almost betrayed him halfway there, but he found a way to make it to his front door. Even so, he hit the buzzer and knocked a few times, but no one answered anyways. He hadn’t given up yet. He couldn’t after his realization, but his patience was wearing thin.

It was his fault after all. He had dismissed Oikawa's feelings so many times, thinking they were fake when maybe they had been sincere since the beginning. He needed to apologize for that mainly. He also wanted to clear up the misunderstanding and tell him that he liked him back, strongly so, enough to consider their relationship entirely.

Kei was still present in his mind and heart, but that was only understandable. They had been together for years, so forgetting him completely wouldn’t be something he could accomplish over night. The difference now was that he really wanted to. After all, for the past few days he thought of no one but Oikawa. He was so anxious and desperate to see him that nothing else really seemed to matter in the moment. It was distracting and he hated feeling that way even at work.

Strangely, Aiko-chan also seemed a bit more quieter than usual. She wouldn’t start conversations with him anymore. She barely had any motivation to do the activities he assigned. Her cheery spirit was clearly missing. Instantly, Tadashi became worried and wondered if she suspected something. Of course, she didn’t know a thing, but he ended up confirming that a little while later when he finally dared to approach her. They were suppose to be coloring. He had handed out a pages with drawings on it for that purpose. However, the crayon in Aiko-chan’s hand wasn’t moving.

“Hey, Aiko-chan, is everything okay?” He suddenly asked her, kneeling down so that he could see her properly. She turned to look at him and she could only give him a weak smile. Still, his presence made her choose a different color, a pinker one to be exact. She began to shade the octopus’ head with it. “You’ve seem a bit sad lately and I wanted to tell you that if something is bothering you, then you can always talk to me.”

She nodded her head, but kept silent for a while. Then, she suddenly stopped and leaned her head a bit lower so that he wouldn’t be able to see her face. His heart slightly stopped at her next words. “My daddy has been acting weird again. He’s been really sad. I asked him what was wrong, but he didn’t tell me. I don’t want to see him like that anymore.”

Tadashi bit his lip and patted her head in the most comforting way he knew. He had messed things up, but if he didn’t fix things soon, then the situation would only become worse. Still, how was he suppose to talk to him when he wouldn’t even show himself around him anymore? He understood that he was in no position to complain. He was the one that told Oikawa to step away. Even so, he had changed his mind and now he wanted him back. He couldn’t promise her anything, but Tadashi assured her that he would try to speak with her father about it. Surely, she didn’t know the strong implications that came along with that phrase.

The day went on as normal, but he was planning to drop by Oikawa’s home again later on. He had to find him there eventually. He figured he would have better luck if he tried going closer to the evening. Still, he couldn’t believe how far he was willing to go just to get that man’s apology. He hoped it would be worth it in the end. He wouldn’t be able to handle it if he suddenly refused his newly found affection. The thought terrified him, but he couldn’t let that stop him anymore. He knew better now. If he waited around for Oikawa to come to him, then nothing would ever happen or change.

He waited for Aiko-chan’s sitter to pick her up, but surprisingly she never came. Instead, he almost ran for cover when he saw Iwaizumi Hajime walking toward them. Aiko-chan’s face was lit up with joy upon seeing him and she instantly went toward him like she had done last time. She was happy to see him, but sadly he didn’t feel the same. Tadashi didn’t want to stay around, so he quickly turned away before Iwaizumi had a chance to say anything. He wasn’t fast enough, though.

“Hey, I need to talk to you.”

Tadashi gulped at the sound of his deep voice and he tried his best to not show his fear. Still, his hands were shaking. He couldn’t get them to stop, so he had to hide them in his pockets. Iwaizumi headed towards him and he didn’t necessarily looked pleased to see him either. He told Aiko-chan to wait for him by the door and she happily obeyed. They were left alone for the most part, but he was already dead nervous.

“We kind of got off on the wrong foot last time. I didn’t mean to intimidate you. That wasn’t my intention at all.” He began which was quite relieving. Despite his tough exterior, he appeared to be just as uncomfortable as he was. Even so, Tadashi was glad that he wasn’t there to pick a fight or something of the sort.

“Listen, I know this isn’t really any of my business, but I’m only going to say this once. You better listen. As weird as it might sound, Tooru is serious about you. He told me, so I had to come tell you to stop getting stupid ideas inside your head. There’s nothing going on between me and that idiot. It’s all been left in the past and honestly, it’s been for the best. He’s been happier lately, I guess and that’s the only thing that I really care about. If you’re the one that he wants to be with, then so be it.”

Iwaizumi took a step forward, but there was a threatening look in his eyes. He shuddered in response. Was he expecting some kind of specific response from him? Tadashi wasn’t sure, but he wasn’t going put his life in danger. He preferred to stay quiet instead.

“He’s a shit, but despite everything that happened, I still consider him a friend. So, you better not hurt him.”

He nodded even though it was a little bit too late for that. If he knew that he and Oikawa weren’t really in talking terms at the moment, he would probably punch his soul right out of his body. He gulped again, but he shook his uneasiness away. Determined, he called Iwaizumi just as he was leaving. He had already gone by Aiko-chan’s side.

“Umm, speaking of which, I was wondering if you know where I can find him, Oikawa. I haven’t been able to contact him in a while, but I think his phone has been disconnected or something?” Iwaizumi tilted his head as he spoke. He didn’t seem to be understanding. Then again, Tadashi wasn’t entirely sure what he wanted from him either. “I mean, I want to know where I can find him right now. I really need to talk to him about something. It’s rather important and I’m...I would be really grateful for it.”

  
The man in front of him thought about it for a second before he suddenly extended his hand. “Give me something to write with and I’ll give your his work address. If he isn’t at home, then he should be there.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for reading and apologize for my mistakes!!


	22. Chapter 22

_His mother told him she was going to step out for a minute. She just needed to get a few grocery items, but it felt like hours had already gone by. He wasn’t used to it yet. He didn’t know why she had even dared to leave him alone in that way. He was beyond nervous and he was silently praying that she wouldn’t cry during this time. He wouldn’t know what to do if she did._

_Tooru sighed at the thought of it and leaned his head over the crib. He was tired without a doubt. He regretted taking the job as a dad so lightly before._

_Clearly, it was tough work and he had even gotten permission to take some time off his internship. They understood his situation which was surprisingly odd. His boss didn’t complain and he even said that they would be waiting anxiously for his return. It was a pretty strange thing to say when he didn’t do much of anything. He just followed orders as he navigated his way around the business world. Naturally, he learned things rather quickly and that was probably what the higher ups liked most about him._

_Now, he was occupied with his daughter since her own mother was too busy to even give her some attention. She was barely a couple of months old, but her mother didn’t seem to care anyways. Tooru couldn’t believe her awful behavior and he even yelled at her for it once. They didn’t particularly get along and that’s why they never bothered forming a proper relationship. Still, she was truly irresponsible, more than him if that was even possible. She only rarely visited her daughter on the weekends. Her excuses were always pathetic, but it had come to the point where Tooru didn’t even believe her anymore. He felt like he was raising Aiko on his own._

_He stared at the sleeping baby in the crib and he carefully reached down to touch her forehead. He pressed his finger gently across the small strands of hair that were starting to grow. There was a pink ribbon around her head that matched perfectly with the outfit his mom had gotten her a couple of days ago. She was truly adorable and he could seriously stare at her forever._

_Sadly, there wasn’t much he could do to take care of her. He was truly hopeless as a father and he hated that part of himself. If it wasn’t for his mom, then he would undoubtedly be lost._

_Tooru didn’t know how to do anything, but he was trying to learn. He had changed her diapers several times already even though he practically panicked for a full minute before each attempt. He knew how to feed her and prepare her milk. It wasn’t difficult, but he had to make sure the temperature was just right and deciding that always took him longer than what was considered normal. He had to test it over and over again to make sure Aiko wasn’t burned by the hot formula. His mom would assure him that it was fine, but he was never entirely sure. Then, he still didn’t know how to bathe her._

_The room was pretty dark. There were only a few streaks of light coming in from the window, but he immediately noticed when Aiko slowly started stretching, kicking her little legs. Her arms were tossed up as she got ready to loudly cry. Tooru stood up at the sight of his daughter waking up from her short nap. He stepped out the bedroom to see if his mom was already home, but Aiko had beaten her. She began to wail and Tooru wanted to shriek right along with her. He walked over to the crib, but he didn’t think some sweet gentle words would be enough to quiet the baby. He would have to do the unthinkable._

_Taking a deep breath, he reached down to pick her up. His arms began to shake as he held the small baby. Unfortunately, he wasn’t really certain about what he was suppose to do next._

_He tried rocking her back to sleep, but that didn’t work at all. His mom had just fed her a bottle of milk just a while ago, so he didn’t think she was hungry either. Even so, he grabbed the bottle that had been left over the nightstand. He sat down over the bed and nervously placed it over her small mouth. She wouldn’t take it, though. She would move her head every time he lowered the bottle close by. He bit his lip as he thought about something else he could try. He looked around the room, but there were hardly any ideas coming to his head. Aiko wasn’t letting him think with her cries. It was truly a stressful situation._

_With his mom gone, he was utterly hopeless. He had figured as much before. Again, with failure, he tried to get her to sleep again. His mom would hum a melody or sing a lullaby when she was trying to get her to sleep, but he didn’t think that would be enough. Aiko wouldn’t be able to hear him anyways. His mom would also pace around when she was trying to get the baby to calm down and most of the time, it would work. He tried doing the same, but the results didn’t change. Aiko kept crying nonstop and it was starting to drive him crazy._

_There could be something seriously wrong. He had been told before that babies cry as a way of communication. The doctor had even mentioned that there were distinct cries for hunger and pain. Of course, he couldn’t distinguish them even if his life depended on it. He couldn’t simply ignore her until his mom came back either. He would probably never hear the end of it. He needed to get the hang of being father and there was no better opportunity for him to prove himself. Tooru thought back and tried to remember the different instances where Aiko had cried. He pondered about it for the longest time when he suddenly realized something._

_He lifted her small body and carefully placed her over his chest, up his shoulder. Without giving it much thought, he patted her back gently, a few times, over and over. He paced around the room, hoping that was all she needed. The room wasn’t necessarily warm, but he was sweating anyways because of Aiko’s crying. This was the reason why he didn’t like it when his mom stepped out. She lasted forever and took her time coming back on purpose. She probably saw it as training, but really it was pure hell since he didn’t even know what to do half the time._

_“It’s okay, Aiko-chan. Everything is going to be fine. I’m right here for you.”_

_He continued to pat her back with hopes she would burp. He had read somewhere in the internet that babies needed to burp after they were fed. He didn’t remember Aiko burping at all earlier, so he figured that was problem. Surely, after he persistently continued to pat her back, she silently burped. She gave out a few more cries before she finally fell silent._

_He sat back on the bed. He carried the baby properly back in his arms again and looked at her still face with a sigh. He extended his finger, letting her hold on it with her tiny hand. She tried placing it inside her mouth, but of course, he didn’t let her. He held her closer than before, though. His heart still rapidly beating with excitement and sadness._

_“Honestly, I’m a terrible person, Aiko-chan. I hurt my best friend and lover in so many ways because of my stupid mistakes. It’s been more than a year already and I’m still not over him. I saw him a while ago and he was able to meet you too. It was great seeing and talking to him again.” He whispered to himself even though he was quietly talking to the baby as well. “Still, there’s no point in crying. I can’t fix anything that way.”_

_Tooru shook his head and kissed Aiko’s forehead. She helplessly stirred in his arms, stretching and kicking her legs further out again. “We’ll find our happiness. I don’t when or how or with who, but eventually and I’ll become a person that you’ll be proud of to call your father.”_

 

* * *

He groaned helplessly and loud enough so his assistant could hear him as he entered the room. He leaned his head over his desk with his computer monitor quietly humming close to his ear. There were papers scattered all over, but, like always, he had no interest to look over them. His assistant had probably come in to scold him for it again. He had been doing the same thing since the morning. However, he didn’t have the spirit to argue back and it was all Yamaguchi’s fault. A few days had already gone by since he had last seen him, but that didn’t stop him from thinking about him constantly.

It seemed like a good idea at the time. After all, their feelings weren’t mutual and their chances to get together had become incredibly slim. He didn’t see why he should continue to pester him when Yamaguchi wanted him away. He was in love with someone else and he clearly wasn’t wanted. Tooru wasn’t used to being rejected, but that wasn't even the problem. He liked, maybe even loved, Yamaguchi. The thought of not having him around was completely intolerable and troubling to understand. Already, he had lost count of how many times he had tried to reach out for the freckled man in one way or another. Tooru desperately wanted to apologize, but there was no point in doing so. Yamaguchi had made up his mind and his words weren’t going to change anything.

As a result, the whole situation was starting to drive him insane. He brushed his hair with fingers, finding some motivation to at least sit up and look at his concerned assistant. He didn’t necessarily seem pleased to be there, but that wasn’t anything new. Tooru yawned and picked up a manila folder that was sitting around. He pretended to show some interest as he flipped it open. He came across a few statistical charts and graphs, showing an increasing correlation of sales for the past month. There were several reports that came with it, but he didn’t bother to read them. Instead, he tossed it aside and declared it was time for lunch.

His assistant instantly came over, with a death glare, and picked up the folder he had been holding only moments ago. He shoved it towards his face which caused a laugh to escape from his lips. It was hardly sincere, though, but he enjoyed teasing his assistant in that manner. The over serious man calmed down after a few minutes upon realizing that sort of behavior was unethical. He adjusted his tie before he went back to his former position. Tooru leaned his head over his hand with an amusing smile spreading across his face.

“Is there something you need, Nakamura-chan?” He asked him, lifting an eyebrow curiously. His assistant rolled his eyes in response. “You’ve been bothering me all morning. When are you going to leave me alone? I can’t keep working with you constantly bugging me.”

“Stop lying to yourself. You’ve been more distracted than usual lately and it seriously starting to get on my nerves.” He blurted out as he slowly continued to raise his voice. Tooru shrugged his shoulders and simply ignored his comment even though it wasn’t far from the truth. He leaned back against his chair, grabbing a pen before he started to twirl it with his fingers. “You look worse than usual. I don’t know what’s going on and honestly, I don’t care. Still, you need to pull yourself together. I’m your damn assistant, not your babysitter. I can’t keep cleaning the mess you leave behind, you know. Be responsible for once.”

“You know, you’re completely right. It’s really none of your business, so you better stay out of my problems.” Tooru gave him a threatening glance, but his assistant wasn’t fazed by it at all. Instead, he stood straight before him as if he dared to challenge him. He had to admit that demeaning aura of his was one of his best characteristics. “Anyways, why do you keep barging in here without a warning? I already told you that I’ll get to work. There’s no reason to be so annoying about it. Believe it or not, I did go over the proposition given by the public relations department even though I’m not sure where exactly I left the papers. There somewhere around, not lost. Just somewhere, I guess.”

“As strange as it might seem, I didn’t come to specifically scold you even though I should.” His assistant shook his head, crossing his hands with a frustrated sigh. “I thought I’d let you know that there’s someone that insists on seeing you.”

“What? Didn’t I tell you to cancel all my meetings and reunions? Honestly, I don’t feel like doing anything.”

“I tried already, but he’s really persistent. He says it’s urgent and that he really needs to speak with you about something. He doesn’t specify what it is, though. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him around here before. I’ve told him many times to leave, but he’s quite stubborn. He seems a bit desperate.” He continued, but there was a heavy amount of stress in his voice. “That’s why I came to ask. Do you want me to let him in? Or should I go ahead and call security? He did say he wasn’t going to leave until he could speak to you. His whole temperament is quite unsettling.”

Tooru thought about it and dismissed his assistant with a simple hand motion. He could do whatever he wanted. He didn’t want to see anyone, so it made no difference to him. He pulled out his new phone, pretending to go down a list of contacts that simply didn’t exist anymore. His assistant didn’t take a passive stance. He angrily slammed his hand over his desk, demanding an answer. Tooru paid no mind to it. “There’s no need to make a fuss, Nakamura-chan. Just let him in. I don’t care regardless.”

His assistant left the room and he immediately dropped his head over his desk again. He looked at the empty white screen from his phone before he turned it over. Placing his hand over his chest, Tooru could feel a profound emptiness forming within. He couldn’t help it, but he had fallen into the pits of his own sadness. It was a lot to process after all. Yamaguchi didn’t like him the way he did. He was in love with someone else. Tooru had been careless enough to plan ahead. He had gotten his hopes up and that was part of the reason why he couldn’t stand up from the sudden fall.

The problem was that he didn’t simply like Yamaguchi. It was something much more stronger and scarier, a feeling that he didn’t think he would ever feel toward anyone ever again. He started the whole thing as a joke, a game with himself to see if he could magically twist fate around. He didn’t regret meeting Yamaguchi, but he did regret developing feelings for him, a mistake that he couldn’t take back.

Aiko-chan could tell that there was something obviously wrong, but he couldn’t necessarily fake a smile in front of her either. She was too clever for that, so he didn’t even try. Even so, that didn’t stop her from approaching him. He could still picture her worried face that night when he was sobbing away like a madman. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t give her a reason for his horrid state, but she held him anyways in complete silence. It was heartbreaking and he made sure to apologize that following morning. He didn’t mention Yamaguchi. There was no need to.

Tooru wasn’t going to break like the way he had done so in college. He was stronger now or so he wanted to be. Unfortunately, his mood wasn’t getting any better. He couldn’t even get himself to approach Aiko-chan’s school especially since Yamaguchi would be around. He wasn’t ready for such an encounter, so he had her sitter and Iwa-chan picking her up from school. Naturally, his daughter quickly caught on that there was something off. She asked him about it, but he didn’t say anything that could ease her worries. Now, she seemed just as upset as he was and he wasn’t sure what he was suppose to do about it.  

“It’s all your fault.” He whispered, letting his words fade away with the silence of the room. He sighed again as an image of Yamaguchi appeared inside his mind. Consequently, a small smile began to spread across his face. He was hopeless. “No, that’s wrong. It’s not your fault. I should have known better.”

There was a faint knock on the door and Tooru lazily sat up. He pushed back his hair, trying to compose himself at least a little even though he was going to send the stranger right back out the door. He was only letting him in because he was curious. He wanted to see just what was so urgent and important that the stranger wanted to discuss. He had been expecting a representative from their rivaling business since yesterday, but even then, Tooru was still uninterested.  

He expected to see someone formally dressed, a total snob, but instead, when the door slowly creaked opened, he saw the person that he least expected to see. He immediately stood up, but he was almost sure that his heart had briefly stopped. He looked at him with disbelief as he shyly walked in. Tooru wondered if he was dreaming and he wanted to pinch himself to verify what was really going on. He just couldn’t believe it. He leaned his hand against the desk for support. He was sure he would fall back otherwise. His jaw dropped as he was filled with confusion.

It was Yamaguchi. He was there, standing before him with a bright shade of red spread across his face. Their eyes briefly met and he quickly turned his head in another direction to avoid his gaze. Even so, the freckled man was probably unaware of the urge that was building up inside him, the urge to hold and the urge to taste those lips once more. Tooru gulped and tried to calm himself down a little. He cleared his throat and tried to speak as seriously as he could even though he really wanted to scream.

“What are you doing here, Yamaguchi? Is there something you need from me? I thought you said you didn’t want to see me again?” His words were much harsher than what he would have liked them to be, but sadly, he still couldn’t forget the way Yamaguchi had spoken to him a couple of nights ago. He had hurt him badly, so he just wanted to return part of the favor. He wasn’t sure what the purpose of his visit was, but he was going to make the most of it regardless.

“I understand if you don’t want to see me right now. I said some awful things to you that weren’t necessarily true. Well, I didn’t know they were true then and I came here to apologize.”

His voice was shaky and if it wasn’t for the dead silence of the room, then he probably wouldn’t be able to hear him at all. Even so, Tooru was sure he could hear his beating heart. Yamaguchi probably couldn’t tell because of the distance that separated them, but he was also slightly shaking. It was a normal reaction, though or so he figured. He hadn't seen him in days, so his body had grown slightly anxious for some apparent reason. He stared at the man before him patiently, waiting for him to continue.

“I was trying to call you, but you never answered. I even tried looking for you at your apartment. You never came to pick up Aiko-chan either.” Yamaguchi fiddled with the rim of his sleeve nervously. His attention was directed elsewhere as he spoke, but it didn’t even matter. He was content with having him there so close. He was happy hearing that he had been looking for him like crazy during their stressful time apart. “I lied to you, Oikawa-san. To you and to myself. I’ve been living in the past this entire time and never really realized it until I met you.”

By this point, he was having trouble breathing and he stood completely motionless as Yamaguchi slowly approached him. He kept walking in his direction, steadily, until his desk was the only thing that was standing in between. For the first time, since he arrived, the freckled man looked up at him. His gaze instantly became lost in his. Tooru gulped, but he couldn’t look away. He was tempted to pull him right in. “I came here to clear up the misunderstanding that I created. I needed to fix this before it became worse. Oikawa-san, I honestly do-”

“Don’t say it. Don’t say it if you don’t mean it.” He placed his finger over his lips, stopping him from speaking completely. Their roles seemed to have reserved, but he didn’t think he could handle it if he ended up lying to him again. He let his finger linger there longer than what was acceptable. Yamaguchi shuddered upon his touch, but he didn’t push him away. Instead, he grabbed his hand and gently kissed it. Tooru yanked it away immediately, feeling his face burning up.

“Didn’t you say that you were in love with Tsukishima Kei, your childhood friend or something. You can’t just change your feelings overnight. It’s not possible.”

“I’m aware of what I said.” He responded with a small pained smile as he scratched the back of his neck with embarrassment. “And I’m not going to deny it either. He was the first person I ever loved. We dated for many years, but everything we had built together fell apart in a matter of minutes. We separated and he never came back to look for me. He didn’t love me the way I did, but I guess I was too naive to notice. No, I knew perfectly well. I knew his feelings for me weren’t as strong, but I wanted to be by his side anyway. It was selfish of me. I was wrong for thinking that way. I seriously thought there could be no one else.”

His story wasn’t much different from what he had experienced with Hajime. There wasn’t a doubt that fate could be unnecessarily cruel. Even though he wanted to, Tooru didn’t say anything. He stepped away from his desk and went toward the man that made his heart beat right out of his chest. He stood in front of him, placing his hand just above his waist. He pulled him closer and let the smell of his soft hair fill his nostrils. That was the way he wanted to be more than anything. There was no point in denying it. He pushed away the last remains of his fears and distrust.

“Then I met you and everything slowly started to change...for the better.” Yamaguchi’s voice faded away as he leaned his face against his clothing. He held his hands and squeezed them tightly like if he never wanted to let go. Tooru was fine with that. “I guess I didn’t want to admit how much I really liked you because of what happened before with Tsukki. I didn’t want to let go of something that had ended years ago. I didn’t want to give myself a chance to be happy and sincerely smile again for once. I care about you and Aiko-chan dearly. I couldn’t stand the thought of never seeing you again. I realized that you’re the person I want to be with right now.”

“Do you realize what you’re saying? Are you sure about what you’re saying? Because I’ve been waiting so long to hear that from you and I’m not going to let you take it back.”

Tooru grabbed his face and turned him so that he was looking up at him again. The freckled man gave him a shy faint nod, but the strange thing was that he was the one that was close to crying. He was happy, incredibly and undeniably so. He was relieved. All his worries and troubles vanished in an instant. He took a deep breath, trying desperately to hide the radiating smile forming across his face. He probably seemed like idiot, but he couldn’t help it. “If that’s how you feel, then date me and become mine already.”

“But it’s doesn’t sound like you’re asking me out, though?” Yamaguchi commented, but he was already leaning in. Tooru’s hands roughly brushed through his long brown hair, making it messier than it already was by untying the bun. He pushed some of it away from his face so he could properly see that beautiful blush that was forming across his freckled cheeks.

“You’re right. I’m not asking you out at all. We’re too old for that.”

He kissed him on the lips, slowly like an awkward teenager before it transpired into something deeper. He embraced him tightly and unlike before, Yamaguchi didn’t hesitate either. He wrapped his arms around his neck, pulling him in as their kiss became sloppy and almost desperate. In a matter of seconds, he felt like he couldn’t breathe. He was completely intoxicated by Yamaguchi. He was drawn to the touch of his skin. He was fascinated by his entire being. It would be a lie if he said he wasn’t hard.

“I’m nicely letting you know that you’ll never be able to get rid of me now.” They parted just briefly, but he was blown away when he was able to witness one of Yamaguchi’s precious smiles. He silently laughed right after before he lifted his hand to caress his face.

  
There were a million things that he wanted to say, but he was suddenly at a loss of words. He just wanted to kiss him forever. He wanted to hold him in his arms forever. It was a feeling that was extremely new, something that he had only felt with his childhood friend in the past. Still, it was different from that, distinct from anything he had ever experienced before. Then he remembered what it was; love.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, after 22 chapters. I still can't believe it and we're seriously approaching the end. There's probably, at most, six chapters left (I might extend to 28 chapters I don't know yet)? I don't know what I'm going to do when it's finally done. I've been working on this for so long already. It's become a part of me.
> 
> Still, thank you very much for reading and for making it this far into the story! I really appreciate the comments and the support. Once again, I apologize for my mistakes!


	23. Chapter 23

_Hey, Tsukki_

_It’s been awhile, hasn’t it? Sadly, I can’t really say that things have gotten better. I really messed up and I feel awful about it. There’s this strange emptiness inside my chest that I can’t ride of. It bothers me and it’s terrifying to realize that Oikawa is the cause. We got into an argument the other night. Actually, no. That’s wrong...I started everything when I refused to accept his feelings. I lied and told him that I was in love with you still. There might have been some truth to my words, but his sudden departure made me see the illusion I was living under. I wish I could take it all back. I didn’t mean it. I was an idiot. As you would probably say, I was truly pathetic._

_Anyways, I’ve tried to look for him, but I just can’t reach him. I don’t know what I should do. It’s stressing and I can’t think of anything else. He’s been on mind constantly, throughout the day, nonstop. I’m starting to feel a little desperate. I don’t want to fall in the same situation that happened to us once before. I can’t. I won’t be able to handle it this time. It’s too much to even think about._

_That’s why I need to fix everything before it becomes worse. I don’t know why I’m telling you this now. There’s no point in doing so, but whether Oikawa gives me another chance or not doesn’t matter. I’m determined to move on and look ahead. I can’t dwell on the past anymore. That’s what I’ve done all these years and it hasn’t accomplished anything I can deem worthy, just sadness and profound regret. I can’t keep waiting for something that I am sure will never come._

_Even if I met you right now, our situation wouldn’t change. You wouldn’t run towards me and take me in your arms. You wouldn’t say you’re sorry. You wouldn’t say you loved me.You wouldn’t do everything possible to make up for the time we’ve been apart. You didn’t do so before. I didn’t either, so I can’t blame you when it’s mostly my fault. I should have gone to look for you. I really should have, but my own fears and insecurities tied me down. I thought waiting would be best, but as you can see, that was completely wrong of me. You didn’t care enough for it. I didn’t understand this then, but I do now..._

_I’m going to look for Oikawa and I hope he can take me back. I want to start a new life with him by my side. I want give myself another chance to find happiness. I hope, from the bottom of my heart, that you’re doing the same._

_Sincerely, Yamaguchi_

_Saved as Draft_

* * *

They walked home together, hand in hand, but it had already become a routine for them. Ever since he started dating Oikawa, he would take her home most of the time. He insisted for him to do so and honestly, he could never really refuse. He loved spending time with Aiko-chan and it seemed she felt the same way as well. She would wait for him patiently once school was over. She would sit around until he was done cleaning up. Most of time, he would bring her a snack for her to enjoy in the meantime, so she hardly ever complained. Occasionally, her boredom would surface, but she would entertain herself with some of the activities and games he personally wouldn’t let her do during actual class time.

At first, Tadashi thought he would get in trouble for the extra attention he was giving to Aiko-chan. He never discussed it with the other teachers, but they eventually noticed anyways. He was questioned once for it. He was asked why he was going home with one of his students. While he didn’t give them full details, he did explain that he was rather close to her father and as a favor, he was taking care of her while he was at work. They didn’t quite believe his story, but they didn’t bother him about it anymore. Aiko-chan seemed happy, so there wasn’t any need to further investigate.

She skipped along with him, humming a tune that she had probably picked up from Oikawa. They weren’t far from his apartment. It would probably take them a few more minutes to arrive, but Aiko-chan stopped when they walked past the nearby bakery. She slowly let go of his hand and peered through the window to look at the sweets that were displayed behind the glass. Looking inside attentively, her attention was immediately taken by a cake that could most definitely be considered a masterpiece. Tadashi approached her, but she didn’t have to say anything. She had already convinced him with the bright smile that was slowly forming across her face.

He kneeled down next to her, placing a hand over her shoulder and letting her know that he had the same thought as she did. “How about we buy one? A cake? We can share it later with your dad too.”

They stepped inside and they were nicely welcomed by the clerk. They looked around, carefully examining and debating which particular cake Oikawa would enjoy the most. In the end, Aiko-chan choose one that was filled with nice ripe strawberries. She pulled him towards it, pointing at it excitedly behind the glass counter. It seriously looked delicious and he could definitely see why she had picked it.

Tadashi smiled at the sight of the strawberry cake as memories briefly flooded inside his mind. He remembered the times when he and Kei would sit together with a similar sort of cake. Still, he wasn’t filled with pain or with sadness or with a longing regret as he thought back. They were just that now. Memories. Nothing more. Nothing less.

He took a deep breath and with the spare change he had in his bag, he bought it for them to eat later. Aiko-chan clapped her hands with delight as she saw clerk wrap their cake in a box. Tadashi thanked her and urged the young girl with him to do the same. Aiko-chan’s smile dropped from her face. She timidly hid behind him, but looked up at the giggling women that was waiting for her response. It took a while. She kicked and fidgeted around. Then, she waved goodbye and thanked her just as politely for her help and services.

The clerk waved back before a louder chuckle escaped her lips. She tried to be discreet about it, but it was obvious she found Aiko-chan just as cute as he did. “Your daughter is absolutely adorable!”

Aiko-chan looked up at him a bit surprised by the comment, but he didn’t deny it anyways. There’s no reason why he should. “Thank you. She really is.”

They left not longer after, but Aiko-chan had become silent and he wondered if she was bothered about what had happened earlier. He wasn’t her dad and he certainly wasn’t trying to take Oikawa’s position. He wanted to have a place of his own in her heart. After all, he and Oikawa were together, so he wanted to get closer to her. He wanted to be more than her teacher. He wanted her to see him as someone she could truly count on for support, kindness, and anything else. They stopped in front of the traffic light and they watched a few cars drive by in silence. Tadashi squeezed her hand slowly which grabbed her attention.

“I’m sorry about what I said in the bakery.” She was just a child, so he wasn’t sure just how much of it she truly understood. Still, he was going to try. After all, kids were a lot smarter than what adults gave them credit for. “I should have corrected the woman and told her you weren’t my daugher. She got the wrong idea and I should have told her. I’m sorry if it bothered you in any form. I didn’t mean it.”

She shook her head, but she didn’t seem to be comfortable at all. Even so, she didn’t appear to bothered or angry with him which was reliving. “It’s okay. I don’t mind. You’re nice to me. I like you a lot and I’m happy that we’re friends.”

He didn’t say anything else, but he could briefly see it. There was sadness in her eyes. She wasn’t looking at him, her gaze remained on the grey concrete underneath their feet. The walking sign flashed on, blinking and signaling them that it was safe to cross the street. Even so, neither one of them moved. They let the few strangers walk around them instead. Aiko-chan bit her lip and held his hand even tighter than before.

“Yamaguchi-sensei? Do you know where my mom is?” Tadashi’s jaw slightly dropped and his mind suddenly went blank at the unexpected question. He took a deep breath, pushing back the loose strands of hair with his fingers. He was at a loss of words, but Aiko-chan didn’t give him enough time to even come up with a proper reply.

“I ask dad about it, but he doesn’t say anything. I want to know...where she is. Why isn’t she here? She doesn’t like me? Does she hate me? Do you know? Do you know where she is?”

Tadashi carried her instead which surprised her completely. He embraced her tightly, carrying the bag with their cake as well, and tried to soothe her unhappiness away. Aiko-chan responds by hugging him back, wrapping her small arms around his neck gently. She looks at him and he gives her a tender smile.

“Listen, Aiko-chan. I can’t answer your question now, but I want you to understand that you have many people that love you and care for you. Your dad is one those people. He loves you with his entire being. He would do anything for you. I’m sure you’re aware of it. Iwaizumi-san cares a lot about you as well. And I do too. We’re all here for you. You can depend on us for anything. We’ll support you no matter what."

He poked her nose, making her laugh slightly, something that he was glad for. “We’re all different and it’s okay to be different. There’s nothing wrong with that. You’re mother might be around, but you have your father. You have Iwaizumi-san and me. Don’t ever forget how much we love you.”

She seemed to be content and nodded. Tadashi quietly sighed, hoping she would never bring that subject up again or at least not for the meantime. Still, the reminders were everywhere. Normally, mothers were the ones that picked up the kids from school. He never thought Aiko-chan was bothered by that fact, but she was a child. He was sure she might have been curious and wondered why she didn’t have a mom to pick her up too. It was only natural.

They walked home that way with small idle talk about nothing and everything. He didn’t let her go until they reached his apartment. He placed her on the floor and searched for his keys inside his bag. When he opened the door, Aiko-chan immediately dashed inside, taking off her shoes close to the entrance. She was used to his home already, so she wasn’t really shy when they were alone in that manner and acted like her usual self. Without even telling him, she went toward his bookshelf and picked up the coloring books she had left behind the other day. She pulled out her crayons from her bag, sat down by the table, and flipped through a couple of pages before finding a cartoon cat to color.

Tadashi placed the cake over the counter along with his other stuff. He stretched his hands, letting his exhaustion finally sink in after a long tiring day. He pulled out his phone for the first time since he had left school and of course, he only had a few messages from Oikawa. He was coming home early apparently since he was dying to spend some time with them. Tadashi shook his head, knowing that he would probably be scolded by his assistant for ditching work so early. Still, the smile on his face was probably difficult to hide.

“Look, Yamaguchi-sensei. My cat is blue.” She told him happily before she continued coloring. Trying to help her out a little, Tadashi looked around his desk for some markers. He knew he had some around somewhere. He just had to look for them. When he finally found them, he accidently came across Yachi’s wedding invitation that had be thrown aside in one of the drawers. He picked it up and took it with him before he handed Aiko-chan the bright markers. She took them with delight and proceeded on without giving the sullen look on his face any extra consideration.

He hadn’t told Oikawa about it yet since he wasn’t really sure about going himself. He wanted to before to see Kei, but now, he wasn’t so sure.  Then again, whether he met with Kei or not, it wouldn’t change anything. He wasn’t planning to leave Oikawa. He and Aiko-chan had become were currently the most important people in his life. He wouldn't abandon them for anything. Tadashi let that thought float away and decided to cut the cake for them to eat. They each shared a small slice, leaving enough for Oikawa later on.

Once again, like the many times before, they talked about a million of things as they ate their dessert first. Specifically, he asked her if she wanted to play volleyball when she was older. She shrugged her shoulders and stated she didn’t know. She liked it, but she wasn’t really good at it. She had played a few times before with her dad. It was fun for the most part. However, she said there were other sports that she also want to try too, one of them being baseball. She thought it was cool.

Tadashi was surprised by that fact, but he assured her that she should do whatever her heart tells her. While he wasn’t the indicated person to give advice, he told her to follow her interests and to never let anyone pressure her for anything. She seemed to understand.

They spent their time like they usually did, chatting and watching old television programs that resembled his own childhood favorites. He asked her to help him with dinner and she happily nodded to the notion. He gave her the apron even though it was too big her to wear. They adjusted it anyways, tying it just right so that she wouldn’t trip by it’s length. Aiko-chan twirled around with it, showing it off like a dress. Tadashi commented it looked wonderful and that she would grow up into eventually.

“Yamaguchi-sensei! Your hair is in the way!”

He agreed with her and lowered his head, giving her the hair tie that was around his wrist. She successfully tied it back in a sloppy bun that left a lock of hair sticking up in the air. Tadashi didn’t try to fix it as a way to show her that he was proud of her efforts. They headed towards his small kitchen once they were ready. It was a bit warm outside, but he had just the right ingredients for some curry.

There was a knock on the door and Aiko-chan was the first one to head in that direction. Tadashi followed her right after since they both knew perfectly well who it was. He opened the door to find Oikawa standing there with the most beautiful smile that could possibly ever exist. Aiko-chan greeted him, pulling him inside and telling him that they were just about to make dinner. She told him about the cake they had gotten at bakery too and how he had already given her a slice. Oikawa briefly carried her in his arms, kissed her cheeks before he set her down again.

After she headed back to the kitchen, Oikawa's attention was placed towards him. It was something that he still hadn’t really gotten to used yet.

“Cute.” He told him, touching his hair that was sticking up from the top of his head because of the way Aiko-chan had tied it. He rolled his eyes, feeling some embarrassment flush to his cheeks. After making sure his daughter wasn’t looking, Tadashi quickly gave him a kiss on the lips and let his face linger close by. He didn’t know it, but his heart was pounding like crazy. They had been dating for a while and yet, he always caused the same effects on him.

“How has Aiko-chan been today? She hasn’t give you any trouble?” He asked him, but his hands wouldn’t leave him alone. Oikawa had spun him around so that his mouth was hovering close to his ear. Tadashi closed his eyes, letting him do whatever he wanted. He didn’t mind it at all. In fact, he craved his touch most of the time. Leaning his chin over shoulder, he continued talking as his hot breath continued to hit the sides of his face.

“So, what are we having for dinner? You have no idea how hungry I am. I had to work through my break in order to come home earlier. My assistant would have probably locked me inside my office until I got everything done. Honestly, he’s such a pain.”

“Yeah, but it’s good that you got your work done this time. I would have felt guilty otherwise.” He replied, pulling away from his grasp. Oikawa pouted, but he quickly grabbed his hand instead. Tadashi smiled at his boyfriend and caressed his beautiful face. “Also, your assistant isn’t as bad as you make him out to be. Someone has to keep you in check and honestly, he’s perfect for the job. Anyways, we left you some cake if you want to have some. Dinner won’t be ready in a while, so you should really eat something in the meantime.”

“Ahh, Yama-chan, you don’t have to worry about me. Just seeing you today is enough.” Oikawa told him, but he listened to him anyways and headed toward the table. Tadashi headed back toward the kitchen where Aiko-chan was trying to wash her hands. She couldn’t really reach the faucet, so he carefully lifted her so she could at least touch the water. He placed her back down when she was done, handing her a towel for her to dry her hands.

From the living room, Oikawa called him again. He peeked his head and saw that he was carrying the invitation he had set aside a while ago. He had forgotten to put it back up. “Hey, Yama-chan, what’s this?”

Tadashi walked to toward him and took the invitation from his hand. He looked at it before he offered an explanation. “It’s an invitation to my friend’s wedding. I don’t know if you remember her or not, but she was our manager back when we were in Karasuno, Yachi Hitoka. She getting married and she gave me an invitation a while back. I found it stashed away in one of the drawers. Still, as much as I wanted to, I don’t think I’m going to attend.”

Oikawa took it back and opened it, showing him the dates that were written inside of them. Tadashi sighed, wishing he could just let it go already. “It’s coming up real soon, you know?  You kept it around, right? That means you had some intentions of going at some point. How come you don't want to go anymore?”

“I don’t know.” Tadashi told him even though his reasons were quite clear. Oikawa probably suspected he was hiding something and lifted his eyebrow unconvincingly. Why didn’t he want to go? It wasn’t hard to guess. “Everyone from Karasuno is going to be there. I mean, I would love to reunite with my old friends. I haven’t seen them in years, but it’s just going to be weird. To suddenly show up after so long. I don’t know how it’ll be. It makes me nervous to think about.”

“Really? Would Tsukishima Kei also have something to do with it?” He asked him and Tadashi couldn’t necessarily deny it. Thankfully, Oikawa didn’t pressure him for the truth. He seemed to understand for the most part that Kei was someone undeniably important to him. Even then, he still cared about him. They were childhood friends. Those sentiments would never vanish regardless of how much time went by. It was the same thing he felt for Iwaizumi. 

“But it isn’t what you think.” He started and his words eased the tension slightly. Once again, Oikawa leaned in close enough and he let his lips graze over his. There was no reason to doubt him. He probably knew it well and probably felt guilty for even bringing Kei into the conversation. Things weren’t the same as before. Their relationship was getting stronger, but still, there just certain topics that were more sensitive than others.

“When the time comes, if I do end up going, I want you to come with me, you and Aiko-chan.”

Oikawa smirked at the suggestion, but he parted from him immediately when Aiko-chan came to see what they were talking about. He wrapped his arm around his neck, pulling him close to his body and letting him hear his rapidly beating heart. “Did you hear that, Aiko-chan?! We’re invited to a wedding!”

He didn’t know yet. He hadn’t really gotten around to telling him. Oikawa had no idea how quickly he was starting to fall in love with him.

* * *

 

_To Kei,_

_Thank you._

_Thank you for the memories, both the pleasant and the sad ones. We went through a lot. They were truly difficult times, but I was finally able to pick myself up from the depths of my own misery._

_I thought I would never smile sincerely again. I thought I would never feel this strange warmth of comfort and love. I thought I would never find someone else that would look at me and think I’m great person. I thought I would be alone until you came along again. I thought I couldn’t love anyone but you. I thought that you were the only one in my life._

_I was wrong, but I’m happy that I was wrong because I found Oikawa._

_And Aiko-chan._

_And hope._

_And a future._

_And a smile that I know will always be directed towards me. My feelings for him have grown. How could they not? He’s a bit difficult to handle sometimes, but that doesn’t stop my heart from racing every time I see him. It proves that I made the right decision; the decision to let him into my life without holding back. Without doubts. Without fears. Without hesitation._

_I love him. That much is clear to me now even though I’m not even sure how that even happened in the first place. It’s blurry and quite painful when I think about it. Maybe it could have been my loneliness that first accepted him in. He made an effort to talk to me and I never really necessarily pushed him away. I did occasionally want to, though. Or maybe it was my desperate longing to forget that let Oikawa get close. Still, I guess it doesn’t really matter anymore. He’s here for me and that’s all that matters._

_His presence alone makes me happy. His gestures. His kind words. His gentle touch. The small details he doesn’t give much importance to are special to me. I wouldn’t trade it for anything; I wouldn’t trade these feelings for anything in the world._

_We’re going to meet again eventually. That’s simply unavoidable, but I think I’ll be able to face you now without breaking down. Honestly, I’m not much stronger than before. I’m still the same person that I’ve always been. A little unsure, a little insecure, a little bit of everything. However, with Oikawa standing right next to me, I feel like everything is going to work out just fine._

_Again, thank you for everything. Thank you for protecting me, for taking care of me, and for putting up with me for so many years. I hope we can pick up our friendship one day._

_Goodbye._

_From Tadashi_

 

 _⁓_ _SELECT ALL_

_DELETE_

_delete_ **_all_ ** _of the selected?_

  
_ALL DRAFTS DELETED_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and like always, I apologize for my mistakes!


	24. Chapter 24

She was practically shaking, but she refused to get down anyways. She was standing close to the edge, getting ready to reach out and grab the bar that was a bit to high for her height. Again, she stretched her hand as far as she could without removing her feet from the platform. Tadashi was standing right next to her, just in case she slipped or fell. Still, he didn’t understand why she was so persistent about crossing the monkey bars. For the fifth or sixth time, she lost her balance and ended taking a couple of steps back. He couldn’t help but panic as well. After all, she was under his care.

The day was truly beautiful. The weather was almost perfect, so for a change he decided to take Aiko-chan to the park. She was overjoyed and for the most part, her happy mood remained. There were a few kids her age, or maybe older, around, but their presence didn’t seem to bother her much. They minded their own business and she did the same. However, she was intrigued when she saw them swinging through the monkey bars with great skill. She became curious and told him she wanted to try them too. Naturally, he followed and insisted that she might be a bit small for it. His advice and guidance was ignored. She was clearly just as stubborn as her father.

He didn’t want her to get hurt. A fall from such a height could result in a few fractured, if not broken, bones. Of course, he didn’t want that. He would never forgive himself otherwise. Oikawa trusted him with his daughter and he wanted to prove that he was worthy enough for it. As a result, he patiently stood by Aiko-chan, waiting to see what her next move would be. Her face scrunched up with determination and she rushed to the edge with a small jump before she hesitated once more and stopped.

“It’s okay, Aiko-chan. I’ll be right here to catch you. There’s no reason to be afraid. If you want to try it, then you should go for it.” Tadashi tried to motivate her, but it didn’t seem to be working. She kept fidgeting around with her fingers as she looked down at her boots that were so nicely adorned with cute little bows on the side. He sighed and lifted his hands, but he wasn’t trying to get her down. He’s learned, after long life lessons, that giving up is never really the answer; no matter how trivial the problem might be.

“I’ll help you, alright? Reach for the first handle and I’ll support you from there.”

Aiko-chan smiled at the suggestion and immediately set out to reach the first bar again. She held on tightly and slowly counted to three before she was confident enough to finally let go. Tadashi reached for her and sustained her from the upper waist. She quickly adjusted herself, getting a firm grip before she even considered proceeding on. Slowly, with his encouragement, she went through the bars until she finally reached the set of steps on the other side. He helped her get down and she couldn’t really contain her happiness upon her success.

She finally decided to change activities which was quite relieving. Aiko-chan went to the swings even though she struggled to sit on the seat. Tadashi asked if she wanted him to swim, a valid offer for any five year old, but she refused with a simple headshake. She said she could swing herself without help. Even so, he stood nearby and watched her as more kids came to the park to play.

Then, he remembered. He had come to the same park once before with Oikawa and Aiko-chan. The atmosphere between them had been awkward and pressuring. His presence then made him feel uncomfortable. Now, it was amazing to realize how much things had changed. He was constantly watching over Aiko-chan, getting the chance to watch and be involved in her development from a much closer distance. His view of her had changed from that of a teacher. He cared for her in a way he never thought he would. Tadashi really loved her.

For the first time, he felt like he had found the place, the home, the family he belonged to.

Aiko-chan got bored and went to him after a while, looking specifically at the bag he had brought along with snacks. Tadashi instructed her to wash her hands by the fountain first and she instantly obeyed. She rushed back, showing him her damp hands underneath the warm rays of sunlight. They were practically shining. He handed her a small container with sliced apples once after along with a box of juice. She happily sat down next to him and began to eat without really saying much. He hadn’t told her yet either, but he had also brought along a cup of pudding that was often declared as her favorite.

“I like being with you like this, Yamaguchi-sensei.” She told him after taking a sip from her drink. Her cheeks were slightly lit with a fade shade of pink as she placed her juice box next to her. She picked up a sliced apple, but she didn’t immediately eat it. She continued to talk to him instead which was starting to become something normal between them.

“I liked being with my sitter too. She was nice. She would make and buy me stuff. Iwaizumi-san, too. He’s really cool and nice. I like being with him, but-”

She paused and gave her next words lots of thought. After a brief moment, she looked up at him and gave him a familiar smile that once only directed toward Oikawa. His heart almost melted completely. “But, I like being with you the most.”

“I love being with you too, Aiko-chan. With you and your dad, actually.” Tadashi patted her head gently and the small girl continued eating the apples he had prepared for her in advance. He sighed happily, leaning back against the bench and staring at the tree that was giving them some great shade. Spring had finally settled in for good. The weather was absolutely perfect for a picnic, something Oikawa had suggested some time ago as well. He had completely ignored him then, but honestly it didn’t seem like such a bad idea anymore.

There was a gentle breeze coming in and Tadashi slowly closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He whispered, quiet enough so Aiko-chan wouldn’t notice, “I love you both very much.”

Their quiet moment was ruined by the sound of his ringing and vibrating phone. He quickly reached for it in his pocket, thinking it was Oikawa calling in to check on them. Tadashi looked at the screened and he was surprised to realized that wasn’t him at all. He gulped and while there was a swirl of emotions, he answered anyways.

“Hello? Yachi?”

 _“Ahh, thank goodness I was able to reach you the first time around.”_ Her voice sounded relieved, but honestly, Tadashi grew a bit worried, nervous to say the least. “ _It’s been awhile hasn’t it? Since I last went to visit you, right?”_

“Yeah, I believe so?” He scratched the back of his neck and gave Aiko-chan a quick glance. She had finished her apples, so with his spare hand, he reached inside his bag to grab the cup of pudding he had brought for her. Her face was filled with delight. She quickly took it from his hands and looked for the spoon herself. Peeling off the seal, she thanked him again with a smile which caused him to quietly chuckle.

“Anyways, so have you been? You’re wedding is just around the corner. It must be exciting.”

 _“Well, yeah. I am.”_ Yachi didn’t sound convincing. In fact, she sounded upset, her voice filled with sadness. He sat up on the bench and wondered if something had happened. He was about to ask her, but she continued speaking in much lower tone. He could barely hear her.

_“Actually, I’m around the area and I was wondering if we can meet up. There’s something I want to talk to you about. I mean, I know we haven’t really been close since high school, but out of everyone I know, I feel like you’re someone who would understand? Aside from that, there's something else...Can we meet up somewhere? Are you busy perhaps or not?”_

He couldn’t really deny her request, but he didn’t want to rush and leave when Aiko-chan was having a really nice time. Consequently, he told Yachi to meet up with them instead and she quickly agreed to the idea, saying that she wasn’t far from there at all. Tadashi gave her some directions and waited for the next couple of minutes for his friend to arrive. Aiko-chan, in the meantime, went back to play, going up and down the slide countless of times. Oikawa texted him in between too, reminding him that he was going to come out of work a bit late and that he loved him.

It took a while before Yachi finally arrived and when he spotted her, Tadashi waved for her to come over. She walked toward him and greeted him a tight embrace. Then, she looked around and lifted her eyebrow curiously. “So, what are you doing? Are you here by yourself, looking at the scenery maybe? This does make some great shots for pictures. Should have brought my camera.”

“Well, not really.” His attention, subconsciously, was directed towards Aiko-chan, who was staring at Yachi from a respectable distance. “I’m actually watching over her right now. We’ve been here a while already, but I didn’t think she wanted to leave just yet. Sorry for making you come all the way here.”

“No, it’s okay. I was the one that called out of nowhere. Seriously, you could have just told me that you were busy.” Yachi panicked, but he assured that it was fine. They weren’t doing much to begin with. A little company never hurt anyone. Aside from that, he felt like Yachi had something important to say. Her phone call had been rather sudden and kind of desperate.

“She’s so cute, by the way. Is she a relative? What’s her name?”  

Tadashi opened his mouth to say something, but instead he told Aiko-chan to come over. She quietly did so even though she seemed a bit uneasy. She stood behind his legs with extreme shyness when she arrived, gripping onto his shirt as Yachi took a step closer. Tadashi grabbed her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze in response. It was of the few ways to assure her that Yachi could be trusted.

“It’s okay. This is a good friend of mine from high school, Yachi Hitoka.” He told her in a soothing voice which seemed to work well for her. She leaned to the side, trying to get a peek at the young woman whose gaze was glued to her. “She came to accompany us for a little bit.”

“Hello, I’m Yachi Hitoka and as Yamaguchi said, we’ve been friends since high school. It’s nice to meet you.” Yachi tried to approached her again and this time Aiko-chan didn’t move. She let her stand close enough which brought a smile to his friend’s face. She stretched her hand for Aiko-chan to grab. “What’s your name?”

“Oikawa Aiko,” she responded timidly, but Yachi had already caught on. Her eyes slightly widen and she seriously tried her best to contain her surprise. Tadashi patted the small girl’s back, indirectly telling her that it was okay to go back and play. Aiko-chan ran off without saying another word.

“Oikawa? Is it a coincidence or not? Don’t tell me she’s actually related to Oikawa Tooru?” She was practically glaring at him, demanding answers. She couldn’t believe it, but then again, how could he blame her? If he told his past self that he was going to end up in a relationship with Seijou’s former captain then he never would have believed it either.

“That’s actually his daughter and I’m her kindergarten teacher.” Tadashi said and of course, there was more to the story than that. He let out a sigh and decided that maybe it was finally time to let some of the world know what was going on in his inner life. There was nothing wrong with giving them a glimpse of how happy he currently was.

“Well, at least that’s the way things started out at first. I got to know Oikawa and realized that he’s not such a bad person as I originally thought. He’s a great human being actually. I know this might sound weird, but I’m really glad I met him. He, they changed me.”

Yachi was listening attentively, but she knew where he was going with the conversation. Already, the smile had been wiped gone from her face. Tadashi sat back down on the bench and Yachi did the same. He leaned forward, placing his elbows over his thighs and his head over hands. He stared off into the distance, watching the sun suddenly hide behind the thick white clouds. There was chilly breeze, one that almost caused him to shiver as the silence dragged on.

“You probably won’t believe me, but Oikawa and I started dating. We have been for a while now.” Tadashi gave her a faint smile, but again, she wasn’t smiling back. In fact, she seemed truly horrified. He didn’t understand her reaction, but he didn’t question her about it. He just kept talking, letting his emotions surface from the depths of his heart. “I don’t think I’ve ever been happier.”

“Are you serious? I can’t believe it. You and Oikawa Tooru, Aobajousai’s captain and setter from that time? It’s quite the surprise. I never would have imagined. I’m glad you’re happy, then. If being with Oikawa makes you happy, then it’s fine. I just-”

She wasn’t looking at him. Something else seemed to be troubling her since her hands were suddenly clutched into fists. “There was something important that I needed to talk you about and I guess it’s irrelevant now. I shouldn’t bother you with things that might cause you problems? I just wanted to help him out a little. He seemed like he needed it, but my situation isn’t any better. You see, the thing is I’m unsure about my own wedding now and I’ve just been on edge lately. The preparations are almost complete. Like you said, it’s really just around the corner.”

Tadashi stared at her with disbelief, his jaw slightly dropping. She shook her head and clutched her purse that was strapped across her body. She sighed and that’s when he saw sadness reflected in her eyes. Immediately, he thought if her past lover had something to do with her insecurities. He supposed she came to talk to him specifically because he was recently in similar problem. He couldn’t forget about Kei no matter how hard he tried and while he had made incredible progress, he wondered if Yachi was facing the same thing. Even though she didn’t admit it, she probably couldn’t forget about Kiyoko.

“I’m still getting married regardless, of course. It’s not like this uneasy feeling is going to change anything. We’ve been planning this wedding for months. All the invitations have already been sent out. There’s no way I can back out now.” She continued and Tadashi was surprised to see her so down when usually she was so full of life. It almost seemed like their roles had been purposefully reversed. He wanted to encourage her, but she didn’t give him any time for it.

“Anyways, I didn’t come here to talk about that only.” She started again and this time, her focus was placed on Aiko-chan again. “But, I think it’s better if I just leave things the way they are. He would hate me otherwise. You’re happy now and I guess that’s all that matters. But he doesn’t know yet, does he? About you dating Oikawa-san and all? And he’s looking forward to seeing you too.”

“What are you talking?” His heart felt like it was about to pound right out of his chest. He didn’t know if it was because of lack of food, but he was also starting to get a major headache.

Yachi couldn’t stop herself. “I met up with Tsukishima a few days ago.”

And for a brief moment, the world and time itself seemed to have to stopped.

“And I know, it isn’t any of my business, but I wanted to help out in some way. You were awfully depressed the last time I saw you and he didn’t seem to be doing much better. In fact, he seemed worse.” Yachi placed the palm of her hand over her forehead as she shook her head. “But, I came to tell you that anyways, to tell you that Tsukishima might still feel something for you and that you shouldn’t give up on him. I mean, I saw and I know how much you guys loved each other back then. I couldn’t believe that it would suddenly disappear like that and more shocking still, he came to me to ask how you were doing. He said that he was expecting to see you at my wedding.”

She stopped, but Tadashi was still trying to absorb the first few sentences she had started off with. She must have noticed his shock because she immediately apologized, hitting her head with her fists repeatedly. “I’m sorry! I really shouldn’t have come to tell you all this when you’re already in a relationship with Oikawa. I didn’t know, but while Tsukishima doesn’t see me as a friend, I do. I didn’t want to see you guys that way, so I wanted to help? But, honestly, I can’t even resolve my own feelings. I don’t want you to be confused either.”

“It’s fine and really, it just shows how much you care for the both us.” Tadashi took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down a little. “But, I didn’t give up on Kei; he gave up on me. Our problems were fixable and yet, he didn’t do anything about it. I didn’t either, but it’s still wrong for me to pin the entire blame on myself. I understand that now. I’m not confused and I’m not unsure about my decision. Even if I saw Tsukki right now, I wouldn’t leave Oikawa...I really do care for him, for Aiko-chan. I can’t live without them. I love them.”

Tadashi placed a hand over her shoulder and gave her a kind smile. She seemed to understand and she didn’t appear to be as anxious. He stood up and gathered their things as they cleaned up the area, throwing away some of their trash. He called Aiko-chan, telling her that they were leaving and she rapidly left the sandbox to meet with him. Yachi followed them and watched as Aiko-chan quietly took his hand before they started walking home. Before they parted, Tadashi tried to encourage his friend one more time.

“Yachi, no matter what you’ve set out to do, don’t ever hesitate. You’ll regret it otherwise, so just trust your gut feeling. If you know it won’t make you happy, then don’t get married.”

* * *

He wanted to move, scoot over a little. His leg had practically gone numb from the pressure coming from her small body. She had fallen asleep on top of them, but most of her weight was over him. They had been watching a movie together and it still wasn’t over. The sound of blasting super heroes continued, but exhaustion had gotten the best of her. She started yawning suddenly and then before he knew it, she had laid her head over his lap. Tadashi didn’t say anything and helped her doze of by ruffling her soft long hair. Eventually, she did fall asleep and he was afraid that moving would wake her up.

“She must of have been tired, huh? I don’t think I’ve ever seen her fall asleep that quickly especially during her favorite movie.” Oikawa commented, but already a slick smirk began to appear across his face. He leaned toward him, resting his arm on top of the couch and reaching out to touch the tips of his hair. “Seems like we're having another sleepover today.”

“You did it on purpose.” He watched as Oikawa slowly stood up. He planted a kiss on his cheek before he gave one to his sleeping daughter as well. Then, carefully, he picked her and carried her in his arms as gently as he could so she wouldn’t wake up. She slightly stirred, mumbling words he couldn’t really comprehend. Once she was off, Tadashi stretched out his arms and legs.

“Well, I’m going to lay her in your bed, if you don’t mind.” He didn’t have to ask. His small and worn down apartment had possibly become his second home already. They were both constantly visiting him and naturally, he always welcomed them with open arms. Tadashi nodded and told him to go right ahead.

He continued watching the movie as it was nearing the end. The main characters had finally learned the importance of what it meant to be a family and they were working together to stop the villain. It didn’t quite grab his attention at first, but Aiko-chan loved it so he tried to figure out what was going on. Still, most of the time, his mind was weighed down by Yachi’s sudden appearance earlier. He couldn’t stop thinking about what she had told him.

“So, are you finally going to tell me what’s wrong? You’ve been acting weird?” They were completely alone within the dimness of the room. Oikawa sat down next to him, much closer than before, wrapping one of his arms around his waist. With Aiko-chan asleep, there was nothing that could interrupt them and Tadashi really enjoyed those eternal moments.

He turned sideways, so he could face him properly. His gaze was intently on him, but the sudden silence caused him to grab his hand. He squeeze it tightly and he responded by calmly intertwining their fingers. His heart raced, but he smiled at him, trying to keep his composure.

Even after so much time, Oikawa still made him react like a hopeless teenager in love. Even then, his palms would get a sweaty. His body would shudder at his soft touch. He didn’t think he would ever respond differently. That was really how much he loved him. With a sigh, he picked up the remote and lowered the volume that was being emitted by the television.

“I’m sorry if I worried you.” Tadashi untied his hair, letting it loose before he brushed it back to keep it away from his eyes. The man sitting next him did the same. For some reason, he was always drawn and attracted to his now overly long hair. He played around with it, braiding it and twirling in all sorts of ways.

“The thing is I met up with Yachi earlier. You know, the one that’s getting married soon, our past manager. Anyways, we talked about lots of things and I guess I can’t it out of my mind. She told me she’s unsure about her whole marriage thing and it kind of worries me.”

“If she’s having doubts, then that means she probably doesn’t love the guy she’s marrying enough. There’s still enough time for her to think things through, I guess.” Oikawa shrugged his shoulders before he slowly pushed him back against the cushions. They squeezed themselves in the small amount of space and while he didn’t know, Tadashi was mentally screaming. They were so close. He could practically feel and hear him breathing. “I would hate to be in that guy’s shoes, though. He probably has no clue that his fiance is unsure about her feelings.”

Oikawa lifted himself up just slightly, so that he was directly hovering above him. He looked down at him and Tadashi was absolutely drawn to his brown eyes. His boyfriend pushed his hair aside and caressed his face in the most tender manner. He leaned down again, but this time he kissed him, changing topics.

“Well, sometimes it amazes me, Yama-chan. You’re so beautiful. How is it possible for you to be this cute and adorable. It should be illegal. I must be the luckiest person in the world.”

“Oh, stop it.” Tadashi, as embarrassed as he was, didn’t push him away. He pulled him closer, placing his arms around his neck. “You’re the one that had tons of fangirls back in high school. I don’t think I could ever beat that.”

“What? They were just around because I was the captain and I was pretty cool and handsome. There was no real meaning. I dated a few of them and they got tired of me within the first few weeks. They always complained about the same thing, that I was too absorbed in volleyball to even pay attention to them. I guess looking back at it they might have had a point.”

He paused and suddenly pinched his cheek out of nowhere. Tadashi almost shrieked from surprise, but at the same time, he felt like bursting into laughter. “Anyways, you probably had fangirls of your own and never noticed. Either that, or blond skyscraper scared them away; not that I can blame him.”

“That’s not it at all.” He insisted, but again, the mentioning of Kei didn’t faze him. It didn’t affect him. It didn’t pain him. He was able to talk about Kei to Yachi with ease. It really didn't bother him. His regrets that once brought him down for so many years seemed minor. It was just something that could have been, but didn’t happen. Nothing more, nothing less. 

“Oh, and the spare futon is in the room just so you know. There’s no way I’m sleeping in this cramped and small couch with you like last time. I didn’t get any sleep at all and unlike certain people, I actually have to get up early to get to school.”

“But, you liked it and you didn’t complain about it then. Honestly, I’m perfectly fine sleeping this close to you. The closer, the better actually.” Oikawa pressed a few kisses by the side of his neck. His hand was already working its way up his shirt. He wouldn’t admit it out loud, but he liked it as well. Being so close to Oikawa intoxicated him. He could never think properly. His mind was always a blur. His heart raced beyond normality. He loved him. He wanted him. More than anything.

“You have no idea what it’s like to wake up seeing your face right next to mine.” Oikawa continued, looking straight into his eyes and taking a deep breath. “Sometimes I wonder if I’m still dreaming.”

“That’s embarrassing.” He could feel his face getting red and he immediately held up his hands to cover himself. Even as a young child, Tadashi never consider himself pretty. He was, in his opinion, lanky, pimply, and definitely not pleasing to the eyes. However, Oikawa always called him beautiful and he wondered if it was wrong for him to believe it.

“Anyways, I’ve been meaning to tell you that I’m thinking about moving.” This caught Oikawa’s attention and he immediately sat up to hear more of it. “I’ve been living here for a long time and for one reason or another, I didn’t want to leave this place. It has...lots of memories...both sad and pleasant ones. However, I know I can afford something better and with you guys coming around more often, I really do need to find a bigger place.”

“Well, Yama-chan, you can always come and move in with us. Our place is big enough and we even have a spare room if you like too.”

“Thanks, it would be nice, to see you and Aiko-chan everyday, not like I don’t already, but I think it’s better if I move into my own place first. I don’t want to rush things. I mean, we’ve come this far and I don’t want to ruin what we’re making together.” Tadashi smiled and took his hands to cheer him up a little. A kiss on the lips erased his temporary pout. “There’s nothing tying me down here anymore. I think I’m finally able to put all this behind me as well.”

“Then, we’ll help you move out and you better not say no.” Oikawa warned him, kneeling forward as he closed the gap between them once more. He played with his hair again and then with his shirt, gliding his finger up and down the fabric until they reached his pants. He paused and checked with him to see if it was alright for him to continue. Tadashi nodded without saying much. He adjusted himself and sat on his lap, burying his head on his neck as he let his hands work their magic.

“No matter what, though, I’ll be here to support your decisions. I fell for you hard, Tadashi. I hope you’re aware of it because I don’t think I’ll ever be able to let you go.”

“I’m aware of it, Tooru. I feel the same way.” Tadashi whispered in his ear, not being able to resist Oikawa’s touch. “I like...I love you too.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you very much for reading and I apologize for my mistakes!!


	25. Chapter 25

Tooru tried not to let it bother him. He really did. He tried to act cool and supportive, but he was dying on the inside. It was getting harder to maintain his composure and to act like he was fine. The wedding had arrived and that meant many things.

He would be lying if he said he wasn’t worried, but he was the one that had suggested on going. He was persistent about it even though he was absolutely terrified of being left behind. It was wrong of him to wish such a negative outcome for Yamaguchi’s friend, but he seriously hoped her wedding would be cancelled. She had voiced her worries to Yamaguchi just a while back. She was filled with doubts. She was unsure of what she really wanted. As a result, Tooru was almost sure the ceremony would be called off at some point.

However, she never advised them otherwise. The preparations continued apparently and the day had finally arrived much to his awful dread. He wanted to attend the wedding with Yamaguchi at first. He thought it would be the perfect excuse to show everyone, and Tsukishima specifically, how happy they were together. Still, his insecurities quickly surfaced as the wedding continued to get closer. Now, he wasn’t sure if going was such a good idea at all.

The reason didn’t necessarily matter. He just didn’t want Tsukishima to meet up with Yamaguchi. He was afraid that their meeting would awaken hidden feelings between them. He was afraid that the person he had learned to care so much for would realize that maybe their decision to date had been a mistake. He didn’t want that.

It was selfish of him and he truly felt guilty for it, but Tooru didn’t think he would be able to handle it. He wanted them to reconcile. He wanted them to go back to being friends, but at the same time he was scared of what might transpire from it. Tooru didn’t know if Tsukishima Kei still held feelings for Yamaguchi. He could just be jumping to conclusions. After all, Yamaguchi had told him they hadn’t seen in each other in years. It could be that he also learned to move on with time.

No matter how hard he tried to convince himself that everything was going to be fine, Tooru couldn’t get himself to relax. He was nervous beyond all reason and he was anxious that it would eventually start to show. Naturally, he didn’t voice his concerns to Yamaguchi. He could only insist to attend the wedding with him and pray everything would remain the same right after. Clearly, it had become their deciding moment.

“There. All finished.” He told Aiko-chan, letting her finally stand up from the chair. She got up and swirled around in her pink dress happyily before she looked at herself in the bathroom mirror. He had skillfully braided her hair to the side and had attached small decorative flowers on it as well. Since she wanted to resemble one of her favorite cartoon princesses, he did the best he could to please her.

“Wow, Aiko-chan, you look beautiful.” He commented as he picked her up from the floor to give her a kiss. She embraced him tightly, pressing her cheek against his as they looked at their relfection. “Tell you a secret? You’re probably going to be the prettiest girl there. Maybe even cuter than the bride herself.”

Aiko-chan laughed before she bashfully denied it. They headed out and sat her down in one of the many boxes that Yamaguchi had laying around. Apparently, he still wasn’t finished unpacking even though they had come over to help him move in just a couple of days ago. He probably didn’t have time for it or he kept putting it off. Even so, he wondered how he could navigate around when there was just so much stuff everywhere.

His new apartment was much bigger than his old one and a lot nicer as well. Yamaguchi lived closer to them than before and that’s probably what he liked the most. He and Aiko-chan practically visited him everyday. It was great, but he still wished he had accepted to move in with him when he asked him some time back. Things would have been much better, or at least, he wouldn’t be filled with so much stress.

Even before Yachi’s wedding, Yamaguchi had assured him, almost a thousand times, that he wasn’t going to leave them. Whether Tsukishima appeared in his life again or not, it wouldn’t make a difference. However, Tooru couldn’t help but get an awful feeling in the pit of his gut. It was worse than fear; it was absolute terror.

They waited for a couple of minutes until Yamaguchi finally stepped out from the hallway that led straight to the bedroom. He scratched the back of his neck with embarrassment, but Tooru was absolutely stunned. He unconsciously took a step forward, amazed and his full attention was drawn to the alluring man that stood before him. His sloppy hair had been brushed back for once and it wonderfully made his eyes stand out. He was nicely dressed in a suit, but his tie seemed much too tight to consider comfortable. Yamaguchi tried to loosen it up a little and failed to adjust it back up.

Tooru chuckled a little at the sight of it, but he couldn’t hide his modest smile. He approached him without his permission and helped him out. He fixed his tie for him since working for his company had given years of experience with ties and suits.

“You’re not allowed to be this beautiful, Yama-chan. You've left me completely speechless.” He whispered in his ear, quick enough so Aiko-chan wouldn’t notice the close proximity. Yamaguchi pushed him away and that’s when he notice his face turning red. Honestly, aside from being so handsome, he was also undeniably adorable. He was truly the embodiment of perfection.  

There was a sudden silence since they both probably had the same thing circling their mind. Leaning his forehead against his shoulder, Tooru could almost feel himself trembling. The whole situation was a lot harder than he had anticipated. He didn’t want to doubt Yamaguchi. He didn’t want to, but he was still afraid of what could happen regardless. The future always worked in the most strangest of ways. Tooru didn't know what to expect. Was is it really too much ask? Was a happy ending even possible? He hoped so and Yamaguchi needed to be a part of it.

He loved him. It had been repeated to him over and over again, so he thought he would be okay assisting the wedding with Yamaguchi. He thought he was strong enough for it, but the day had finally arrived and he had been plagued with uncertainty since the morning.

He was going to be there, Tsukishima Kei. He was sure of it and that just changed everything.

Oddly, Yamaguchi was the first one to speak. “You know we don’t have to go if you don’t want to. I’m perfectly fine staying here too. I can just apologize to Yachi later and tell her I couldn’t make it. I’m sure she would understand.”

“It’s better if you go. You can’t avoid him forever, right?” It made him uneasy, but Yamaguchi seemed to understand him. He had probably felt the same thing with Iwaizumi. Tooru stood back up and tried to pretend that he was fine, pinching Yamaguchi’s cheek playfully. His hand was immediately slapped away, but he directed his attention toward Aiko-chan before he could say anything else.

“Look at her, Yama-chan? Isn’t she cute? You might not believe it, but I did her hair. It took me forever, but I think it turned out pretty well. Don’t you think so too?” Aiko-chan blushed slightly and turned away with embarrassment. Yamaguchi was about to compliment her, but he beat him to it. “She’s just as pretty as her dad, isn’t she?”

“You look very lovely, Aiko-chan. I absolutely love your dress. It fits you wonderfully.” He told her, ignoring him completely which only seemed like the obvious thing to do. Tooru watched them carefully as he began to feel a painful ache in his chest. Because there was another thing. There was something else he had been meaning to do.

“Your dad looks really handsome too, but let’s not encourage his big ego.”

Yamaguchi didn't know about it. No one did. It was an idea that had suddenly occurred to him when he was flipping through a store magazine. He reached inside his pocket to make sure the small box was still there. He sighed with relief, but at the same time, his heart started pounding even louder and faster than before. It was a big night for Yachi Hitoka, the young woman getting married, and for him, the man that was going to find nerve to propose.

_Will you stay with me for the rest of your life?_

He wasn’t sure how many times he had repeated that same phrase while he was showering, in his dreams, during dinner, and everywhere else. It was probably lame and he was probably rushing things once more, but there was nothing wrong with trying. He was just absolutely sure that he couldn’t live without him. He didn’t want to lose him, but again, it all really depended on Yamaguchi. He wasn’t expecting much, his standards remained realistic. He just wanted him to accept to remain by his side.

“Stay right there.” He suddenly exclaimed as walked toward them, grabbing his phone from the table. He turned it on and went to his camera. He lifted Aiko-chan with one arm and tried to position his phone just right so he could a good angle that included them all in the frame. Yamaguchi leaned in without him saying so and if Aiko-chan weren’t in between, he probably would have kissed him. “We’re all looking pretty nice, so we should definitely take a picture.”

They stayed that way for several seconds as he counted down. There was strong flash followed right after and he quickly placed Aiko-chan down to check it out. Of course, it was perfect. They were all smiling as happy as could be. Yamaguchi looked especially handsome, but even then, the camera didn’t do him justice. He could probably stare at his image forever and he sure he was going to make it his wallpaper until they took another one together.

He turned the screen around so Aiko-chan and Yamaguchi could see. His daughter nodded delightfully, saying that they almost looked like a happy family. Naturally, she couldn’t be closer to the truth. Yamaguchi didn’t say anything, but he discreetly reached for his hand and gave it a tight squeeze. That was everything he needed to reassure him that things would turn out okay.

Tooru didn’t think twice about it. For the first time in a long time, he posted it online on his social media page that was dead without much activity for almost months. He wrote a quick caption and let the world see what had become of his life.

_The family I never in a million years thought I would have._

* * *

Yachi Hitoka was the one the getting married, but undeniably, they the center of attention. It made Yamaguchi feel uncomfortable and he knew he was slightly the cause of it. After all, a good chunk of the guests were from Karasuno. They probably weren’t expecting to see him there, much less in the company of the sweetest friend they probably ever had. Then, there was Aiko-chan. While she stayed behind him most of the time, everyone was sort of glaring in her direction too. He knew it was a bit difficult for her, but he told her to ignore it.

The bride herself was gorgeous, but she didn’t look happy at all. Her smile and her laughs were obviously fake. He knew he wasn’t the only one that noticed. Yamaguchi looked awfully concerned for his friend, but Karasuno’s past libero and wing spiker were loudly expressing their disapproval. They were already drunk, chanting over and over again that their marriage wasn’t going to last a month. If he wasn’t feeling so stressed and anxious himself, he probably would have chanted right along with them. Their former captain tried to get them to shut up, but that only made them yell louder, drowning out the music. The groom’s family didn’t fail to hide their irritation. It was almost hilarious.

“Hey, Yama-chan? You told me before that the bride had her doubts, right? If that was the case, why did she go ahead with the wedding? It doesn’t really make sense?” He tried to whisper, but he was pretty amused with the scene that was starting to unfold. The bride was started to panic while her now husband seemed badly irked if not pissed.

Yamaguchi sighed as he grabbed a drink from a passing caterer. He took a sip, made a weird face, and placed it on a nearby table. Tooru chuckled and decided to take the alcohol beverage for himself. “I’m not really sure, but I think she’s in love with someone else, someone she dated for many years back in high school. She never told me why they broke up, but they did. I don’t think she’s forgotten her yet. She probably convinced herself she could move on with this man, but apparently that wasn’t the case. I hope I’m wrong. Maybe she’s just nervous. She did have the habit to overthink things.”

“We’ll if she’s not happy, she could always get a divorce. That’s always an option, too.” Yamaguchi frowned, but didn’t disagree with it either. Taking a drink, Tooru looked around the reception and he was impressed with how nice the place had been decorated. It probably took a long time to put together. Everything looked rather expensive too. 

Unsurprisingly, Hinata Shouyou was the first one to come over to them. He probably couldn’t hold in his own curiosity. He probably wanted to know, just like everyone else, what he was doing there with Yamaguchi. He didn’t waste any time. “Hey, Chibi-chan, it’s been awhile hasn’t it? I see you haven’t grown much despite the years.”

“What is he doing here, Yamaguchi?” He asked him, ignoring him before giving him a cold glare. However, for some reason, he seemed rather tense. He didn’t seem happy to see him, but again, it was a mutual feeling. He looked around and sure enough, Kageyama wasn’t standing far behind. “Are you friends or something? Why did you invite him? Is it true you’re not dating Tsukishima anymore?”

Tooru didn’t want to let it bother him, but he found it hard to stand still. His smirk dropped from his face and he reached down to grab Aiko-chan’s hand for support. His notion caused his daughter to look up at him with concern. She must have noticed his distraught face because she immediately stepped forward, not paying any mind to her shy nature. “Daddy? What’s wrong?”

Hinata immediately turned his attention to Aiko-chan. He stared at her for the longest time before he turned to look at him again. His jaw slightly dropped. He probably saw the resemblance. He probably didn’t believe what his mind was screaming at him.

He wanted to laugh at him and mock him, but there was a heavy pressure forming in his chest. He was getting nervous again for wrong reasons. He knew better. He needed to trust Yamaguchi. He wasn’t going to leave him even if he was reunited Tsukishima. Even if he appeared, everything was going to remain the same. It just couldn’t be any other way. He gulped and tried to shake off his feeling of despair. He was probably somewhere around already. 

“Chibi-chan, meet Aiko-chan. Believe it or not, she’s my daughter.” He told him as he tried to smile once more. Hinata didn’t seem to buy it, so he turned to Yamaguchi for reassurance. However, he didn’t give him a chance to speak. “And this is Yamaguchi Tadashi, we’re together.”

Tooru expected a loud sort of reaction. He thought he would scream his surprise loud enough for everyone to hear, but he didn’t. Instead, he stared back at Yamaguchi with a surprised expression. Sadly, it didn't make him feel any better and only deepened his own frustration. Aiko-chan had heard him too, but she didn’t seem to understand. The circumstances were too confusing for her to get a good grasp of what was going on. Instead, she found more interest in slices of cake they were serving across the room.

“Really, Yamaguchi? Is that true?”

“Yeah, it is. We’ve been dating for a while.” He told him, but that didn’t seem to lessen the shock on orange haired man. “That’s why he’s here, I suppose. I invited him along. I didn’t think everyone would be so...conscious and overly aware of it.”

“Does he know, though?”

Again, over and over. Tsukishima Kei. That’s probably who he was referring to.

Hinata left right after, without getting an answer, and he didn’t bother them anymore thankfully. He had probably gone off to spread the word that he was the one that was dating Yamaguchi. There was no need for an apology, but he was given one anyways. "Sorry about everything. I shouldn’t have bothered coming. You see, I haven’t been in touch with them in a while. It feels awkward to suddenly give explanations. I mean, they have no idea about what we’ve been through. They probably don’t understand or know how much I love you. Their questions and comments don’t bother me. I don’t mind telling them what we are, but I’ve noticed you’ve been acting kind of weird for a while. I figured they were making you upset or something.”

“Well, it’s not that really. I was kind of expecting it. I wasn’t necessarily the friendliest person back in high school and especially not to them. I might have come off as a jerk to some of you.” Tooru admitted which brought a wave of giggles from Yamaguchi. “But, it’s fine. It doesn’t bother me either. It just shows you how much they care about you despite the time you’ve spent apart. Of course, they don’t want you to be dating a jerk. I wouldn’t want you to either. You’re probably the nicest person alive.”

“Don’t exaggerate.” He was nudged on the elbow, but he playfully responded back. Aiko-chan had already left their side to grab some dessert, so he didn’t hesitate to hold his hand. “I might be nice, but you’re the most considerate person I know.”

Then, he remembered what he had in his pocket; the gift, the present he had gotten for his lover. He wondered if it was the right time to give it to him. Tooru was going to reach for it, but that’s when he heard his voice. He didn’t need to turn around to know it was him. The surprised expression on Yamaguchi’s face said it all. He knew he was coming. He knew he was going to be there and yet, he reacted that way. What was he feeling? What was he thinking? Was he going to lose him?

His heart almost stopped beating. He slowly let go of Yamaguchi’s hands. Panic took hold him and he didn’t know what he was suppose to do.

“Tadashi?”  

  
“Kei.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading and for the support, for actually making it this far too! I never expected this fic to be so long (100K+ words I can't even believe this especially since this is a rarepair)?? I know some chapters are more interesting than others, so I'm extremely thankful for bearing with me through all this. Anyways, like always, I apologize for my mistakes!


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by   
>  [Hush Hush](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_9dNIP1UZI), Avril Lavigne

His mouth suddenly went dry. His heart accelerated ever so slightly, but it wasn’t for the reasons he imagined in the past. He was meant with a pair of golden eyes that he hadn’t seen in years and everything seemed to have stopped. There was a swirl of emotions even though part of him was actually a bit relieved to see his childhood friend again. He had expected it after all, but he never once thought that Oikawa would be so affected by it. He saw the way his expression briefly faltered when he noticed Kei was there, standing right behind him. He immediately let go of his hands and tried to pretend everything was fine behind a fake smile.

Oikawa didn’t look at him. He almost seemed afraid to do so and he didn’t bother to glance at Kei either. He knew he was there without turning around, probably by his shocked expression and sudden silence. Instead, he ignored the blond completely before he decided to leave them be. Tadashi, in turn, was absolutely crushed. He really should have known better. While Oikawa had insisted on accompanying him to the wedding, he regretted not trying hard enough to convince him that it probably wasn’t a good idea. It had been a mistake from his part.

“I’m going to go look for Aiko-chan. She went to get some dessert or something and she hasn’t come back. She probably got lost in the crowd or maybe intimidated by the loudness in the room. Anyways, I guess I’ll go...and maybe talk with Tobio-chan while I'm at it too. I’ll...leave you for a bit...call me if you need anything.”

He left him with Kei, who seemed confused by their interaction, by their closeness. Tadashi watched him walk away, but his hand subconscious reached out to him. However, he stopped himself and decided that it was for the best. There was so much he needed to talk to with Kei, so much he needed to clear up, but that didn’t make him feel any better. There was an ache in his chest and an uncomfortable feeling developing in the pit of his stomach. He didn’t feel well anymore, but he knew a lot of it had to with the sudden rush of nervousness.

Every second felt like an eternity as they stood before one another in complete and utter silence. Kei looked great and, like always, really handsome. He couldn’t deny it since his appearance had greatly matured. However, Tadashi kept his remarks and comments to himself. He was afraid that he would say something that would make the tension between them much worse. He cleared his throat and that’s when Kei finally spoke for the first time since calling his name. He trembled at his voice, a voice he hadn’t heard in so long. He had almost forgotten the sound of it.

“I think we should step out for a minute.” He told him, but Kei probably already knew that something had strictly changed and that it had nothing to do with the time they had spent apart.

Tadashi didn’t say anything and followed him outside until he was met with a sudden gust of wind. He took a deep breath instantly, trying to calm down his beating and anxious heart. He felt bad for everything, for being there and for giving him the wrong impression.

He was sure of it now, more than ever before. He was so close to Kei and yet, he couldn’t see himself with him anymore. He loved him, but in a different way, as a friend that he had lost contact with. He couldn’t explain it. He didn’t think he could put into words. His feelings were a jumbled mess, but his affection and love for Oikawa were stronger.

He clutched his hands into fists as he stared at the lights that adorned and decorated the entrance. His eyes were filling with tears he attempted with all his might to keep in. He felt awful to the point where he couldn’t even handle Kei’s presence. Before Oikawa, before everything that had transpired, he had dreamed and agonized about their meeting. He thought about and rehearsed the millions of things he could say when the moment finally came. He remembered the way he wanted to embrace him and kiss him and ask why their relationship had turned out so wrong.

Now, he stood there completely speechless with different emotions he never considered. He wanted to fix things and explain that their problems weren’t as severe as he had thought them out to be. He wanted to apologize for everything he had done in the past, but the words wouldn’t come out. He was nervous about being there, uneasy because he had left behind a worried Oikawa. He had told him, consistently, that he loved him and that he would never leave him. Still, he figured that maybe they weren't enough? He wished he could have emphasised it a little more.

The silence continued to drag out forever and Tadashi was going insane. He coughed a few times, hoping to cut the awkward atmosphere. He tried to smile at him, but it didn’t work out well at all. “So, ummm, how have you’ve been? It’s been...a while, hasn’t it? I could hardly recognize you. I mean, you’re not wearing your glasses. Did you finally get contacts or something?”

Kei didn’t look at him and he wished the ground could swallow him whole. He didn’t know if there was something specific he was expected to say, but either way, he could see his hurt expression. He could tell Kei wasn’t any more comfortable being there either. The pressure kept getting worse. A part him wanted to run back inside and forget about everything.

“You have no idea how long I waited for this moment.” Kei was leaning against the rail, staring at the ground ahead. He was finally talking, but he could barely hear him. Tadashi cringed at the sound of it and wanted him to stop immediately. He knew where he was going. He didn’t think he could bare it. He wouldn’t have the proper words, the right gestures to console him. “I haven’t forgotten about you...Tadashi. I thought you felt the same way. I thought we could fix what we couldn’t back when we were young.”

“I’m sorry, Kei. This wasn’t what I wanted either.” He apologized, but it wasn’t for his past mistakes. He placed his hand over his chest, trying and fighting with everything he had to prevent himself from crying. There was no reason for him to do so. He wasn’t the one being hurt. He was the one that had moved on. He was the one that had found happiness with another person.

However, his childhood friend, his first love deserved the same amount of happiness and the same amount joy. He deserved it all, but he chose to wait for him instead. “But, things happened. I couldn’t stop them from happening. I didn’t even realize when. I really thought about you a lot and couldn’t wait to see you again, but you never looked for me. I didn’t think you tried.”

“Well, that’s where you’re wrong. You’re the one that said that our relationship wasn’t working. You were the one that pushed me away first, so I respected your decision. I gave the space you needed even though it was killing me. Did you ever think about that? I was waiting for you to look for me and you never did. What did you expect me to think?”

His composure was completely broken. He was staring at him with anger, with regret, with a profound sadness that pained him terribly. Tadashi was wiping away his own tears that had started spilling uncontrollably. He knew the truth hurt, but he had forgotten how easily it could get to him. He was right. He was the one to blame for their separation. There were a so many things he could have done to prevent it. He should have tried harder to keep everything together. With a heavy heart, Tadashi shook his head. He couldn’t get himself to speak anymore.

“You’re not wrong, though. I could have looked for you, but I didn’t because I was probably just as afraid as you were. I was an idiot for letting you go, for letting everything break so easily, for not trying and doing enough.” Kei turned away, probably trying to ignore his ugly sobs that wouldn’t stop anymore. “I was so sure of myself. I thought you would love me unconditionally despite all the years that have gone by. I underestimated you and took everything you gave me for granted.”

He opened his mouth to apologize, but he wasn’t given the chance. “I’m sorry for hurting you, Tadashi.”

“It’s not your fault. Everything was just a misunderstanding. I didn’t know what I was doing or saying.” It hurt even more and he knew it would. He knew this would happen and it was inevitable. There was just so much they had buried, so many feelings that had been twisted by the hands of fate. It was impossible to react any other way. The pain was overwhelming.

“I regretted it for so long and my words, our memories together haunted me for years. There wasn’t a day that I didn’t think about you. My hope to see you again always remained with me even though I was completely torn. Then, Yachi came, invited me to her wedding, and you were the first person that came to my mind. However, he had already appeared in my life.”

Tadashi paused and slowly lifted his head to look at his childhood friend. It wasn’t obvious, but he could tell he was holding and refraining himself from shedding his own tears. Again, the truth hurt, but it couldn’t be avoided. If they wanted to fix anything, they had to face it. “There’s nothing I can do to change what has happened or change what I currently feel, but I won’t deny it. I don’t regret meeting him. This might sound a bit strange, but he...saved me.”

“He? Meaning Oikawa Tooru, right?” Kei asked with a small aching smile appearing across his face. Unfortunately, he knew him too well and he knew he was trying his best to hide his annoyance and resentment. He lifted an eyebrow with disbelief and wanted to laugh at the notion, possibly even make a snarky comment. However, it was an impossible feat for him. Tadashi, deep down inside, wished he could have.

“It’s kind of hard to believe that you...would pay attention to that sort of person. Actually, it isn’t like you at all. He even has a daughter too, doesn’t he? How can you be sure he’s the one for you?” Kei spat his words with venom, but he couldn’t blame him. Instead, he stood there patiently, waiting for him to finished whatever it was he needed to say before he explained.

“How? You moved on, but with him? Of all people, you chose him? It doesn’t make sense. I don't understand. You never talked to him before, so why now? You disliked him as much as I did. He doesn’t appear to be much different from back then. So, how? How could... how did you forget about me with him? How could you choose him...over me?”

“It’s wasn’t as easy as you make it out to be, Kei. And you have it all wrong. I’m not choosing anyone and I told you I couldn’t prevent these things from happening.” Tadashi knew it was wrong of him to get closer. He knew he shouldn’t have reached out to touch Kei’s arm, but he did so anyways. Naturally, he moved away from his touch. “I'm a kindergarten teacher now and I finally have a class of my own this year. His daughter is in my class and that’s how I first met him. I doubted his intentions, but then I realized that he wasn’t as bad as I had pictured him out be. But, again, everything progressed with time.”

Kei shook his head and that pained smile had appeared once more. “If I would have known that I was losing you, I would have done something sooner. I would have searched for and taken you back for myself...because I still love you.”

“I’m so sorry, Kei. I didn’t know-”

He placed a finger over his lips and didn’t let him speak. The smile on his face didn’t vanish, but it wasn’t real. He was probably crying on the inside. Tadashi could see it in his eyes and he suddenly wanted to scream. Kei grabbed his hand and kissed it gently, letting it linger there longer than what was necessary. He didn’t say anything about it even though he should have.

“I tried to forget you. I tried to move on. I dated a few people after we separated, but I couldn’t. You were always on mind regardless. I never made an effort to change what I felt for you and I was fine with it.”

He let go of his hand and Tadashi could see the last pieces of his fortitude breaking. Kei embraced him tightly, pressing his head against his shoulder with such an incredible strength. He didn’t think twice about it and quickly wrapped his arms around him too. He didn’t love him romantically anymore, but that didn’t mean he had stopped caring about him completely. He had never seen him in such a terrible state before either and it horrified to think he was the cause of it.

“Even though I hate it, you’re with him now and I’m not going to hold you back.” He stepped back and stared at him straight in the eyes. He reached out to gently caress his face, wiping away the few tears of many that had fallen because of him. “Your happiness comes above everything else and if he’s the one for you now, then so be it. I’ll always be here for you anyways.”

“I want you to be happy too, Tsukki.”

“Maybe someday, but not right now.” He took several steps back and this time, he was completely avoiding his gaze. He didn’t look at him, but Tadashi knew what he was thinking inside. He had lost him. He had lost him forever and there was nothing he could do about it. “Anyways, I guess there’s nothing left for me to do here. I saw you again, but it wasn’t the reunion I imagined or hoped for. I think I need to be alone right now.”

Tadashi understood, so he didn’t try stopping him. He wanted to ask him about their friendship, but he knew it was the time or position to do so. It would have been selfish of him to want him back as friend after everything they had gone through. He choked up his words and because of it, he didn’t even have the courage to bid him farewell. However, almost as if he had read his mind, he turned around as he was walking down the steps to the parking lot. It was dark and he was already at a distance, but he could almost swear he finally saw him crying.

“We’ll talk again, but let me forget about you first.”

 

* * *

 

His wasn’t sure what had happened, but he hoped he never saw that expression on Kei again. He couldn’t bear it, but he couldn’t go after him either. It would have made the situation worse, so he could only hope that things would get better for him. He hoped, from the bottom of his heart, for his childhood friend to move on and forget.

Tadashi sighed as he desperately tried to wipe his face. He had spent the last few minutes in the restroom, trying desperately to rinse his eyes since they felt incredibly stiff from all the crying he had done. The pain was still there. He didn’t think it would go away any time soon, but he at least wanted to make a little less obvious. He went back into the reception room not long after and he was so lost in thought that he didn’t even realize when Yachi had appeared before him. She wore a sympathetic smile on her face, looking more beautiful than ever.

Unsurprisingly, he had already commented on her dress before along with everything else. He had already embraced her, wishing her a joyous marriage and offering his blessing. He was well aware that she had approached him for another reason. She placed her hand over his shoulder, but already he knew what she was going to ask him.

“How did it go with Tsukishima? I don’t see him around. Did you tell him? You know, that you and Oikawa-san are...well, dating?”

He nodded, but didn’t proceed to give her many details and he was glad that she didn’t ask for them either. Instead, she lightly patted his back, showing him that he had her support. However, it didn’t last long. Her small smile curved down into a frown. “I think I can sort of understand how Tsukishima feels. It isn’t easy to watch the love of your life move on with someone else, leaving you behind with all these emotions. I didn’t want to mention it before, but you were right on many levels.”

“You’re talking about Kiyoko, right?” He asked her and sure enough, she was. There was sadness reflected in her eyes, but it was brief. She had probably been trying with all her might to not think about it and in the end, it was impossible for her too. “Do you still love her, Yachi? Is that the reason why you had doubts?”

“I think it’s more complicated than that and it’s definitely not something I should talk about in my wedding.” She nervously laughed and she turned back to look at the man she had vowed to spend the rest of her days with. “It’s true. I still think about her a lot, but we broke up and she chose to move on with someone else. I don’t know if she’s serious about her or not. I haven’t seen or talked to her in a while, but it’s the way things are now. I wish her the best and I have a wonderful husband now that loves me. I’m married. That’s a fact and I want to make it work.”

“I wish you all the luck in the world then and believe it or not, it is possible. Still, you might have anticipated yourself in getting married. You should have waited until you were hundred percent sure. You probably didn’t even tell her. She probably would have stopped you.”

“Honestly, I was going to invite her, but I didn’t have the courage to look for her. I know what would have happened. I probably would have dropped everything and fight to be with her.” She was filled with regret. He could easily tell, but she tried to remain positive about it and she didn’t let her smile fall from her face again.

“But, that was in the past and that’s where I hope it will remain. She’s traveling right now most likely. I don’t even know if she’s in the country. She’s so focused in her career. She doesn’t have time for anything, much less for me. That’s probably what started it all.”

Their situation was similar, but not the same. Tadashi looked around, trying to find Oikawa, but sadly, he was nowhere in sight. He wondered where he could have gone off too. He needed to tell him and assure him once more that everything was fine. Instead, he spotted his friends from Karasuno and was reminded of the incident from earlier. “How did you get Nishinoya and Tanaka to be quiet?”

“It was thanks to Sawamura actually. He still has this captain aura around him.” She nervously giggled, but he knew that it had been an unpleasant moment for all of them. She was probably relieved that they hadn’t mentioned Kiyoko somewhere in their ridiculous and embarrassing chants. They really sided with their past third year manager and they really didn’t find the need to hide it. “He made them apologize to me and to my...husband. It turned out okay more or less.”

Tadashi was glad to hear it, but again, his anxiety was building up. He couldn’t find Oikawa no matter how hard he tried. He had already scanned the room a dozen times with no luck. Then, he felt Yachi tap his shoulder and pointed at the young girl that was walking in their direction. He was relieved to see her and immediately left Yachi to greet her. Her mouth was filled with chocolate, so he grabbed a napkin from a nearby table to wipe her mouth. She had probably eaten too much cake and had rubbed off some of the frosting on her. Still, that didn’t make her any less adorable.

“Aiko-chan, where’s your dad?” He kneeled down in front of her as he cleaned some the cake off. “I can’t find him anywhere and I really need to talk to him. Have you seen him around somewhere?”

“Yes, he told me to come get you.”

His heart skipped a beat as she grabbed the rim of his sleeve to pull him across the vast room. Tadashi didn’t know what was going on, but he went along with her in silence.

“He said he had something important to give you.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading and for making it this far! I can't believe it's almost finished. Honestly, I don't know what I'm going to do with my life once it's over. So, again, thank you for everything and I apologize for my mistakes!


	27. Chapter 27

_We’ll talk again, but let me forget about you first._

That was the first thing that came to his mind. He didn’t know what else he was suppose to say without breaking down. He wasn’t expecting such a result after all. He had come and had gone out of his way to attend the wedding with hopes to patch things up. He had come with a longing to see the person that had given his life so much meaning in the past. Kei thought things would work out. He didn’t imagine there would be any other reason to think otherwise.

Sadly, much to his grief, he had anticipated himself.

Tadashi was there and he was more beautiful than ever. His features had matured. His hair was neatly brushed. He left him completely paralyzed. He was definitely different and despite the annoying chaos certain idiots were causing, there was a smile spread widely across his face.

His heart skipped a beat and that was really all needed to know that his feelings for his childhood friend still remained. He didn’t need any further confirmation to know that he wanted to be with him.

Kei thought about approaching him. He took a few steps toward Tadashi without thinking. But, that’s when he saw Seijou’s former captain there next to him. He didn’t quite understand and he assumed little of the situation. After all, what were the chances? However, he immediately noticed that something was wrong when Yachi dashed toward him. She pulled him back, but the expression on her face alarmed him.

Why was she stopping him? Wasn’t she the one that had told him and encouraged him to see Tadashi again? Didn’t she support him and want them to meet?

Then, he turned back around to see them, Oikawa Tooru and Yamaguchi Tadashi. He observed them for a couple of seconds.

Suddenly, he realized it. He understood. He saw it. He saw them as what they were.

His world came crashing down in instant.

He had been naive to think he would wait for him after so many years. Honestly, he should have known better. He had been warned by everyone that this could very well be the outcome of his hesitation and indecision. He didn’t believe them or more specifically, he chose not believe them. He had taken Tadashi’s friendship and love for granted until the end. He didn’t deserve him and slowly, one by one, all his regrets started to resurface again.

It was the best thing he could have done really. He didn’t think any other normal person would sit around and wait for so long. That’s what he concluded and yet, his chest burned with an undesirable feeling he couldn’t shake off, a mixture of uncontrollable emotions; anger, jealousy, and pure sadness. He wanted to run. He wanted to leave that place immediately.

He couldn’t handle it.

He had pinned so much on that evening. He had rehearsed his apology a million times, over and over, hoping his words would reach the love of his life. Kei clutched his hands into fists and he could feel his rage boiling inside him. However, his anger wasn’t directed toward Tadashi or even Oikawa for that matter. It was towards him mostly. After all, everything was probably his fault. He waited when he could have done something to get him back, to win him over.

Instead, he let Oikawa Tooru take the chance and opportunity to get close. He let him take his spot by Tadashi's side, a place he didn’t want to share with anyone.

There wasn’t anything he could do change the way things were. That much was clear and he could hear Yachi repeating the same thing. She stood next to him for the longest time and even though it was her wedding, Kei could faintly see her tears forming. She had probably felt the same thing once before. She knew what was going on inside his mind. She probably understood the terrible pain that was starting to overwhelm him. He was still and silent, but dying nonetheless.

That was also most likely the reason why she could cry so easily for him.

“I’m so sorry, Tsukishima! I should...have told you ahead of time...I should have told you the minute I found out about them, but I didn’t. I kept it to myself and I’m sorry. Yamaguchi...he’s with him now and he has a daughter and I just couldn’t believe it myself. I’m just...I’m so sorry!”

He gave her an empty smile and assured her that he was fine even though he wasn’t at all. He told her, in a serious tone, that he was still going to talk to him anyways. There was no excuse for him not. That’s what he had come for. He patted her shoulder and told her not to worry. She didn’t seem convinced, but left him alone right after with a reluctant nod.

Kei approached them and watched as a small girl, around the age of five, walked right passed him. He stared at her and he knew that was the daughter Yachi had mentioned only moments ago. Again, he was stricken with confusion and everything just seemed like a nightmare he was bound to wake up from.

Sadly, that was his reality. He knew for a fact that he wouldn’t be able to forget the image of them being together. It didn’t take long for Tadashi to notice him and his smile suddenly disappeared. It completely vanished from sight. His bright and cheerful face almost went pale.

The other man immediately realized what was going on. He didn’t glance in his direction once, but Kei watched him carefully anyways. He caught the small details, the insignificant gestures, his stumbling words. In such a quick time frame, Kei knew that Oikawa Tooru cared enough for Tadashi. It angered him more than he would have liked.

He controlled himself nonetheless and didn’t say anything even though there were tons of things that he wanted to scream. He had to hold himself back from pulling Tadashi and taking him far away, from kissing him, from holding him, from doing and saying everything he had imagined since the day they had first separated.

Despite the torn grin, Oikawa left them there alone and Kei instantly felt relieved by the notion.

Unfortunately, he didn’t fail to notice Tadashi’s unsure and nervous gaze as he watched Oikawa leave. He didn’t want to believe it, but he knew that his childhood friend, his former lover wanted to run after him. Again, he had to swallow in his own tears and frustration. After everything that had happened, he was in no position to cry or act selfish.

Their conversation was different from what he had pictured before, but he wasn’t surprised considering the circumstances. He was hurt, but he left many things unsaid. He was completely broken, shattered into millions of pieces that would most likely never be fully put back together. Tadashi was crying, but he was probably sorry that he couldn’t return to him the way he wanted him to. He wouldn’t leave Oikawa Tooru for him. He wouldn’t exchange his relationship with that man to give him another chance. He didn’t have to say it directly. His cold tears were enough for it.

_“I want you to be happy too, Tsukki.”_

Tadashi wanted him to be happy. His voice was sincere and honest, but Kei couldn’t understand. He wasn’t sure if he could ever smile again, but he couldn’t have what he wanted most. He wouldn’t be fine in a long while. Naturally, he didn’t tell him that since he really did hate seeing him cry.

Even so, he wasn’t going to interfere any further. He had no choice but to accept things the way they were and hope for the best. He made sure the love of his life knew it too. If Oikawa was the person he wanted to be with, then he wasn’t going to force him. Kei left him not long after, but a part of him wanted to turn right back around and embrace Tadashi one last time, kiss him and say goodbye once more. He wanted to tell him and remind him how much he loved him.

He wouldn’t gain anything from it, though. Tadashi wasn’t going to change his mind, not for him or for anyone. He seemed sure of his current relationship with that man and maybe he was right. Maybe Oikawa wouldn’t let that smile disappear. Maybe he would be capable of filling his days with laughter and enjoyment, an act that he simply couldn’t get done.

Then again, letting him go was probably the best thing he could ever do. He wanted to convince himself that was the case. He promised himself to beat the shit out of Oikawa Tooru if he dared to hurt Tadashi...in the same way he had. He needed to accept the truth in one way or another, but it wasn’t easy and it seemed impossible almost.

He had to move forward even if Tadashi wouldn’t be there to accompany him. They would most likely save their friendship, but his feelings wouldn’t be forgotten. He needed to wait until time filled the emptiness inside him. He didn’t know how long it would take. Weeks, months, years, but he hoped it was quick. In the meantime, the only thing he could do was regret everything he didn’t do.

_I wish you the best and all the happiness in the world._

_Maybe one day I’ll be able to face you again without this pain inside of me._

 

* * *

 

He had waited for almost an eternity and he was running out patience. He had sent Aiko-chan for him, but she hadn’t returned either. She probably couldn’t find him or maybe she had gotten distracted with something else. While he wanted to give Yamaguchi the time he needed, he couldn’t help but feel a bit desperate. He was afraid of losing him, afraid that he would come back and tell him that his feelings for his best friend still existed. He knew better than to think that way and that’s why he thought it was best to step out to the narrow balcony, away from the crowd, to wait for him.

The minute he left Yamaguchi’s side, his former friends almost rushed toward him like flies to ask him all sorts of questions. It was maddening especially when the interrogation was coming from Hinata Shouyou. It seemed he hadn’t gotten enough from before. Tooru, for the most part, ignored him since he had gone over to greet Kageyama and bury old sentiments, but clearly, it was impossible with them.  They kept asking him, over and over, if he was really serious about Yamaguchi.

He assured time that he was, but it was Hinata that almost insulted him with his distrust. However, he brought up Tsukishima Kei in the conversation and that’s what bothered most of all. It was the least thing he wanted to hear in that moment. His heart sank with grief.

“He’s been in love with Tsukishima for as long as I can remember, since they were in high school or even before then. That’s why it’s so hard to believe and everyone is just as surprised as we are. You didn’t even know him back then. You couldn’t have cared less and now, you’re in relationship?”

Tooru sighed as those words replayed in his head. Really, he couldn’t be more annoying. He snapped at him right after and he made sure to let some his frustration, his anger relfect in his voice. “You have no idea what we’ve been through.”

“You better not be playing around. I won’t forgive you if you are! And I’ll make sure to tell Yamaguchi about it too!” The smaller male was just angry and he didn’t bother to hide it either. He probably disagreed with them being together since he supported his past teammate instead of him. He was probably looking out for his friend that had already suffered enough.

It was understandable, but he didn’t know that his blunt words were unnecessary.

“I’m not. I don’t know what gave you that impression. You might not believe me and it’s fine if you don’t. Honestly, your opinion doesn’t concern me in the slightest and I’m not going to hurt him if that’s what you're worried about.”

Tooru watched as Kageyama stepped in, holding back the smaller male by extending his arm in front of him. He tried to calm down and let his expression soften, taking a deep breath. “Because I love Yamaguchi Tadashi and I’m not thinking about losing him.”

He stepped outside right after, needing some fresh air to cool his head. He stood by the wooden rail and waited for Yamaguchi to come back instead. He looked at the picture, their selfie, they had taken earlier and felt his lips curving into the faintest smile. Tooru had posted it online and already it had caused a big fuss among everyone that still remembered him especially from his past teammates.

_Hanamaki Takahiro liked your photo._

 

_Matsukawa Issei liked your photo._

_Matsukawa Issei commented on your photo: Haven’t heard from you in while. Nice to see you’re doing fine, though it’s kind of unexpected? Drop by sometime, we have to catch up._

 

_Kyoutani Kentarou commented on your photo: ???? Who is he? ??? ?_

_Kyoutani Kentarou liked your photo._

 

_Kindachi Yuutarou replied to your photo: Kyoutani, how can you not remember? Anyways, congrats, Oikawa-san! Your daughter is adorable as ever!_

_Kindaichi Yuutarou liked your photo._

 

_Kunimi Akira liked your photo._

_Kunimi Akira shared your photo._

 

He laughed at some of their comments and replies since he hadn’t really kept in touch with them. He regretted it, but now that he had restored some order into his life, he felt like he could look at them and explain what had happened without running away.

Tooru continued to go through his notifications and that’s when he saw his response. His best friend had been the first one and that was probably the reason why everyone had reacted much more positively than he had anticipated. He originally thought they were going to storm him with questions.

 

_Iwaizumi Hajime liked your photo._

_Iwaizumi Hajime commented on your photo: I’m happy for you, Tooru. Don’t let it go this time._

 

“I won’t.” He whispered to himself as he turned off his phone. Leaning against the rail, Tooru wondered how much longer he would have to wait to get his answer. Was Yamaguchi going stay? Was he going to leave him to be with Tsukishima Kei? What was going to happen? Where will he end up?

Then, he heard his voice. He knew he was approaching him from behind and he stood completely motionless. He slowly closed his eyes, taking a deep breath before he turned around to greet him again. However, he noticed it at a glance. Yamaguchi had been crying, his eyes were red and puffy. He wanted to ask him immediately what had happened, an ache curling in the pit of his stomach, but Tooru kept quiet. He let Yamaguchi get closer without saying a word.

“Aiko-chan told me that you were looking for me?” Yamaguchi asked him even though he was nervously avoiding his gaze. He tried to smile at him, but even then, it seemed a bit forced. He must of noticed his anxiousness because he reached out his arm to grab his hand. It was sweaty, but he didn’t seem to mind.

“She’s with Suga right now. She seems to be fond of him even though she just met him. He’s the one that gave her the slice of cake of she was eating, so that must of be part of the reason.” Yamaguchi quietly chuckled, but he didn’t bother to comment just yet. “Anyways, I think Suga must have known...that well, we have some important things we needed to talk about.”

“Yeah, out of everyone here, he’s the only one that doesn’t outly seem bothered by my presence.” He held his hand tighter with that awful feeling never leaving. “They don’t seem to like the idea of us dating, especially since...you know...because of him.”

Silence came much too quickly. He was there with him. Yamaguchi had come back to him, but that wasn’t enough. He wanted to hear it from his own lips and know that nothing was going to change. “They don’t mean it, though. They’re probably just worried.”

“Oh, I see. Makes sense.” He paused and stared at the sky, hearing the loud music inside suddenly stop. Again. He took another deep breath. “What did he say?”

“There was just so much that I wanted to tell him, but at the same time, I couldn’t come up with the right words for it. I hadn’t seen him in a long time and it was a bit strange, if not awkward to see him again under this situation.” He looked at him and placed his hand over his face. He smiled which made Tooru feel terrible for ever doubting him. “We talked about the past and how we messed up, but I think he understood. He knows that we’re together and that I’m not going to leave you.”

Tooru suddenly burst out laughing, surprising his lover and making him take a step back. He had been so stupid to think otherwise, but he had always been an insecure person. He never showed it. He never expressed it, but that never meant it wasn’t there. With those simple words, his anxiety and nervousness was slowly washed away with the small kisses he planted on Yamaguchi’s soft lips. He was startled by his reaction.

“Are you okay? Why are you crying?” Yamaguchi had asked him, but he quietly shook his head. He wasn’t about to admit that the tears building up inside were tears of relief. “Oikawa-san, don’t tell me that you actually thought I was going to leave you. Is that why you’ve been acting so weird lately? I mean, yesterday, you were being a lot more clingy than usual. You wouldn’t let me go.”

“No, you’ve must have been imagining it!” Tooru pouted, but couldn’t get himself to stop trembling.

He was right. He was clingy and protective and selfish, but he had every right to be. He was his boyfriend, his lover, his everything and more.  He buried his head in his neck, letting the smell of his cologne intoxicate him. Yamaguchi brushed his hair with his fingers and let him rest there for the longest time as if he was slowly soothing the rest of his worries away.

The music started playing again, but this time it was slower than before. He stood up straight up when he heard it. He extended their hands to the side, placing the other one above his hip. Yamaguchi immediately panicked and tried to pull himself away. Obviously, Tooru didn’t let him, finding it quite amusing.  

“I can’t dance to this or anything! Let’s not please.” Yamaguchi face was flushed red with embarrassment most likely, but he enjoyed looking at him that way. He liked knowing that he was the only one in the world that could possibly make him react that way.

“It’s okay, no one will see us here anyways.” It took some persuasion, but at some point, he got him to follow his lead. He kept him close, their faces only a few inches apart. Tooru looked at him in the eyes and briefly remembered that there was something that he still needed to give to him.

Another one. Once again, he took a deep breath. “Hey, Yama-chan, can I ask you something?”

“What is it? Something wrong?” He whispered quietly, letting his voice fade away with the gentle breeze. They continued to dance, but they weren’t necessarily going along with the song that was being played anymore. They were stuck in their own small world, moving to their own beat, to their own delicate rhythm. “Tooru?”

“You weren’t mistaken, Yama-chan. For the past few days, I wondered what was going to happen after you saw Tsukishima. I tried not to think about it, but I couldn’t ignore it either. The more I tried, the worse this feeling became.” He placed his hand above his chest to emphasize, but at the same time he took that chance to reach inside his pocket. It was there, Yamaguchi’s gift, the ring.

“It was wrong of me and I’m really sorry, but I want to hear it one more time.” Letting go of Yamaguchi, he gripped the small box tightly and waited. His heart was racing like crazy again, but it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. All the while, he was nervously tapping his foot. “What do you really think of me? What do you feel for me?”

Yamaguchi stared at him with a puzzled expression, but didn’t hesitate to respond. “I think you're a wonderful person, the kindest and most caring I have ever known. Sure you’re not perfect, but neither am I and despite that, you’re willing to accept me with my flaws. You’re seriously not the person I imagined you to be, but I’m really happy that I got to know you, whether by fate or chance or whatever.”

He wanted to pull out the box already. He wanted to yell and ask him to remain by his side for the rest of his life, but he patiently waited. He had already done so for so long. A couple of more seconds weren’t going to kill him. Then again, he couldn’t deny that he was probably the happiest man on the planet.

“That’s why it bothers me to know that you didn’t believe me before. I wouldn’t leave you for Kei. I wouldn’t leave you or Aiko-chan for anyone. Even if I tried, I don’t think I could, not anymore because,” he paused and shook his head, his face going bright red. “Because...I love you so much, more than I ever thought I could-”

Tooru didn’t let him finished and kissed him instead. The same way he had wanted to when he saw him for the first time a few months ago. Back then, he didn’t think he would ever get to that point. He didn’t think he was going to end up falling for him completely, heads over heals in love. He had considered his attraction as a joke, as something that he would get over soon. He figured and concluded that he was just desperate to find someone to replace the hole that Iwaizumi’s absence had left behind.

He fell in love with time, but the funny thing was that he didn’t even realize when that had occurred. The only thing he did know was that he couldn’t be without him. His presence, his company had become something from his normal life. He just couldn’t. He couldn’t go through a single day without calling Yamaguchi at some point and checking up on him. Lately, he found that he almost needed see him on a daily basis as well. It wasn’t enough just hearing his voice. He needed to see him, kiss him, touch him in ways that only he was allowed to do.

Yamaguchi had moved closer, to a different set of apartments even though he had repeatedly asked him to live with him. The freckled man kept saying he didn’t want to hurry things or mess what they had going by doing so. Still, he didn’t think he understood that he was more than ready to move forward. They had already taken the first step and that night, his meeting with Tsukishima, had proved that they were no longer going to look back.

After all, Tooru knew it better than anyone. His feelings for Yamaguchi were pure and sincere. They had, without a doubt, made him realize that he was capable of loving and being loved again.

“Listen, Yama-chan, I don’t want you to think I’m rushing through things here because I’m really not and those are not my intentions. However, I do want you to know that my love for you is just as strong and that I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Tooru finally showed him what he’d been hiding by opening his hand to reveal the small, soft black box. Yamaguchi stared at it, but even then, it took him a while to figure out what was really going on.

“The real question is if you feel the same? Would you be willing to do the same thing for me?” He opened it and showed him the ring that had taken him ages to pick out. He went shop from shop, trying to find the perfect one to give to Yamaguchi. It had to be perfect; simple, but elegant.

“Tadashi, will you stay by my side?”

He gasped and quickly turned around, trying to cover his wide smile with his hands. Then again, it also seemed like he wanted to cry. He repeatedly shook his head, his surprised and flustered expression were almost impossible to hide. Honestly, it was the cutest thing he had ever seen.

“Honestly, I would like nothing more and it’s a promise I make from my heart. There’s no need for a ring.” Yamaguchi told him shyly, but he was already placing it on his finger. Naturally, it was a perfect fit. He didn’t want to brag, but it also looked truly beautiful, like if it belonged there. “When? When were you thinking about giving this to me?”

“For a while now, but you kept saying that you didn’t want to rush things and I tried to respect that. However, I’m an impatient person and I thought this was the perfect moment. I was completely right.” Tooru kissed his hand and even then, such a small gesture, made his knees shake. He was dead nervous. His mouth had gone completely dry from the stress.

“I didn’t want to seem like I was pressuring you either. It’s just that I was so scared that you were going to dump me for Tsukishima! I stayed up all night thinking about it and it made me so unsure. This whole situation was driving me insane. I needed to secure you one way or another.”

“So I wasn’t imagining it after all and you finally admit it. That’s the reason why you were being so clingy lately.” He tried to joke around, but he sounded rather flattered. It was okay, though. He liked seeing Yamaguchi that way too. “I guess I’m going to have to get you a ring too, so that everyone can know that you’re taken.”

“I completely agree with that.”

He looked at him in the eyes and leaned in to kiss once more. However, he heard someone clear their throat from behind. He quickly stepped back and turned around to find Aiko-chan with Sugawara Koushi, the man Yamaguchi had only mentioned just moments ago, Mr. Refreshing. His daughter didn’t seem to have noticed the closing distance between him and Yamaguchi, but it wasn’t like it mattered anymore. She went towards them and embraced him tightly. She had probably had enough socializing for one day.

“I’m sorry to interupt, but she started to looking for you guys and kind of panicked when she couldn’t find you anywhere.” He smiled at them, but his attention was specifically set towards Yamaguchi. He awkwardly scratched the back of his head, leaning against the entrance slightly. “I didn’t mean to overhear, but I wish you the best, Yamaguchi.”

He didn’t say anything else and quickly left with a brief farewell, leaving them alone under the bright stars. Yamaguchi patted his daughter's head, adjusting her fringe, but he was the one that decided to pick her up. She was still sniffling, rubbing her eyes and trying to hide the fact that she had come close to crying. He thought about cheering her up a little.

“Guess what Aiko-chan? Yama-chan here finally agreed to move in with us! It’s going to be like a sleepover everyday or more like a permanent sleepover!” Her face did lighten up, but she turned to Yamaguchi for a confirmation.

“What? I never said that?” He protested immediately, but really Tooru liked teasing him. “I just moved into a new complex. I can’t leave when I haven’t even installed myself in yet.”

Tooru felt alive, happier than he ever thought he could be. He knew that it was barely the beginning, but he wasn’t afraid. He knew he wouldn’t be alone anymore. Things would get better, not worse. Then, he remembered all the people that had looked down on him and pitied him for his behavior. He remembered those people, friends and relatives alike, telling him that he was truly a disappointment, a complete human mess and disaster.

However, he could not prove them wrong and show them that he wasn’t completely done for just yet. He had his daughter and he had always loved her with his entire being, but he never knew how to appreciate her until Yamaguchi came along. He was the one that  had given him a world that he was still worthy enough to have and enjoy despite his mistakes, despite everything that had happened in the past.

_“I’m sure there’s someone out there that will reach out to you, Tooru. Even if it’s not me.”_

Hajime had told him that once before and while he didn’t believe him then, he was glad that he had been right. He wouldn’t openly admit it, but Yamaguchi had brought some light into his life. He had saved him.

With this in mind, he placed Aiko-chan back on the ground and positioned her next to Yamaguchi. They didn’t question his sudden attention until he was taking a couple of steps back, pulling out his phone once more. He clicked on his camera icon and tried to get a good view of both of them together.

“Don’t just randomly change subjects. You’ve taken like a million pictures of us today? Haven’t you gotten enough already? Honestly, I’m not really the photogenic type of person.” Yamaguchi was the first to complain, but it was probably his own embarrassment speaking. Then, he didn’t even realize how beautiful he looked underneath the night stars.

“Again, Daddy?” Aiko-chan didn’t mind pictures a majority of the time especially when she knew that she was dressed nicely. Still, since Yamaguchi didn’t agree with his recent photo tendencies, then she instantly took his side.

“It’s fine. We’re going to start an album of our own.” He told them with a smile as he remembered those he had seen when he was helping Yamaguchi move into his new apartment. Most of them consisted of his teammates and his childhood, but he had an idea. He wanted to permanently stamp their memories into photos as well, look back at them and recall how their story began.

“It’s important to keep track of these things and to never forget them.”

He held his phone at the right angle before he told them to smile a bit wider. They listened to him without arguing and Tooru was able to take the second picture perfectly. He looked at them both on the screen, sighing loudly enough for them to hear. He placed the image over his chest proclaiming that they were indeed the loves of his life. Yamaguchi stammered and exclaimed to stop saying such embarrassing things in front of his daughter.

Aiko-chan quietly laughed, but it was because he started to kiss his phone countless of times. Tadashi demanded that he delete them all immediately. He went over to him and tried to take his phone away. However, the minute he extended his hand, Tooru grabbed his wrist and looked at the ring that shined so beautifully with the lanterns hanging on the walls.

“I love you, Tadashi.” He whispered quietly, but even those simple words couldn’t convey the feelings he felt.

 

_And thank you._

 

_Thank you for accepting me._

 

_Thank you for staying with me._

 

_Thank you for loving me._

 

_But, most of all, thank you for believing in me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, like always, thank you for reading and I apologize for my mistakes!
> 
> Only one more chapter to go...


	28. Afterwards

_Hey,_

_Sorry for the late response. I didn’t mean to ignore your email for so long. I just couldn’t find the chance to properly sit down and read it. This isn’t something that I like to rush through._

_But, really, that’s good to hear. I’m glad things are working out for you too. And congrats for the promotion? You deserve that and much more. You’re a hard worker. Trust me, I would know. Being the head teacher does sound like a challenge, but I don’t think it’s anything you can’t handle._

_Don’t let your nervousness get the best of you. You have the capability. You’ve been working with kids for a long time._

_Actually, I’ve doing better too and I’m finally getting the hang of this new job. I thought it didn't fit me, but I've gotten used to it now. The pay is good and I’m currently assisting on a major project. I’ve met some new people too; some more annoying than others, but tolerable, I suppose._

_Then, I haven’t actually told you yet, but I’ve been dating someone for the past couple months. It’s been going steady. I’ve enjoyed this thing that we have going so far, not like I’ll ever admit it in front of them. I would never hear the end of it. You should come over sometime so you can meet them._

_He’s someone you’re probably already familiar with anyways…_

_Anyways, thanks for inviting me to your daughter’s game. I don’t doubt she’s as good as you say she is. She probably gets it from Oikawa and the enthusiasm from you. Sadly, I won’t be able to make it. I’m kind of busy right now. I barely have time for myself._

_It’s ridiculous, but invite me again when her team makes it to the finals. I’ll try to make it then if Oikawa doesn’t mind._

_Well, I guess I’ll see you around a_ _nd good luck with your new position._

_Take care._

 

__\- Tsukishima Kei_ _

 

_Sent at 10:17 am_

 

 

Ten years.

 

Strangely, so much time had gone by already, but he didn’t feel any different. He was older, sure. He had gotten married and currently lived with the man he learned to love with his entire being. He accepted his daughter as his own and helped raise her. His life, in general, was something that he never would have imagined in his teenage years. It was better than he ever expected and he was happy, undeniably so.

Their moments together, as a family, became precious memories that he dearly treasured. Their daily lives became a routine that he looked forward to everyday. Then again, it didn’t take him long to realize it. He knew immediately that waking up next to Tooru was a blessing. They didn’t have to hide it anymore. Everyone knew and were fine with it. He had proven, after all, that he was more than capable of caring for him. He was the one that he was meant to be with.

 

Ten years.

Such a long time, but that’s how long they had been with each other. He didn’t regret a single day.

 

Still, it wasn’t perfect and sometimes intense arguments threatened the harmony. They were, more often than not, quite pointless; out of anger, jealousy, uncertainty. As difficult as the situation became, they would apologize almost immediately after. They would point out their mistakes and trade hurtful words for sweet, passionate kisses that seemed endless.

They didn’t fight often, though. Tadashi, for instance, couldn’t stay mad with Tooru for long. It was pretty well known that they couldn’t live without the other. They were hardly every apart. They tried to keep the distance between them as close as possible despite the terrible schedules that their jobs sometimes forced upon them.

Sadly, as much as he hated it, Tooru did have to travel for business trips and meetings. Most of the time, it was just for a couple of days. He would endure it and wait anxiously for his nightly calls that were filled with typical phrases that emphasized how he loved and missed him.  Aiko-chan took his absence a bit better, but then again, she probably didn’t want to admit it. Either that or she was too busy with her own life to sit down and be disappointed about it.

When he returned, they would both pick him up from the airport with a tight embrace. Tooru would kiss them both all over and say, repeatedly, that he would never leave them again. It was an unfulfilled promise, of course. With the years, Tooru had been placed in a higher and much better position. He was charge of a number things, a company leader and negotiator. It was pressuring, clearly demanding. There were times when he would come home completely tired and exhausted, going straight to bed.

Tadashi understood. They both did, so they never complained. Instead, they tried to support him as much as he could. The business meant so much to Tooru after all. He had been working and expanding the company with his efforts. Even though he was a bit careless sometimes, he knew when to be serious. That aspect of him was always a wonder witness. 

However, Aiko-chan’s growth was something that never failed to amaze him. As young adolescent, she resembled her father in many ways. She was passionate about volleyball and extremely talented as well. Her skills and techniques came from hard work. She was quite aware of it and nothing made her more content. She loved winning games she knew she given her all and as supportive parents, they were always there to cheer her on.

They tried to make it to most of her games. She was fine with it, but Tooru liked to embarrass her, insisting on bringing banners and yelling her name from the audience whenever she was about to serve. She would glare at them from the court with blushing face, urging them to stop immediately.

Tadashi would tell Tooru to be considerate of her, but he wouldn't yield. He would continue to cheer for her. During most of the game, his loud voice probably echoed through the entire gymnasium. People around them snickered, a few of them coming over and even asking who they were supporting so attentively to. "Our daughter, the team setter."

His pride was as transparent as his joy. He point at her from there, showing her off and saying she had learned from the best. Tadashi thought it was rather sweet and eventually, Aiko-chan got used to it. She let her shyness go and strangely, their presence probably did start to encourage her at some point. Something would instantly change, the aura around her would stiffen. Her opponents would back away unknowingly. Her serves were just as frightening as Tooru's, accurate and very precise.

She was still young, eleven years old. There was so much she could still improve on. Her strength and potential were barely starting to show.

It was just a middle school game, but the competition was usually intense. Accordingly, they would always greet her right after the game and embrace her, congratulating her whether they won or lost. They were proud of her regardless.

He and Aiko-chan had gotten closer over the years for many reasons. She would confide in him things that normally she wouldn’t talk to Tooru about. He was her guide, her friend, and a parental figure she grew up with by mistake.

Even so, it wasn’t easy breaking the news that he was together with her dad. Tadashi feared her reaction, her rejection. They kept their relationship a secret for so long from her, but he knew he had to tell her truth. After all, he was running out of excuses. What was he suppose to say? How was he suppose to explain it? He couldn’t keep living with them without justification.

She was around thirteen years old when it happened. He was helping her with her homework. They were sitting by the table, near the kitchen. He was making some tea for them to drink later. There was a plate of snacks and cookies he had set out for them before dinner. Tooru was at work and he wasn’t going to come home until very late. He told them not to bother waiting for him.

“Hey, Yama-chan?” She began, grabbing his attention as she placed her pencil down. She was swinging her feet underneath the table, leaning her head against her hand as she stared at her worksheet with a blank stare. Aiko-chan turned to look up at him. There was a curious look in her eyes.

“I’ve never asked Dad about this before. I feel like he doesn’t want to talk about it. I mentioned it a couple of times when I was a kid, but he would always avoid my question. I guess I didn’t get it much before and it’s okay.” Aiko-chan bit her lip as if she was questioning and doubting herself. He tried to encourage her.

“What is it, Aiko-chan? You know you can tell me anything.” He passed the plate of cookies towards her and she happily took one. She had poured herself some milk earlier in a glass, so she dipped it inside. “Something wrong?”

“Well, I’ve always wondered...about my mother.”

That was something Tadashi wasn’t expecting. He sat up with shock and didn’t know what to say. He rubbed the back of his neck, looking around nervously. Aiko-chan noticed immediately and took back her statement with a quiet laugh. Naturally, even if it was him, the situation became awkward. He wasn’t the one that was suppose to tell her.

“It’s fine and it’s not like it matters. I was just wondering.” She turned away, but continued anyways. It was clear she wasn’t going to let go of the subject now that she had successfully brought it up. “I’ve never once been lonely. I’ve always had you and Dad to watch over me. You’ve always been there for me.”

“But, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to know more about your mother.” Tadashi smiled and that was enough to ease Aiko-chan worries. She nodded, grabbed another cookie and took a bite. “Still, I don’t think I know much more than you do. Like you said, it’s something Tooru isn’t comfortable talking about.”

“He hasn’t told you about my mom either?” Aiko-chan lifted an eyebrow and adjusted herself in her seat with interest. She seemed to find relief in knowing that Tooru hadn't spoken much about the matter to him either. Then again, maybe it brought her comfort to know that she wasn’t the only one left out.

“Well, he’s mentioned her before, but he’s never gone into specific details.” Tadashi stood up and headed toward the kitchen to prepare their tea. She followed right behind him, intrigued with the conversation. He couldn’t blame her really. This was probably the first time she was getting any real information regarding her mother.

“I’ve never asked him about it. I’m sorry.”

“She left us, didn’t she?” Aiko-chan asked him, but there wasn’t sadness in her voice. It was a sincere question with honest intentions. She didn’t grieve about her absence and the sweet smile that appeared on her face proved it.

“I guess she had her reasons. Maybe she didn’t love Dad and I enough? Or maybe she had more important things to take care of? Or maybe she forgot to come back to us?”

Tadashi was at loss of words. He couldn’t directly answer her and it was better if he didn’t. Aiko-chan understood it too. He was thankful that she accepted Tooru unconditionally, without doubts and without hesitation. Even so, she probably knew better than anyone how hard her father had worked to raise her and to give her all the happiness she deserved. He smiled back for the first time since the start of their conversation. He patted her head and decided to just leave it at that.

However, her next words surprised him completely. It was something he definitely didn’t expect her to catch on. “By the way, are you and Dad...you know, together?”

He choked with his own saliva and had to step back for a moment to get some air. Tadashi tried to calm down, but his nervous nature was giving him away. “I’m not sure what you mean, but we’ve been friends for a long time. Don’t you remember? I met him when I was your teacher. About seven or eight years ago. We didn’t really get along at first, but I guess...things changed for the better. I’m glad about it too since I could continue watching out for you and everything.”

She laughed and that’s when Tadashi realized that she might be a lot smarter than he gave her credit for. Aiko-chan suddenly grabbed his hands, standing on her toes so she could look at him straight in the eyes. There was a smirk across her face, a devilish one that was often seen on Tooru as well. Even then, the resemblance between them was only getting stronger.

“It’s okay, Yama-chan. Dad’s the happiest when he’s around you.”

She went back to the table and grabbed another cookie for her to munch on. She probably didn’t have the slightest idea that his heart was about to pound right out of his chest. “I don’t remember much from the time I was kid, but I did see Dad kind of lonely sometimes. He was often kind of sad too. I’m not sure why, but then you came and it’s like everything changed I think.”

They had both changed. They both learned how to move on and get over their past mistakes with each other. Still, he denied it in front of her, his embarrassment taking over. “Really? Is that what it seems?”

“Yes, and I know it’s true. I love having you around and I was so happy when you decided to move in with us a while back. I thought dad didn’t want you to be alone and that’s why he invited you with us.” Aiko-chan shrugged and picked up her pencil. She twirled it with in her fingers before she turned to give him another cheerful smile.

“You and Dad were kind of obvious, though.”

It was so embarrassing and Tadashi wanted to sink into the floor. They didn’t mean to keep their relationship a secret from her. They were planning to tell her eventually, but he was the one that kept insisting to wait. He was afraid of being rejected after all. He feared being pushed away from disgust or anger by the young girl that had captured his heart. Tooru told him, more than once, that they had raised her better than that. She wouldn’t think any less of him. He repeated that to him many times and oddly, he was right.

They shared many secrets after that. Not that he minded, but Aiko-chan would occasionally take him shopping. She would ask for his opinion about certain things that he hardly had any knowledge off. His fashion sense, in general, wasn’t the greatest. Tooru was a constant reminder of it since really he looked great with anything. They would jump from store to store, trying to find the right volleyball shoes or the right sundress hat for the weekend. He would get strange looks from other people around, but after a while, he stopped caring. Aiko-chan was having a good time and that was really all that mattered.

He asked her once why she didn’t do those sorts of activities with her friends. She would simply shrug and say that she had a lot more fun when she was around him. It warmed his heart completely and he found such moments quite enjoyable. The real problem occurred when Tooru started to join them.

They wouldn't leave him alone and it came to the point where they would make him try different outfits for the fun of it. Incredibly, they made him wear one of Tooru's fancy suits once and he was immediately told to take it off. Aiko-chan didn't think it well on him. She was straightforward and blunt about it. Tooru, on the other hand, whispered to him later that he got hard just by looking at him.

It was a disaster. By the end of the day, he was truly exhausted.

Surprises were a normal thing among them, but he could never forget his 34th birthday. He thought for sure he would be spending it alone. Tooru had gone to a meeting in Hokkaido and Aiko-chan was away for a game with her school team.

He was fine with it for the most part. Tooru had called him early in morning to wish him a happy birthday and later, he called him through Skype as well. Aiko-chan had also sent him a message with cute hearts and told him that she would bake him a cake when she came back from her trip.

As result, Tadashi went about his day like he always did. He was embraced and felicitated by some of the teachers he worked with, but nothing more. He later met up with Hitoka since she just so happened to be around the area for a photograph session with a popular magazine. She called him unexpectedly and told him she wanted to meet up with him after work. Since he really didn't have anything better to do, he agreed.

They didn’t quite celebrate his birthday, however. Instead, they tried to catch up since they hadn’t seen each other in while.

“I heard you started talking to Tsukishima again?” She asked him, taking a sip from her brewing hot coffee that had been placed in front of her only seconds. There was a satisfied smile on her face and she sincerely seemed happy for him. Tadashi was too. After all, nothing could bring him more joy since he still considered Kei to be his best friend.

“That’s good. How is he? Does Oikawa know?”

“He’s doing better or at least, that’s what he said. We started emailing each other and he’s got another job. He's a BI Architect or something. He’s says it stressing, but that he’s getting used to it. I wouldn’t expect any less, though.” Tadashi nodded, remembering how smart Kei always was in school. His grades were always pretty good, but they could never reach Kei’s marks.

“I was worried about him for such a long time and I thought it wasn’t fair. I was living a happy life and he wasn’t. It stressed me a lot, but I think he finally settled down with someone else. Oikawa knows about him and he's fine with it. He knows he's my best friend. He trusts me in the same way I do. There's no reason to feel threatened.”

Hitoka nodded since she probably understood that feeling better than anyone. “I’m happy for him too and I’m glad you finally started to talk to him again. I’ll never forget that awful look on his face the day of my wedding. It was really one hell of a day for him."

She paused and took a drink from her coffee. There was a mischievous grin on her face as she looked down at the ring on his finger. He nervously gulped. "But, you were proposed that day weren't you?"

“I still can’t believe he did such a thing. There are times when I can’t believe I’m actually married to him.” Tadashi felt embarrassment rushing to him all at once and causing his face to flush. She laughed at his reaction. “Anyways, how about you? How are you doing? Your husband?”

“We’re doing better. I thought it was a mistake getting married with him. I thought I could never love him the way I loved...you know, Kiyoko. I liked him, but that’s never enough for a long life commitment.” She had gotten stronger since before she couldn’t even say her name. It proved that the saying was true; time heals almost everything.

“You’re aware of it. I think I told you about it before too. We faced so many problems at the start of our marriage. Honestly, I didn’t think it was going to work, but I was wrong. He loved me and he did everything he could to get me to love him back. Eventually, he won me over.”

Hitoka sighed and looked up at the ceiling. “Everything is well and set. We’re considering starting a family. We’ve already been to several adoption agencies and gotten an approval. It’s exciting, but I’m so incredibly nervous that I could puke just thinking about it.”

“That’s nice to hear! Congratulations, Hitoka! Let me know how it goes and if it becomes real!” Tadashi couldn’t hold his own excitement and he was afraid that he was making his friend feel worse. She slumped her face on the table, shaking her head.

“I want to start a family. I really do, but-” There were just some things that never changed. He wasn’t an exception, but Hitoka always had a way to exaggerate to the extreme. “What if I’m a terrible mom? What if they don’t like me? What if they like really hate to the point where they want to get rid of me? What if they start to plot out my death…”

“That would never happen. They would love you.” He tried to console her worries with his personal advice and experience. “Tooru and I...were not perfect. We’re more than aware of it, but we do everything we can for Aiko-chan. We love her and I think that’s the feeling that really guides you through. Whatever you decide, you’ll do fine. You’re seriously one of greatest people I know.”

“You are too.” She lifted her head, her cheery spirit returning to her again thankfully. Then, out of nowhere, she almost panicked.

“Ah, here we are again, chatting about my problems when we should really be celebrating your birthday! Where should I take you? Is there a particular place you’re interested in going too? The bar? We can stop by and have a nice drink. Just the two of us and remember old times. Or that fancy french restaurant down the street? I’ll pay!”

“It’s fine. I’d rather just go home. I’m kind of tired. It’s been a long day. I’m the head teacher and since I’m clearly younger than the average, there’s a lot of pressure from just about everyone. While I’m honored they think so highly of me, there’s only so much I can handle at once.”

“You’ll do fine. We believe in you.” She stood up and grabbed her coat from her seat. Tadashi followed her, grabbing his jacket and wrapping his scarf around his neck. The weather only continued to get harsher. It was seriously getting cold enough for snow. Before they parted ways, she hugged him once more. “And again, happy birthday!”

It took him an hour or so to get home from there. He kept dozing off on the train as his head rested against the window. He checked his phone every now and then, but there were no missed calls. Everyone had already wished him a happy birthday including Kei, so really there was nothing more for him to expect. His heart did ache since it would be the first time in a while that he would be spending his birthday alone.

He thought he was okay with it and told Tooru to go ahead with his business trip. He didn’t want to, but he eventually convinced him. Tadashi would have Aiko-chan’s company and that would have been more than enough. However, at the last minute, she stated that she had a practice game and that she would be gone because of it. He tried not to show his disappointed and told her to do her best instead.

Tadashi got home earlier than he expected. He tossed his coat to the side and loosened up his tight hair tie. With a sigh, he turned on the lights and that’s when he almost jumped back from utter shock. He could have sworn that his heart stopped in that exact moment.

 

“Happy Birthday, Tadashi!” “Happy Birthday, Yama-chan!”

 

He was surprised by the two people that he loved more than anything in the world. The living room was nicely decorated with some balloons and strings that were probably Aiko-chan’s idea. He walked in, but already he was biting his lip to prevent himself from crying out of pure happiness.

There were two small presents over the table along with a few boxes of pizza and a cake that had more frosting than what was considered normal. He wouldn’t peek inside the kitchen, though. He was sure it was a mess. They probably didn’t realize it, but the place really stunk with burnt chicken. Tadashi laughed at the thought of it, wondering what it was they had tried to cook before they utterly failed and went with pizzas instead.

“What do you think? I took the first flight and came as fast as I could! I didn’t think I was going to make it on time since the weather has been pretty bad lately.” Tooru walked towards him and held his hands since it was obvious that he was completely out of it. He was so touched, so moved that he couldn’t even think clearly either.

“Somehow it worked out and I’m glad it did. The look on your face was priceless. I’m so glad I was able to record most it.”

“You’re were planning to surprise me? This whole time?”

“Yes, we’re sorry we didn’t tell you about it before and we didn’t mean to lie.” Aiko-chan embraced him tightly as an apology, but the grin on her face wasn’t sorry at all. “We wanted to surprise you! And we did! We planned this out for you and we told Miss Hitoka if she could distract you for a bit while. She was more than happy to agree! I’m so happy it worked out so well!”

She was probably more excited than he was and she didn’t waste anytime to grab the present that was resting over the table. Without asking him, she placed it in his hand and expected him to open it on the spot.

“I got this for you. I was going to make you something, but Christmas isn’t far away either. I’m pretty bad coming up with things, but I thought this was a good idea. C’mon, Yama-chan, open it!”

He did what he was told and opened it to find a picture frame. Tadashi was about to compliment her and thank her for the gift, but realized that it wasn’t empty. There was a picture of them inside. The frame itself was adorned with small seashells of all kinds. Then, it wasn’t just any picture of them. It was the first one Tooru had taken of them so many years before Hitoka’s wedding, before everything that started began.

“There's so many pictures of us together, but this is my favorite one. I don’t think we have one like this framed, so I thought why not. I glued the little seashells, though. Aren’t they cute?” Tadashi nodded and again, he couldn’t properly speak. Tooru surprised him with a kiss on the cheek, taking the picture from his hand and placing it over the shelf.

“This is from me.” He handed him a smaller box than one Aiko-chan had given him. Tadashi looked at it curiously before he opened it to reveal the most elegant and expensive watch he had ever seen.

He loved it, but before he could properly thank him him, Tooru stopped him by kissing him gently on the lips. Then, he embraced him from behind, placing his head over his shoulders and breathing hard against his skin. He wasn’t sure where he pulled it out from, but there was suddenly a rose in front him. He took it with a smile.

“Happy Birthday, Tadashi. I love you.”

Aiko-chan immediately interrupted them, reminding them that she was still there and that the pizza was getting cold. He laughed, but really he couldn’t even find the words to thank them. He didn’t think he had ever felt so love, so appreciated before. It was the most amazing and unreal feeling. Tadashi was sure he would never forget it. He treasured that moment dearly and close to his heart, promising to do everything he could to make them happy in return. Twice as much if that was even possible.

 

Ten years.

 

He remembered a professor preaching to his class once that time was an illusion and that it didn’t really exist. It was something that humans had invented for relevant reasons. He thought he was just spouting nonsense then. In fact, most of the students considered such a theory bizarre, but now he wasn’t so sure. It was different from what his professor was stating then, but Tadashi wanted to believe it was an illusion, a pointless and meaningless concept.

A million years could probably go by and he was sure that he wouldn’t feel any different.

 

The sun was hitting his face. He tried moving away, but knew that it was already time for him to get up. Even though it was Sunday, he didn’t like to sleep in so late anymore. With a yawn, Tadashi slightly smiled as he remembered his dream from the previous night. It warmed his chest entirely. He slowly opened his eyes and was met with Tooru’s beautiful brown ones. He immediately grabbed the blanket, trying to cover his face.

“Really? Where you staring at me sleeping again?”

No matter how hard he tried, Tooru always woke up before him. Sometimes he would even surprise him with breakfast. Recently, however, he had gotten into the habit of staring at him while he slept. “You already know I’m not the most graceful sleeper. I drool too much and end up kicking the bed sheets off the bed.”

“Doesn’t matter. I’ll still find you cute anyways.” Tooru shrugged like if it was something inevitable. He could only roll his eyes, but his compliments always made his heart flutter in the most strangest ways. Again, that was something that would probably never change either. He was hopeless.

“Almost 40 and you’re still as sappy as ever. I can’t believe it.” Tadashi sat up and scooted himself toward the edge of the bed. He stretched his hands one more time in the air, but before he got up, he was tightly grabbed from behind. He was pulled and sunk back over the bed. “Tooru, please…”

“Five more minutes. It’s still so early. Aiko-chan is coming home later, remember? Let’s spend some time together like this.” Tooru whined, completely forgetting his earlier remark. He sighed, but he knew there was no point arguing. He always had his way and it was getting harder for him to go against him. “I feel like she’s been in that training camp forever. I miss her so much already.”

“Yeah, but this is really important for her. She's really working hard especially since she got into such a difficult and centric high school. I don’t doubt her, but I do get worried. I’m scared she might start overworking herself. She’s hardly home nowadays because she’s spending more time practicing.” Tadashi told him with another long sigh.

They both knew what could result from that, but mistakes always served as lessons. They knew better than to let happen. “I guess I could have a talk with her? I know about the consequences first hand.”

Tadashi nodded and tried to get up from the bed again. Once more, Tooru didn’t let him. He seemed to be quite stubborn that morning and annoyingly, he didn’t seem to mind it either. He secretly wanted to stay there longer with him too. He brushed his soft brown hair with his fingers, watching him complain that he was tired and he just wanted to stay that way with him for a bit longer.

“You know, Kei said I spoil you too much. I think he might have a point.”

“He’s not wrong and I’m completely okay with it.”

Tooru sat up next to him and began to kiss the side of his neck tenderly. He slowly moved his hands up his shirt, touching his very familiar skin. Tadashi closed his eyes and let him do whatever he pleased. It had been a while after all and he suddenly felt deprived. Turning around, he wrapped his arms around his neck and positioned himself so that he was sitting on top of his lap. He looked at him with smile, caressing his face and admiring his mature features.

“Wanna know something?” Tooru suddenly asked him, his fingers teasing his lips. He lifted an eyebrow in response, unsure if he should take his question seriously or not. “I never thought I would be this way...like this with you or with anyone for that matter. It’s really the best feeling and...honestly, I never imagined I would love you as much as do.”

“What are you saying, Tooru? Saying all these emotional things so early in the morning. Don’t tell me you were dreaming about me?”

“That’s a given. I’m always dreaming about you.” He winked and Tadashi could only laugh as he rested his head against Tooru’s bare chest.

Even though they was older, Tooru was in top condition and in great shape. He had been training weekly with Iwaizumi at his new and privately owned sports center. He requested some unfinished physical therapy for his knee as well as some basic exercises and it was doing wonders. He didn’t like to fret about it, but Tadashi was still equally impressed. He found himself staring at his toned body more often than not and that moment wasn’t any different. He let his hands guide themselves down to his abdomen.

“I was the one that was actually dreaming about you, though. It was many things at once, but I felt like I was reliving it all. Sometimes it’s just so incredible to believe. That we’re married. That we have a family.” Tadashi whispered more to himself than to the older man next to him.

“So much has changed and yet, everything feels same. I don’t think I could imagine my life without you anymore.”

“Yeah.” He kissed him on lips, ignoring the fact that the both probably had terrible morning breath. Then again, in times like those, such petty things didn’t even matter. “I’m...so thankful that you’re here with me now. I’m so glad I never gave up back then even though I did come close too. You were so annoyingly stubborn. Thinking about it gives me a headache.”

“Oh, really? You were just as stubborn and persistent. I didn’t get why you were so worked over me. I didn’t get why you went to all that trouble to chase after me. Remember? When you lent me the umbrella? That rainy night when you drenched me completely because of your careless driving? Well, I still have it. I don’t think I’ve told you that…”

“I figured. You still have that gift Aiko-chan gave you when we went on our first date too and here I thought I was the sentimental one. Clearly, not.” Tadashi pouted before he playfully smacked his arm, but he was only hugged tighter to the point where he couldn’t really breathe.

“It’s okay. I still love you. I love you so much, Yama-chan!”

“It’s your fault Aiko-chan calls me that. It was always Yamaguchi-sensei. Always and I would have prefered it that way. I’m never going to forget that moment when she forgot she was still at school and accidently called me ‘Yama-chan’. She was so embarrassed and I couldn’t get the class to stop laughing after that. That’s what I was referred by for the next week or so until it was finally left behind as unfunny joke.”

“So, you’re blaming me for this?” Tadashi gave him an unamused glare that most likely answered the question he sought. He shrugged as that well known smirk appeared across his face.

"I kind of do. She's still calls me that out of habit now. I'm not...I'm not even Yamaguchi anymore..."

“Oh, can't argue with you there, Oikawa Tadashi. What do you prefer then? Do you want her to call you Dad too? She probably would if I told her too. She loves you just as much as do. She probably sees you that way.”

“Maybe, but that’s the way she calls you. I think it’s better that way. Yama-chan is fine, though. It has a nostalgic feel.” It was his turn and he started kissing him right back. Tadashi grazed his lips across his skin, watching him shudder and surrender to his touch. “You’ve done so much for her and I’m glad you’re here for me too.”

They remained silent and only the sound of their beating hearts could be heard. Tadashi smiled as he slowly took off his shirt as well. The sun escaping through the curtain from the window had gotten brighter, but as it shined down against Tooru, he realized, for the countless time, that he was truly fortunate have come across Tooru so many years ago. He was thankful for that and for everything else.

“Wanna know something?” Tadashi whispered those same words back to him and watched the way his husband smiled at the sound of it. “I love you too.”

 

Ten years or a million years.

 

It didn’t really matter.

 

For something that was never meant to happen,

  
  
An eternity seemed to fit just right.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took so long! More than a month to update, so I really appreciate your patience! I thought about this chapter for the longest time and even then, I had no clue what I wanted to include. There was just so much and my heart still hurts. Its been a year exactly since I started this and I can't believe I was finally able to finish it. So...
> 
> Thank you for everything!!!! Thank you for reading up to this point!! Thank you for making it to the end with me!!!! Just a big thank you for my part in general!!! I just can't emphasize that enough!! I couldn't have made it this far without all of your support and encouragement!! Seriously, thank you and I hoped you enjoyed it from the bottom of my heart!!!


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